A/N: The truth is I am quite disappointed with this chapter T.T This one is in Chanyeol's POV so I had a hard time. Actually, I don't know why I wrote it in his POV though. And it's actually getting super hard to continue this fic because 1.) school's about to start 2.) I'm losing feels for Chanyeol (and am currently fangirling over Sung Sikyung [yes I wonder why too hahahahahhuhuhuhu]) (so someone please give Chanyeol another variety show!)

Exo's Park Chanyeol

After that dramatic first day, Anna and I got along pretty well. If you call her constantly tolerating my mischief 'getting along well', then yes, we 'get along well'. I got to know about her more- like how she gives a whole new meaning to the word 'hate' when referring to bugs or how she tends to be late because of something she calls 'contouring' or how she ate grilled tteok with every meal for three weeks because she likes them so much.

The most important thing to know about her? She hates being weak, as if being vulnerable is a sin. This part of her really pisses me off. It prevents me from knowing her more when that's the exact thing I want to do- know her and understand her. I guess it's a normal thing to wish if you're good friends with a person (especially since real friends are not that easy to find haha, life.)

It's only been a few months but the other members say we already look like a couple. Okay, I do blush at that. We hold hands and rest our heads on each other shoulders and do other things others might classify as light skinship (in private of course. no time for a scandal right now) . But we're not a couple. And my feelings for her are that of a friend's. We'd say "Anna's just touchy" and "Chanyeol's just touchy" simultaneously whenever they bring it up and tease us. That's all there is to it. What I won't deny is that I'm happy around her. Truly, genuinely happy. 

_______

Today is the last day of the college fair so the campus is filled with people. Scratch that. It's filled with fans. I'm not the only idol studying in Kyung Hee so whenever the campus opens its gates for outsiders, they come in swarms. All the idols are forced to participate in the main show which is technically not a show. It doesn't even have a program flow. There's a big stage in the center of the campus right in front of what Anna calls the 'damn tacky fountain' and that's it. We're just assigned a time to be there and talk, sing a few lines, do body waves, be funny and move on with our lives to enjoy the other festivities.

_____

It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I'm entertaining people, I'm having fun. I'm just not getting paid and my members aren't around. One of the MCs invited a fan on stage. Her name was Jane, I think. The MC asked us to reenact a kissing scene from My Love from the Stars and she was all up for it. I appreciate Jane's enthusiasm. While we were acting the scene, I saw Anna's face in the hysteric crowd. Her expression clearly stated: How brazen can that girl be? Does she have no shame? Really, kissing a stranger! What has the world come to? Anyway, , hurry up! I'm getting squished by your fans here! How do I know that? I just do. Maybe I saw a hint of jealousy there but I don't want to assume. I remembered that we agreed to meet at the 'damn tacky fountain' at around the time I'm finished with the show. 

____

We managed to finally meet properly. Girls everywhere were giving us bad looks. I bet she feels uneasy again. If there's one thing I'm most sorry over, it's this. Anna's the only close female friend I have. My pride says being so comes with perks, I mean, come on. I'm a good friend and I'm Park Chanyeol. But my guilt says being so hurts her. Every time we're seen in public, everyone stares at her with hate. Everyone misunderstands. It even came to a point where SM had to personally contact Dispatch, who was a big enough douche to take photos of me going inside her dorm (for English tutoring), to clear everything up. Ever since then I've been more careful. But I think that's the worst. I'm the worst. Because I've forced her to live this kind of life with me- life of secrecy for protection, for well-being, for everyone's except our own sake. But I act like things aren't like that. I pretend that this constant fear is constant thrill, as if a change of words will change reality. She acts like nothing happened. She always acts like nothing ever happens, like our friendship is a constant state of happiness. So I guess we have another thing in common.

"Is it just me or does this damn tacky fountain smell worse every passing day?" She asked. 

"That's just you and your hatred for damn, tacky fountains." I smiled. "Wanna watch the fireworks?"

"Hmmm," she pondered. "Though I hate the thought of fireworks bought by our tuition fee blowing up in the sky, I'd actually love to see it."

"I know a perfect spot to watch our tuition fees explode."

I grabbed her hand and dragged her to the only hill in the campus where we could watch the fireworks comfortably. When I first held her hand, she was so surprised, I felt like I was holding a plank of wood. Now, however, she automatically relaxes her hand onto mine and they fit perfectly. Anna holds and hugs and does everything tightly like she's always afraid to let go. I wished that meant she's afraid to lose me but the last thing I want to do is assume much and get disappointed later on. 

There was a small bench on the hill. Amazingly, it would accomodate only two people. The sun was slightly dipping below the horizon. It blazed the skyline. I let go of her hand and sat down before her.

