It's Not Easy (Ranting)

I don't really know how should I start this. I think I should start by introducing myself first cause most of you don't know who i really am. I know I am just a nobody but yeah. Just gonna introduce myself and ranting bout my life a little bit.

My name is Adam. Yup. I'm a guy. I don't think I ever encounter any male profile in AFF. So, what does this mean? I'm also not very sure bout what does this mean. I'm from Malaysia. 24th years old. Yeah. Kinda old compare to most of you guys here. I'm mixed of chinese, japanese and malay. 180cm and 65kg. Kinda skinny. 

And my BIGGEST SECRET is I AM GAY. I'm the bottom gay if that matters. But not the feminine kind of bottom. I do play sports (people like to stereotype the bottom gay as the feminine guy who doesn't play sports).

Coming from a religious family and non-tolerable gay country and religion are really hard for someone like me. 

My parents doesn't know bout my orientation. But I did came out towards a few of my closest friends. Few of them are also gay and few of them are straight and they can accept me.

I was thinking bout to come out towards my parents but my friends told me I shouldn't tell them. My religion taught me that parents are your everything in this world. You should/must make them happy and respect them. I know by coming out and tell them that I'm gay will upset them so much. But, the burden of being different from majority is really starting to takes toll on me. I love my parents so much especially my mother. And I don't really want to disappoint them but the thing is my dad already been asking me quite a few times when will I get marry and why I never brings a girl home. And it really pains me to lied to him every single time he asked me.

Strangely, my mother never once asked me bout my love life whether I had girlfriend or not. I'm not sure whether she knows or not but I am really grateful that I don't have to lied to her because I love her so much. 

That's all for tonight ranting. 

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fox-san #1
Friend, I understand how you feel and it's really okay to feel conflicted in this sort of thing.
I'm on the other side of the story for this already and it...really hasn't been too easy, especially when my mother mentions about marriage and having children and settling down...
I came out to my family in a time I wasn't ready to and I was rejected that same day, having forced to break up with my partner, and on top of that, being bullied by peers at school because I came out just a couple months back. My mother said that I was confused and conflicted, that I didn't know what I was saying (this actually bothered me for two years because I had known my ual orientation since 4th grade and I just never said anything to anybody prior coming out). For the first month, she told me not to be 'queer', which was strange since my mother doesn't have a wide vocabulary in English (my mother is Chinese). Later on, I just never talked about my love life and avoided it for 4 years til now.
Enough about me, but the difference between you and me is that at the time I came out, I was only 12. It was forced for me to admit to my relationship with my then-girlfriend, and my mother made me bawl in the middle of a restaurant. I wasn't ready and even now with me approaching 17, I still don't think I could have been ready to tell my family. I understand how you feel with you loving your mother so much and not wanting to disappoint her. However, if they really do love you, then they should accept you. Growing up in a religion that makes you restricted from showing yourself really is tiring sometimes, and you want to be able to say what you want to say.
I would just be cautious as to how you would approach it. You are an adult, and it's your choice if you want to come out. Maybe it's best not to say anything, or maybe there is a time where you can say it. I just wish all the best for you and I hope that you'll be happy with whatever choice you make.
9394DOKAI #2
i'm a malaysian as well and you're not that old after all, i'm 23^^
honestly i know what you are going through now even though i'm a chinese...no worry, i won't judge you by your race or color of your skin as i see everyone equal as god's creature...and i've friends who are gay and also those who had gone under the knife to fix their problem (and yes, some are muslim though)
opening up the truth to them would hurt them, and the consequences for you is hell...society will look down on you and i guess those ulamas will ask you to attend those religious class to cure your problem...
but i'll say, it's your life and you've the right to choose the best for yourself...
your decision definitely make your parent sad but try and bring this issue up to them...as you can't hide from it forever...it's just a matter of time for you and them to come to the term that you are different from them...and i'll pray for you that everything will be alright for you...
stay strong my friend...^^
Felix-Me #3
I don't think you should hide it forever, but to me it looks like your not ready to openly talk to them about your ual orientation. Maybe you could start talking about knowing this gay guy who isn't as bad as society describes them and try to convince them about that and explain them how you feel without telling them directly it's you the guy you're talking about. For example you could talk about how he still hasn't told it to his parents because he's scared of being judged, etc...I don't know, maybe it's not the best option, but right now I don't really know how to help you...Good luck anyways!
Katiryna #4
That aside, I wanted to tell you that there are indeed some other guy's on this site! And some of them are gay. I am not one of them, but I've come across some and talked to some in the past. I can't give you their profiles however, since I forgot their usernames. But no, you are not alone on here :)

I'm just an 18 years-old from Belgium, so I cannot help you very well with matters like this, since our cultures and ages and genders are different. However, if you want someone to talk to, and you think it would help, I would be very happy to talk to you some more if that made you feel a bit better, just as a listening ear.
Katiryna #5
I don't think I can help you with the coming out towards your parents matter, because I think that's a very personal thing. It also depends on your parents. I understand you don't want to make them sad, but at the same time having to lie every time pains you too, right? Right now you're not very sure about telling them, so I'd wait, until you know you're ready to tell them. Until you know you're emotionally stable enough to take it when their reaction turns out to be bad indeed. You're already 24, so maybe 'waiting' sounds like a stupid advice to you, since you've probably already been waiting long, but that's the only advice I can give you, as I don't know enough of your personal situation. Maybe you already feel like that though. Then maybe you should just try to tell them. You have friends who can understand you, so depend on them when it turns out bad. Even though your religion taught you not to make your parents sad, sometimes you just don't have any other choice. Imagine that you'd have to continue lying your entire life... Your parents might maybe get over the initial shock and sadness eventually, but if you never tell them, yóú might up being the one sad for ever. And that makes some parents sad too, to see their children are carrying a burden... I just wish you good luck with everything that's going to come in the future and that you won't ever stop believing in yourself. And above all, remember that you're blessed with friends who accept you as who you are. Not everyone has that luck, so when you're feeling pained, try to think about that too.
I'm sorry I cannot help you any better than this...
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