Crying. 

Seungwan always despised the sound. It meant someone got hurt, physically or emotionally, and she was never one to wish pain on anyone. 

So, when she hears someone wail from across the school playground, she glides down the slide and looks for the source almost instantly. Her eyes eventually landed at the sandbox, where a few older boys were circled around. Seungwan was confused considering that the cry definitely sounded like it came from a young girl. Curiosity still piqued, she gets close enough to which she can see between the cracks of the group and there, sitting in the center, is a girl who looks around her age.

And thus the source of the crying is found.

Typically, Seungwan would try to distance herself from the noise, but something about the girl made her want to go towards her instead. And so, six-year-old Seungwan forces her way through the boys despite their surprised grunts and it doesn’t take long to see why the girl was crying. In front of the girl is a sandcastle, or at least what was left of it after the boys had assumedly ruined it. When Seungwan crouches down to meet the girl’s eyes, she soon becomes angry as she notes the girl’s tear-stained cheeks and large pout.

“Aw, is your wittle fwiend gonna save you, Joo-yuck?” One of the boys teases then he kicks the sandcastle again while the rest laugh.

The girl winces and lets out a whimper in response, spurring Seungwan’s irritation even more. She stands up and turns to look at the boys, fists clenched.

“Ooh I’m so scared,” one fakes. “What are you going to do? Hit me?” He jokes as he points to Seungwan’s fists. She moves only slightly, making one of the boys immediately push her. She manages to hold her footing however and in an instant she hurls her arm towards them, opening her palms.

The sand that was held in her hands scatters across the boys’ faces, making them start to back up in defense. Before Seungwan knew it, the girl stood beside her and began to throw sand at them as well. At last the boys retreat, leaving the two young girls to themselves in the sandbox.

“Are you okay?” Seungwan asks right after, but to her surprise, the girl remains mute. She can only watch as the other sits back down onto the sand and her eyebrows furrow at the sight. She waits a few seconds in anticipation for a phrase of gratitude, but it never comes, making her even more confused.

“My parents said it’s polite to say ‘thank you’ when someone does something nice for you,” Seungwan comments. The girl looks up at Seungwan and simply blinks, mouth unmoved, only to just go back to rebuilding her sandcastle.

After a moment, Seungwan shrugs, deciding that she didn’t need a form of a ‘thank you’ anyways because that wasn’t her purpose for standing up for the girl. The purpose was, well, the girl herself. With her mission accomplished of stopping the girl from crying, Seungwan starts to make her way back to the jungle gym.

“They might come back,” Seungwan suddenly hears from behind her and when she looks back, the seated girl is staring at her again. She waits for the girl to continue, but to no surprise this time, she goes back to staying quiet. Although the girl didn’t say much, Seungwan knew what she was implying. And as Seungwan looks at her again, something within her tells her to stay; similar to how she felt when she decided to help the girl in the first place. So, she sits next to her and helps her with the sandcastle.

As they build, Seungwan can’t help but steal glances and comes to the conclusion that the girl is just flat out weird. But still, she stays as they wait for one of their parents to come pick them up first. Eventually, an older woman’s voice breaks out, “Joohyun, your mother’s here!”

Then, the girl- Joohyun, smiles instantaneously, stands up and wipes the sand off of her clothes. Joohyun only takes a few steps before looking at Seungwan one last time.

“Thank you,” she says timidly, although the sincerity in her eyes are evident this time unlike the blank stares before. And for the first time, Seungwan thinks her heart skips a beat.

Turns out, Seungwan had never really seen Joohyun before because the girl was one grade ahead of her. But following their encounter during the after school pick-up period, she suddenly notices Joohyun almost everywhere around their elementary school. Outside of the fact that meeting her after school had become part of Seungwan’s daily routine, somehow she started noticing the other girl much more often at other times. Whether it be during lunch, recess or in the hallways, she'd always manage to catch a glimpse of Joohyun. It makes Seungwan wonder why she never noticed Joohyun before considering how many times they seem to cross paths.

And as years passed, Joohyun’s presence has continued to remain constant.

After a while, Joohyun had slowly but surely become more talkative and more open with the younger girl as they became friends. The two of them provided a balance that they never really knew they needed. Seungwan was the one who pulled Joohyun out of her comfort zone while Joohyun made sure Seungwan never got too ahead of herself.

To everyone else, their friendship didn’t really make any sense. Seungwan only ever seemed to be the one engaged while Joohyun would quietly listen. And it didn’t help that Joohyun noticeably lacks much reaction in response, so many thought Joohyun hated Seungwan’s presence and just tolerated it. But the two girls didn’t care what others would say about them. They understood each other on a level that no one else could really seem to grasp and they were fine with that.

And as Seungwan spends more time with Joohyun, she can’t help but admit that despite her dislike of tears being shed, there was only one time in which she was happy to ever hear someone cry. Because if she never heard it, she doesn’t think she would have ever met her Joohyun.

Her Joohyun. The one with the kindest heart. The one with the prettiest smile. The one with the most infectious laugh. The one who shows her care through actions, rather than outright words.

The one who has completely taken over Seungwan’s heart.

-----

When Seungwan is finally in high school, it’s not what Joohyun described.

She told Seungwan that those in high school like to approach other students a lot, so it isn’t hard to make friends (while also assuring that Seungwan is still her one and only best friend). They also like to talk to you, to wave hi in the hallway, to eat lunch with you and in some cases are even kind enough to buy you snacks.

But it doesn’t take long for Seungwan to realize that this wasn’t entirely the case. Seungwan will admit that it wasn’t too hard to make friends. During her first period, she met a fellow freshman named Seulgi. They instantly became fast friends and Seulgi is such a social butterfly that Seungwan was well acquainted with a lot of her classmates now thanks to her. Besides that, however, Joohyun’s tales of constant attention didn’t really hold up and after their first day of school, Seungwan learned why. 

Joohyun is popular. Very popular.

Not in the sense that she’s extremely outgoing for she is still fairly shy in front of strangers, but rather that Joohyun is unequivocally beautiful. 

That was something Seungwan has always known though. Joohyun has always been beautiful to her, both inside and out. But now, it appears that the rest of the world is catching on to that too.

As it turns out, Joohyun was well-known throughout the student body as learned from by Seulgi, who was enthralled once Seungwan had told her that Joohyun was her best friend. 

“You’re best friends with Joohyun-sunbae?!” Seulgi exclaims, gaining a few curious glances in another one of their shared periods.

“Um.. yeah? People kept staring at us during lunch, so it was kind of weird,” Seungwan explains.

“You…and… Joohyun-sunbae…,” Seulgi trails in disbelief before dramatically falling onto her desk. “Why couldn’t I have had the same lunch period with you?!”

“I’m confused here, Seul,” Seungwan says. “I don’t get what the big deal is-”

“The big deal is that Joohyun-sunbae is literally the most popular girl at school,” Seulgi holds in her excitement. “Apparently, she’s known to be pretty closed off-”

Seungwan nods in agreement to that.

“But even so, people call her the ‘mysterious beauty’,” Seulgi continues. “Literally everyone wants her, either as a friend or as their girlfriend.”

Girlfriend?

