“paradise lost ”

∞

The sun was rising up, illuminating the sky in the color of pale orange, yellow and red. Flocks of birds chirped a sweet tune as they glided across the atmosphere with the help of the gentle breeze. Leaves dancing to the soft rhythm of the wind that blew. It was a nice day indeed.

How unfair, Jinyoung thought as he stared outside. An elbow perched on the sill of the window. Eyes flashed angrily as he pressed his lips into a tight line. How could they be so happy? He glared at the runners that passed through their neighbourhood, clearly chatting away happily as if nothing bad could go wrong such as one of them tripping over a rock, or worse, over air. The world doesn’t deserve to rejoice! He clenched his fist to his side. His hair fell over his face, shadowing the sore and hurting look in his eyes.

“Jinyoung?” a soft voice called out from behind him. He heard her quite clearly but made no move to indicate that he did.  “C’mon, you need to eat breakfast” she continued, watching her younger brother with sad eyes. Her lips quiver slightly as she heard no response from the man. “Please”

The man sighed quietly as he spotted his sister out of the corner of his eyes, standing few feet away from him, eyes clouded with worry. “I’m not hungry” he commented, not even bothering to look at her properly. “Eat without me”

“But Jinyoung!” she countered. “You need to have energy to be there!”

“I said I’m not hungry!” he said calmly but there was an edge in his voice. “What part of I’m not hungry do you not understand?” his glare towards the scenery outside intensified. He tried to make no signs of standing up, which he did just fine. When he heard soft footsteps retreating back to the dining, he released a shaky breath that he was keeping in. 

A tear drop from his eye as his gazed was focus solely onto the cheery blossom tree in the middle of the park.

∞

Seven year old Jinyoung was about to go home after spending some quality time by himself under the shade of the sakura tree when he noticed that his left wrist was suddenly light. The young boy blinked his eyes in confusion before staring at the said wrist. Fox-like eyes widened at the sight and lips pursed into a frown. I’m sure it was just there*, he thought as his orbs looked around the area. Maybe I left it beside the pond? He nodded to himself. That’s right. I should check it first over there.

He circled the pond for the tenth time and still, he found no signs of the said jewelry. Where could it be? He could feel his heart hammering wildly against his chest. He could not lose it, not now, not ever. He gritted his teeth together. Just where could it be? His eyes were frantically searching for the item in all the places that he had gone to this afternoon. He ran a hand through his hair as he heaved out a long sigh. There’s one more place and it’s my last hope.

He sprinted back towards the sakura tree with determination in his eyes. As he arrived at his destination, he furrowed his eyebrows up in confusion and knuckles clenched slightly as his sides in anger. A girl stood in front of the said tree with her back facing him. Normally, he could careless about it but in this case, his eyes narrowed into a glare. In her hands was the bracelet that he was looking for.

“GIVE IT BACK HERE!” he growled as he took a step closer in the direction of the other child. She turned around and blinked at him. “Eh? Why?” she asked innocently, head tilted slightly to the side.

If possible, Jinyoung’s anger flared. “CAUSE IT’S MINE!” he shouted at her, eyes blazing with fury. The girl held the item up above her head as he tried to take it away from him, which was quite unlikely in their situation. “Oh?” challenged the girl. “I don’t see your name on it”

His eyes twitched dangerously. The only thing preventing him from smacking the girl was his respect for the opposite gender-aside from their height differences, him being a good three inches shorter than she was. “You…You…You brat!” he snarled. “The J.J” he pointed at the said letters engraved onto the silver plaque on the bracelet, “stands for Jung Jinyoung” he ended. He expected the nameless child to understand but she just raised an elegant brow at him. He huffed in exasperation. “My name is Jung Jinyoung”

“Oh? Is that so?” she inquired smiling. The boy merely rolled his eyes at her in response and she handed the bracelet over. “There~”

“You know…” he started as clasped the bracelet tightly to his wrist. “…it isn’t nice to steal others things” he finished before glaring at the girl.

