CHAPTER 30 – “Greater Sorrow”

 

‘There is no greater sorrow than to recall, in misery, the time when we were happy.’ – Dante (1265-1321), Inferno

 

It was two weeks before Christmas, Seohyun asked Sooyoung to accompany her in buying gifts.

“Hey, Seohyun, why did you suddenly asked me to help you in buying gifts?” the taller lady asked they both roamed around the mall.

“Well…” she replied not quite sure of what to answer to her bestfriend, “I…actually wanted to ask some advices on what I should pick for them…” she cautiously answered, “a gift for Ryeowook, for your brother, for Leeteuk Oppa, for Taeyeon Unnie…” ‘…and for Ms. Jessica and Kyuhyun…’ she thought.

Sooyoung stopped walking and stared at her with her eyes narrowing eyes as suspicions comes in her mind, “Hey, Seo Joohyun,” she called her with her full name, “I know you’re hiding something from me.”

“Of course, I don’t! I’m not hiding something from you.” She objected.

The taller one continued to stare at her, “You can’t fool me, Seohyun. Two weeks ago, I knew you didn’t come home that night and just went home the next day. What are you really doing? What kind of job do you really do?” she curiously asked.

“I thought you didn’t notice…” she whispered but Sooyoung still managed to hear it.

“Of course, I know. You were still wearing the same clother from the previous day. I noticed that, you fool!”

The latter smiled sheepishly at her as she had been caught sneaking in that morning but then smiled happily at the thought of what happened after that night she unintentionally slept with Kyuhyun.

 

**FLASHBACK**

 

Kyuhyun was woken up by the beaming light seeping in his window. He slowly opened his eyes until he noticed someone sleeping at the edge of his bed. He also felt that he was holding something and noticed that it was actually holding her hand. He slowly let go of her and placed her hands on the bed, making sure not to wake her u. He sat down properly on hid bed and decided to watch her sleep for a bit.

The long haired lady moved a bit, wiping her drool from the left side of her face. Seeing this, the guy laughed quietly leaving a smile on his face. It’s been a while since he smiled like that – not the usual sad smiled he showed his grandma before she died but the smile he last showed Tiffany before they met that tragic accident.

“You…you really remind me of someone…someone…special…someone I will never forget…someone similar to you…you’re both stubborn…I told her to leave me alone…I had put walls in between but she still managed to break through that…and you…you did the same. The smiley you draw on your note, it was the same as hers…” he laughed a bit and sighed, “I think I had to let you in, though…”

 

After twenty minutes, Seohyun had also waked up but saw no one on the bed. The bed sheet was already fixed neatlyand then noticed a blanket over her shoulders that Kyuhyun had quietly put while she was still sleeping. She went out of the room and downstairs as she heard sizzling sounds where she assumed were coming from the kitchen. She went there and saw the tall handsome guy facing his back, wearing an apron and was diligently cooking. When the guy turned around to place the dishes on the dining table, he saw Seohyun, who was sleeping earlier, standing at the other end of the table.

“Oh…you’re already awake…” he greeted and then went back in front of the stove again.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Cooking?” he answered the obvious thing he’s doing.

“No…I mean…why are you doing that? You should have just waked me up.”

“I can’t wake someone who’s actually drooling while in deep sleep.” He teased while Seohyun who felt embarrassed tried to wipe the dried drool from her face and tried to smell her breath that was quite not good.

Kyuhyun placed the fried rice on the table and took off his apron, “Let’s eat!” he invited.

“Huh?” she looked at him with a questioned look, asking if she heard him right.

“I said, let’s eat. You don’t want to go home with an empty stomach, do you?” he said.

“No, I think I’m fine…” she said refusing his offer, not until her stomach grumbled. Seohyun felt embarrassed while Kyuhyun was hiding his laughter.

“Come on, let’s eat. Just think of these as a peac offering.” He smiled.

“A—alright…” she asked and sat down in front of him still feels a bit awkward and not used with the person she’s with right now.

The two ate quietly and finished the egg roll Kyuhyun made.

“The food’s great…” she said, cutting the awkward atmosphere between them.

