I'm waiting here in this cold tunnel were cold light shines.
Black figure versus pale light.
I'm supposed to be past this already, past him and us.

♦

I wished our love had been a bit stronger, to endure all that hate we received. I didn't blame you for that Jiyong, never could, and still don't. I just wonder why you didn't come back.

Under my breath I want to shout out for you:
Lead me back home!

♦

I want to regret things. But I don't know how neither what for. 

My path was easy to tread but I lost my way and
the path 
it sloped me to trench.

♦

I plead for your aid should you wander here alone.
It all happened so fast. I always though the end would be slow and soft. Not a hurricane ripping my heart out of my chest with frozen claws. I didn't anticipate it but the same happened with you. Us meeting each other was fate, us becoming friends was luck, but falling in love with you
I had no part in it. 
Still we called each others lovers.

♦
If only we were younger.

I wished I had fallen in love with you earlier.

♦
Here when I close my eyes it's all the same really, sheer cold light and dark river. The water is so deep and dark it almost seems abysmal.
But everything has bottom. I have learned it many times. Even hearts of men.
This light is hurting my eyes.
♦
In young age I learned that happiness is very frafile thing,
tender as the shine of the moon,
shy as the morning sun,
and above all
bizarre as love.

♦
Why would I want to leave all that behind? It was never something that I considered as burden or kept as a fault. It was something I treasured, kept hidden from evil and held dear until the end. Stay with me, I kept whispering when I felt it was flowing away, so far away that I could not follow it, and it always came back to me. But once it failed me, or I failed it.
I do not know which one is the culprit, which one of us is the one to blame and accuse of murder. Murderer of love.

Regicide.


♦


Love is the air we breath and love is the water that drowns us. It's our king and queen. It's my mother and father. The one that build me to be me.
And how did I repay it?
I didn't.

♦


I should right. You would say that too Jiyong wouldn't you?
Human error,
question remains, which one of us was the error?
Was it me,
was it you,
was it us?

Please tell me, I'm longing for answer, heat melting my fingers when I touch my face, lie burning deep in my throat. Take it away and let me vanish. Oblivion seems such a sweet of a place for now, while I stand here waiting for you. Or was it you that waited me?

♦

They told me to run away from you, to keep my distance so the poison would not take hold on me. Voice spoke of nasty things, things that lead to death. But those words never seemed to harm me. Or change me in any way. Still I stayed beside you.
Now my body won't be here to say "I was right all along."
But I would answer " So was I."

We both ended up dead.
As all the other humans on this earth
I guess that everybody dies
at least twice.

♦

The river it flows, not caring if we follow or not. It doens't have to. It doesn't need to know if we are or aren't with it, it simply doesn't acre. You were kinda like that.

♦

The light of Pale Rider. He must be waiting at the end of the stream.

♦

I was told of a story as a child. A story where the dead travel underneath the ground and waters of earth, with a lady singing in forgotten language. Under the earth she rows and the steam is cold and dark. The Pale Rider waiting at the end of the journey. My mother said those people ending up there had one final wish. A wish no matter odd will be made true. Pale lady is kind and forgiving. Her man not so much. But he looked nice. Handsome shining man in white and black robe.
Waiting for me.
 

♦

The lady was silent and the boat halted. I stood there in front of death.
"Calm and steady. No need to worry or fear, my dearest friend, Lee Seunghyun." he said. But how could I believe him? I didn't feel fear or worry, I didn't feel pain or remorse.
Only warm glow in my chest.

"Come closer, I can't see you that well Seungri." a voice much more familiar echoed in the fog. I  peered in the shadows of the fog and saw him.



"Jiyong"

♦