Username: AiStudio

Main Characters: Amber and Suzy

Song: Song Ji Eun ft. Bang Yongguk - Going Crazy

Author's Note: Heyyy readers! It's been a while, hasn't it? :/ I'm extremely sorry for that. You see, I was planning on writing all of the fics that I need to catch up on. And truthfully, I've had a handful already written, but then I got stuck. And since I got stuck, I decided to write other fics in the meantime. And before I knew it, a year passed. :/ I'm extremely sorry. I'm such a bad author to you guys T^T And for those who unsubscribed or not interested anymore, I understand! I really do! 

To AiStudio, I'm really sorry for taking so long to post this. I really wanted to post it right away. But I was really nervous to post something in case others requested stories. But I guess I'll get over that worry because I need to post it for your sake. ^^; Anyways, I hope you enjoy this. I hope it fits what you were looking for (if you remember what you were looking for that is haha). And if you want to request something else, please do! (I don't know if you would have to wait another year and a half for it though...:/ )

Part I

                I always believed that nothing could be worse than that feeling you get when you enter a new school. Nothing could be worse than your stomach twisting into hundreds of knots as you walk up to the imposing building. This gloomy place will be one that will become your prison for the next few years. It will be the prison that you will have to grow accustomed to despite your unwillingness to comply. Unfamiliar faces will become the ones you see and rely on the most. Meanwhile, the authorities that reside in such a building will become the ones who will request things of you that you will have to give in without restraint. There might even be the possibility of growing to love this place.

                But that won’t happen right away. Instead, you will have to clench your fists, grit your teeth, and push through the awkwardness of those first few weeks. You will have to ignore that biting feeling of being left out when old friends joke around with each other, leaving everyone out of their own little world. All that you do is a matter of pushing past that disgusting fear formed at the base of your gut in order to make the next few years bearable.

                “Is the seat beside you taken?” a girl’s voice awkwardly sounded to my right.

                Intrigued to see who dared to become my seat-mate, I turned my attention on the girl. As I took in the girl’s appearance, all I could think of was that she was probably the prettiest girl in the class. Her long, glossy black hair was pulled back by two pink barrettes and her shining black eyes were glued to mine. While she waited, I could see that her school bag was slowly slipping from her thin shoulders as she tried to ease her way to the empty seat beside me. When I made no gesture to reject, the girl’s shining eyes curved up into two perfect crescents as a smile formed on her lips.

                It was probably the way she smiled that made me bite my tongue and silently accept. I was a long way from home—or that’s what I believed at the time. I had arrived in Korea from the US not even a month ago, so I was nervous. I was nervous that everyone would that everyone would see how different I was and exclude me. Just the thought of that scared me to the point where I rigidly sat at my new desk with my hands clenched into tight fists. And it was this one girl who made it easier to control that fear. Yet I still wondered why she was sitting next to a stranger.

                “Thank you, I was worried that I was going to be forced to sit next to someone that dislikes me,” the girl sighed in relief, letting her bag crash to the floor. Quietly, I nodded in response. This time, I wondered why she would be disliked by others. Was she not-so-nice after all? “Ah, I’m Suzy. Please take care of me this year,” she finally announced with a bow.

                “I’m Amber, nice to meet you,” I softly greeted.

                “Amber?” she scoffed, catching me off-guard. “Wait, you’re a girl?” she blurted after thinking for a second. Eyes widening, I glanced around the room as people stared our way and whispered amongst themselves. Almost immediately, Suzy sat in the seat that was now hers.

                Leaning close, she looked around before whispering, “I thought you were a boy”.  And that was how our fated high school years together had started.

Part II

                Moments like the time when we first met turned into merely memories that made up our freshman year as it came to a close. Despite the awkward beginning the two of us had, Suzy and I grew to trust and rely on each other. No matter what it was, we were there for one another.

                Suzy was the model student. A beautiful face, diligently studies, accepts everything stated by those who have authority, everything about her was perfection. Perfection I was not. I was athletic, easy going, sometimes resisted against the authorities, and spent most of my time composing songs. However, our specialties happened to appeal to certain groups within our school. And before we knew it, our classmates swarmed around us.

                “Did you see that kick I did today? It was the best! The winning kick! It was the one that proved that our class will be dominating everyone else this year!” I breathed in excitement as I ran around the darkened playground to re-enact everything for my friend who sat on the swing. When I noticed that she wasn’t even paying attention and was actually staring at the ground, I stopped. “Suzy?” Blinking, the girl’s eyes returned to mine. “You didn’t hear me did you?” I whispered in disappointment.

                “I did! You were talking about the soccer match!”

