Baekhyun would be lying if said he wasn't nervous to be sat here in a place that's so familiar and one that holds so many bittersweet memories. In fact a part of him feels stupid to be sat at "their table," swirling his spoon around a frothy hot cappuccino as he waits for his ex to show up. He almost fell off his sofa when he got that text four days ago. At first he contemplated not responding and marching  over to Kungsoo's apartment to have it out over how Park Chanyeol got his number in the first place. He was half tempted to remind Kungsoo exactly what his former best friend had put him through, Kungsoo always peacemaker had said it was Jongdae who handed over his mobile number, further leaving him dumbstruck when he announced Chanyeol was back in Korea and had been in touch with all of their shared friends.

Baekhyun was a little bit bitter that he appeared to the last to know this nugget of information, but then remembered Kungsoo and Chanyeol were so close back then. Kungsoo was the hardest hit after himself when he called to say Chanyeol had left him! Kungsoo remained the one who tried to stick up for his ex and always explained Chanyeol was not all to blame. What Kungsoo said 5 years ago hurt, it took him a long time to realise Soo was not wrong and now they have a better friendship. Kungsoo also the one of their group chat whom had planted the seed of don't you want to know what he has to say? 

It led to curiosity getting the better of him, instead of blocking the unfamiliar number he responded and here they are five days later about to meet for the first time in 5 years. It's hard not to think about how the heartache between them could of been avoided if Chanyeol had just stuck around long enough to tell him how unhappy he was, but to place all the blame just on him is unfair! His own mental health five years ago had a big part to play,  he was on a downward spiral, one that crashed into their life like a comment! He now knows the cause of his breakdown, Chanyeol walking away was just the tip of the iceberg! What he thought was just his parents nagging, was actually mental abuse! The constant put downs on anything from his weight to the way he dressed, to the colour of his hair! 

Their added pressure for him to be the best at a profession he did not pick for himself, just made him miserable! His dreams of working in the publishing industry were laughed at, and he was manipulated into aiming for accounting, got the job they wanted. When a more experienced member of staff got promoted above him, was when the true issues started. His parents just didn't believe it was down to the others experience, and blamed it on his laziness! Something he's never been he just always preferred words over numbers. The only good thing in his life was Chanyeol, the handsome older man who's own consultancy office occupied the same building as his accounting firm! It was all going so well, their dates turned into a relationship, six months of sleep overs turned into moving into together! 

It was all so magical until it wasn't, Baekhyun can't pinpoint exactly what pushed him over the edge, but one minute he was hoping to get time off for their first overseas trip together, to next believing his parents words. Their spiteful mean words, always about his appearance, that Chanyeol didn't want a lazy chubby boy. When Chanyeol came home one night and he bought up going overseas, Chanyeol had made some comment about both of them needing to do more overtime and be less lazy, eat healthier,  just made him shutdown and believe all the nasty words.

Baekhyun has to stop the awful trip down memory lane, it will do him no good to think of that time after how far he has come! He will have plenty of time to face those demons, right now he has to face the demons that helped end his relationship. Raising his head from the coffee cup, he looks out the window in front of him stands the man that has haunted his dreams for years Park Chanyeol! Standing across the road staring at him, his traitorous heart thumping hard in his chest even now after all this time apart Park Chanyeol wrecks him.

Chanyeol is still gorgeous still so statuesque, Baekhyun knows a hard muscled body will still be hidden under that Burberry cashmere coat. Those eyes, lips and even those ears have featured in many a dream/nightmare, when he's relapsed into anxiety! He shouldn't stare but can't help him self, he's not surprised he's still enchanted by this man at one time this man was his everything. The only difference now is the way Chanyeol carries himself, that confidence he always had clearly subdued and Baekhyun can tell Chanyeol is as nervous as he is. As far as he is concerned Chanyeol has good reason to be nervous it's not everyday you ask to meet the man you abandoned in the middle of the night for a coffee. 

