It’s raining again.

Sehun stares at the drops of cold water as they bathe the window in random slicks of dew. For the first time since Sehun started watching Mizu Tae’s weather channel, the man’s prediction had been wrong. It’s raining, and now he’s changed his mind about surprising Nana with a visit like he originally planned.

A visit? A surprise? Is he going senile? If so, it should have happened a long time ago. For his intelligence to wane at this point is so much more inconvenient, especially since his suicide anniversary is nearing.

His phone rings. It’s Nana. He opens the window, grabs his phone, and tosses it out, watching as the black cellular device quickly plunges into a puddle of mud below. The phone drags its atrocious ringing with it, leaving Sehun alone, once more, in a world void of music.

He likes it this way. He needs it this way.

On his way out the door, he snatches his umbrella and heads for the elevator. He must visit the Tender. He needs those pills.

“Excuse me,” Himchan says, hoping that the man heard his voice, but the elevator doors close before he can interrupt. How rude. He was certain that was his neighbor, and he had really wanted to talk to him. Was it so difficult to hold the elevator for a friend?

Himchan supposes the man doesn’t even consider him a friend. They’ve never met. From the looks of it, his neighbor is a recluse, a hermit that avoids any sort of social activity. Still, it would have been nice to chat with him, if only for an elevator ride.

He presses the button for the elevator and waits for the doors to open. As he waits, he remembers Chaeri, whom he had forced to leave his room before he could inflict any further damage on her beautiful skin. It was a shame – he was ashamed – and he wishes he could reverse the moment, but that’s impossible, even for a man who lives for an eternity. And even though he’s been given infinity, he’d throw it all away if it meant he could choose when his life would finish.

Being physically perfect is exhausting.

“It’s been a while, Sehun,” The Tender says as he wipes the counter with a rag of a muddy blue color. He really should purchase better rags for the bar, but it’s nearly always futile when the messes he cleans range anywhere from beer spills to vomit. That’s the con of working in a club. ‘Pretty’ is only as deep as the surface.

“I want my pills,” Sehun replies, his voice so thick in his throat that it sounds like a guttural growl. The Tender doesn’t comment on how long it’s taken Sehun to retrieve the pills, nor does he comment on how predictable Sehun has become. Something is happening to the poor man. The romantic in the Tender wants it to be love. The realist in the Tender wants it to disappear.

“That girl,” the Tender coughs. “Your ex. She’s seeing your neighbor.”

Sehun doesn’t allow the Tender to see his surprise. Instead, he leans over the counter. His hands bloom open like a flower, revealing the pale, soft skin of his palm. “Pills.”

“Right.” The Tender pounds the case of pills onto the counter, marginally irate about Sehun’s indifference. The Tender knows that this news vexes Sehun. If it hadn’t, he wouldn’t have avoided the statement.

The Tender is miffed. Sehun will return to being stagnant if the Tender doesn’t prompt him toward a better direction.

“Did you hear me? Sehun.”

“I have ears, Tender.”

“Then use them.”

Sehun looks up at this. Although the Tender is a big man, Sehun has never been scared of him. But seeing him look so disturbed causes Sehun to approach the man with more discretion.

“You seem mad.”

“I want to know how you can be so impassive. The world is crumbling all around you. You don’t even look back to see who’s been hit by the debris.”

“Isn’t that your job, Tender? Save the people? Keep the worlds in order?”

“You talk as if you’re so different from these humans, but you’re not. The only difference is that time has made you more of a fool.”

Sehun laughs. Really, really laughs. “If I’m a fool, then what does that make you?”

The Tender surprises Sehun with his answer. “A friend of a fool.”

He turns away. “I don’t have friends, Tender.”

“Then what do you have? A girlfriend?”

Sehun glares at him. The Tender smiles his sad smile. “That’s not what it is.”

“Of course it isn’t. I’m sorry.”

“You’re mocking me.”

“No, I just …” The Tender nearly chokes, he can’t believe he’s about to say this, but his mouth continues before he can tell it to stop “…want to help you.”

Sehun’s sneer is frightening. The Tender should have known that a man with such turbid eyes could produce a crueler smile.

“If you really wanted to help me, you would have left me for dead.”

“You would’ve ruined everything if I left you out there. You didn’t see what I saw. The sun made you a savage. You would’ve eaten everyone alive.”

