Goodbye Summer - Amber, Krystal, Luna, D.O

The friend 'label'
Is a label that I got to hate
The feelings that I've hidden still remain
As a painful secret memory

Krystal 

I think back then, I knew. 

I knew that somewhere down the line of years and years of being around each other, spending almost every single day laughing at each other's jokes and exchanging hugs when we part ways that love had seeped in through the cracks of our friendship. It's not like it had never even crossed my mind though. Amber was that fresh of breath air, the one you're desperate to breath in after being scrutinized and constricted almost everywhere you go. I was scouted since I was a teenager and I never imagined doing anything else but this. 

But this..

I never imagined this. 

Amber's eyes are drooped, staring at me with a emotionless expression that I've noticed has developed over the years. 

She was never like this. Cold, calm and collected. She was just another trainee who got scouted and another member of the same band that I ended up meeting, the flash of her anxiety ridden face and nervous actions hitting me like a ton of bricks. Now, she's older with the charm and face of a handsome male model and the poise of a sophisticated business woman. 

My heart skips a beat as she chuckles mirthlessly. 

She throws her fingers into her hair and closes her eyes, as if my earlier admission had given her a headache. 

By the looks of it, it looks like I did. 

On cue, I walk closer to her to brush her head like I've always done. Like how it always has been. 

I blink, water falling out of my eyes as she slaps my hand away from her forehead. It isn't a hard slap but its a gesture that oozes discomfort and distaste as she regards me with another look. "Of course, you'll always be my friend. That's how we'll always be." Its said with such forced politeness that I can only falter and frown sadly at her. 

I don't like this. 

I don't like her like this. 

The Amber Liu that I knew had always been so quick to cheer me on, make me laugh and carry me around on her back like an idiot. The Amber Liu I knew had the face of subtle beauty overpowered by the sheer artistry of handsomeness, a face that was always planted with a smile and happy eyes. The Amber Liu that I knew wouldn't look at me like that. 

More of my tears fall and I bite my lip furiously to keep it from trembling. 

Of course, that Amber Liu is long gone. 

And I can't expect the same one to come back anymore. 

Especially after I broke her heart. 

And with the way that things have been for a while, it seems like that she doesn't love me anymore. 

She's got someone else now and I will feel what she felt those months when she'd walk into a room to find me with my ex-boyfriend, Jong-in, and walk away in tears. 

Only then I could say and do nothing as she'd leave the general vicinity with a tight face, always excusing herself to find something else to do. 

It bothered me but I was convinced that Jong-in was the one that I wanted, the one that I loved so I ignored it for a long while. 

It's almost comical if it wasn't tragic at the same time. 

I love her. 

I'm in love with my best friend. 

The same best friend whose heart I broke when I told her that I was dating someone. 

The same best friend whose face so full of life and happiness dulled to a serious and nonchalant face. 

The same best friend clearing in front of me and tapping her foot against the puddle of water beneath us.

Oh, right. 

It's raining. 

Her eyes are hazed, confusion and a small spark of nonchalance in them. She's obviously waiting for me to reply but for the life of me, I can't even form any words to tell her. 

I'm under an umbrella and my face is wet- , I'll just tell her that it was the rain, 

Gosh, I'm so pathetic. 

I haven't seen her in a long time and I can't even compose myself enough to hang out with her anymore. 

Victoria was right. 

Both of us had changed too much. 

And if I realized everything too late then Jong-in was right as well. 

I'm truly an idiot. 

"Idiot," Amber starts and I look back at her, or rather up at her. She's gone into my space