"You're such a cliche, you know?" She looks annoyed. She always either loved/hated being dragged. In this case, I take it that she didn't like me dragging her up a steep hill. 

"What does that supposed to mean?" I raised an eyebrow as I turned back to face her. The color of the sky tainted her pale skin.

She stepped forward, less angry this time. "Well, you know. Like how every girl wants to marry the prince but now it's like, every girls wants to date the idol... Every girl a while ago seemed to want you." Anna actually sounded gentle, almost hurt.

It took me by surprise. Blood rushed to my face for a reason I don't know. I quickly turned to face the other way again. "If I were a girl, I'd want me too." I replied.

"." She replied casually.

"But seriously, they do. But so what? I'll only ever belong to one girl." I said jokingly. I turned around, hoping to see some form of jealousy on her face. 

Her eyes widened with a mix of surprise and caution for a second then reverted back to that calm, guarded look she always had plastered on her face. She now sat beside me. "So... who's the unfortunate girl," she managed to ask confidently. I silently applaud her though it frustrates me every time she guards her walls.

"It's a secret."

"Chanyeol, stop being an and just tell me." Her temper has increased. 

"Nope." I acted as if I was zipping my mouth.

"I want to kick your balls so hard, you wont be able to walk for a week." There she goes again. I wonder if she even finds me worthy of taking down her walls. Every time I get her to open up, it takes up about an hour of effort to do so. But what can I do, really? It's like I'm helpless against her. It's been three months since I met her and every passing day, my desire to just be with her, not even talk, not even getting a frappe, just simply be with her has been increasing. I feel like a mad man. When she's close, the air turns electric. I am conscious of every move we make. It's frustrating but it also makes me happy. 

"You're so brutal, geez." I joked so I could remove that feeling out of my system. 

"And you're an ."

"I have a charming by the way. It's not super round but it's soft. I thought you should know." I remember talking to her like this since the first day I met her. No holds barred, even with ual stuff. If she notices I cover my crotch on a random moment and asks why, I don't even hesitate to tell her I have a , though I assure her it's not because of her- that it's just a random guy . Some of the members of EXO tell me I'm not being a gentleman. But since Anna, who is obviously a girl, is the only other friend I have except for them, I find it hard to not be open about everything. I take it as pure luck that Anna's also a very open-minded person.

We laugh. "Ughhh. This is going nowhere," she said. 

The sun had not quite set yet but the night is upon us. The sky was deep purple when we looked straight forward but still orange-y when we looked back down to the fair grounds where everyone was still making merry. Their noise reminded me of the sound of the audience I would hear from backstage. The sky had completely turned dark. It was starless. The moon had also been too shy to shine brightly tonight. The speakers blared, "fireworks will start in five minutes."

The chaos died down a bit. Holy silence descended upon the hill. It was only during short chances like this that I could catch her off guard. "It's my mom, idiot." I was now looking at her. "She's the only woman I'll ever belong to." I paused to look at her. She wasn't facing me so all I saw was her side-profile: not really a sharp jaw, chubby cheeks, a high nose bridge, long lashes. She looks so foreign that every time other students see her for the first time, they look at her even though I'm right beside her. What I didn't expect was the thought that ran through my head while looking at her: "And well, of course I'll belong to my future wife and if I have a daughter, too."

She grabbed my hand and looked at me as well. Anna looked quite taken aback at first. Her hand was once again tightly gripping mine. I'm not very good at reading signs but somehow this moment made me believe that she really did keep me close all this time because was afraid of losing me. It's a wonderful feeling to know you have a purpose, a deeper meaning in someone else's life. Then, as if all the stories I've told her of my mom and the times they have actually spent together ran through her head in lightning speed, she understood not just the fact that I'm a family man or that I would never be the same if I ever lose my mother but also maybe everything I am. That would be another wonderful feeling- to have someone like her who understands by my side always, for the rest of my life. Suddenly, the constantly annoying desire of wanting her close made sense. I like Anna. I mentally cursed at myself for realizing it only now.

She still held my hand though her gaze was now far away. "Anna, I-" the fireworks started without warning, "would like to belong to you someday, too."

It slipped out of my mouth. I regretted my lack of self-control immediately. I wasn't ready. My feelings, though sure, aren't ready. My heart was exploding in sync with the fireworks.

She only mesmerized at the fireworks. But as if in passing recognition, her eyes grew wide for a split second and then back to to being in awe of the display. She was a professional at hiding her feelings. So it's now only up to her if she deems my feelings strong enough to talk about.