The thought of Joohyun as someone’s girlfriend makes Seungwan feel strange. Like something is gnawing at the pit of her stomach.

--

Girls.

Seungwan definitely likes girls and only girls.

She knows she likes girls, especially after meeting Sua-sunbae during her sophomore year whom she is currently admiring from afar.

"Um, hello? Earth to Seungwan!" Joohyun snaps her fingers to catch her best friend's attention.

"Oh- sorry! Sorry," Seungwan breaks out of her trance. She had just finished her soccer practice while Joohyun had just got out of one of her school club meetings. On days like this where their after-school activities aligned, the two friends would always ride home together, hence Joohyun coming to get her at the soccer field.

"What were you looking at anyways?" Joohyun asks and Seungwan feels her cheeks heat up. There was no way she was going to admit that she was glancing at her very attractive team captain, Sua, who was wiping off some sweat.

"Nothing!" She says frantically while avoiding making eye-contact with Joohyun. Thankfully, Joohyun doesn't push the matter further, instead locking their arms together to head to the older girl's car. Seungwan was quite fond of Joohyun’s clinginess, so it felt empty as usual when the two had to part to get inside the car.

As soon as they hit the road, Joohyun sighs tentatively, "He asked me out again."

"Which one?" Seungwan asks genuinely, but also a bit reluctantly.

To no surprise considering her popularity, Joohyun attracted many guys. Honestly, Seungwan had lost count on how many guys Joohyun would seem to complain about so the possibility of who Joohyun is referring to was endless. And although she's always ready to lend her ear whenever Joohyun says literally anything, she can't help but feel slight discomfort whenever the older girl talks about dating. 

"Junmyeon."

"What?! Isn't he one of the ones that bullied you back then?" Seungwan says in both shock and disdain. "I can't believe he's dumb enough to think you'd say yes after what he did. Actually no, I can totally believe that he's that stupid."

That makes Joohyun laugh and the sound makes Seungwan feel warm inside. That warm feeling doesn't seem to last however when Joohyun’s laugh starts to fade awkwardly. Seungwan's eyebrows knit together, she knows that look, "What is it?"

"I said yes."

"Oh."

For the first time in a very long time, odd silence falls between them.

"I mean, I'm already a junior and I feel like I need to get some… dating experience…," Joohyun admits shyly.

And just like that, one of Seungwan's biggest fears had come true. Don't get her wrong, she knew the day in which she'd have to start sharing Joohyun would come. The girl was gorgeous, any one with eyes could see that, but it doesn't mean she was ready for that change now.

As if sensing Seungwan's apprehension, Joohyun immediately adds, "And I know he's not the greatest choice, but maybe he's changed-"

"You don't need to explain why, Hyun," Seungwan quickly reassures. "I trust your judgment, I mean, you did choose me to be your best friend after all," the younger says with a wink. "And hey, at least one of us is actually getting dates now."

"Oh come on, Wan. Stop acting like you don't have your own fair share of admirers."

“Yeah, but I’m not interested in any of those boys,” Seungwan scoffs in disgust. Maybe a bit too much in disgust as Joohyun follows up.

“So then, what about the girls?” Joohyun drops so casually. 

“Girls?” Seungwan nearly chokes. Does Joohyun know that I'm…? Surely not.

“Oh Seungwan, don’t tell me you are so dense as to not realize that some of the girls that talk to you are flirting?” Joohyun lets out a small chuckle, but soon sees her friend’s wide eyes and quickly continues, “I guess it doesn’t matter though seeing that you don’t swing that way.”

Hearing that, many thoughts start swirling through Seungwan’s head. Now contemplating whether or not to come clean. Although Joohyun is her best friend, coming out was no simple matter. For one, she feared that it would push Joohyun away. Not due to homophobia, Joohyun is far from it. But rather, she may think Seungwan likes her and would then treat her differently which was the last thing Seungwan would want. Their friendship was everything to her. 

And of course, it wasn’t as if she liked Joohyun like that anyways since she has always just been her best friend.

So, perhaps, there would be no harm at all Seungwan thinks as Joohyun comes to a stop in front of Seungwan’s house. She continues her mental debate as she thanks her friend for the ride and just before she gets out of the car, she blurts, "I do like girls. Only girls, actually. And I guess I am dense because I swear they were all being very nice to me."

Joohyun appears to be in momentary shock, but it's soon replaced with a soft smile, "I guess we'll have to work on your obliviousness then. Oh! We could go on double dates!"

"Let's make sure I can even get a date first, yeah?" Seungwan says as she feels a huge weight lift off of her shoulders.

They both laugh before giving their parting goodbyes and guarantees of calling each other later that night.

--

"You know, Wan, I appreciate your weirdness at times but I got to say I'm a bit lost this time," Seulgi tells her.

"This isn't weird!" Seungwan shushes.

"Wan… we're literally crouching behind a bush… watching Joohyun-sunbae on her date," Seulgi emphasizes as she breaks off a few branches that were poking her.

"It's normal for friends to see how a date goes."

"Yeah, but you typically do that by asking about it after the date happens, you know?"

Seungwan turns around to face her, "It's just- this is her fourth date this month and each time it was with a different guy. Clearly these guys aren't treating her right, so I'm just making sure this one doesn't end up badly for her."

"And how exactly would you go about that? Walk up to them without explanation of why you're there?"

"You see, Seul. That is exactly why I brought you along. I can say I was hanging out with you and by coincidence ran into Joohyun and her date," Seungwan grins proudly.

"You are despicable," Seulgi playfully hits Seungwan’s shoulder, before she too, grins although a bit devilishly. "You owe me food for this."

"Damn, you're good. This is why we are friends," Seungwan laughs. "And absolutely, whatever you want."

The two go back to observing the date and as she watches Joohyun laugh at the boy's joke, she couldn't help but be bothered by it. 

"It must be going bad. She's forcing herself to laugh," Seungwan says with concern.

"I don't think she's faking it," Seulgi quips.

"When I make her laugh, it's nothing like that."

"Have you ever considered that she may be pretending to laugh at your jokes instead?" Seulgi teases with a giggle.

"What- That's ridiculous! S-She wouldn't do that!"

"I mean, you're her best friend and she might not want to hurt your feelings…"

"Okay, fine. Maybe that's the case sometimes. But! The way she was laughing just now didn't look real. She has a certain sense of humor that only I've been able to understand. Not to brag, but I'm kind of the only person who can really make her laugh that kind of beautiful laugh where her eyes crinkle cutely and- OH MY GOD. HE MOVED TO SIT NEXT TO HER IN THE BOOTH!"

"Um, Wan…" Seulgi tries.

"He better not- He wrapped his arm over her shoulders!" Seungwan grips the binoculars tightly.

"Seungwan," Seulgi places her hand on Seungwan's back.

"Yeah?" Seungwan asks, although her focus was still very much on the date.

"I think I know what you're going to say. You're going to be like 'Don't be ridiculous!'"

Seungwan an eyebrow at Seulgi's imitation of her, yet the taller girl continues, "But hear me out. Do you.. I don't know, like Joohyun-sunbae?"

"Of course I like her, Seul. I've been best friends with her since we were kids."