                “And that’s all you heard?”

                “Yes…wasn’t that all of it?”

“I mentioned Henry too…” I pouted.

“Huh? Did you?” Her eyes grew wide with shame.

              “No,” I smiled, “but he was totally blown away by my skills. They’ve improved since our last match, don’t you think?” I glanced over at my friend once more only to take note of the sour look distorting her beautiful features. Heaving a sigh, I threw myself into the swing beside her. “Okay, I haven’t improved at all.”

                “No, you have…” she sighed. Truthfully, I knew that wasn’t the case.

For the past few days, there were moments when I took note of a look plastered across her face—identical to the one she wore now. Although I was mainly curious to know what was bugging her, a part of me declared that I shouldn’t ask. Puffing my cheeks out in frustration, I pushed myself back and forth on my swing. When the silence began to stretch on, Suzy unexpectedly shot up from her swing. Confused, I blinked up at her.

“I should get home. I should have been studying by now.” However, the weird glint in her eyes declared that she wasn’t thinking about studying. By now, I had experienced multiple times already that she used studying as an excuse. It wasn’t until recent that she started to use that excuse towards me.

                “There’s not a major test coming up…” I mumbled to myself, my heart twisting as the possibility of her excuses were a way to avoid me entered my mind. Did she not like me anymore? Was it my poor Korean skills? That I wasn’t smart enough? My boyish looks? Either way, her unwillingness to stick around made me shiver with loneliness.

For about a minute or two, Suzy stood still, assessing what I had just said. When I thought that she was going to leave, she turned and simply stared at me. Pressing her lips together, she locked her gaze with mine.

                “You know what? You’re right, there aren’t,” she finally retorted. “Actually, I have something I want to tell you that has been on my chest for a while now.”

                “Oh…” Dread filled me as I wondered what she could possibly have to say to me. A million possibilities crashed into my head. A million possibilities and not one was the truth.

                “Amber,” she started. “I…” Hesitantly, my friend broke eye contact in order to look at her feet. “I like you!” Such words were declared with such fervor that I had to grip the swing in order to not fall out. “Even though you told me that you’re a girl, and it should be obvious, I can’t think of you in that way. You wear boy’s clothes, you rarely ever wear make-up, and you don’t do a single thing a girl would. Because of this, I’ve recently forgotten that you’re a girl. To me, you’re like a boy…a boy I’ve fallen for.”

                “But…I’m a girl…” My words came out barely above a whisper. Everything about me felt frozen and I was shocked that I was able to speak at all. It felt like all of the blood in my veins shriveled up and left me empty.

Sure, I was made fun of about my looks when I was little, but that was in the past. Most overlooked my boyish tendencies. I had even forgotten that I was that different. I was finally at a point where I was comfortable about myself. And I had unconsciously trusted that Suzy didn’t have a problem with it. I thought she understood how comfortable it was for me to be this way. It was a style that exemplified who I was as a person.

                Personally, I thought she knew and cared for me as a friend. But she didn’t. Somehow, she had made a major mistake of confusing me with something I wasn’t. This knowledge hurt me more than anything I had experienced in the past. It hurt more than the weird looks given by strangers; more than trying to put a bow I hated in my hair in elementary school in order to be free from teasing; more than the sneering words given by others in my class. Maybe it would have been different if she confessed her love for me as a girl who had fallen for another girl, but she didn’t. She thought I was a different gender. And her view made it feel like my world of happiness and acceptance had erupted into devastating flames. Flames that could never be tamed.

               “I’m a girl, Suzy! A GIRL! I will never be a boy, ever!” I snapped. With that, I pushed off of my swing and stormed off. When I got far enough away, tears swelled in my eyes and continued to build until they fell down my cheeks as I numbly walked home.

Part III

                I won’t deny that it was tough. Moving on, finding new friends, and focusing on other things in my life were all extremely tough. But I managed. And I fell into my own group of friends. Friends who accepted me for who I am. Friends who made me realize that one person’s views—no matter how close—shouldn’t be the one to ruin what I thought of myself.

                A month or so after the whole painful experience, a transfer student from the US entered the class below me. Through reminiscing over the fact that we were both outsiders, we grew close. Not only did I grow close to her, but there was another girl in the lower class that hung out with the two of us, I became better friends with Henry, and a girl who happened to stick on her own appeared in my class. They all eased the pain that swelled within my heart. And before I knew it, I forgot. The memory was pushed to the back of my mind.

                “Unni~” a high-pitched voice yelled across the school yard. I barely glanced up to see a girl rushing my way, a smile stretched across her face. “I did it! I got the lead in the musical!” she exclaimed. “I’m the best, right?” she asked in English, too excited to care about the difference between the languages.