“Thanks…” as he received the lady’s compliment, wiping his lips from the remaining food, “Seohyun,” he called her.

“Yes?” she turned to him.

He looked down before saying something, trying not to make an eye contact with her, “I’m sorry…”

She smiled, “You already said that last night…”

He looked at her, “I want to say it again…I’m sorry…for all the hurtful things I said…done…I’m really sorry…”

“It’s alright. No damage done. Let’s just leave it all behind and start again.” The long haired lady stood up and lend her right hand to the guy opposite her while the other gave her a confused look, “Hi, I’m Seo Joohyun but my friends call me Seohyun. I hope we could be good friends, nice to meet you.” She introduced as if it was their first meeting, flashing a smile at him.

Kyuhyun also stood up and followed suit. He shook her hand and also introduced himself, “Hello, I’m Cho Kyuhyun but you can simply call me Kyuhyun, nice to meet you, too.” He said formally.

“So, are we friends now?” she asked.

He smiled a bit and let go of her hand, “I think so…”

“That’s great! And by the way, you’re more handsome when you smile. I hope you’ll always wear that.”

When he heard what she said, his smile slowly faded and stared at her.

“Is there a problem?” she asked.

“No…nothing…I…I just remembered something. You better go home.” He said.

“I’ll go home after washing dishes.”

“It’s alright, I’ll take care of these and you can have your day off for today. That’s you reward for staying with me last night.”

“O—okay…I’ll come back tomorrow.” She smiled and left the house.

When Seohyun was already a few meters from his house, her phone rang as it received a message from an unknown number.

 

From: *unknown number*

 

                ‘I’m sorry; I took your phone while you were sleeping. Save this number. Take care. – Kyuhyun’

 

The long haired lady smiled widely as she read his message. She turned around and saw Kyuhyun from his piano room and waved at him happily while Kyuhyun shyly waved back at her with a small smile as the girl went off.

 

**END of FLASHBACK**

 

While taking a break from a strenuous practice for his upcoming comeback, Kyuhyun was sitting down on a swivel chair inside his practice room holding the sticky note with smiley which was written by Seohyun and smiled.

 

“Hey! Earth to Seohyun!” Sooyoung snapped her fingers in front of her daydreaming frined.

“Huh?” she suddenly replied, snapping out of her daydream.

“Have you gone crazy? You’re smiling all by yourself.”

“Am I?” she innocently asked.

The taller girl sighed, “You’ve really gone crazy!” she exclaimed.

 

Meanwhile, in the streets of Seoul, Donghae looks for a job now that they’re going to stay in the city for quite some time for Taemin’s studies. On the other hand, he doesn’t want his grandma to work in the big city and he wants to take full responsibility of them as the eldest man in the family. He tried every place that was written on the newspaper he brought but always got rejected.

It was already past twelve but he still hasn’t found a job. After taking a few more steps, his phone rang.

“Hello? Hyung, why did you call?”

“I was just checking if you’re fine. How’s your job hunting?” the elder asked.

His cousin sighed, “Well, I guess this isn’t my day.”

“Don’t worry you’ll still find one. Let’s have lunch, my treat.” He invited.

“Okay…”

“I’ll just text you where we’ll meet, okay?”

“Alright…”

“Okay, see you…”

After Leeteuk hang up, he took his bag and was about to leave the recording studio when he was surprised by knock that caught him up. He opened the door and found his bestfriend on the other side.

“Taeyeon, what are you doing here?” he asked, surprised at the sudden visit.

Taeyeon went in the room and sat down at the swivel chair, “I just wanted to ask you out for lunch.” She said.

“You went all the way here just to ask me that? You should’ve just gave me a call.” He said

Jessica’s office is located at the fourth floor while the recording studio is located at the fourteenth floor of the building.

“I tried calling you but you’re phone was busy.” She complained.

“Ah, right, I was talking to my cousin earlier to ask him out for lunch.”

“It looks like you’re already booked.” She smiled shyly.

“How about Siwon?” he asked.