"I know that." Seulgi clears and looks at the girl pointedly, "I mean do you like her?"

Seungwan’s face goes blank, taken aback when the question finally hits her. She's about to respond, but as she thinks about it, she doesn’t recall ever really looking into whether she finds her best friend attractive. Actually, she knows Joohyun was attractive, but was she attractive in terms of being Seungwan’s type? Honestly, she never had such thinking occur because Joohyun has always been the same old Joohyun to her.

The same Joohyun whose mere presence could light up a room, whose touch would ease her nerves, whose laugh would make her feel like her chest was about to burst, whose eyes poured care and affection when looking at her, whose mysterious exterior hides a warm-heart, whose hug feels like home, whose smile makes Seungwan just want to place her hands on her cheeks and pull her in to know what it feels like against her lips-

.

“Wan?” Seulgi asks after she lost Seungwan in an abyss of thoughts.

“I think I do.”

-----

“I think you should tell her,” Seulgi appears suddenly after Seungwan shuts her locker as they had just finished their last period of the day.

“You know I can’t, Seul,” Seungwan sighs as they both make their way to her car. It was one of those days where Seungwan didn't have practice, but Joohyun had a club meeting so it was just her and Seulgi for the ride today since she finally got her driver's license. 

“You can’t or you won’t?”

“Both. I’m too much of a coward to let the words out of my mouth and even if I wanted to, I’m too scared of everything that could go wrong.”

“Son Seungwan,” when Seulgi uses her full name, Seungwan knows she’s getting serious. “You have been hopelessly crushing on your best friend for a year now and I love you so much that I don’t think I can stand seeing you get hurt over and over again each time she goes on a date. Wouldn’t you rather know if she might actually return your feelings now than suffer for who knows how long?”

“To be honest, I think I’d rather not know. I can’t imagine my life without her and if it’s just as friends, then that’s fine with me. I mean, I’ll get over her eventually, right?”

“Then, how about we turn that ‘eventually’ into now?”

“What?” Seungwan asks in disbelief.

“Look, I wasn’t going to tell you this until I figured out whether or not you were ever going to actually make a move on Joohyun-sunbae or keep trying to get over her. And now that I know…,” Seulgi scopes the parking lot before speaking. “I heard from Rosie, who heard from Chaeyoung, who heard from Dahyun, who heard from Gahyeon-”

“Get on with it, Seul!” Seungwan says as soon as they sit inside the car.

“Rosie told me that Sua has a crush on you!”

If Seungwan wasn't already sitting down, she's near positive that she would have simply melted onto the ground.

"WHAT!?"

"YES!!" Seulgi squeals. "Gahyeon is one of Sua's best friends so it's gotta be true!"

"Oh my- oh my god. I don't know- What am I supposed to do with that information?!?"

"You are going to move on from Joohyun-sunbae with that information!"

"Why do you call Joohyun 'sunbae' but no one else when they're all in the same grade?"

"Do not tell me that is all you got from this conversation," Seulgi says plainly. "I'm just too excited for honorifics and well, Joohyun-sunbae scolded me last time I forgot…"

"Oh , I remember that!" Seungwan laughs but soon stops after seeing Seulgi's cute pout. "Anyways, okay sorry, you're right. Sua-sunbae likes me. Holy crap. She's literally the only other crush I've had besides Joohyun and I even liked her before I realized my feelings for Joohyun!"

"Exactly! So this is the perfect time for you to get over her. And maybe Sua-sunbae might even confess to you instead of you having to!"

I guess it's time to move on. 

--

Seungwan thought it wasn't a big deal, but it turns out it was.

"Hyun?" Seungwan asks, wildly confused as she watches what appears to be a very angry Bae Joohyun storm towards her on the soccer field during practice. "W-What are you doing here?!"

Joohyun says nothing as she grabs Seungwan's wrist and leads them towards her coach.

"Apologies, Coach Young, but do you mind if I take Seungwan for a moment. It's for the Student Council," Joohyun (who's the Student Council President) beams with her classic smile.

"Be quick, Ms. Bae and don't injure my star player in the meantime," the coach jokes. Joohyun thanks her then drags Seungwan away from the field and behind the bleachers.

"Behind the bleachers? And here I thought you were a classy woman- OW!" Seungwan teased before getting cut off at the feeling of a light slap on her arm.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Joohyun crosses her arms.

“What are you talking about?”

“Why did I find out about it from one of my fellow council members?”

“Joohyun, I’m genuinely lost here-”

“Minji came up to me and said, ‘You know, I always thought it would be you and Seungwan together, not Seungwan and Sua.’ I was confused at first, but then she explained further and now I’m here!”

So, maybe not telling Joohyun that she and Sua went on a date last weekend was a bigger deal than she had thought. To be honest, Seungwan didn’t know word would spread so quickly and planned on telling her about it following their respective after-school activities. And it probably didn’t help that Joohyun had no idea about Seungwan’s crush on Sua either, so this must have been a real shock.

But what’s even more shocking to Seungwan at the moment was that Joohyun sounded… jealous, but she wasn't completely sure.

Was she mad that I didn’t tell her about Sua or is she mad that I’m with Sua?

“So then, would now be a bad time to tell you that I’m kind of seeing Sua-unnie?” Seungwan awkwardly jokes again. In response, Joohuyn rubs her temples before letting her arms fall to her sides.

“When did you- Why didn’t you tell me?” Joohyun asks, this time with a hint of sadness. 

"I was planning on telling you later today. I just didn't say anything earlier because, I mean, it was just a date. For all I know, Sua-unnie and I won't last for long and she'll just be another blip in my life. So, I thought there's no need to make a big fuss over one date."

"But it's not 'just a date,' Wan. That was your very first date!" Joohyun says, then her shoulders deflate and her face falls. "Do you… Do you think I'm not worth telling that kind of stuff to anymore?"

They look at each other silently for a brief moment. 

"Oh come on, Hyun," Seungwan pulls her friend into a tight hug. "You'll always be worth it to me."

"We used to tell each other everything," Joohyun wraps her arms around her. "Now, it feels like we've been growing apart this past year."

Seungwan tenses. It was true that she had tried to reel back from Joohyun a bit as her feelings for her had become overwhelming. She tried to keep a reasonable distance because she feared that Joohyun would eventually realize that Seungwan had liked her as more than just friends. So in her attempt to smother her crush, it appears she failed to make it go unnoticed by Joohyun. 

"It's already my senior year which means I'll be going to college in a few months and we won't be able to see each other as much. I know that type of stuff weakens friendships and the last thing I want is for that to happen to us. But lately, it feels like I'm already losing you," Joohyun's hands clench the back of Seungwan’s jersey.

"I'm sorry for making you feel that way," Seungwan says heartily. "You've done nothing wrong. I'm just an idiot. You'll never lose me. Ever since I met you in the sandbox all those years ago, there has been something about you that has always drawn me to you. We're like two magnets, you know? Polar opposites, but meant to be side-by-side."

The two pull back from the hug just enough to see each other's faces. It was moments like this that Seungwan found quite dangerous. Even before realizing her feelings for the older girl, looking into Joohyun’s eyes never failed to make her insides do somersaults. (It blows Seungwan's mind to think how oblivious she was to her crush on her best friend.) And as she stares into her friend's eyes, she knows the imaginary grip Joohyun has on her tightens so she's got to do something before she falls right back into her grasp.