“I do know that” she grinned at him. “That’s why I returned the bracelet to you”

“As if. I know you were thinking of slipping it into your pockets if I hadn’t found you first”

“Huh?” she breathed out. “Why would I intend to keep something that isn’t mine?”

The boy just gave her a dark look. “I’m not in the mood to continue talking to a low-class person such as yourself”

Jinyoung then turned around on his heel and began to walk away, not heeding the calls of the girl.

∞

“Uncle?” a familiar timid voice snapped him out of his reverie. Jinyoung turned his head only to see his nephew shyly staring at him. His eyes softened as he gave him a weak smile. “Appa said that we will leave in an hour”

He stood up from his seat before ruffling the boy’s hair as he passed by him and told him that he will take a bath and fix himself up. The boy nodded then ran off but not before flashing his uncles a cute, shy smile. He combed his slightly dishevelled red locks. He sighed to himself softly as he made his way to his room. As soon as he locked the door, he stepped inside his bathroom and began discarding his clothing before taking a hot shower.

The hot droplets of water fell onto his skin accompanied the hot tears that streamed down his face. He hit the wall with his fist, not minding the fact that it hurt. Not caring that it may be numb from the constant smashing of it against the wall.

After all, no physical pain or wound could be compared to the painful throbbing inside his heart. Physical pain may pass and heal but the agony inside him cannot be cured, not now, not ever.

∞

He walked out of the bathroom and put on the clothes laid on top of his bed that he had prepared a few hours ago. He flopped into the chair in front of his desk before grabbing the picture into his hands. Eight teens stared back at him. Each of them was grinning from ear to ear as if they’ve just answered a million dollar worth question. Before he knew it, the waterworks started, obscuring the image from his eyes.

He could still remember the day when the picture was taken as if it was yesterday. The events were still clear in his mind. The laughter, the smiles, and even the teases that left their lips, they were all so vibrant. He could still recall how he had recovered from his first heartbreak.

How ironic, he thought softly. I always pushed you away and yet…you remained to be my friend.

∞

Fourteen year old Jinyoung slumped down into the bench despite the fact that it was him who’s celebrating the party. For now, he just wanted to be alone. He wanted to clear his mind. The breeze blew and messed up his already tousled brown hair.

‘I’m sorry…I…I don’t think this will work’**

The words that left just kept repeating in his mind. It was like it was stuck on replay. And each time he recalled what happened a few hours prior. The words struck him like lightning. It was like suddenly he couldn’t move. As if he was paralyzed. More over, his heart was shattered. He still couldn’t comprehend why, just why did she break it off with him? She said that she loved him and only him, no one else. But, she lied. All those were just lies.

“There you are~” an annoying voice exclaimed. Sure enough, he spotted a blob of black taking a seat beside him. “We were all worried you know” she softly whispered, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Why is she here again? He mentally complained. Oh, right. Her brother and noona are close friends, how unfortunate. He added as he frowned.

The boy swatted her hand away and grumbled, “Just leave me the hell alone!”

“Too bad~” she commented. The boy stared at his companion darkly. “Why can’t you take the hint!” he yelled. “I don’t need you! Or anyone else for that matter! SO LEAVE!”

The female casted her eyes downwards as she clutched her knees. “I…I just wanted to help you”

“Well then…” he snickered. “I don’t need your ing help. SO GET LOST!”

“Stop pretending” Jinyoung could feel his eyes widen in shock. There’s no way...no way in hell nor heaven will this girl ever understand his feelings nor can she see through him. That’s right. He reassured himself. “Stop putting the façade Jinyoung. It’s already broken”

“H-How?” he asked in disbelief. “How could you see through me so easily?”

The girl smiled at him softly. “Because I’m your friend Jinyoung”

“B-But...I…I always pushed you away!” he weakly said.

The ebony locked girl just laughed, her eyes dancing with amusement. “So? That doesn’t mean I can’t be your friend now does it?”  She once again grinned at him. “Besides…A lot had said that I have an eye for people” she ended with a wink.

