You groaned loudly  as you moved from the couch to the bathroom, feeling the uneasy pain in your abdomen rise again with the sudden movement.  A big part of you wished you could just stay on the couch, wallowing in self-pity as you went through the first day of your period. It was so much more pleasant to wear your most comfortable sweatpants, a baggy shirt and watch soppy movies all day long. You were emotional, in pain and tired. Today wasn’t one of those days you were in the mood to go to some public event with Himchan. Couldn’t he understand? Unfortunately you knew all too well there was no chance you’d be able to escape this one. All of this was too important to him and he wanted you to be part of it. So after numerous complaints from his side, you dragged yourself over to the bathroom to get a refreshing shower. After that, it was time to force yourself into clothing much less comfortable as the outfit you were wearing now, not to mention the heels you would be wearing… Seriously, sometimes being a woman so badly.

The steamy, damp air clung to your skin as you made your way over to the bedroom in your underwear. You knew it would be a hassle to find the right dress to wear. It couldn’t be too tight, couldn’t be too loose, not too short to be uncomfortable, not too long to make you look like a granny. Ugh, you so weren’t in the mood for this. You knew no matter which outfit you picked, it would always be unpleasant today. Holding a dress in front of your body; you turned from left to right and back. Only to freeze as you caught side of your protruding belly. At this time of the month it was inevitable that your body seemed to change. The typical ‘pooch belly’; caused by the presence of hormones during your menstrual cycle, was a usual monthly presence you hated.  Deeply hated. This time it seemed extremely present and more protruding than ever, making you put your hands on it as if you were pregnant. “Ugh, it seriously looks like I could be pregnant.” You groaned to yourself, unaware of Himchan who had entered the room. “Excuse me?” his voice sounded, making you swirl around instantly.

“Oh hey, Channie!” you smiled innocently, hoping he hadn’t actually heard you say that. “What did you just say? Pregnant? Weren’t you on your period? ” he continued on with big eyes, confirming that you had been wrong; he did hear. “No, no, no. I just said it sort of looks like it now, with how it sticks out.” You explained the situation to him as you turned to the mirror again and resumed the same position. Meanwhile, Himchan had joined your side and was looking at you with big eyes. You didn’t notice at first, but as silence remained between the two of you for a while, you turned your face to him and understood what he was doing: he was staring at your stomach with big eyes. Big eyes that held a mix of emotions…confusion, fascination and sadness? Sadness? “Himchan, what’s wrong?” you immediately asked, puzzled by his sudden behavior. “You indeed look sort of pregnant…” he let out in a breathless whisper. Your eyes grew wider out of shock. This was not the kind of conversation you’d thought you’d have with him right now. “But I’m not, okay? Himchan…. I am not pregnant.” You said, emphasizing the last sentence very clearly while you turned  to look at him. But your boyfriends’ eyes remained focused on your stomach. “A little baby… In there.” He added on, making you put your hands on his shoulders and lightly shake him. “Woohoow, snap out of it. I am not pregnant okay? We agreed it wasn’t the time yet. Right?” you told him, watching him carefully while his eyes shifted to yours. “I.. we.. right. Right.” He replied quickly, shaking his head as he came to his senses. Little did you know that soon his moment of daydreams would turn into reality?

• 11 months later –

“Jagiya, I’ve told you there is absolutely no reason why you should join me to this event. Really, it’s just a boring reception TS is organizing to celebrate our new album. It’s no big deal.” Himchan told you as he attempted to keep you inside the house. You were pregnant for 8 months and 3 weeks. And sure, you understood that the baby would be there any time soon. But did that really mean you had to lock yourself up? “Sweetheart, I am not disabled! I might look like a whale, but I’m capable of taking care of myself!” you complained, crawling out of your bed and ready to make your way over to the bathroom. “Yaaa~ don’t be like that.” Himchan spoke, stepping in front of you in order to keep you from moving. “Say what? That I’m not disabled?” you asked, while narrowing your eyes at him. “No, I mean the whale part. You look freaking gorgeous right now baby, don’t think you look like a whale.” He spoke, a worried look on his face. You knew he’d be like that, since he said it every damn time you mentioned the fact that you felt fat or ugly. It was sweet, but that didn’t change the fact that you were huge right now.  Putting your hand over his cheek, you smiled. “Thank you, again, for saying that.” You said sweetly. “But I’m serious about this. I don’t want to be locked up inside and have you leave to that party. I’m carrying your child and both I and the baby would very much like to join you.” You added with a smirk. Instantly your smile grew wider as you heard him groan. “Aah, that’s unfair. You know I get weak when you talk about her. Or him.” He said, frustrated scratching his head. In return you giggled. “Well, it is true. Whenever the baby hears your voice, it starts kicking really hard. He or she likes daddy a lot.” You added without doubt, knowing it would win Himchan over even more. His eyes filled with love as he looked down to your belly. His hands moved to gently touch your skin while he smiled happily. “Sometimes I really can’t believe there’s actually a baby inside of here… our baby.” He mumbled softly, weakening your heart. These were the things you loved about Himchan; the quiet, loving times you spent with him in private. He was different with you than he was to the outside world. He was always nice and caring towards others, but with you it got even deeper. He never hesitated to tell you how much he loved you. And in moments like this, his eyes already told you enough. You loved this man with every fiber of your body. Without a second of doubt you raised your hand to bring his face closer to yours, softly kissing him. “Fine, you can go.” He replied afterwards.