"Hyun-"

"I love you."

"What?" Seungwan's mouth drops slightly.  

"I know we don't say it often. But you are my best friend."

Ah, there it is.

"Like you said," Joohyun continues. "You're the negative to my positive- Wait. I don't mean- I mean we are like magnets! If anything you're the positive and I'm the negative-"

Joohyun's voice is suddenly muffled by Seungwan’s jersey as the athlete pulls her into another hug and she can feel Seungwan's chest reverberate with laughter.

"I love you too," Seungwan says with a smile. 

And as they release each other and head back to where they're supposed to be, the thought of one of them saying the three-word phrase with much more meaning than the other remains.

--

"Please, Hyun? For me?"

“I don’t know, Wan…,” Joohyun trails off as she and Seungwan sit on her bed. They were supposed to be studying, but Seungwan once again brought up the sensitive(?) topic that Joohyun tries to avoid. “There’s just something about us that simply doesn’t work.”

“It’s because you both never really had the chance to hang out and get to know each other. And I’ll be there and you know… Minseok-sunbae will be there for you too.”

“Do you really think that a double date will make Sua and I best friends or something?” Joohyun raises a brow.

“That’s the thing! You don’t have to be best friends. I just need you two to last more than a minute in each other’s presence,” Seungwan playfully teases, prompting a sarcastic eye-roll from Joohyun. “In all seriousness, though, it’d be nice for my best friend and my girlfriend to get along. So please, Hyun? Can you just try for me?”

“Fine,” Joohyun finally caves and Seungwan bounces up and down in excitement, then gives her a quick hug.

It was true that whenever there was a situation where only the three of them remained, there was always a sense of awkwardness among them with Joohyun typically making a quick exit. At this point, it wasn't even just Seungwan who wanted the two of them to talk more. Even Sua wanted to get to know her more because she knew how important Seungwan's friendship with her was. Hell, it was Sua's idea to go on a double date in the first place. 

--

"Babe, are you okay?" Seungwan asks Sua once they were in line at one of the food trucks.

"I tried, Wan. I really did, but she hates me!" Sua says in saddened frustration.

"She doesn't hate you," Seungwan replies and wraps a consoling arm around her. "She's just… overprotective."

"Overprotective? She acts like you're hers and hers alone, Wan. She has clung on to your arm all night while glaring at me everytime I try to hold your hand. This is the first time you and I have had a proper conversation ever since we met up with her and her date!"

"Look, I'll talk to her," Seungwan gives her a quick peck on the cheek before taking a glance at the other food truck that Joohyun and Minseok were at. The two couples had been spending their time at the fair together and had only split briefly to get a variety of food to share.

"Then maybe you can remind her that I'm your girlfriend and not her so she can stop acting like it?" Sua adds with no malice, just concern.

"She doesn't act like my girlfriend," Seungwan says astounded.

"Just watch her, Wan. It's not hard to miss," and with that, the couple picks up their food and meets up with Joohyun and Minseok, who already secured a table.

As the night went on, Seungwan was taken aback at just how much more clingy Joohyun was towards her and defensive towards Sua. And it got even worse when Minseok suddenly had to leave after getting an urgent call from his younger brother who was also at the fair. With him gone, Seungwan found herself in an unimaginable position. She had two girls latched onto either arm with both of them trying to drag her in different directions and basically forcing her to pick a side. Seungwan will admit that she's had dreams of two girls fighting for her attention, but never thought the two would be her girlfriend and her former crush. 

It was clear that Sua was getting more and more disappointingly frustrated throughout the night and the last straw was when Joohyun had practically forced herself in between her and Sua when the two were about to kiss. Because seconds later, Sua tells them that it was getting late and that they should probably call it a night to which the other two agree. Considering that Joohyun's ride was no longer there, it meant that the three of them would carpool into Seungwan's car. 

Sua is the first to be dropped off after her own insistence.

"Let me walk you to your door," Seungwan says when Sua unbuckles her seatbelt from the backseat (Joohyun had quickly taken the passenger seat).

Sua smiled at the words, but then Joohyun interjects, "She's a big girl. I'm sure she can get there on her own just fine."

A beat of awkward tension fills the car, but it's soon broken at the sound of Seungwan unbuckling her belt. "Well, you know me, it never hurts to be extra careful," she tried to joke with Joohyun, but it was hard to tell if it worked. 

Either way, Seungwan moves fast in order to open Sua's car door, leading the older girl to blush. They walk hand-in-hand to the porch and then face each other. 

"I'm sorry about her," Seungwan says first. "And I'm sorry for not being able to make this night better for us."

"You don't need to apologize, Wan. It's not your fault." Sua lets out a sigh, "And to be honest, I kind of expected it anyways. I guess I can't really blame her because you're the type that people just want to protect," Sua reaches up to adjust Seungwan's shirt. "So even though Joohyun and I will probably continue to heads, I'll stick it out because I know how important that friendship is to you. And because you are important to me."

Hearing that, Seungwan's heart swells and she can't help but want to kiss her and so she does. "I really don't deserve you," Seungwan says after their kiss.

They share a shy smile before wishing each other goodnight and Seungwan returns to the car feeling all giddy inside. 

"Alright, let's get you home, Hyun!" Seungwan says and she was still feeling such a high after her talk with Sua that she failed to notice that Joohyun hadn't said a single word for the rest of the car ride. It wasn't until Joohyun gave a quick and cold "Bye" as she exited the car for Seungwan to realize that something was wrong. 

Joohyun was already at her house door when Seungwan swiftly gets out of the car and reaches her just as Joohyun opens the door to her house. 

"Hyun-"

"How come you walked her to her door and not me?" Joohyun interrupts as she turns around to face her. 

"What?" Seungwan's eyebrows furrow. 

"I said-"

"I know what you said, it's just that you left the car before I could say anything so I'm just a bit confused at your question."

"Well clearly, you care for her more than me," Joohyun bites out.

"Okay, seriously, what is up with you tonight?!" Seungwan asks incredulously.

"What's up with me? What's up is that I had to watch that girl try to split us apart all night!”

Seungwan’s jaw drops, “Hyun, you can’t be serious.”

“I’m dead serious. Who does she think she is? Trying to take you all for herself? What a snake.”

Hearing this, Seungwan finally understood just how bad this really must have seemed to her girlfriend if this was Joohyun’s thought process during the entire double date. How had she not noticed this before Sua had to point it out? And suddenly, she started to feel bad for her girlfriend. Sua had tried her best to be so considerate to Joohyun all night and kept her feelings in check all while Joohyun was practically bad mouthing her.

“Holy , she was right,” Seungwan says subconsciously, now mad at how Joohyun had been acting. How Joohyun is acting like someone that she isn’t.

“Right about what?” Joohyun scoffs. “What could she possibly be right about, hm?”

“She’s right about you!” Joohyun’s attitude spurs Seungwan more.

“Me?!”

“All night, you’ve been acting like my jealous freaking girlfriend!”