Jinyoung incredulously gazed at the girl. For all the things that he said and did to her, she still considered him as her friend regardless of his constant unfriendly nature towards her. A small smile made its way up to his face. “She broke up with me”

“Pardon?” his companion blinked at his statement. He sighed as he stared at the twinkling stars. “I said, Yoonmi just broke up with me” as he finished, he couldn’t help but cry quietly.

“Oh? Did she say why?”

“She said: ‘I don’t think this will work’”

The brunette’s brows knitted up in confusion. “Just that?” He nodded slightly as she just hummed. “There’s more to it is there? I mean…They usually said it won’t work because…well…they have someone else” when she saw his crestfallen expression, her eyes widened. “Don’t tell me…”

“Yeah”

“Well…If that’s the case…It means that she isn’t the one for you Jinyoung” she stated, a knuckle place below her chin. He looked at her quizzically. He saw her lips quirked up into a smile. “Things happened for a reason Jinyoung. The moment you entered a relationship, you’re bound to experience hurt and suffering. One of these sufferings is…” she trailed off. Her face was void of the usual grin that he was accustomed to.

“Is what?” the birthday boy was intrigued with the sudden change of her aura.  Instead of her typical warm and gentle glow, it was now icy and acidic. “Are you okay?” he managed to choke out after a lot of debating with himself.

His companion blinked and just like that, her aura returned to what it normally was. “I’m fine” she grinned. “Now, now, before your party ends, you need to make an appearance” she took his hand in hers and began dragging him back inside.

“How did you know those things? Did you have a boyfriend beforehand?” he couldn’t help but ask. The ebony haired female chuckled at him. “Like I told you before, I have an eye for people”

“JINYOUNG~” five different voices chimed in unison as the duo entered the house. Said teens tackled him into a hug while the girl beside him laughed.

Jinyoung could feel that slowly, but surely, he knew he was starting to heal and all it took was happy-go-lucky brunette whom he initially thought was nothing but trouble. But now, he knew, she was a great friend and companion.

∞

A knock intercepted his thoughts. He put the frame down and wiped his face, making sure that there was no trace or sign that he cried. He stood up and took a pair of sunglasses from his drawer before slipping them on. Jinyoung stared at the picture next to the one he just put down and smiled slightly. He picked up the bouquet place beside it and with one final look, he left the room.

He arrived at the living wherein the rest of the family were gathered. They stood up once they spotted him and made their way outside the house. He followed them before getting inside his car. Minutes later, they arrived at their destination.

He parked his car and had gotten out before locking it. He walked up straight into the old-looking yet majestic structure. He isolated himself from the rest of people inside, opting to just stand in the corner. He watched as people rushed in and sat down on the chairs. He recognized most of them. His family sat down in the front. On their other side were the Park’s. Just behind his family, he could see his friends since primary school there. His past teachers and batch mates were also present.

As the ceremony started, he tuned it out. He leaned against the pillar as he placed his hands inside his pockets. His gaze wandered around, willing himself to stop crying. But he couldn’t. It was like his tears have their own mind and they just kept dropping.

The more he stared at the place, the more fond memories flashed through his mind. There were so many them made right there but only one stood out the most.

∞

 Seventeen year old Jinyoung fidgeted nervously as he sat down at the very back of the church. Today was the wedding day of his older brother and he was his best man. It was the first that he would be participating in the ceremony with a slightly more important role.

“Nervous?” he looked up and saw the familiar ebony hair that belonged to his best friend. Over the years, their relationship skyrocketed after what happened during his fourteenth birthday. The brunette took a seat next to him and poked his cheeks. “Never knew that the cool, collected Jung Jinyoung could be this jumpy~”

Seriously? He thought to himself. “You’re supposed to be making me feel better not make me more nervous!” he almost whined. The girl beside him just laughed. “Soojeon!”

