Chapter 1: Very sweet story, poor Bambam thinking it was a one-sided love! Interesting pairing, can't say I really considered it before. Nicely written though.
There's a lot of grammatical errors in this piece though, some of which detract from the writing. Also, the majority of your sentences start with He, Kunpimook, or Youngjae. This makes it seem very linear and choppy sometimes, so the story doesn't flow together as well as it might. Changing up some of the sentence structure might help to make the story sound better.
Comments