Instantly, Joohyun stares at her dumbfoundedly and something flickers in her eyes for a fleeting moment.

“Goodnight, Seungwan,” Joohyun says abruptly and closes the door as she steps inside, leaving Seungwan alone on her porch speechless. 

--

Following that night, they made up the next day as they always do every time they had a fight. However, it felt as if their friendship had taken a slight turn and Seungwan could not tell if it was for the better or for the worse. Joohyun had become much more civilized with Sua to her relief, but something still felt off whenever Seungwan and Joohyun were together. This indescribable feeling would remain throughout that school year and Joohyun’s first year of university as well and before they knew it, Seungwan was admitted into college and they were attending the same school yet again. Just like they had planned since they were kids.

They were about halfway into the first semester when the two best friends had decided to meet up to get lunch together because they each had big news to share.

Seungwan goes first, “I’ll get straight to the point. Sua and I broke up and before you ask, it was mutual, so I’m feeling okay. Now, you go.”

“I don’t know if I should say it now,” Joohyun says hesitantly as she looks down to play with her fingers.

“Don’t worry, Hyun, I’m fine. It has to do with relationships, doesn’t it? Who’s the new guy? What’s his name?”

“Umm,” Joohyun trails. “Jennie.”

“Jennie, that’s a nice- Jennie?! Isn’t that a...” Seungwan turns speechless. 

“She’s my girlfriend. I don’t know what it was about her, but…” Joohyun continues, but it fades as Seungwan’s thoughts churn.

She couldn’t believe it. The thought of Joohyun dating a girl was the last thing she would have guessed. But now that she thinks about it, a conversation about Joohyun’s uality never came up because she thought Joohyun’s numerous boyfriends spoke for itself. So many things were running through her head, but only one thought seemed to dominate Seungwan’s mind.

Joohyun could have had feelings for me.

It was like a big red alarm going off in her head. Yet, that is something that shouldn’t really bother Seungwan considering that she was over Joohyun anyways. She was over Joohyun, right? 

Yes, yes I am. And even if I still had lingering feelings for her in that way, it’s obsolete. Pointless. She’s dating Jennie now. She’s in a relationship while I am just single. Déjà vu.

“Well, I’m happy for you, Hyun. Like I said, I’m happy as long as at least one of us is getting some action,” Seungwan laughs off in an attempt to hide her surprise.

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” Joohyun says in slight shock to which Seungwan now becomes confused.

“Was there something you wanted me to say?”

“I- No, your reaction was fine,” Joohyun says abruptly. "With that out of the way, let's order our food."

-----

In case one forgot, Seungwan’s an idiot. No, scratch that. Seungwan is just a bad liar, especially when it comes to lying to herself. Because as she watched Joohyun and Jennie interact and kiss and do all the stupid lovey dovey that couples do first hand for months, she soon realizes that she’s jealous. The type of jealousy that she had refused to let herself feel this past year and quickly comes to the conclusion that she needs to sort herself out before it becomes too much.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” Seulgi clicks her tongue when Seungwan shares that her crush on Joohyun has redeveloped. “I want to be mad because, again, I hate seeing you get hurt and now you’ve fallen into her hands like putty for the second time. But, you know what, maybe this is a sign!”

“A sign?” Seungwan asks her roommate.

“Yes. You need to tell her how you feel!” Seulgi encourages. “She likes girls, Seungwan! This is a whole new factor that we need to take into account. If it weren’t for this new information, I would one thousand percent try to help you get over her. But, you have an even better chance now, Seungwan!”

I have a better chance.

“I have a chance,” Seungwan grasps. “You know what. I’m going to do it, Seul. I’ll tell her how I feel.”

“That’s the spirit, Wan! Operation Win Joohyun’s Heart is a go!”

“But, this ‘operation’ isn’t happening unless she breaks up with Jennie,” Seungwan clarifies. “The last thing I want to do is try to screw up a relationship that Joohyun is happy in.”

“Oh shoot, I forgot she was dating someone. Then yes, we’ll hold off your confession until then because I wouldn’t want to contribute to breaking Joohyun’s heart either,” Seulgi agrees. “Are you sure you’ll be okay with waiting though?”

“As long as I’ve got you watching my back, I’m sure I’ll be just fine,” Seungwan reassures with a smile. “I’ve stuck it out before, so I’m sure I can do it again.”

-----

A couple months passed and it was another late night for Seungwan as she had to stay up and study for an upcoming exam. It was around 1 am when she got a call.

“Hello?” Seungwan asks quietly. She was in one of the school’s libraries that were open late so she had to stay quiet.

“Can you come and get me?” Joohyun’s shaky voice comes out of the phone’s speakers and Seungwan’s drowsiness quickly dissipates at the sound of her friend’s tone.

“Of course,” Seungwan starts gathering her things. “Where’s Jennie? Didn’t you say that you were going to a party together tonight?”

“I… She…” Joohyun struggles with a broken tone. 

Seungwan’s blood starts to boil, “Okay, where are you, Hyun?”

After hearing Joohyun’s location, Seungwan was relieved knowing that it wasn’t too far from the library. She stays on the phone with her until they finally spot each other from a distance and just as Seungwan reaches her, Jennie drunkenly stumbles out of the frat house.

“Joohyun, baby, there you are. I’m sorry!” Jennie slurs out. “I’m sorry- wait, what the are you,” Jennie points at Seungwan, “doing here?”

“I’m here to pick her up,” Seungwan bites out before turning to Joohyun, who was on the verge of tears. “What is she apologizing about?”

Before Joohyun could answer, Jennie laughed bitterly, “Ohh, I should’ve known that her knight in shining ing armor would come. You’re all she ing talks about, you know? ‘Seungwan this. Seungwan that.’ Like my god!”

“What is she apologizing about, Hyun?” Seungwan ignores Jennie and focuses on her Joohyun.

"It's none of your damn business, Son," Jennie interjects, taking a step forward. In response, Seungwan stands in front of Joohyun, who latches onto her arm from behind. 

At the sight of it, Jennie laughs spitefully again, "You know what? Maybe what I did isn't even a big deal because you two are sooo ing close. I'm not blind. I see the way you two act, so am I really the bad guy here when I'm sure you've already done worse?! Right, Joohyun!?"

"You're drunk, Kim," Seungwan tells her. "Stop before you say something you'll regret."

" this. We're over, Joohyun. And trust me, I'm not going to regret any of this tomorrow morning," Jennie finishes and stumbles back into the frat house, leaving Seungwan and Joohyun outside alone. 

The best friends end up going to a late-night diner as they were both quite hungry. Seungwan was sipping on her milkshake when Joohyun breaks the news of what Jennie had done, “She was cheating on me.”

Seungwan nearly chokes and has to cough to regain her breathing, “My goodness, Hyun. Maybe warn a gal before you drop something like that.” When she catches her breath, her voice turns stern, “You want me to go beat her up? I may be scrawny and even though I hated the nickname, I wasn’t called ‘man hands’ for nothin, you know!”

“I appreciate the gesture, Wan. But honestly, I had a feeling that this would happen. I’m just shocked that she actually did it,” Joohyun takes a bite of one of her fries. “I guess it just hurt more that I caught her in the act.”