“Fine, fine” she replied. “Don’t need to be so angry. Sheesh!”

He just sighed. The brunette rested her head against his shoulders. He stiffened up in the slightest, heart beating faster. You’re certainly making me more nervous Soojeon. He glanced at her and saw her straightened up in her seat. She turned to face him and gave him a very familiar smile. “You don’t need to be nervous Jinnie~” she put her hand on top of his making him look at her. “All you need to do is walk down the aisle and go to your seat.  Participate in the ceremony. After, you along with the maid-of-honor will be given sheets of paper wherein it will be signed by the principal sponsors. And that’s that”

He raised an eyebrow at her elegantly. “How did you know all of this? I’m sure you’ve never been the best man of a wedding”

“Remember what I told you years before?” he scrunched up his nose, rummaging through his memories but sighed in defeat. “No”

“I told you that I have an eye for people~” she winked. Jinyoung laughed softly. “You can always read right through me”

She stood up and he followed her right after. “C’mon, it’s your time Jinyoung”

“That it is” he sighed. “Thank you”

“You’re welcome” she grinned at him again. “Bye~” she pecked his cheek before running off at the front. She winked at him once more before snapping a picture.

Jinyoung looked away and saw his brother, mother and father looking at him with teasing smiles adorning their features. His brother patted his back as if congratulating him. “She’s a keeper”

That moment, he could feel his cheeks burning but he composed himself, keep a straight front. The master of the ceremony gestured that it was time and they took their positions. He took a deep breath and began walking, flashing a smile every now and then until he reached his seat.

He sighed to himself as he put a hand over his chest, feeling the beating of his heart went fast. It’s not possible? Right? He quickly buried the thought away in the back of his mind and instead, he focused on the ceremony.

∞

Jinyoung was snapped out of his trance when he saw Soojung, his cousin standing in front of platform. Tears were falling down her cheeks. “Soojeon…She was always a happy person. Always giving us advice each time we needed them” her voice cracked as she held back a sob that was to escape from her lips. “I remember the times when I asked her if she had experiences in the areas that she had given us guidance to and she will just smile at me and say, “I have an eye for people”” she weakly smiled and the rest of audience including himself, chuckled lowly. She always did say that particular line of hers. “And also…She was always there to make me happy, to make us happy, each time we’re down. She was like our very own happy machine, I guess it runs in their family” she commented which made the Park’s smile at her. “She was our ball of sunshine. Always so energetic and smiling even at the saddest times. When I questioned her about she just gave me a grin and said, “There is no use in grieving about the past when we can give our best in the present”. And just like that, everyone’s worries were hidden deep in the back of their minds” Jinyoung could feel himself smile along with their former classmates, batch mates and teachers.  “I can still recall the worst heartbreak and breakup that I had experience. I’m sure everyone else who came to her for advice will agree with me here” she paused silently as a new batch of tears flowed down her cheeks. “She told me that if he can’t understand me and trust me, it means he isn’t the one for me. She always said that there is someone out there, waiting for me. That all I have to is to open my eyes and I shall see. She left me confused back then and she made me even more perplexed when she added this: What once was lost will never return” Soojung took a deep breath and continued. “She always did have a knack for saying things cryptically but yet they were so literal. And I want to say that…To quote her, “I maybe thousands of miles away from you but I will always be in your heart” and just as that, I know that Soojeon will always be there for us, even if she’s now in a better place” she ended and bowed before walking back into her seat.

The ceremony moved on and after a while, everyone else had already gone to the churchyard. He just stood there, watching as the crowd dispersed outside. He sighed but then blinked when he felt someone tugging his pants. He looked down and saw a child, no older than five, staring at him with a smile. “Hyung~”

“Hello Jeongsoo…Why aren’t you with Chunyeol-hyung and Saeyeon-noona?” he asked bending down on the level of the child. He just tilted his head cutely to the side and pouted. “I want to be with Jinyoung-hyung~” he cried out, stretching his arms, gesturing for him to pick him up. Jinyoung let out a soft laugh and lift him up to his arms. “Would like to stay with me first? Before we go to the cemetery?”