                “You’re awesome!” I concluded, watching as my friend beamed even brighter.

                “And you’ll come to see it, right? I mean, even Luna is in it! You absolutely have to come. Okay?” I tried to refrain from laughing as I nodded in earnest. “Score!”

                As she settled into a contained excitement, a ball flew through the air and whizzed past the side of her head toward my face. A second before it made impact, my hands managed to grasp onto it. Glancing in the direction it came from, my eyes linked with the perpetrator. Henry.

                “Come on, we’re waiting for you!” he called before turning on his heel and jogging off. Scowling, Krystal yanked the ball from my hands.

                “You don’t have to play today. You always leave me to go play!”

                “Sulli and I made a bet with him. So of course I have to play.” With that, I took the ball back, got up, and jogged towards the soccer field that lay on the other side of the school. At the field, a crowd had already gathered off to the side in order to watch the miniature match. Waiting on the field were Sulli, Henry, and Minho. I huffed in disbelief as to who Henry actually recruited. Everyone declared that he was one of the most difficult opponents to compete against. All I knew, though, was that he didn’t take sports lightly.

               “Finally,” Sulli breathed in relief as I strutted up to them. Mouthing an apology, I shoved the soccer ball Henry’s way.

                “Ready?”

                “More than ever.” At that, he snatched it away and threw it in the air.

Without a second thought, our game took off with Minho snatching the ball from Sulli’s feet. But it wasn’t long until I had the ball and I somehow got a lead towards the goal. Minho was nearing and all I had to do was kick straight past the recruited goalie. All I needed to do was make one final kick, but something compelled me to glance up.

A few yards past the goal was where she stood, watching. Her beautiful dark eyes locked with mine. Slowly, a smirk stretched across her face, freezing my entire body. And it was that slight distraction that gave Minho enough time to catch up and take the opportunity to kick it to the goal. With a mixture of excited and disappointed shouts, it was obvious that the boys had won. Pulling myself out of it, I turned to Sulli who was sulking while Henry stared at me as if he knew what happened. Heaving a sigh, I walked up to him.

                “Good game.”

                “Yeah. Sure.” He frowned. “It would have been yours if…”

                “But it wasn’t and it’s fine,” I smiled to reassure not only him but myself. Nevertheless, it wasn’t the only time I caught her staring.

One time, I was out shopping with my little group of friends. Luna was in the middle of a hilarious story when my gaze happened to link with Suzy’s across the street. She was standing beside a lamp post that was big enough to hide her if she wanted. But it didn’t seem like she was there for cover. She seemed as if she wanted to be noticed while she stared my way as if she had been watching for a while. Stopping in my tracks, I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the stare down. Instead, I was stuck as goose bumps began to form.

                “Ew, what is she staring at?” Krystal sniffed, catching up to stand beside me. Finally able to tear my gaze away, I glanced at my friend to see her looking at Suzy with her nose scrunched up.

                “Isn’t she—” Sulli started only to be cut off as Luna jabbed her in the side.

                “Let’s go,” I sighed. Beside me, Krystal rolled her shoulders and continued on and Luna quickly went back to her story.

                Another time, I was cooped up at my house with a pile of homework and study guides. I was stressed by the endless amount of things to focus on and I was unable to understand a certain concept. Frustrated, I ruffled my short hair and looked out the window. Beneath the nearest streetlight was where she stood, gazing up at the window. Although it was quite the distance, it felt like she was actually able to see me. Shocked, I fell out of my seat and crashed onto the floor. At once, I moved to shut the curtain. As quickly as I could, I gathered my work and moved to a different area of the apartment. But the moment I began to focus once more, my phone trilled with an incoming call. I was so lost in random mathematical concepts that I didn’t even look at the number as I accepted the call.

                “Hello?”

                “…Hi, Amber…” a familiar voice greeted. A voice that I hadn’t heard on the phone in a very long time.

                “How…How did you get this number?” I demanded while my heart pounded. All I received was a snicker and the sound of the line being disconnected.

Shuddering, I looked at the screen for a second before setting it aside. I didn’t even get a chance to breathe before the doorbell rang throughout the place. Nearly jumping out of my skin, I sat for a moment until I reluctantly decided to get up and inch toward the door. Thinking that it could have been my parents who had gone out for the night, I peered at the monitor on the wall. However, no one was there. That is, until Henry’s face popped up in front of it. Falling back, I landed on the floor with a thud. At once, my friend decided to put in the code that only he was allowed to know.

                “Jerk,” I whispered. I then picked myself up and shuffled back to my homework.