“I’m sorry, Hyun,” Seungwan empathizes.

"Don't be, you didn't do anything," Joohyun says.

"Jennie seems to think the opposite," the younger woman notes as she remembers Jennie’s words.

Joohyun scoffs, "She was being ridiculous. You're my best friend so obviously I'm going to talk about you and want to hang out with you often. I don't even know why she'd be jealous of you. She thought I cheated on her with you?! I mean, seriously! You?!"

"Am I that bad of a catch?" Seungwan teases, making Joohyun playfully reach over and push her.

"You know what I meant, Wan," Joohyun explains. 

"I know, I know," Seungwan laughs off. There's a moment of silence as the two eat when Joohyun speaks up. 

"Can I be honest with you?" Joohyun swirls the straw in her drink with her finger. 

"Of course," Seungwan picks at her fries. 

"It's crossed my mind before," Joohyun pauses. Seungwan cooks her head to the side as she takes a bite. "Like… of us… possibly dating."

Seungwan nearly chokes at the reveal, but manages to hide it and swallows her food, "Really?

"Yeah. When I was figuring out my uality last year and realized that I like girls in that way, I-um… I immediately thought of you."

Seungwan could melt on the spot.

"In my head, I thought 'I like girls. You like girls. So, maybe we could date.' But obviously, it doesn't work like that," Joohyun chuckles at her own embarrassment, before appearing hesitant. "And after thinking about it, even if we did like each other, we wouldn't want to risk our friendship… right?"

Seungwan clears . "Uh- yeah! No need to worry about ruining what we have right now. I mean, it's not like I ever saw you that way. Nope. Never," she lies and tries to play it off, albeit a bit awkwardly as she scratches the back of her neck. 

"Never?" Joohyun repeats, throwing Seungwan off briefly. 

"Never," she lies again. 

--

When she tells Seulgi what happens the next day, Seungwan feels small.

"You said what?!" Seulgi exasperates, hands on both sides of her head. "Self-sabotage, Wan! Self! Sabotage!"

"But she even said it herself that she wouldn't want to risk it, so why should I?" Seungwan defends.

"Because you never know unless you try! Do you really just want to sideline and watch her with other people without knowing if you two could have worked out?"

"It's just too risky at this point, don't you think? I've gotten over her before and surely I can do it again."

"Aw come on, Wan. You said we would give the operation a go once she's single again. How about a compromise? Let's do the operation for a month and if she's giving nothing, then we'll call it," Seulgi extends her hand. 

Seungwan gives the hand a glance before hesitantly shaking it.

-----

It was a little over two weeks after Joohyun’s break-up and although Seungwan agreed to start the ‘operation,’ it always felt wrong to try and actually do something about it. Joohyun was fresh out of a nearly two-year long relationship and even though the older girl often claimed that she was fine, the number of times Seungwan had to support her drunken body out of a bar nearly every other day with messy slurs of ‘Jennie’ leaving her lips proved otherwise.

And now, Seungwan finds herself in the familiar situation yet again but this time with Seulgi and a few other friends to give her and Joohyun more company. 

“Do you see what I mean, Seul?” Seungwan tells Seulgi as the two were standing at their table, watching Joohyun dance with their friends. “She’s not in a state to be even thinking about a new relationship, let alone one with me.”

“Then, let’s postpone it! When you believe she’s ready, then we’ll start up the operation again with the same rules of having it last only a month at the very least,” Seulgi reasons.

“I…,” Seungwan sighs as she takes another glance at Joohyun. Her thoughts swirl before drinking some of her fruity cocktail. “Don’t you think that may just be another blaring sign from the universe that I should just give up? Things will just get messy and complicated just as it has always been and honestly, at this point, the easy route is a hell of a lot more tempting.”

“But-”

“I know you want me to be happy, Seul. But what she needs right now is her best friend and I’m just as happy being only that for her. As long as she’s in my life, I’m happy. So, let me buy us a round of shots so we can officially drop the topic and go have some fun tonight instead of sulking over my bad luck at love.”

Seulgi looks at her pointedly, trying to read the mind of her friend. At last, the taller girl sighs in defeat and picks up her drink, “To bad luck at love.”

“To bad luck at love,” Seungwan repeats as they cheers their glasses and down their drinks.

As the night goes on, Seungwan loses count of how many drinks she’s had, but it doesn’t really matter as she’s having the time of her life dancing out in the crowd with the thoughts of how she feels for Joohyun escape her mind. At some point, she finds herself with no friends in sight, yet still with company as a warm slim body grinds against her. Seungwan flirts with ease thanks to the alcoholic confidence boost and soon enough she and the stranger are making out and all she feels is hot. Whispers of going home together are exchanged in the free moments in between until a hand encaptures Seungwan’s wrist, pulling her away from the crowd. 

“What the , Seul-”

“Seungwan.”

Seungwan is definitely drunk, but she suddenly felt sober at the familiar tone, “H-Hyun?”

“We’ve been looking for you! The other girls are ready to go,” Joohyun says and Seungwan hears it. She saw it. Her eyes were focused on Joohyun’s lips so she knew words were spoken. But Seungwan isn't a lip reader and there’s a big difference between hearing and listening.

“Sorry- Can you repeat?” Seungwan asks.

“The other girls are ready- Seungwan! Are you even listening to me?!” Joohyun tries to get her to focus again with Seungwan not looking at her directly.

“What? Wait, I’m trying. Really. Promise. Say it one more. I just needa focus,” Seungwan says as she reaches up to caress Joohyun’s chin, leaning in closer to try to read her lips. Seungwan’s eyes squint to emphasize her attention and yet words don’t come. Lips are moving, but they are moving against hers.

But the sensation ended as soon as it began.

It was quick. Quick enough to think that maybe she had imagined it. 

-----

With Seungwan, she has yet to blackout whenever she goes out drinking. She prided herself with always being able to remember what happened each night to ensure that she was never an embarrassing type of drunk. So even if something may have felt imaginative to her while in a drunken state, Seungwan’s pretty damn sure of at least what she did last night. It is a blessing and a curse really. She remembers making out with a hot stranger, but she also remembers that she and Joohyun had kissed. They had stared at each other blankly afterwards before being interrupted by Seulgi with statements of wanting to go home.

Seungwan looks at her phone and is not surprised to see zero calls or messages from Joohyun despite it being a little after noon. She lazily tosses her phone on her bed, remaining still on her bed as she looks up at her ceiling. Seungwan wants to laugh at the irony. In just one night, she had decided to give up on Joohyun due to numerous “signs” to do so, and yet she just got one overarching sign to not.

They kissed and it’s not like they can just act like it didn’t happen. Or at least, Seungwan wouldn’t be able to. There’s no turning back now. They need to have one last talk about this and whatever Joohyun decides to do as a result is what Seungwan will go with. Soon enough, Seungwan texts her best friend to meet for a late lunch which Joohyun quickly agrees to.

Seungwan arrives at the restaurant first, grabbing a booth for the two of them as she waits. She’s scanning the menu when she hears Joohyun greet her. Seungwan looks up with a smile that suddenly stills at the sight of another person accompanying Joohyun.

