In all of Yu Jimin’s life, there wasn’t a moment she recalled she had loved anyone more than her parents, her grandma, her sister, or her high school friends.

By the time she finished high school, there came a big change where she would no longer be just Yu Jimin anymore, she would be Yu Jimin and Karina Yu. It was foreign to her— almost because what did Karina mean? Who was she meant to be in such a short time? Was it short? She trained for years alongside another trainee, Ning Yizhuo— who trained years longer than her. It was weird almost. Spending so much time with a single person reaching for a common goal— a common dream and all. Knowing Ning Yizhuo for years meant something for her, but it did not warrant her to love the younger woman more than her parents, her grandma, her sister, or her high school friends, but she was there in the list of who she loved, but she just did not feel the need or want to love Yizhuo more than those in her life.

Coming forth, the third year that she was still a trainee, there was a quiet trepidation that tickled the nape of Jimin’s neck and made Yizhuo’s stomach wring itself tightly until she could not eat or speak a word of it. They were still young— well maybe Yizhuo was still younger by a short margin, which only made Jimin’s worries heavier on her shoulders because she was twenty already, which wasn’t the usual age for an idol to debut, but sweet Ning Yizhuo was still eighteen, the perfect age— Jimin supposes.

Trainees began to pack up in the shared dorms and left, and the sliver of hope began to diminish in Yizhuo’s childlike eyes, and Jimin? The hope in Jimin’s eyes left some time ago, taking a bit of her smile away too. It was hard, if Jimin was being honest. There wasn’t such luxury, it was pure hard work and there were let downs, after let downs, so forgive Jimin if she began to lose hope, but she wouldn’t leave Yizhuo— no. Not after the moments they’ve shared on quiet days.

Quiet days that began to cease to exist after a day Jimin would call the most special in her life. A day she would remember for the rest of her life because she met Kim Minjeong from Busan, who was shy of her satoori or who wasn’t so sure about Jimin’s watchful eyes. You’ll have to forgive Jimin for that too because she didn’t mean to stare so hard when Minjeong and Aeri entered the room and bowed deeply to the remaining trainees. 

There was no instant spark, no small gasp, and no immediate interest, except for the curiosity of two new trainees in an unforgiving company with trainees barely enough to form one whole group, so Jimin had doubts, many doubts.

And the doubts diminished in more ways than one because Minjeong always smiled brightly, stood tall even if she wasn’t, and held a voice within that spoke to all of Jimin’s nerves and senses. The following years, four girls including Jimin were lined up for a debut and Jimin remembers the moment she wanted to take care of Minjeong for as long as she could. It was late, quite late for anyone really, to still be in the company practise rooms because it was almost one in the morning and it was questionable that someone would still be here. Although Jimin hadn’t considered it to be questionable for her to be up so late in the company either since she just wanted to perfect her dancing for the debut tomorrow at Music Bank alongside Ningning and Giselle, so forgive her for the lack of thinking.

It doesn’t take much thought for Jimin to open the door to the room— startling poor Minjeong, who in return startles Jimin too after the boisterous welcome.

“Unnie? Holy !” Minjeong drops the microphone after standing up and the screech noise makes its way to Jimin’s ears, which is unpleasant to hear. Minjeong picks up the microphone immediately to stop the noise after seeing the way Jimin had raised her small hands to her ears so quickly.

“Swearing at your unnie, really ?” Jimin teases and the tip of Minjeong’s ears burn red.

“S-sorry.” Minjeong clears before plopping down to the floor again. Jimin came forward and shuffled to the floor about a metre and a half in front of the younger girl.

“What are you still doing here so late, Minjeong?” Jimin asks as she props her chin atop her knee.

“I just wanted to practise a little more… y’know, since I have a big part.” Minjeong scratches at her nape. Jimin finds that habit adorable.

“Minjeong, there’s no way you will mess up the song. You’ve practised over and over, and it’s perfect. You’re perfect.” Jimin tells her truthfully.

“Y-you think that of me?” Minjeong blinks a bit surprised.

‘Of course I do. No one in the world sings like you, Minjeong.” Jimin smiles and her ears feel warm from the way Minjeong lights up and grins until the lights in the room become too dim to compare to her smile. 

“Thank you, unnie… that’s really nice for you to say.” Minjeong ducks her head with a shy expression and the blue dyed tips of her hair bounce slightly. Jimin inches closer until her foot touches Minjeong’s.

