What is love?
As White As Snow
A/N: You could play the song while reading.
Thanks for reading!
'Tis the season to be jolly~
"Ugh. No!" I groaned to myself after hearing the classic Christmas song from a music store near my workplace.
Everybody likes the yuletide season. Everybody likes December. Everybody likes winter. Everybody likes snow. Everybody likes mistletoes — or maybe the kisses you do while you're under them. Everybody likes Christmas. EVERYBODY. Except me. Have I told you why I hated Christmas? (Well, the season. Why would I hate the birthdate of Jesus Christ?)
December 2009
I got dumped by my boyfriend over some childhood sweetheart of some sort. Did I mentioned how big of an was he? He said that he wanted a 'break' after he gave me his Christmas gift. He wasted our relationship for 3 years (a year of friendship, excluded) just because he 'wanted to focus on his studies', but the truth was he saw his childhood sweetheart — which was also his ex — and felt that he still had feelings for her as soon as he had laid his eyes on her again resulting to the break-up. And they lived happily ever after! Yaaay for them!
December 2010
I was stranded at Incheon Airport because of heavy snowfall. On Christmas Eve. Oh, the joy! When I checked the weather forecast online, they said it wouldn't snow that hard, but apparently, I got fooled. I was stuck there for a long time! Imagine the things I could've done if I wasn't stuck there! Ugh.
December 2011
I got diagnosed of asthma after working my off so that I could help my parents and of course, myself, too. Well, it was not just because of fatigue. It was also the weather that also caused it. I had to work double time so that I could some money to my parents, so I could pay for my brother's schooling at the same time, help my parents pay their monthly bills. And the weather here in Korea was so crazy! One moment, it was sunny. The next, it was freaking cold!
On the brighter side, I got to meet my best friend ever since I stayed here at Korea, Byun Baekhyun. He was a trainee at SM Town. He was one of the boys I've been managing. Well yes, you heard it right. I work at SM Entertainment as a manager of the international idol group, EXO. Though he was the last member to join the group, as soon as we met, we clicked in an instant. We had a lot in common: favorite food, favorite hobby, favorite pet — yes, I like his pet dog, too —, fetc. We were like soulmates.
December 2012
I had the worst asthma attack of my existence while we were on our way to SM building after their last schedule of the day, Music Bank's Christmas Special. I was hyperventilating at the same time. I was actually not feeling well since the start of the day, but I had to go to work.
My face was frozen, and all they could hear were groans because of my inability to speak words. Both of my hands and feet were clutched, and nothing could keep it open. My breathing was shallow because of the pain in my chest. I was a living stone.
Though I was half conscious at the time, I could (almost) see and feel the guys panicking. They brought me to the hospital as soon as they noticed me having a very hard time. I remembered having an oxygen mask before everything went dark. The moment I woke up, the first person I saw was Baekhyun. He seemingly decided to stay and spend the night with me at the hospital. I could still remember what he had said to me the moment he saw my eyes open. "What the hell ! You had us worried! You had me worried! Why did you not say that you were already not feeling well? You could have said someting to anyone, to me!", and all I could do was smile and say, "Good morning to you, too." The moment when he hugged me tight after I greeted him was the time when I realized that I had fallen in love with him. I realized how special he became to me, how he was starting to be a part of me.
"I told you to wear thick coats, duckling!" I was startled by a familiar voice —a very familiar one, a voice which is music to my ears, except for the part when he called me duckling. He used duckling as my nickname because he always thought of me as the ugly one. Sigh.
I was about to open the door when I heard the voice, so I turned around and saw his face, just with a pout on it. He must've seen me snuggle my coat. "Hey handsome." I replied while raising my eyebrows. He smiled in response. He flashed a smile, a smile that I would never get tired of seeing.
"On your way home?" He asked, opening the doors for me.
"Yup." I answered. "How about you?"
"Same." He said. "Shall we?" He offered his arm, which I gladly took.
"Do all of you not have any more things to do?" As we started walking, I asked him.
"Nope, we're free for the rest of the day." He looked at me while replying. "Do you want to have a stop over before going home?"
"Sure." How can I say no to him when he asks with his famous smile? I answered with a smile, too.
"What are we doing in a park, Baek?" I looked at him. "Do you want me to die?"
He laughed together with me. "Of course not, duckling. If I wanted you to die, I could've brought you somewhere else!" He took my hand and brought us to the nearest bench. He brushed the snow off and let me sit before sitting right beside me.