“Oh sorry, I forgot to tell you! This is Bogum and I met him last night. We were already hanging out when you texted, so I thought-”

“I mean, I can go-” Bogum adds in awkwardly. “I- I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

To bad luck in love, Seungwan thinks to herself. “No, it’s perfectly fine! The more, the merrier, you know?” Seungwan laughs lightly in hopes to brighten the mood. Throughout the lunch, Seungwan can’t help but observe Joohyun as well as how she has been interacting with the boy. To be honest, Seungwan thought Joohyun would have been awkward with her considering what had happened between them the night before. The older girl was acting like their kiss never happened and it got to the point where Seungwan started to question it as well. The kiss was quick and maybe it was too quick to which Seungwan’s impeccable memory seemed to have misjudged it and maybe her drunkenness played a role too.

Seungwan’s not sure, but seeing the smile on Joohyun’s face when she interacts with Bogum tells her what she needed to know. Even if they did kiss, it was clear to her that it was something that Joohyun would like to forget.

-----

Seungwan had a series of relationships throughout the years while Joohyun remained with Bogum. The younger woman is proud to say that her feelings for Joohyun had dissipated as time went on, especially after seeing how strong the couple had become. As of now, Seungwan was single, but was glad to have some sort of a distraction when she officially received the invite to Joohyun and Bogum’s wedding.

It acted as a reminder that Seungwan had some serious bachelorette duties to work on before the big day, including the bachelorette party.

“Any ideas yet?” Seulgi asks her over the phone.

“Nope,” Seungwan ends with a pop.

“You do realize that you’re running out of time, right Wan?” Seulgi giggles.

“Maybe I should ask-”

“Don’t you dare say who I think you’re going to say.”

“Aw come on, what’s the harm in asking them?”

“It’s Sooyoung and Yerim. Remember how my birthday party went when they planned it last year?”

“But it was so much fun!” Seungwan defends.

“It was the worst hangover of our lives, Wan! Plus, you can only say that since you weren’t the one who got black-out drunk all because you have such a weird alcoholic tolerance.” 

Seungwan just laughs at the memories, “Look, we know what to expect and considering that I’m the maid of honor, I’ll have some seniority when it comes to deciding what and what not to do. So, if it goes too far, I’ll step in and you’ll be my back up.”

Seulgi ponders the suggestion, “But would they even listen to us?”

“Guess we won’t know until we try?” Seungwan shrugs.

–

Seungwan should have never tried. If there was one thing that Seungwan should have remembered, it was that Joohyun was a complete er for the younger duo as if they were her own daughters. Joohyun had admitted that the two would always make her feel young again and so whenever Sooyoung and Yerim pitched an idea to the bride, she’d almost always say yes. Even if Seungwan tried to veto ideas with the help of Seulgi, it held no match for the bride’s final say.

So somehow, some way, the bachelorette party was held two days before the big day. To any sane person, this was a very bad idea. But when the planners are Sooyoung and Yerim, it sounded genius. Which leads them to now: dragging a very drunken Bae Joohyun through the hotel corridor all while she is loudly announcing that her marriage is happening very soon as they headed towards their suite. A few doors would open with many residents grumbling complaints to be quiet, leading Seungwan to have to repeat many ‘Sorry’s’ each time. Sooyoung and Yerim, who were also quite drunk, simply laughed alongside her and it was hard for Seungwan to get mad considering that Joohyun would be laughing as well.

Despite that, Seungwan will admit that the night was actually pretty fun. It was hard not to have fun whenever she was surrounded by the people she held close to her heart. When she’s finally in bed to go to sleep, her mind is flooded with memories of the eventful night and it has easily brought a smile to her face. Looking back, she should be tired physically and mentally, especially with the alcohol in her system, but she finds it difficult to fall asleep.

Some time passes before she ends up hopping out of the bed she was sharing with Seulgi and opts to check if the energetic younger duo were still up. She knocks on their door before taking a peek inside and has to hold her laughter when she sees Sooyoung and Yerim knocked out on the floor instead of on their bed. Then, she contemplates heading over to Joohyun’s room, but comes to the conclusion that she’s probably sleeping already as well and instead opts to go get a bottle of water from the kitchen.

Still feeling restless, she heads to the balcony for some fresh air. In her lonesome, reality seems to have hit her in the head again.

“She’s getting married,” Seungwan whispers to herself. 

She’s made her peace with that fact. She’s happy for Joohyun, how could she not be? Looking at where they are now, Seungwan can’t help but laugh at the memory of how much of a crush she had on Joohyun back then. The questions of ‘what if’ threaten her mind, but she likes to think that those thoughts hold no weight anymore and she’s proud of that.

“Can’t sleep either, huh?” A voice comes from behind her. Seungwan turns around with a smile as she looks at her best friend’s small form.

“Guess it’s too hard to sleep when there’s a lot of excitement in the air, right?” Seungwan playfully raises her eyebrows.

“Or nervousness,” Joohyun adds as she joins Seungwan at the railing.

“Oh yeah,” Seungwan says awkwardly, thrown off by Joohyun’s sobering words. “That too, of course. I mean, I would be too if I were in your shoes. It’s a pretty big deal and you know so much could go wrong like tripping while walking down the-”

“Wan,” Joohyun chuckles at the younger woman’s rambling.

“I- Sorry,” Seungwan rubs the back of neck.

The sound of the bustling city fills in the silence that was neither awkward nor completely serene. Then, she hears Joohyun take a deep breath beside her.

“What if this is a mistake?” Joohyun asks.

“Getting drunk a few days before your wedding?”

Joohyun laughs again, “Not that, although I’m sure I might say otherwise when I wake up.” Then, she clears , “I mean the wedding. Marrying him.”

Seungwan turns mute, shocked at the admission. She never thought Joohyun would ever say that. She’s seen the two of them together, through the good and the bad, and Joohyun’s feelings never seemed to have wavered on him. So when those words escape Joohyun’s lips, she’s not sure she’s fit to give any sort of advice, not when there’s lingering alcohol running through her.

Her inner conflict must have been evident as Joohyun speaks up before Seungwan can.

“I’m sorry. I don’t- I don’t know what I was thinking, springing this onto you right now.”

“No, no! I get it,” Seungwan tries to reassure. “I mean, you’re just having the classic case of cold feet right? Everyone gets it, I’m sure. I bet it has crossed his mind- Wait no! Ignore that last part!” Seungwan facepalms. She’s supposed to be helping Joohyun, not scaring her even more. “It’s just cold feet. You’ll get over it in a jiffy.”

Joohyun eyes her carefully and it sends a chill down her spine. Then, Joohyun’s gaze turns towards the city.

“You’re right. Just nervous jitters. Cold feet. Gosh,” Joohyun laughs at herself, then leans to rest her head on Seungwan’s shoulder. “This probably would have been so much easier if I was marrying you.”

Seungwan blinks blankly at Joohyun’s latest words.

“You know,” Joohyun giggles. “I used to have a huge, lame old crush on you back then, but I was too much of a coward to do anything about it.”

“Really?” Seungwan just barely asks without a stutter.

“Yeah, although, I guess I wasn’t that much of a coward since I kissed you once.”