“U-unnie?” Minjeong blinks when she feels as if Jimin’s too close to her, to the point she could probably name the shade of Jimin’s hair too— down to the colour’s hex code.

“Your eyes are b red. You’re tired. You need sleep.” 

Jimin’s words don’t really register in Minjeong’s mind, Jimin can tell by the blank expression Minjeong’s face. The next second, Minjeong is being pulled up by the arms, the microphone is turned off and left on the ground, the room lights are off, and then Jimin’s dragging poor Minjeong out of the building.

“U-unnie- w-wait!” Minjeong’s desperate words fall on deaf ears because Jimin is tired, it’s late, and she wants to be back in the dorm with Minjeong so she knows the girl is sleeping and safe. Minjeong doesn’t complain when they’ve reached the dorm a bit close to the company, so it was an easy walk, but it would have been easier if Minjeong hadn’t resisted in the first place.

Jimin’s hand is still holding Minjeong’s by the time they’re at the dorm’s doorstep, still clasped around Minjeong’s clammy palm by the time they’re inside, and still interlocked by the time they’re standing outside of Minjeong’s room.

“Unnie? Are you.. are you mad at me?” Minjeong’s voice is small and Jimin does a complete 180— turning around.

“Of course not.” Jimin frowns.

“..you haven’t let go of me, so it says.. otherwise.. kind of.” Minjeong blushes and Jimin’s eyes travel down to where she had been holding Minjeong’s hand. She pulls away and drops Minjeong’s hands like she had touched hot searing coal.

“S-sorry.” It’s uncharacteristic for Jimin to stutter at such matters.

“S’alright.” Minjeong smiles and shrugs.

“Go wash up, I’ll be here.” Jimin nudges her and Minjeong nods.

Minjeong brushes her teeth and goes into her room to change into her pyjamas. Jimin then assumes it’s an appropriate time to enter the girl’s room.

“Have you fallen asleep yet, Minjeong?” Jimin asks as she pokes her head in just to find Minjeong brushing her hair.

“Nope.” Minjeong smiles.

“I’ll tuck you in.” Jimin doesn’t ask or offer it because she knows she’ll do it either way.

“I’m not five.” Minjeong pouts.

“I’d like to say otherwise.” Jimin chuckles as Minjeong still cambers into bed and waits for Jimin to tuck her in properly.

Jimin arranges Minjeong’s pillow and pulls the comforter over so it covers the younger girl properly.

“Unnie?” Minjeong says quietly.

“Hm?” Jimin sits on the edge of the bed beside Minjeong.

“Are you scared,” Minjeong chews on her bottom lip. “Are you scared for tomorrow when we debut in front of all those people?” 

Jimin sighs and know she’ll have to say something encouraging because she is the leader of their group, but to be honest— she herself is scared of what’s to come, and in the quaint room of Minjeong, she feels like she doesn’t have to lie and be someone she’ll grow to become.

“I won’t lie to you, Minjeong. I’m terrified.” Jimin says gently and Minjeong smiles encouragingly. “Such much has passed in such little time, and I’m afraid of how to act on stage, how to talk to people and just how to manage to be a leader of our group. So to be frank, I am so scared, Minjeong.” Jimin swallows.

“You don’t have to be, Jimin-unnie.” Minjeong holds onto Jimin’s hand tightly. “You don’t have to be scared at all because Ningning will be there, Giselle-unnie will be there, and… I will too.” 

Jimin smiles so wide, her cheeks begin to ache.

“You’re sweet, and it’ll be Karina-unnie from tomorrow, remember?” Jimin giggles.

“Of course, I won’t forget, Karina-unnie .” Minjeong grins and waves their clasped hands around. 

“You will do well tomorrow. You’ve always done well.” Jimin tells her.
“You will do well tomorrow too, unnie. With me, Aeri-unnie and Ning. You have us and we have you.” Minjeong grins and Jimin feels warm.

“Yeah. I have you.” Jimin smiles.

Minjeong pats the spot beside her where it seems like there’d be enough room for a second person if they were small and liked to cuddle— and Jimin was tall, but small enough and wouldn’t turn down any warmth.

“Unnie, sleep here tonight. You look like you’re falling asleep.” Minjeong says and yes, Jimin does feel tired at that point.

“Okay.” Jimin doesn’t turn away the offer, instead she slides in until she’s facing Minjeong and they’re nose to nose.

“Sleep well okay? We have big days ahead of us, Minjeong.” Jimin brushes Minjeong’s hair away from her face. 