For what seems to be a minute, he started singing a familiar song.
Making a day feel like a minute
With you, I’m the main character of a movie
As if I’m about to film an action scene to come see you,
as if I’ve become a hero
You’re perfect to me, I imagined
How would it be if we were together?
If only you say okay,
everything is perfect, oh baby
I lost my mind, the moment I saw you
Except you, everything get in slow montion
Tell me, if this is love
Sharing and learning countless emotions everyday with you
Fighting, crying and hugging
Tell me, if this is love
All the guys in the world are jealous of me
They must be jealous to death of me, for having you
Even after the sun goes up and moon goes down,
it will never change
I’m a guy whom you can trust
You will find out
I don’t know why, this unconditional emotion
Did I ever imagine?
Next to me, as I become a better guy
you shine more brightly
I lost my mind, the moment I saw you
Except you, everything get in slow montion
Tell me, if this is love
Sharing and learning countless emotions everyday with you
Fighting, crying and hugging
Tell me, if this is love
If you wish and wish earnestly
Will it come true, like the fairytales?
A never-ending happy ending, happily ever after
I will trust you, protect you and comfort you
I will be on your side
I will never leave your side
I lost my mind, the moment I saw you
Except you, everything get in slow montion
Tell me, if this is love
Sharing and learning countless emotions everyday with you
Fighting, crying and hugging
Tell me, if this is love
All the guys in the world are jealous of me
They must be jealous to death of me, for having you
My babe, baby babe, baby baby
I can tell, this is love
I will make you smile often like a child
I will make you feel the most comfortable, like a friend
My babe, baby babe, baby baby
Tell me, what is love
"For you, what is love?" He asked. I just shrugged as a reply. Then, I looked at him, waiting for his next words. He was serious by the looks on his face.
"For me, love is the winter. It is the end of a chapter and at the same time, the beginning of another. To some, it may just be cold and chilly, it may also be bleak and cheerless, or make you feel blank and empty, it may even be loathsome for people..." He went close to my face without looking at me and whispered, "like you." He laughed a tad bit and lengthened the distance of our faces, again.
"But for me, it gives me this enveloping feeling because the person I long for gets to be closer to me. It makes me want this person be right beside me all the time, so that despite the season, we'd be having our own little sunshines that would warm us up everytime we're together." He smiled although he was still looking at the ground.
"Winter makes everything white because of snow: pure, unstained, simple, notably ardent, whole, and complete. I may have describe it yet no one could describe the mere whiteness of winter."
"And that is how I love you. My love for you..." I was suddenly dumbfounded when he turned his head and looked at me in the eye. "...is as white as snow, pure and innocent, simple yet elegant, complete and whole. And yet, I can't describe the mere thought of being in love with you."
Had I not noticed my tears only when he touched my face and wiped them. He suddenly stood in front of me. "I kind of peeked in your journal and saw how much you hated this season-"
"Now I know who the culprit was!" I cut him off midsentence after his revelation. He was the one who got my journal and-
"Yes, it had coffee stains because of me. I'm sorry for that, but let me finish first, okay duckling?" He chuckled then became serious again.
"I kind of peeked in your journal and saw how much you hated this season because of the things that had happened before: your break-up, your asthma attack, even when you slipped inside of your own house. I have known you for quite a long time now, and you've been my best friend ever since. You were there for me and the rest through every ups and downs. And can you imagine? I've been in love with you the moment I first saw you. It's been a long time since I first saw you, and every time I saw you drool on your sleep, or eat like a pig, or have a very wide mouth while yawning, or even pick your nose, instead of making me love you less, it made me love you more. This feeling I have here..." He pointed at his chest. "... It grows more every day I see you. Who says love has its limit when I love you more and more each day."
"So..." He paused for a while and knelt before continuing. "...will you give me the opportunity to share sunshines with you ? Not only on wintertimes but through every season, every year that would pass by. Be my girlfriend?" He looked up and smiled.
Maybe — not just maybe — Baekhyun really is my sunshine during wintertime. "It's a pleasure to share sunshines with you." I helped him stand and brush off some snow on his pants.
He whispered a "thank you" before kissing me on the forehead. After doing so, he held my hand and entwined it with his then putting it inside the pocket of his jacket. "Let's get going! I don't want my duckling to have an attack!"
I punched him lightly on the shoulder with my free arm and pouted at him.
"I was just joking! You were always the prettiest swan to me." He said, pulling me towards him as we walked down the snow-covered pavement.
Now, I'm starting to love this season.
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