It was about 3 hours later that the ‘three’ of you arrived at the party. Instantly you started to mingle, smiling to all the people who complimented you and told you how radiant you looked. You were beaming with happiness at their sweet words and enthusiastically told them about how the pregnancy was going. Yes, it had been a good idea to come here since it finally gave you the chance to fully enjoy the last days of your pregnancy.Al though you were tired, even Himchan could see you were enjoying all of this. The evening couldn’t go better, but what you didn’t expect was the warm trickle of fluid down your legs. Oh oh.

Within seconds you felt more wetness roll down your thighs, making you grasp Himchan’s arm in horror. “I think my water just broke.” “What?” “Water – broke – down there.” You said, pointing towards your abdomen. Could you be any more obvious than this? “Everyone please get out of the way! My wife is going into labor! Does anyone have a car?!??”  Himchan started to yell like a hysterical fangirl. The crowd started to buzz with both excitement and anxiety. Within minutes you were placed into a staff member’s car and brought to the hospital,;where the contractions soon clouded everything else you saw around you.

“Push harder, miss! Push and breathe in, small huffs. Then push again.” The midwife next to you said. Well, easier said than done. Pain was all over your body, ten times as worse as having period cramps. Every time you thought you had a moment to breathe, there was even more pain coming your way. And even though the doctor said the baby was in the right position, it still took 6 hours before you had enough opening to actually start the pushing. And here you were, screaming your lungs out as you tried to get the baby out. More pain, followed by you huffing and puffing just like the lady ordered you to. In all truth you just wanted to keep on screaming, but the breathing helped you to momentarily focus and regain the power to push again. It also reminded you of the fact that Himchan was next to you, making you throw a glance towards him. He was pale. Well, pale was an understatement. He looked as if he was a mime, judged by the extreme whiteness of his already rather pale skin. His dark eyes were wide and shocked, staring at your sweaty face in horror. It was obvious he had no idea what to say or do. Or maybe he was just in enormous pain because you were squeezing his hand to pulp. Pushing and screaming again. When was this baby going to get out?! “The head is out! We’re almost there. Now the shoulders! Come on!” the doctor urged. Yes, almost!

Suddenly, she was finally there.  The little, crying baby the doctor was holding up and bringing towards you… She was yours. “It’s a girl. Here she is.” The doctor said, giving her to you. The tiny human in your arms suddenly stopped crying, seemingly aware of the presence of her mother. “She’s so beautiful, isn’t she?” you whispered, not knowing what else to say. You ran out of words at the sight of this amazing miracle. But as no reply came from your husband either, you looked to your side to see a peculiar scene. Himchan’s face was buried in his hands, his body hunched over and slightly moving up and down. Was he… crying? “Channie… Why are you crying?” You asked worriedly, watching as he removed his hands and looked at you with teary eyes. His face was wet, but to your surprise a smile shined across his face. “It’s just that…’ he started, as he wiped away his tears. “I can’t believe she’s actually here. Our girl…” he spoke in between his tears of happiness.. “She’s so beautiful.” He said, before he started to sob yet again. Only this time he did not hide his tears, instead he moved closer to the two of you, his arms enclosing around both of you and holding you close. “She’s here…” you mumbled, pressing a light kiss to his cheek before you looked down at the girl in your arms. “Our little Kim Hyerim.”