Seungwan had a terrible habit of staying up late. It showed in her 3am baking sprees and her midnight IG lives, where she simply felt an itch to sing and relieve the pressures of a long day. Ever since that fateful December day, though, Seungwan’s nights had changed, just a little, but enough to make her thankful she’d become more open with her feelings. Brushes with death would do that to anyone.

                Back then, the late night walks along the Han River were no longer another way to escape the stifling stress of idol life; Wendy, then, had been free to be Seungwan for as long as she liked while she recuperated, enjoying the company of her family and close loved ones.

                Before the accident, she’d be walking with Joohyun, as they both loved the sight of the night sky, illuminated by Seoul’s glittering city horizon. After her hospital discharge, however, Seungwan still had to be careful while she endured physical therapy, so she’d settled on long drives instead of long walks, asking her parents or her manager or Joohyun, anyone really, who she’d known had a car.

                It wasn’t often that Joohyun could drive her around, but Seungwan still feels warm remembering the way her unnie had flown back from Japan just to celebrate her birthday with her (and yes, they’d had a night drive too, just as Seungwan loved.)

                Seungwan still stayed up late though, and she still wanted to sing. She’d send voice messages to her fans, always reassuring them that she’d keep her promise. She wasn’t going anywhere. She’d sing forever.

                Her members were there to support her through it all, especially as she went back to the recording studio to sing this OST and that OST and record features for other artists. Even with Joohyun’s promotions with the subunit with Seulgi and her movie filming, on those days where the stress piled up and the weight of idolhood made their shoulders sag a little more, the leader still found time to drive Seungwan around, for both their sakes.

                They’d talk about anything and everything. They’d say nothing at all. They’d listen to another artist Seungwan had found on her music platforms. (“Unnie, you should listen to this! It just got released today!”) They’d listen to the tried-and-true driving playlist Seungwan had (she had countless playlists, sorted by lyrics and vibes and the way they made Seungwan feel. Oh, and one specifically for fan recommendations. She tried to make sure she wouldn’t recommend another song with curse words in it.)

                Somewhere within all these drives, or maybe it was before, long before, when they were still rookies and still Seungwan and Joohyun, untouched by stardom, but starstruck by one another, did feelings blossom. Seungwan wasn’t afraid this time. She couldn’t afford to beat around the bush any longer. Time was finite, life was unexpected. She never knew when something would happen and make her lose it all again.

                The confession happened suddenly, in the middle of one of their drives. It wasn’t sudden though. Joohyun and Seungwan, they’d both known it. Their relationship had always been one that teetered so dangerously close to the unspeakable, to what wasn’t allowed, to what would spell the end of Red Velvet if ever allowed to grow.

                “I love you a lot, unnie. I always have.”

                Seungwan had said a lot more then, her tendency to word vomit coupled with the relaxation and comfort of a drive with her most cherished member under the starry sky. But Joohyun, her sweet lovely Joohyun, had smiled, in that way that said “I know.”

                “I know your heart, Seungwan-ah. You don’t have to say anymore.”

                Seungwan thinks that’s where she suddenly gained the tendency to say that phrase, that phrase her unnie said that gave her so much comfort. She knew. She knew and saw her heart and didn’t reject her, and all was right with the world.

                Seungwan found the song by The Millenial Club a few days later. The next time they went on a drive, she played it for her unnie.

                If the whole world breaks, seeing what’s at stake, would you be my girl? Would you be my world?

                Yes, their hearts both said.

                Seungwan still stays up late even though she said she was trying to be a morning person in that interview for her mini album. She can’t help it, not when nighttime is filled with her loves of singing and Joohyun.

                Seungwan knew once she started her job as a DJ, she’d have to share personal information about her life, even if they were mundane or trivial. She’d done well with her privacy all these years, but she knew she was too honest to a fault. She talked with Joohyun about it.

                “I can’t hide when I like someone romantically. I’m scared I can’t hide my love for you.”

                Her unnie gave her blessing.

                “That’s what I love about you, Seungwan. You never hide your heart with me, so let that give you strength. Let them hear the happiness in your voice.”

                She’s glad they talked.

                Seungwan wonders if she’s been obvious. Discussing love lives with her guests had let her slip a few times.

                “If you like someone, confess to them immediately! Don’t hesitate!”

                “I couldn’t do that. If I liked someone I worked with, I wouldn’t be able to hide it at all.”

                She thinks those are innocent enough. She’s a hopeless romantic, now all her fans know. She’s talked about umbrellas in the rain with a boyfriend or girlfriend. She’s talked about not being able to handle her crush resting her head on her shoulder. She thinks of all these romantic scenarios and how they only make her think of Joohyun.

                She texts her later if they can go for a drive later.

                Days pass. After another midnight IG live, Joohyun comes by to pick up Seungwan. Seungwan falls more in love every day. Her unnie is the most gentle person, from the way she brakes, to the way she listens to the radio as often as she can, to the seaweed soup she made for her that day after recording. Seungwan can’t help spilling her feelings for her. They bubble out of her every time she thinks of those long night drives.

                “Our Joohyun unnie <3 Wanso <3 I love you <3”

                “There’s a part of you that I really like.”

                “Unnie told me to take a video of me eating her soup.”

                “Unnie is really such a great driver.”

                “She’s just so smooth while driving.”

                These feelings similarly spill out suddenly as a wanso sends a message about Joohyun’s birthday.

                “Unnie, thank you for being born. I love you.”

                She delivers the words surely and deliberately. Her love isn’t a laughing matter. She can’t hide it any longer. She wants the world to know her unnie means the world to her.

                Later, she’s told that a certain part of the BTOB radio will get cut. It’s too personal. It jeopardizes their safety. Seungwan wonders how love can be dangerous. Still, she texts her unnie.

                When we’re both better, let’s go for a drive?

                She pretends she’s not surprised when an answer immediately comes back.

                Always.