“Neh~”

Jinyoung smiled at the boy in his arms as he made his way back to his car. He carefully transferred the bouquet of flowers to the back of the car before he settled down the boy onto the passenger seat. He closed the door before walking around the front of the car to slide down at the driver’s seat. He smiled at the boy who yawned and tried to keep his eyes open. “If you’re tired, you can sleep for a while. I’ll wake you up when we arrived there okay?”

“O…kay…hyung” Jeongsoo said before drifting off to sleep.

Jinyoung chuckled to himself. Ruffling the boy’s ebony locks he let out grin. He could remember the time when Jeongsoo was born.

∞

“JINYOUNG! WAKE UP!” he groaned as he pulled his blanket further to cover his head. “JUNG JINYOUNG! WAKE UP NOW!”

Jinyoung grunted as he sat up on his bed, rubbing his eyes. “You’re lucky that I’m still half asleep or else I’ll---”

“You’ll what hmm?” he blinked so that his sight could adjust into the brightness of the room. “Soojeon?” he asked once he spotted the familiar black hair. “What are you doing here at…Two in the morning?”

She sighed. “My mother is in labor”

“Eh?” he asked, shocked. Considering that he was only older by a month that his best friend and now its January, meaning both of them currently eighteen years old.

Soojeon chuckled. “I know right? Well, you need to accompany me towards the hospital, so come on!” she pulled him up with much force that Jinyoung didn’t know that this girl has.

“Umm…will you let me change first?” he asked quickly and the brunette smiled before stepping out of the room. Jinyoung hastily changed into a pair of shorts and shirt before going out of the room. “Shall we?” he offered a hand to which she took with a grin. “We shall”

After ten minutes they arrived at their destination and he just followed the lead of the (almost) bouncing female. She stopped in front of the room ‘439’ and barged in without a warning. Sighing, the male just went inside. He grinned as Soojeon took the bundle from her mother whom smiled at her. “Soojeon…You name him okay? And I’ll just go to sleep” she said before closing her eyes.

“Okay~” she sang out before sitting down next to Jinyoung. “Look at him, he’s so cute” she commented, beaming at him.

“That he is” he stated. “You know, he looks a lot like you. Well, maybe aside from his eye color?”

Soojeon blinked before grinning hugely. “His name shall be Jeongsoo! Park Jeongsoo” she exclaimed in excitement. The baby’s eyes were fluttering open and before they knew it, a pair of aquamarine orbs was staring at them in curiosity.

“He has your eye color too” he murmured in amazement. The girl beside him laughed softly making him stare at her. “We could always tell them that he’s ours” she stated. If it wasn’t for the mischievous twinkle in her eyes, he might mistake it that she’s serious. “Whatever you say Soojeon”

“Be prepared then Jinyoung” she smiled at him, voice laced with utmost mischief.

And she did claim that young Jeongsoo was their child in front of their friends. Creating uproar that went on for months. Only to be stopped by the death of Mr. and Mrs. Park, to which the truth was enlightened.

∞

Jinyoung smiled slightly at the memory. He parked the car right next to the familiar black car that belongs to his brother. He shook the boy’s shoulder but he just mumbled something along the lines of ‘five more minutes noona’ to which he chuckled softly.

Grabbing the bouquet of flowers from the backseat, he stepped out of the car before heading towards the door of the passenger’s seat and opening it. He undid his seatbelt before picking the child up. Jeongsoo held tightly onto his shirt as he snuggled to him.

Jinyoung travelled towards the site where she would be buried and couldn’t help but sigh. It took him about ten minutes before reaching the said place. He blinked slightly as he saw that only him, Jeongsoo, the Park’s, his family, and his cousin were present. All of them were crying or at least the women were while the men comforted them. He slightly adjusted the boy in his arms before throwing the bouquet onto the hole and sighing once more.

