When will you understand, love? I am standing here, unmoving, always waiting for you to notice me.

I tried to smile, for you, right here, always.

I am holding my heart, open and ready, waiting for you to take it and hold it forever. And it could be nice if you keep it safe and care for it as long as you can.

“Taetae” I could hear you called for me from behind the curtain. You always come at this kind of hour, when the sun started to kiss the earth.
I love it. At least once in a day the untouchable sun reached down and kiss the earth softly and slowly before she disappear to join the night.

 

“I bring you some banana you loved the most” i smile brightly.

“Thank you miyoungie”

She kissed my temple and i dont know what i have to do next. She’s so pretty. I can imagine the smile she gave me with that beautiful eyes of her that speak for themselves.

 

“I love you” i said with my utmost sincerity.

“I love you too, taetae”

I close my eyes, and smile a little too wide.

 

“babe, its time to go home”
“wait a minute, taetae has to take her medicine”
“kay, i’ll wait you downstair” I heard the door opened and that voice talk to me “see you around, taeyeon”

 

“here’s your medicine, taetae. Say ahhh”

i open my eyes and stare at her direction. I smile again as i open my mouth for her to feed me.

“here’s the water. Careful”

 

Her heart is so beautiful.

 

 

Even though i cant see her face anymore, i still could remember every contour, every details of her face. I already felt complete.

“Doctor told me that he still can’t find any retina donors, but don't you give up! I will stay here and accompany you! Have strength, taetae!” I smile once again.
“thank you. Just you is enough”
“ugh, cheesy taetae!

Anyway my hubby called me. I need to go. See you.. I’ll visit again tomorrow”

 

I close my eyes again.

It's same.
When i close my eyes there’s you.
When i open my eyes, there’s you.

You are the dimlit candle in the darkness of my vision.

But its not a problem anymore.

 

Goodbye Tiffany, i hope i see you next time, next life.
It was good to live this past years. I felt completed already having you as my bestfriend.
My first love.

 

I grab my oxygen mask and throw it carelessly on the floor, then i grab my wrist and tug at the tube of bloodbag that contain plasma blood and pull another tube of IV bag on another wrist.

It was worth living for.
Now goodbye.

 

I dont have any reason to stay any longer.

My whole family is gone already. Dad, mom, oppa, hayeon, we’re going to meet soon. There's someone who can protect Miyoung already. She's happy.

 

I love you.

Goodbye.

 

I close my eyes once again. I chuckled.
Well, its the same, the darkness is same, whether i close my eyes nor open it.

 

Well, see you around in the next life.

I could sense my body felt weaker.
Then i succumb to sleep, forever.

 

—

 

“Taetae! I forgot my bag. Oh did you sleep? Nurse take out your oxygen mask? Huh? But your wrist!- Blood!"
“Doctor! Nurse! Anybody!”

“She’s not breathing! Hearbeat?!”
“Nothing doc!”
“We gotta do something!”
“Clear the room!”

“Taetae!”

“ma’am, we need you to step out from the room. We’re trying our best”

“save her, doctor please save her!”

“ma’am we need your coorperation”

“Taetae! Dont you dare to leave me! You said you gonna fight! I love you! I love you! Please!”

 

“how’s the heartbeat?!”

“we’re losing her, doc!”

“200joule!”
“Clear!”

“Nothing”

“300joule!”

“Clear!”

“Nothing”

“350joule”

“Clear!”

 

“nothing...”

 

Beeeep

“We lose her”

“No! Please say that you’re kidding me! Taetae you got me. Youve tricked me. Now come on, wake up”

“wake up taetae! Please i beg you”

 

“Announce her death time please”
“The time of death, 9.03pm, august 1st 2013″

“Taetae, its not funny anymore! Stop it! Today is my birthday, how dare you?!”
“please wake up! I miss your laugh, i miss your smile! Please taetae. Please… Ple…ase..”

“Let her go, honey. She’s in peace right now”
“No, no you dont understand”
“Stop crying”
“She promised that she will told me her deepest secret when she can see again”

“She promised me”
“she promised!”

“please dont cry, she wont be happy to see your tears”
“then why did she do this stupid thing?!”

“she promised me to get better soon and walk again and see again and stand up again. I need her. I need her presence. I need her protection. I need her love. Why? Why? I thought i could be her strength. I thought i could do what she do to me”

 

“i love you taetae”

 

I love you taetae.

 

 

I love you too, miyoungie.

 

 

—-

a/n : this is my suicidal side. Please imagine the reason, the accident, anything, cus i wont make this any longer than this.