“Let’s make a promise.” Minjeong wriggles in the bed and Jimin chuckles.

“Promise?” Jimin smiles.

“Yes. Let’s promise no matter what happens, we’ll always have each other.” Minjeong proposes and Jimin giggles and rubs her socked feet against Minjeong’s.

“You’re so cheesy.” Jimin laughs and Minjeong still smiles. “But it’s sweet… you’re sweet.” 

“So promise?” Minjeong asks again and Jimin nods.

‘I promise that you’ll always have me, Kim Minjeong.” Jimin affirms.

“Okay, but tomorrow I’ll be Winter and you’ll be Karina-unnie, remember?” Minjeong reminds her when Jimin calls her by her korean name.

“Of course, Winter ,” Jimin chuckles. “But you’ll always be Minjeong to me, Minjeong-ah.”  

Neither knows who falls asleep first, but Jimin’s sure she was last because the last thing she saw before her heart began to thump loudly, and before her palms began to feel clammy was Minjeong’s long lashes on closed eyelids and slight pouty lips as she slept because impulsively, Jimin had leant forward and pressed a kiss so dangerously close to Minjeong’s mouth, but only reaching the corner of her lips above her chin. 

Jimin doesn’t jump away because it’ll have to mean something and it will cause Minjeong to stir, so instead she backs away a little and lets go of Minjeong’s hand she had been holding onto.

Big days, huh, Minjeong-ah? 

Let’s hope we make it. 

So when they’re standing on stage the next day, costumes secured and hair curled, Karina turns to Minjeong and finds her hand trembling. Jimin reaches for her and squeezes Minjeong’s hand.

“You will do well. You’ve always done well.” Jimin repeats what she had said the night before and Minjeong smiles widely.

“Thank you, unnie. You will too.” Minjeong says before the staff begin to call them to get ready.

The cheers get loud and they face the audience like how their choreography should be. Jimin can’t help but want to look at Minjeong again, to make sure the younger girl is alright, so she does. She turns to her side to peer past Aeri and finds Minjeong looking right back at her. Jimin blinks a little surprised and Minjeong only grins her widest, and Jimin falls in love with the way the corners of Minjeong’s lips lilt up to frame her gorgeous smile, the way Minjeong’s eyes crinkle at the edges when she smiles, and the way her nose scrunches up so cutely.

Her heart beats loudly against her chest— no, it bangs against her chest, threatening to tear out it’s way from her ribs and flesh to skip over to Minjeong and fall into her warm hands because it doesn’t take so long for Jimin to realise that there’s something else about Minjeong that makes her love the younger girl unlike how she loves the other members. Call it favouritism, but Jimin doesn’t call it at all because it makes her feel uneasy when Minjeong’s still smiling back at her wide as ever, and Jimin feels like she might just go into cardiac arrest because in all of Yu Jimin’s life, there wasn’t a moment she recalled she had loved anyone more than her parents, her grandma, her sister, or her high school friends.

Nothing warrants her to love anyone else over her family, but there’s Minjeong smiling so bright at her, who holds her hand tightly, and radiates so much sunshine and warmth— Jimin cannot help but want to put Minjeong above all in all categories because Jimin likes Minjeong the most, she likes Minjeong more than her mom and dad— Minjeong is just her favourite in the world, and she wants Minjeong to think like that too, which was some false sense of hope sweet young Jimin had.

So please like me too? 

Like me, like how I like you. 

Only like me, please?  

And so by the time it’s been years into their success as Aespa, Jimin does recall a time where she wasn’t Karina for a mere moment, and she can recall in that moment that she loved Minjeong more than her parents, her grandma, her sister, and her high school friends.

Jimin wakes up in a cold sweat one day when she realises she loves Minjeong. 

–

–

–

Jimin’s awake and cooking breakfast for the members and her eyes glance behind her to Minjeong’s door where she would usually wake up first when Jimin made breakfast. It comes as a surprise later when Giselle is the first one to walk out with Ningning bumping into her on the way to the bathroom. Giselle leans her body weight on the kitchen counter and she peers around curiously as if she was looking for something.

“Looking for Minjeong?” Karina voices out.

“Yeah, how’d you know?” Giselle says.

“Because Minjeong usually wakes up before you and it’s strange not to find her here first, right?” Karina says and Giselle blinks at her.

“You were curious too?” Giselle asks and Karina only nods.

“Should I wake her?” Giselle tilts her head as if asking Karina for permission.