“Jinyoung” the redhead turned around to be met by Chunyeol whom has a small smile on his lips. “Soojeon wanted you to have this” he passed him an envelope. Jinyoung nodded. “Thank you hyung”

He just smiled at him. He asked if he wanted to adopt Jeongsoo as Soojeon requested that either the young boy will be in his care or with Saeyeon or himself. Jinyoung glanced at the sleeping form on the child in his arms and nodded. Chunyeol patted his back and thanked him.

“You haven’t told her, have you?” a voice asked as he craned his neck to the side, only to see his cousin. Soojung has her arms crossed over her chest. “Well?”

Her cousin looked away, a faint blush dusting his cheeks. “I haven’t yet nor will I have the chance to do so” he sighed.

“So I guess the whole ‘what was once lost will never return’ speech of hers is applicable to both you as well” she shook her head. “How come she’s great at giving advises to others yet she can’t give herself one still remains a mystery to me”

“Jinyoung” he saw the Park’s smiling at him and Jeongsoo whom was still snoring away. “We’ll heading out first” he nodded and watched as they disappeared from his view. Soon after, his own family bid them farewell. Now, it was only him, Jeongsoo and Soojung.

“Adonis, Asphodels, Amaranthus, Forget-Me-Nots, Honey Flowers and Motherworts eh?” she asked. Jinyoung nodded as they just stood there. “Very appropriate for your situation” she commented. “Well, I’ll be off now as well. Take care of yourself and Jeongsoo too okay?”

He observed her as she headed out leaving them there. When he was sure that she’s long gone, he let his tears fall. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. I’m sorry for denying what I felt for you. I’m sorry for being angry at you when you were only trying to have fun. I’m so sorry Soojeon. I’m so sorry that I didn’t have the courage to say that…I love you so much” he ended faintly. Tears cascading down his cheeks seemed never ending.

“Hyung?” a drowsy Jeongsoo stared at him. “Are you okay?” he asked, concern coloring his voice.

Jinyoung smiled at him. “I’m fine Jeongsoo. Would you like to be my son?”

“Son?” he tilted his head cutely, his forming into an adorable pout before beaming at him. “Of course~” Jinyoung ruffled his hair affectionately getting a whine from the child. “Soojeon-noona always said that she will adopt me once she found herself a boyfriend” his lips quivered as a sob escaped from him. “Hyung…I miss noona”

“I do too” he patted his back comfortingly. “Let’s go home neh?”

The child just nodded and with one last glance, he made his way back to his car.

∞

After tucking Jeongsoo in his new bed, Jinyoung kissed his forehead before shutting the door behind him softly. The redhead went back to his room and began cleaning up. He changed into a fresh set of clothes then sat down on his bed. He grabbed the envelope that was handed to him by Chunyeol before hand. After finding a comfortable position, he ripped the envelope open and took out the piece of paper inside.

Dear Jinyoung,

                                Hey! If you’re reading this, it means I’m in coma, I’m dead or probably I’ m already six foot under. Anyways, I want to say sorry. Yes, Jinyoung, I want to apologize. But, I think it’s too late. No matter, what matters is that, someway somehow I managed to ask for forgiveness although I’m not quite sure if you’ll forgive.  Oh well~ Here goes nothing. Je t'aime mon prince. I won’t tell you what that phrase means, find out for yourself! :-P

                                By the way, if you decided to take care of my dear beloved angel, thank you. Make sure he’s happy and safe or else! (Not that I can do anything but still! My threat is still effective!)

                                And if you don’t, well, that’s fine. Please do remember to take care of yourself since well, your coolest and most amazing best friend is not around anymore. But don’t fret! My darling little angel can be both your best friend and your son (if you adopted him)!

                                Hm…Remember when I used to tell you that I have an eye for people? If you do, then that’s good. If you don’t, well, let’s say I’ll take my revenge and throw you down there where the sun rays can be compared to the arctic region. That aside, I have some interesting facts that may be useful for you. All you need to do is to well ask for my laptop from Chunyeol-oppa.