“If I were in the sun a little while longer – “

“You couldn’t do it, Sehun. You couldn’t control yourself. If you refrained from feeding, I would have allowed you to stay out there. But you couldn’t. You’re powerless to the temptation to feed. I couldn’t let you do that. I couldn’t let you ruin so many lives.”

“But you let me ruin mine.”

The Tender sighs. “You make it sound like my job is so simple.”

“I know it isn’t, Tender.” Sehun borrows a glass of wine a stranger had forgotten and dumps a pill’s contents into the drink. With his finger, he mixes the two elements. “I know it’s hard to be a Binder. You have to keep the balance between both worlds. You have to protect one world from the other. For someone who has worked as a Binder for as long as you have, you would have faced a lot of moral issues. You would have seen how twisted the world is. And you would have discovered that there is no such thing as perfect.”

“Yes … exactly.”

Sehun gulps down the drink, wincing when the pills side effects, which had once been so familiar, batter his head like a tyrannical gale. “Sometimes perfection comes out of chaos.”

That’s not true, and they both know it. The Tender throws his rag away, and Sehun clutches his aching head. Once the pain has receded, the Tender pulls up a stool and sits directly across from Sehun, who considers him with resigned eyes.

“You have something else to say?”

“I just want to tell you something. About my life.” The Tender massages his hands, recalling the events he’s about to share. “I was still new at binding when I got the order. There was a Niver who had been feeding on drunkards by a convenience store where I used to be stationed. The Niver was smart. She never fed out in the open, so I couldn’t catch her easily. Then one day, she walked into the store while I was pretending to buy a cup of coffee.” He smiles to himself, the memory washing over him like an alcoholic beverage. “She was beautiful, Sehun. I’d never seen anyone like her before. Black eyes. Dark hair. Tan, for a Niver. Petite. She came in wearing a long black dress made of some sort of light material that moved when she walked. And she looked like death.

“I thought she was going to kill me,” The Tender shakes his head. “We Binders may have abilities other people don’t, but we aren’t immortal like you guys are. We die, and live the same way as most people do. Sehun, she had a gun in her hand. I’d never seen a Niver arm itself with a gun. I didn’t know what to do. She scared me.”

“So?”

“So, she pointed the gun at me before I could run away. And then she said the funniest thing. ‘I know what you are, and I know you’re trying to catch me. If you pay for what I want here, I’ll give myself up.’ You know what she wanted? Lipstick and a hair tie. And then she wanted me to take her to a river. I felt so manipulated; I couldn’t do my job properly. We even started talking. Heck, we became friends, Sehun. She was the first creature I’d actually took the time to know.” The Tender gives a look to Sehun. “And you’re the second.”

“And then she turned her back on you?”

“Not at all. Another Binder got to her.”

“What’s your point?”

“Perfection never comes from chaos. But chaos always comes after perfection.”

Sehun thinks of Nana. Surely the Tender is right. Surely nothing good will come out of their relationship. But in the meantime, she’s like a drug. He feels disturbed, and annoyed, and bothered whenever he’s next to her, much like he does whenever he takes those pills. He isn’t familiar with these emotions, and she’s been patient enough to introduce them to him. Although it’s uncomfortable, he enjoys her company. It makes him feel as though he doesn’t have to kill himself.

To his horror, it also makes him want to feed on her.

How disgusting. He can’t stand himself.

“I’ll need the strongest pills you have,” Sehun says as he prepares to leave. “I’ll pick them up when they’re ready.”

“Sehun?”

The Tender stands up, as well, and watches the battle churn behind Sehun’s moonlighted eyes.

“I know, Tender.” He shakes the pills and leaves.

“Hello?”

“Chaeri!” Himchan nearly gasps. He’s been trying to call her for the last thirty minutes. It was difficult finding a signal in the area he’s in. He pauses from his jog and stretches his legs by the curb.

“What do you want?”

“Chaeri.” He wipes his brow. “First of all, sorry about last night. Again.”

“I already know you feel bad about it, Himchan. And I already told you. It’s fine. I’m okay.”

“No, it’s not okay,” Himchan argues, his breath already short from the running. “I’m a player, not a brute. You don’t deserve how I treated you. No woman does. All this time … I was wrong, with everyone. About everything.”

A car drives by, its wheels churning over the upturned gravel. Himchan lets the tiny pebbles attack his exposed knees.

“What do mean?”

“I need you to tell me how to stop this. I need to be human again.”