                “What happened?” he questioned when he realized that my stuff was not in the normal space.

                “Let’s just study, okay?”

                “Tell me first.” And he continued to insist until I explained everything. Grimly, he declared that he would do his best to protect me. And so he did. Everywhere I went, he did too.

But it didn’t fix matters. It actually worsened them. Calls became frequent, disturbing letters were thrown my way, and rumors appeared out of nowhere. All of the sudden, the wide and open school full of acquaintances became limited to my close-knit group of friends. No one wanted to be seen with a girl who wanted to be in a relationship with other girls. With a girl who looked boyish because she wanted to become a boy.

                “Yah! Where do you think you’re going?” a group of girls shouted as I headed towards the bathroom. Beside them stood Suzy who was wearing the most despicable look I had ever seen. At that moment, the suspicion of who started the rumor became a reality. “I thought you wanted to be a boy!” the leader snorted.

                “You shouldn’t be using the women’s bathroom. Just join the men and go where they go!” As usual, I ignored them and entered the girl’s bathroom.

                “Yah! You’re not listening, are you?” the girls yelled, following me into the room. Slamming the door in their faces, I locked it and took a few deep breaths. Although I decided to stay inside for a long time, the girls continued to wait. After a while, they started to pound, declaring that I should come out and face them.

                “Yah! What are you doing?” Krystal’s shrill voice broke through the girls’ voices. I should have been brave enough to face them. But with a group, I would have been at a loss. I couldn’t risk giving them an opportunity to physically harm me. Not when my heart was already in such a state. “Amber, it’s clear. The teacher is dealing with them, so you can come out,” my friend announced as the sound of heavy footsteps and grumbling dispersed. “Actually, Henry is looking for you.”

Taking a deep breath, I slowly opened the stall and stepped out. Before I could do anything else, her hand latched around my wrist and she tugged me out. When I realized where we were headed, I dug my heels into the ground in order to stop her.

                “Are you crazy? I can’t go into the schoolyard!”

                “But you can!” With that, she forcefully pulled me the entire way only to let go when we reached our destination. Upon my arrival, those sitting in the area turned their gaze upon me. Girls began to whisper while guys warily stared my way. In the middle of the schoolyard, Henry stood with a bright and welcoming smile. His childish features were lit up with such unexplainable happiness. All I could think of while I clenched my fists and closed the distance between us was how stupid he was.

                “I have an idea.”

                “People are staring,” I whispered.

                “That kind of goes along with my plan.”

                “And what is this plan?”

                “Kiss me,” he demanded.

                “What?”

                “Kiss. Me.”

                “Why?”

                “Why not?” he shrugged.

                “I ca—”

                “We both know that we like each other, so kiss me or else I will ruin the plan and do it myself.” Eyes widening, it finally settled in on me what he was targeting with such a plan. Before anything else, I awkwardly leaned forward and pecked him on the lips. Across the yard, people gasped and whispers erupted. When I pulled away, Henry laughed and leaned forward to place a true kiss on my lips. More gasps chorused and Krystal began to cheer. Unconsciously, a blush crept across my cheeks and a smile formed on my lips. To my left, Suzy stood glaring.

Because of such and outward gesture, the rumors slowly ceased to exist. People were still wary, but they stopped talking about it. And it was a while until I saw Suzy again. On my way home, I rounded the corner and nearly crashed into her. Without a word, the girl held out a box tied up with a bow.

“If you want me to see you as a girl and stop loving you, then dress like one,” she awkwardly whispered, not daring to look at me in the eye.

                “If you truly loved me, you wouldn’t have acted the way you did. Following me around, telling others horrible lies, saying words like this? None of this is love. I can’t change who I am, Suzy. All you are is obsessed with this imagination of what you think I should be. What you think my appearance says about me. That’s some strange obsession that I can’t fix. So, no, I won’t dress like a girl. Not for you, not for Henry, not for anyone. So you can keep your gift, because I won’t accept it.”

                “But it’s our 1,000^th day together…”

                “Our 1,000^th day? Together? We may have met 1,000 days ago, but that doesn’t mean anything. In order to celebrate such a day, you have to understand, talk, listen, and actually care for each other. But when have you understood me? When have you truly listened to what I’ve said? There is no reason to celebrate. There is no reason to give or accept gifts. Thank you for the memories, but I don’t want to be something to obsess over anymore. It’s frightening and I just want to be happy. So, goodbye Suzy. I hope life treats you well.” Upon saying such words, I walked off without looking back. Without knowing what the girl would choose in the future. The moment she destroyed our friendship was the moment she and I became strangers. Sadly, she would forever be a stranger that would never mean a single thing to me anymore.