                                Well, I guess that’s that.

                                Oh and keep these words in my mind: What was once lost will never return! Find the meaning behind them you’ll regret nothing ;)

Your awesome best friend,
Park Soojeon ♥

Jinyoung’s tears flowed down his cheeks with bittersweet smile lingering on his lips for a while.  He put down the letter and wiped his face, making sure there were no traces of crying can be found. He glanced at the clock placed on his table and sighed. It was still too early for him to go asleep. He stood up and put a jacket over his body as he walked out of the room. The redhead checked up on the little brunette for and when he was sure that he was sound asleep, he continued on his way towards the home of the eldest Park, Chunyeol.

It took about twenty minutes before he had arrived at his place. He rang the doorbell twice but there was still no one opening the gate for him. He was about to press it again when he heard the familiar sounds of metal scrapping against the ground. Blinking he saw the man he was looking for with a playful smirk etched on his face. “Here” he passed a red bag to him. Laughing silently at the redhead’s confusion, he continued smirking. “I know that you’ll be coming for mia cara sorellina’s laptop after reading the letter”

“Thanks hyung” he smiled slightly. The blonde ruffled his hair before bidding farewell, closing the gate as he did so. Jinyoung stood there for a minute before making his way back home. After closing the door behind him, he went to his room. Setting down the bag on his desk, he removed his jacket. He laid down on his bed, pulling the covers up to his chest. A yawn escaped from his lips and before he knew it, he’s already asleep.

∞

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days and the days passed by swiftly like the breeze. Before he even knew it, a year had already gone. The redhead smiled slightly as he dropped Jeongsoo off to his school. He leaned against his car, watching the brunette went inside the building safely before going on his way towards work.

His footsteps echoed through the somewhat deserted hallway. Humming a tune to ease up his boredom, his eyes scanned the cream colored walls as he walked down on the familiar mahogany doors. He shut the door behind him and took his seat behind the desk. He sighed softly as he twirled a pen in between his fingers expertly, eyeing the mountains of paperwork placed on the table. The redhead grumbled under his breath but nonetheless continued in signing the papers.

Hours passed and finally, Jinyoung could breathe yet again. He flapped his dominant hand for while, trying to ease its numbness. Who would have thought that finishing some stacks of paperwork can lead into having your hand frozen? Well, now he certainly knew. If it only wasn’t for the fact that this day was very important to him, he wouldn’t even think about doing that. The male stood from his seat, grabbed his keys, locked the door and left.

He kneeled down on with one knee as he gently put down the bouquet of Asphodels on the ground. He smiled slightly as he eyed the gravestone. The words, ‘Here lies Park Soojeon, the girl who brought sunshine to everyone who she came across to, a loving friend and classmate, a caring sister and beloved daughter. December 27, 1991- May 20, 2012’ were engraved onto the stone. He softly her carved name with a tender smile gracing his features.

“Hey Soojeon…” he whispered. “It’s been a while hasn’t it? I’m sorry if I haven’t visited you these past few weeks. Things were…chaotic” he let out a chuckle. “Your sister had gone crazy for all the wedding preparations of Chunyeol-hyung. I must say though, she did a brilliant job” he smiled slightly. “It was romantic. And everyone was happy for them. Although…” he paused for a while, sighing. “I wish you were there. I could just imagine you beaming at everyone all the while teasing your brother. Oh how I missed you so much Soojeon” he murmured quietly. A tear escaped from his eye followed by another.

Jinyoung sat down onto the grass as he sobbed quietly. The redhead ignored the fact that it was getting dark faster than usual. The clouds turned dark gray, hiding the sun from behind. He once more touched her name lightly as the raindrops pelted down onto the ground. Yet, he disregarded them. The tears in his eyes fell down faster accompanied by the rain. His mouth twitched upwards into a bittersweet smile. Being wet didn’t matter to him nor was getting sick. Nothing mattered to him, not now. All he wanted to do was to stay there, spend time with her, especially since it’s her anniversary. Death anniversary.