"Chanyeol..." My heart beat surpassed the explosions of the fireworks as it died down. "I would like to eat baloney too. We should get some for later," she said, not even looking at me. Did she really not understand it or did she refuse to? All the same, I guess. Somehow, I feel like I just dodged a bullet but at the same time, there's this disappointed part of me that had wanted to take the bullet head on.

____

For the rest of the night, I was extremely restless because of what had happened. So I did what I do best: hide my feelings with mischief. We did get baloney along the way. It's 1 a.m.- the start of our English tutoring sessions. I was in her bedroom along with her three roommates, eating the sausages. They helped out both in studying and eating.

The first part is a fast drill on random English words. 

Rika, Anna's roommate from Japan, was quite erted. She would always make me translate genres of or variations of terms regarding organs. Truthfully, it's nice to know that these women trust the lone guy in their apartment right now. Aein is Korean but she grew up in America so speaks perfect English. She's a great help until I make a mistake that I've already committed before. She would then lose her and curse at me repeatedly. Dana, an American, didn't help out in the drills and would only come in during the first few minutes for food or for any news on Kai. Anna's roommates are unique in their own ways. You could take that in a bad or good light. I actually was quite thankful to them because they diverted my thoughts away from what happened.

They all left to finish their own assignments once the baloney was gone. The second part of our study session was making conversations which was more tricky because 'Hello, I am EXO's Chanyeol. It's nice to meet you' doesn't work for everything. It was even more difficult now since it was only the two of us in her room with only the study table in between us. 

The topic I chose was 'family'.

"So, Chanyeol, tell me about your family." Anna had always been a strict teacher. She stuck to the lesson diligently. I don't blame her. In fact, I feel quite bad that I had to make her teach me at such ungodly hours of the day because these are the only hours I'm not working. But it's very difficult for me because I'm me and me hates studying.

"You already know about them."

"Chanyeol." She flashed me a warning look.

"Okay, okay. Ummmm. My family is my mother, my father and my older shister who's older than me by two years so she is 25 years old." I beamed at her as if I had spoken a sentence more emotional than anything Shakespeare could have written. 

"Wait. I've told you before that unless S is followed by H, don't pronounce SI or SE syllables as SHI." She didn't even look up. Anna concentrated on writing down every mistake I make on her notebook.

"What about shista?" I asked playfully.

"It's really SISTAR. Continue." She's unbelievably stern.

"My older sister is a news person-"

"News anchor," she corrected. 

"She is a news anchor. My father owns a musical instruments store and we often play billiards together. My mother runs a famous restaurant called Marco Polo. Her kimchi arabiatta is the best! Please visit it soon."

"Stop speaking to everyone as an idol. You always invite everyone to this or that or ask them to take care of you or that you'll do you're best so they should anticipate you. No one really converses in English like that." She said seriously.

"But I am an idol so why can't I talk like an idol?" I said playfully.

"Because in the interview for the finals, Daddy isn't going to talk to you as if you're an idol!"

"Did you just call Mr. Lee your Daddy? As in if there are MILFs then Mr. Lee is a DILF?!" I was laughing hysterically. Anna looks so embarrassed. I knew she had little patience.

"Chanyeol, I don't have time for this. You already know I'm erted so just cut it out."

That was true I suppose but I still find it very funny. I couldn't stop laughing. "I never thought you'd view Mr. Lee as daddy material."

"It's a simple term, Chanyeol. Get over it. We still have two chapters to cover tonight!" 

But I didn't. "So do you fantasize getting teddy bears from him and taking baths with him?" I sounded like a fifth-grader but it was still fun.

Anna suddenly stood up and made her way to her bed. "UHHHHHH! Chanyeol, you know what? Just go yourself, okay? I have time for your jokes but that time is not 2:30 in the ing morning when I have classes in five ing hours. I am pushing myself way beyond my limit because I had promised I would be your dear friend and I'd see this tutoring to the end but are you making it easy for me, you ing ? No, you're not. So unless you plan to change your damn attitude even just for study time, don't come to this apartment ever again, expecting me to do anything for you," she said really angrily. She lied down and faced the opposite way. "Close the lights when you get out!"

There were times when I had exploded like that. Those were the times when I had been patient for too long or hid my frustrations under a smile for too long and nobody noticed and just kept going about their daily lives. The worst part is after you've exploded and everybody feels like you are too dangerous to approach so they just leave you for the time being waiting for you to cool off because they don't want to be hurt by your words again. 

I decided I won't do that to her. I did close the lights. But I didn't leave. I lied down beside her and even hugged her. This time, as tightly as she had always hugged me so that she could hopefully realize her purpose in my life as well. Her hair was all in my face. It smelled like coconuts. Her legs were intertwined with mine. I pressed my face against the back of her shoulder. Her skin smelled of roses. In any other context, I would've been crazy happy to be this close to her.

