I am going nowhere.

When Jung Soo was 17 he got selected In SM Entertainment and he joined only because he wanted to go away from the mean comments and belt whips of his father. He wasn't sure how strong he was, mentally and physiaclly to keep up with thiose for all his life. His father had only targeted him in the family, in drunk state and sober, coz his grandparents had taught him to never raise a hand on women. He loved his family a lot and did not resent his mother and sister to be women or blamed his grandparents for their teachings but sometimes he wished if he could be born as a girl too. So, he went away from that torture. He went to a place where even his breathing was monitered and every move, unwanted or unwarranted, bought punishments. He was the younger of the siblings yet he had grown up far earlier than he was expected to.

When he joined the place he never thought that he would become an older sibling, a shoulder to cry on, a person to rely on for literally everyone on the trainee program. He had special place for his three little siblings named Yoona, Hyukjae and Donghae. But other than them, he coddled everyone the same. He was their stand in parent figure, correcting their mistakes and praising them for the good and achievements. He was also their midnight therapist, a trustworthy doctor, a motivational and inspirational person, a fearless hyung. He never got to enjoy his childhood because of the expectations his father had placed on him and not teenagerhood beacause of the responsibilties thei young, astray unknown people brought him. By the time he started acting like his age he was in his early twenties. Not to mention, he was supposed to lead a group of people who were never meant to debut and nmake them believe that they were safe and prospering.

But he had never thought what had he landed himself in. He kept adjusting himself and looked forward to new directions and oppurtunities.

In between all this, there was someone who stuck like a sore thumb to him. And no, it wasn't Hee Chul because they were same age friends and he had learnt to cope with his narcisstic but vulnerable show of himself. That someone was Hangeng. He was the first chinese trainee ever inducted by a Korean entertainment company and he had so much more to learn than any of them. The languages, the dance style, the vocal practice, the culture, difference between formal language and informal one. He was here to show that he has what it takes to shine and that is why he can do it anywhere. He doesn't need to be in his comfort zone, in his country to reach the top.

He thought of helping him out somehow. This ended up in him going out of his way to befriend him. He waited extra hours for him, helped him with choreographies, taught him meaning of the words that were said rudely to him, simplifying the words that divided their language into formal and informal. None of this was easy as Hee Chul was always stuck next to him and he was protective [posessive] of his friends. Only when did he start receiving the formal training for acting as well that Jung Soo got more time to spend with the new trainee.

He started like he usually does, caring for him, befriending him, making him trust himself so he could let out his issues. After few months, they became good friends. Now Geng started sharing his worries with him and the best he could do was hold him and console him. Tell him that he was doing well and that he was improving. He had a chance to debut and rise to the top. That they would do this together and he will always be by his side.

Somewhere down the lane he also became very good friends with Hee Chul. A year before debut, when Hee was preparing for the debut of his drama, his tension rose high and his attitude became uncontrollable. That is when they decided to be in a relationship, all three of them. They sat down altogether to talk about their wants and their expectations. Hee wanted someone who could control him yet make him feel in control. Gen wanted someone who could let him be always on top physically but encourage him and praise him endlessly. Teuk just wanted to be someone of use. He ended up being someone who would almost always bottom and give anything the other wanted.

This helped them become themselves in a much better and calmer way than anyone had expected. They understood each other with gazes, touches and telepathically as well. They ventured into different zones but remain stuck throughout. Then came the break that everyone dreaded.

One evening when Hee was out for shooting something that Geng called the leader in his room and sat while hugging his pillow. Teukie saw that and said that they are friends before anything and now that he was their leader, Geng shouldn't be afraid or hide anything from him. Taking the words in stride, Geng said that he was going to file a case against the company and would withdraw from the group and go back as the company had made him sign a slave contract taking in his issue of illiteracy in the language at the time of signing. Teukie thought about it for a minute and said that he would be there for him whatsoever may happen.

He also asked that this should not be conveyed to Hee as he will break and he doesn't need it now when he is shining everywhere. That was agreed as well. When Hee came back home that evening he was told that Teuk had decided to break out from their relationship and now it was only the two of them. This has caused a big gap between them. The group was scared of every move of the three eldest but Teuk always calmed down every member that everything was under control and that Hee was being moodier than usual.

When the case was made public and Geng was reported to leave the country, Hee barged into Teuk's room only to find him curled up in his bed with Geng in his arms crying about how sorry he was, about how he had brought shame to the group and how he was gonna miss everything. Teukie tried his best to calm him down saying that he had done no such thing and that he would always be welcomed over here. That some contract doesn't bind them but their heart does and he will always be theirs. As if he had sensed that Hee would be standing at the door in agony, he had said those words looking straight in his eyes.

Hee just nodded his head as if agreeing to whatever he had said and went onto pile with them in a group hug. Recieving so mych love and not an ounce of hatred from the two people he had loved the most during his stay in the country, he forgave himself for the steps he had taken and enjoyed the hug for the last time.

Now, even 12 years later, all three of them look back at those memories with lot of fondness. They have a separate group, just three of them where they behave as vulgarly as they want. They are settled in their spaces and yet remain together.