Taeyeon sighed, “I called him earlier but he said he has a lunch meetin today. Maybe I’ll just eat alone.” She said and was about to leave the room when her best friend held up her arm.

“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly.

“Yeah…I’m fine…”she lied.

Leeteuk heave a sigh at the sight of her friend lying to him, “No, you’re not…tell me did something happen?”

“Nothing…it’s not really a big deal, actually.” She said, not making an eye contact to her bestfriend.

“Come on, tell me…” he persuaded.

She hesitated at first but still told her ever loyal bestfriend, “I don’t know…it’s been two weeks since we’ve seen each other.”

“Who? Siwon?” he guessed while the girl nodded.

“I’m actually worried…I don’t know if he’s ignoring me or what. Everytime I ask Ms. Jessica, she would always tell me that he’s just busy. Sometimes he doesn’t answer my calls. I don’t know what to think anymore.” She sadly told him.

“That’s actually strange. You were both happy the last time I saw at the lobby.” He said, looking away from her, “Don’t worry; I’ll talk to him to ask what’s the matter but for now let’s just have lunch. I’m really hungry.” He whined.

“But I thought you’re having your lunch with your cousin?”

“That’s fine, you can join us. Let’s go!” he said dragging her with him.

 

After a few minutes, Donghae had also arrived at the place his cousin texted him. He approached and greeted his cousin.

“Donghae meet Taeyeon – she works as an assistant of one of the manager’s in our company and my best friend. Taeyeon meet Donghae – my cousin from Busan.” Leeteuk introduced.

“Hello, nice to meet you.” Donghae greeted.

“Nice to meet you, too.” She replied.

While they were eating, the two guys continued to chat.

“You really looked exhausted.” Leeteuk said to his cousin.

“You’re right. It’s been a while since I roamed around the city and it really got me exhausted. I wonder how Taemin would adjust himself living here. I’m a bit worried for him.” He said.

“Don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine. I think he’s much better than you are when you first stayed here.”

“Don’t say that. You’re embarrassing me in front of your friend.”

Taeyeon just smiled while they continued to chat.

“Are you going after this or you’ll still look continue to look for a job?” Leeteuk seriously asked.

“I’ll still look around. I don’t want to waste time. I need to find a job as soon as possible.”

After hearing that Leeteuk’s cousin looks for a job, Taeyeon butted in, “Excuse me, you said you’re looking for a job?” she asked.

“Yes,” Donghae replied.

“Do you have a driving license?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“That’s great! One or our artist’s driver resigned the other day and today is his last day so me and my boss we’re looking for his replacement.”

“Wait, you mean Mr. Cha resigned?” her bestfriend butted in.

“Yes, his daughter is taking him to live with her in China for good.”

“Really?” he exclaimed in amusement while his bestfriend nodded.

“So, are you interested?” she asked Donghae.

“Of course! When do I need to go to your office?” he asked.

“If you want, after this we could go straight to her office. I could accompany you there. She could interview you right away because we are really in need of one.”

“Okay, that would be great! I’ll come with you.” Donghae replied.

 

Taeyeon knocked at her boss’s office and then entered the room.

“Taeyeon, haven’t I told you not to disturb me? I’m really busy.” The lady at her desk said working on some papers not even looking at her.

“But, Ms. Jessica, someon’s here to apply as Mr. Kyuhyun’s driver.”

When she heard what her assistant said, she looked at her in amusement, “Really?” she put the paper’s she was working aside, “Then let him in.”

Her assistant called the guy who was waiting outside the door while Jessica stood from her seat and went to the couch in front of her desk.

“Good afternoon, I’m…” he bowed but when he saw the lady across the room he was surprised to see that familiar face again. On the other hand, the lady in front of him was also surprised. The two didn’t expect to meet each ofther like this. Taeyeon poked him in his arms to continue with the greeting, “I’m sorry…I’m Lee Donghae, by the way.” He said this with less enthusiasm.

“Ah…have a seat…” Jessica awkwarkdly led him for a seat.

Taeyeon said some words of encouragement before leaving the two alone.

“It’s been a long time…Jessica…” Donghae looked at her with his sad eyes.