The male traced the carved name into the marble stone, eyes closed. He could see an ebony locked female with innocent-like aquamarine eyes looking at him with a smile that always lightened up his world. Her lips moved to say something but no sound came out. Then, her face twisted into the look of horror. Not a second later, he could see her body against the floor, a pool of blood surrounding her. She whispered something that he couldn’t quite grasp before her eyes closed. For eternity.

Jinyoung stood up and with one last pat on the tombstone; he made his way to pick Jeongsoo up before going back home. He could still hear her voice ringing in his ears: What was once lost will never return. Like a broken record, it was repeated over and over and over again.  She was right, he thought to himself. She will never back. No matter how hard I try. No matter what I do. He stopped the car in front of his house and went in with the young brunette trailing behind him. He prepared them some food and after cleaning up, he tucked the boy in his bed after he washed his body and changed. He brushed the black hair out of his face before planting a kiss on his forehead. “Goodnight Jeongsoo. Sweet dreams”

He closed the door silently and headed towards his room. He did his nightly routine before resting in his bed. He closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep. But his efforts were futile. He put his arms behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling. A sigh escaped from his mouth as he stared over at the clock on his desk. It was still too early but he feels tired already yet he couldn’t sleep. What was wrong with him? He knew the answer. And even if it hurts to admit it, he knew. The love of his life will never come back. He’s perfectly aware that no one, absolutely no one, could take him to paradise.

The seventh heaven that I’ve been seeking for ever since I’m old enough to know these things had vanished. A yawn left his lips as his eyes closed on its own. The paradise, the one that I thought that I’ll be sharing with you…was gone. A tear fell down his cheek. Safe to say…it’s a paradise lost within the illusion of forever.

*-The italicized bold words, phrases or sentences denote the thoughts during the flashbacks.
**-The italicized bold phrase, sentence enclosed by a single quotation mark refers to a flashback within a flashback or a recollection of what had happened.

Sakura tree – when translated it means Cherry Blossom tree.
Adonis flowers (or Pheasant’s Eye) – means Sorrowful Remembrance
Asphodel flowers – means My regrets follow you to the grave
Amaranthus flowers – means Love lies bleeding or hopeless, heartless
Forget-Me-Not flowers – means True love
Honey Flower (Melianthus) – means Love sweet and secret
Motherwort flowers – means Concealed love
Je t’aime mon prince – means I love you my prince (French)
Mia cara sorellina – means my dear little sister (Italian)

“What was once lost will never return”
                                                                -> This particular phrase was said by Ciel Phantomhive of Black Butler, during one of his ‘board games’ with a client or something like that.

“I have an eye for people”
                                                -> This phrase was inspired from one of my favorite Prince of Tennis stories. Mostly because of Rika’s and Niou’s perceptive ability.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading this one despite of its length. Hehe.
Before I made this oneshot, I’ve been contemplating between eight story ideas, all of whom were very appealing to me and inspired by many things that I love. Some from other stories that I’ve read, others from anime, songs and so on. But in the end I’ve decided to pursue this one. I wanted to go into a different approach and my friends told me that tragedy was the best one. My friends helped me out to relieve my stress because of my nervousness. And I’m just glad that it turned out great than I initially thought.
I’ll stop my rambling now and go on.

Thank you for reading and stopping by.

P.S. I just love making any male character in my story emotional or cry. Hihi ^^
Oh and Jung Soojung that was mentioned in the story is f(x)’s Krystal.
And I just loved Jinyoung’s red hair so I made him a redhead in most part of the story.

Oh and by the way, the title of this oneshot, Paradise Lost, was inspired by the book written by Ben Johnson. And no, the content of the said book has nothing to do with the title (or does it?) since I haven’t read the book at all. I just thought that it might fit with this. Thank goodness that I actually listened to class XD

With love,
Yannie