Her gasp was so audible. "Chanyeol, get-"

"I won't go. No matter how much you fight me, I won't go. And... I'm really sorry. Would you forgive me? I really can't bear not seeing you again."

It felt like minutes have passed. She nodded very lightly. Relief came in waves after.

"I should let you sleep." I released her from my embrace, put the blanket over her and faced the other way.

Anna then hugged me from behind.

"Chanyeol..." I barely heard her but her breath on the bare skin of my shoulder made my heart beat faster than ever. 

I pretended to be calm. "Hm..?"

"Did you mean it?" Anna's voice was gentle and cautious. At first, I had no clue as to what she was talking about but when I realized that she was referring to earlier, just as the fireworks had gone off, I knew there was no turning back now.

"So you really did hear me, huh? Geez, you made me feel stupid back there," I said teasingly. No response except her breath continually warming my back. I sighed. Now or never. "Yeah.... I meant every word." I felt her grip tighten around my waist. She was scared- an odd reaction to a confession if it were anybody else. But I understood her so much, I knew just what she was going to say next. I turned around to face her, ready to answer her burning question.

"Why?" Her eyes were glistening in the dark, like she was barely managing to keep her tears from falling. 

I sighed again. "Honestly speaking, Anna, I don't know." Her eyes widened. I left but little distance in between us so that I could see her clearly. We'd been in this position before but never on a bed, never during a confession. "I don't know why or how exactly. It's just that suddenly, I found myself wanting to see you. On the days that we don't meet for English tutoring, I would intentionally drive over here without asking if you're home, hoping you're here and you could maybe put up with me for a while over tea or coffee. Most of the time, you weren't here and I'd put up with Dana's questions about Kai for a while. Then I'd go home and try to focus on other things but I was always restless. My members could tell my heart wasn't into dance practice. But when we're together, the hours aren't enough. I always wish that a day had more than 24 hours. And you know the worst part of it all? I only realized it today. That I've been slowly falling in love with you, Anna."

I just poured my heart out but she just looked at me with wide eyes. Her expression, for the first time in quite a while, was easily readable: in shock. 

"Geez, when I put it like that, I do sound lame, right?" No answer. I hugged her tightly and removed all the distance between us. It would be an achievement for any guy but all I really thought was that I'm hugging the woman I love at 2:30 in the morning and that I wish for the rest of my nights to be like this. 

"Chanyeol, what would you do right now if I say I've fallen for you too?" Because I was hugging her, I wasn't able to see her face. I regretted it immediately. I pulled back so that I'd be able to see her.

"Right now? I would kiss you until we both can't breathe. For the rest of my life, I'll love you more than you can ever imagine." I spoke quickly like I was panicking that I was wasting time.

"Dork." She chuckled.

"I-I mean if you would allow me to do that. Really, no rush." I sounded lame.

Before I can even speak again, her lips were already on mine and my ribs were struggling to keep my heart in place and I'm pretty sure I've never been this happy.

Once our lips parted, both of us smiled. "I've fallen for you too, Chanyeol."

________________

It didn't take long for both of us to sleep. Happiness is exhausting. 

My phone rang at around 4 a.m. I thought about my schedule and wondered if I had forgotten an early taping today. It woke both of us because I had to break our embrace, stand up from the bed and get it from the study table. 

"Hello. Did I forget something again?" I asked groggily.

"Channie..."

"Noona? Goodness, I thought it was manager-hyung... What's up?"

"Channie, where are you right now?" She asked.

"At my girlfri-" I looked at Anna who has now fully woken up. She her night stand lamp and was watching me. "uhm... at a friend's house. Why?" I wanted to introduce Anna properly.

She sighed at the other end of the line. "I need to tell you something really important but promise me that you'll stay calm."

I immediately felt worried. I couldn't help but raise my voice. "What? Why? Noona, what happened?"

Anna was alarmed. Her face showed worry. 

"Calm down, Chanyeol." My noona from said, her voice breaking.

"Noona, please, just tell me." I could feel my own tears forming. Anna was already standing up to comfort me.

"Chanyeol.... omma passed away. She had a heart attack...." I swear Noona said more things but it all seemed to just shut out, like someone vacuumed all the sound away. 

There are stories that describe how a person actually feels when he's lost someone he really loves. Some say the world suddenly crumbles. Others say everything turns black for a moment and then when light comes back, life is dim and dull. What's most accurate for me is that all my gears stopped spinning and all the strings that held me together were all suddenly cut. I felt devoid of any purpose to continue existing. 

There was only an almost inaudible sound of someone calling my name but even I choose to shut it out.