“She was probably tired last night, so let her sleep. There’s plenty of food for her later.” Karina decides although something tickles the nape of her neck.

“There won't be plenty of food if she doesn’t wake up because I’ll eat her servings.” Giselle grins mischievously, and Karina laughs.

“Yah.” She warns, but only laughs after because Giselle makes this face when she’s being reprimanded.  

The two foreign members eat heartily at the breakfast Karina’s prepared, but the tickle at her nape begins to gnaw at her neck until she’s forced to glance at a closed door again.

She doesn’t know what it means at that point, but she knows it’ll mean something.

They're in the van on the way back to the dorm after a scheduled shoot, Ningning’s conked out, Aeri’s listening to music, and Minjeong’s there. Staring. Jimin pretends she doesn’t feel the eyes burning into the back of her head as she looks out the car window. She pretends that in the reflection of the window, she doesn’t see Minjeong’s sad eyes because then it’ll mean something Karina will not allow to happen.

When she sees Minjeong turn away and close her eyes, Jimin deems it safe to look. To turn and look at such beauty that she loves above all because Minjeong does things to her mind and heart and Jimin cries every day about it, while Karina can only stare. Can only steal quiet glances and be selfless because to be selfish, she’ll be Jimin who is meant to be selfish. As Karina, she is not meant to be selfish, only a leader who puts everyone else above all because there is nothing that matters for her to be selfish. If she’ll be selfish, then she won’t put everyone above all because she’ll only wish to put only Minjeong in that spot of selfishness.

When she wakes Minjeong up— well before that, Minjeong’s eyes are moving left-right under closed eyelids and Jimin almost immediately assumes it’s a bad dream, so she wakes her up. Minjeong wakes up and looks right into her eyes and Jimin sees the way Minjeong takes in her features and searches for something in Jimin’s eyes. It makes Jimin feel seen, so she steps back and her jacket doesn’t feel warm enough for this weather anymore.

They follow up to the dorm quietly and enter quietly. Jimin musters her best smile and turns back to Minjeong. Something about bidding Minjeong good night feels cruel in her head, like she doesn’t want the day to end, and Jimin wants it to mean something else like they might sleep in the same room again and look at each other with such warmth, but it’s a different time and not these stupid wishes Jimin keeps making in the quiet nights of her room.

“Night, Minjeong. Sleep well.” Karina turns around as she releases her hair from the hair clip and retreats to her room. Jimin closes the door until it clicks and she leans back up against her door with closed eyes. 

You’re Karina. 

Don’t forget, Jimin-ah. 

“Aeri-ah, are you feeling okay?” Karina finishes wiping down the kitchen table and finds Aeri sitting on the couch, looking distracted as ever.

“Hm? Oh- I was just”, Aeri falters for a second. “Nothing, I’m just tired.” 

Not missing the slip-up after years of knowing these girls, Karina however lets it pass. “Okay. must be tired from the shoot, hm?”

“Yeah. just that.” Aeri nods carefully and turns away. The look on Aeri’s face doesn’t leave though, so Jimin walks over after discarding the rag into the sink and sits down beside Aeri on the couch.

“You can talk to me, Aeri-ah. You have something on your mind, no?” Karina rearranges Aeri’s bangs.

“I…I guess I do.” Aeri sighs and leans back into the couch cushions. Jimin follows the actions and sits the same as Aeri, swallowed up by the couch.

“What's going on in your little mind?” Karina smiles and asks softly.

“It’s just… y’know, Winter’s been sleeping a lot, right?” Aeri begins and Karina nods. “She dreams a lot too, she told me.”

Jimin props herself on the couch cushion comfortably to sit up a little to face Aeri better.

“Is that not a good thing?” Karina asks.

“No.” Aeri shakes her head. “She dreams happily, but when she wakes up, it’s like.. it’s like she forgets where she is and who she is.” Aeri says and Karina frowns.

“Is that why you’re worried?” Karina asks quietly and Aeri nods.

Karina grabs a hold of Aeri’s hand. “...I don't think that’s something so worrying. If she’s happy, then I don’t think there’s much to do to stop her until she realises it herself.” Karina speaks gently.

“And if she doesn’t realise? What happens if she keeps dreaming until she forgets about us and only cares about whoever she’s loving in her dreams?” 

She… Minjeong loves someone in her dreams? 

Jimin lies awake that night thinking about Minjeong. She thinks about the instances over the years where Minjeong had met people and she thinks hard, until her brain feels like it’ll explode. She tries to think of faces, hands,