“Right…it’s been so long… ” the lady uttered flashing a sad smile.

 

**FLASHBACK**

 

It was Donghae’s graduation day. Everyone was celebrating outside the hall after the ceremony. There she was waiting fro her boyfriend. He approached her as she handed him the bouquet of flowers she bought.

“Congratulations!” she greeted happily.

“Thank you, Jessica.” He said, flashing a smile at her.

“So, let’s celebrate! My treat.” She invited.

“Alright…” he agreed.

After their dinner, the two went to a park nearby and sat down on a bench in front of a fountain.

“It’s pretty…” Jessica uttered as she looked at the fountain while holding her boyfriend’s hand

‘This is the right thing to do, Donghae…you better do it now…’ the guy thought. He let fo of her hand and took off his scarf that he was wearing and put it around her neck.

“Thanks…” she looked at him.

He held her hand again and this time he slid it inside his coats pocket making the most out of it thinking that it will be his last chance to hold the hand of the girl he loves.

“It had been hard for you…” he said that took his girlfriend’s attention and looked at him quizzically, “…you’ve been working really hard…” he continued, this time, he looked at her.

“Donghae…what are you saying?” she asked still with a smile on her face having no idea what his boyfriend is trying to say.

Donghae sighed, “I’d better do this now…or we’ll both be hurt in the end…” he held her fae with his free hand and pulled her for a kiss in her forehead.

Her smile faded still confused at what was happening, “Donghae…I don’t understand…”

“Jessica…” he took a deep breath before continuing, “I’m breaking up with you…”he said trying to hold on to his tears.

The lady was caught unprepared with the sudden turn of events. They were just happy earlier celebrating and now he’s breaking up with her. She was trying to assess the situation, waiting for an explanation from him.

“I can’t pretend anymore, Jessica. I can’t stand ignoring the fact that you’re just using me to forget him…the fact that that you’re actually in love with someone else. Everytime we’re together, I feel it. You’re heart is not where I am…it’s with somebody else.”

“How did you…”

“I’ve heard everything when we visited your best friend when he was hospitalized for commitiing suicide. I’ve heard enough…enough to come up with this decision.” Donghae paused and took adeep breath, gathering up all the strength he neeed to continue his words and to stop his tears from falling, “I thought, it would be much better if I do it before you do…I thought I would feel lesser pain but I guess I was wrong…”

The girl beside him conuldn’t find the words to say to make him feel better because she knew it’s all her fault. Why did he give him hope when in the end she still can’t make herself to fall in love with him? He’s not a difficult person to like…to love. He’s nice, kind, gentleman – he has everything that every girl would really fall for but why can’t she fall for him? He had loved her so much but why can’t she love him back? She can’t help but to feel sorry for him.

“I’m sorry…” she uttered with a teary eyes, “…I thought, if I could meet someone like you, I could forget what I feel for him and eventually fall in love with you…but I just made things worse…I still can’t forget him and I’ve hurt someone like you who’ve been so kind to me, who loved me unconditionally and here I am, I can’t even love you back…I’m sorry…I’m really sorry…” she admitted with her tears falling from her eyes.

He wanted to hug her make her feel better but how can he do that if they are both feeling the same way? Loving a persong who doesn’t love them back…

Donghae eventually pulled out their hands from his pocket and let go of her hand. He lifted his hands and wiped away her tears, “Please, don’t be like this…it hurts me more to see you like this…” he said, “…but still thank you, for giving me a chance to love you…” he smiled while the girl was just looking down. He stood in front of her, “Jessica,” he called her name for the last time, “can you promise me something?”

Jessica looked at him.

“Promise me that you’ll confesss your love to him. It may not be now…you can tell him when you feel it’s the right time.” He said.

“I…I don’t know if I could really do that…”

“Please promise me…so that, what I did tonight won’t be put to waste…”

She hesitated at first but then she noddet, “…promise…”

“And that scarf…keep that so you won’t forget your promise. You can give it back if you have already told him…” he said as he slowly turned and walked away from the first girl he ever fell in love with. As soon as he turned his face away