Seungwan freezes, It actually happened-

“Aish, sorry for springing stuff onto you again,” Joohyun apologizes. “You don’t remember that, right? You were pretty drunk that night and never brought it up so I only assumed. Either way, I was probably still a coward since I never mentioned it too. But it’s all just memories now, yeah? Like we agreed back then, it’s better we stay friends and look at us now! We’ve come so far!” Joohyun smiles at her, although Seungwan thought something felt off about it.

And maybe it’s the alcohol in her system, but Seungwan suddenly felt the urge to correct her best friend–that maybe things weren’t for the better after all. That maybe there was still time for change.

A few more seconds pass when Joohyun lets out a long yawn, “Looks like sleep is finally catching up to me, I’ll see you tomorrow, Wan. Goodnight and I love you.”

Seungwan smiles weakly, “Love you too.”

----- The Next Day: Joohyun’s POV -----

Something was wrong and it gnawed at Joohyun all day. Actually, two things felt wrong. The first was her headache when she woke up after the long night that was her bachelorette party. The second was that her ‘cold feet’ never seemed to have washed away either.

To no one’s knowledge, she has been having concerns regarding her wedding for quite some time now and this wasn’t something that had only turned up recently. Don’t get her wrong, she loves Bogum so much, but something always seemed to have shifted each time they had an argument. Sometimes, the result would make them feel closer, but most times it had made their relationship feel stagnant. Like they’d only make up because the other person was tired of fighting instead of trying to come up with a compromise and growing together. And now, it has gotten to the point where Joohyun is not sure if this is really the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

She wants to go to Seungwan again for more advice and gain some reassurance that maybe these thoughts are simply getting worse because the wedding day is only less than 24 hours away now. That these feelings of doubt will surely be squashed once she’s walking down the aisle and spotting Bogum waiting for her at the altar.

But after last night, she doesn’t think it would be the best idea to go to her best friend at the moment. When she had told Seungwan about the kiss, the younger girl seemed to have been lost in thought. It had ignited an unexpected sense of panic within Joohyun, prompting her to fake a yawn and call it night before she could possibly hear any words that she probably shouldn’t.

It was her one weakness. Seungwan’s words often had so much power over her. For instance, Seungwan could say a common joke and yet Joohyun would laugh like she’d never heard it before. Just with any other emotion-provoking phrases, Joohyun would simply feel more.

She didn’t know why… or maybe she did, but that’s something she should have gotten over years ago.

So no, going to Seungwan for advice on this matter definitely isn’t the move to make right now.

All Joohyun can do now is hope. Hope that when she wakes up tomorrow morning that everything will make sense. That what she wants will be fully realized. Either way, she’s Bae Joohyun and whatever happens, she’ll persevere.

----- The Wedding -----

When Joohyun wakes up, she’s calm.

When she’s in a chair getting her make-up done, she’s undisturbed.

When she’s looking at herself in the mirror with her wedding dress on, she feels beautiful.

When her friends look at her once all done-up and proceed to cry tears of joy, she cries sentimentally too.

When Seungwan gives her one last hug before walking out as the maid-of-honor, Joohyun’s heart pulses.

When she herself walks down the aisle and spots Seungwan with a bright smile at the altar next to her other bridesmaids, she smiles back. 

And when her eyes meet Bogum who is smiling just as wide, her smile nearly falters.

Suddenly, she’s panicking, but she can’t do much about it when so many eyes are on her at once. Everyone takes their seats and Joohyun feels like she can’t breathe when Seungwan is no longer standing behind her and instead sitting in the front row with Seulgi, Sooyoung and Yerim.

The two best friends share eye contact only for a brief moment, but then so many thoughts are running through her mind with ones she probably shouldn’t be thinking of at all. And as Joohyun pulls her eyes away, she barely catches a shift in Seungwan’s expression and wonders if something had gone wrong.

That expression weighs on Joohyun as she does her best to decipher what it could mean. She hears the marriage officiant go on and on and she is looking at Bogum with a small smile, but there’s a weight on her chest that she can’t seem to release. It itches at her, gnaws at her and all she wants is for it to go away-

“I object.”

Joohyun’s head whips to the noise and her heart stops.

The name ‘Seungwan’ escapes her lips just above a whisper.

The crowd murmurs, but Joohyun doesn’t listen to them. Not when Seungwan is approaching her at that moment.

“I- I’m sorry, Joohyun… I thought I was okay and I thought I was over it and I just couldn’t sit by any longer. I know this is literally the worst timing in all of the universe but I-,” Seungwan gulps, but stands tall. “I love you more than anything. You know that. But this love that I have it- it can’t bear to watch you marry someone else. I have been hopelessly in love with you for as long as I can remember and I know that this is long shot, but if there’s just a little bit of you that still has that lame old crush on me, then… then will you come with me?”

Seungwan holds her hand out and Joohyun stares at it, dazed. She can feel so many eyes on her at once as they await her next move. It feels like added weight and all Joohyun wants is for all of it to go away.

And when her hand clasps onto Seungwan, she feels so light.

She feels light because she was meant to be with the girl who made her stop crying when some stupid boys ruined her sandcastle. She was meant to be with the girl who never left her side, who would take care of her during her dark moments, whose hug felt like home, who’d make her laugh like no one else can, who had always stuck by her side. And she was meant to be with the girl she had loved before even realizing that she had already fallen for her a long time ago. So now, as she’s looking at Seungwan–her Seungwan–as the two of them make their great escape, she is ready to scream out loud and tell the world how much she loves her because this is who she was meant to be with after all. 

But she can’t. 

Because in reality, Seungwan’s still sitting in the front row and Joohyun’s standing at the altar standing across Bogum.

Joohyun looks at Seungwan, In my dreams, you love me back. 

----- 

Seungwan turns teary-eyed as she looks at Joohyun, You love me back, just not like that.

A/N: Angst-ish 🥲

I hope the last two lines came across how I intended, but basically Joohyun is thinking the first line and Seungwan is thinking the second line.

Anyways! This one-shot is LONG overdue as I had this plot in my head since the album came out. I mean, how could I not think of an AU the minute the song hit my ears? While this story isn't like a word-for-word adaptation, you can of this song as something that encapsulates Seungwan and Joohyun's feelings for each other.

Here's some notes about Joohyun that weren't touched on in the story since it was primarily in Wan's POV:

- In the diner when Joohyun talked about how she thought of Seungwan first after figuring out she was bi, she lied about the reason being the fact that Seungwan was a lesbian. She actually thought of Seungwan first because it was at that moment when her crush was realized--which also cleared up the reason why she felt the need to be so overprotective and possesive over Seungwan during their double date!

- Also, the diner convo about whether being friends was better than dating or not was Joohyun testing the water...which ultimately didn't work in her favor

- After her break-up with Jennie, her crush on Seungwan was revitalized because of all the mornings she'd wake up with Seungwan after a drunken night out. Seungwan would stay over because she'd take care of Joohyun all night and in the morning for hangovers.

- And of course, for their first kiss, Joohyun's decision to make the move was a mix of jealously, closeness and enough remaining alcohol in her system to give her the confidence to do it.

So, there you go! Thank you for reading and I'd love to know your thoughts :)

- S (rv_twice5 on twitter!!!)