The elephant in the room though really wasn't that he was just abandoned, Chanyeol had met someone else. Had  admitted to cheating on him for months, that this man gave  him everything. This Henry person that was able to give Chanyeol everything he couldn't at the time, so he left. Left for a new life in London, away from him, their friends, their life. Henry Goldsmith the successful British entrepreneur that had stolen his man, by flaunting his prestige and wealth and luxury lifestyle Chanyeol was accustomed too. Jealousy pure green jealousy settles in stomach at the very thought of Chanyeol making love to this man, endless questions and self loathing about his own clearly inadequate capability to pleasure Chanyeol kept him up for the first few weeks after his departure. 

Shaking his head he has to stop thinking of the past, it won't change the outcome of what's happened between them. His own demons had as much a part to play, yes the catalyst to his suicide attempt was being abandoned and the angry words of his parents, but it wasn't all their fault. He let the seed of destruction plant in his mind, it's ensnaring grasp warped his reality, making him believe he was unloved and useless. That the world was better off without him in it! Shuddering at remembering those bleak days, it's a time that will always hurt, but his life would not be what it is now without that dark time in his life. Nor would his relationship with his parents be what it is today, therapy, screams, tears and heart ache have strengthened their bond. 

It truly is the end of his trip down memory lane when he sees Chanyeol take a deep breath and finally cross the road, making him take his own deep breath. Just in time for him to calm his nerves before the door opens, and for the first time in five years take a good look at the man who left him. He can already hear that smooth tenor voice call out his name! 

"Baekhyun!"

"Hello Chanyeol!"

Chanyeol's POV

It's been so long since he heard that gentle voice, he's ashamed to admit he almost forgot how beautiful it is and how soft his name sounds on that tongue. This Baekhyun is not Baekhyun he remembers, but he would be lying if he said he felt nothing! There's a flutter in his stomach but he's not sure if it's nerves or if he's just in awe of what he sees! Baekhyun was always beautiful, but now he just looks stunning. Gone is the greasy hair to be replaced with a orange that's bright enough to stand out but soft enough to compliment the clearest skin he's ever seen! He doesn't remember Baekhyun's skin being so translucent, those crystal blue eyes he used to hide behind glasses look even more intense then before. Broad shoulders are covered by clothes that fit him perfectly, not attempting to hide that subtle softness he used to use as a pillow. 

There is not much of the geeky boy he left behind in the man before him save for those eyes, eyes that still don't hold any emotion. Mentally kicking himself he should not be expecting a smile after what he put this man through, he has first hand experience about how that feels now, it is not an experience he wants to repeat. It's made him realise that what he did was a cowardly act, and honestly has no idea how he even managed to get out the front door. Well he does, he confused the excitement of sneaking around with love and believed Henry was the better choice. How wrong he was, yes it was beautiful at first, but that all changed in the last six months, first finding out Henry was sleeping with someone else, the second when he found out it was his secretary, Henry's pregnant secretary. 

His whole world feel apart when the snake confirmed the baby was his. The tears and desperation soon made way to anger, and his own reinvention, moving out of the house they shared and completely restyling himself.  The shame he felt about discovering how Baekhyun must of felt had him discovering a new side to himself, a newfound respect for the grace of Baekhyun agreeing to meet him today. 

"I will be honest Chanyeol I'm not really sure what I'm doing here!"

"Do you not know why I'm back in Seoul?"

"I assume it's a business trip, but it's not really any of my business is it, you made sure of that!"

Chanyeol winces, whilst there's no malice from that soft voice the intention is pretty clear, the elephant in the room is already out in the open. Chanyeol raises his head from the steaming coffee in front of him, it's clear in Baekhyun's posture that he has hurt this man, no destroyed this man with his own careless and selfish actions. In the end what was it all for, he didn't get his happy ever after and he may not know the whole story but  it's clear Baekhyun suffered greatly.

"I owe you so much more than a simple I'm sorry Baekhyun, I just don't know where to begin."

"Chanyeol it won't change what's happened between us and to be honest I'm not sure if an apology would mean anything right now."

Chanyeol can't ignore the pangs in chest at those words, whilst they haven't been screamed at him, they do hold a truth that he has to accept. A small part of him is impressed by this vastly different Baekhyun, five years ago he would of just hidden himself in the spare room with a book or would be buried in his text books. Even when Chanyeol was being wined and dined by Henry he would come home expecting Baekhyun to be waiting for him only to see a plate on the table, and Baekhyun squirrelled  away in the study completely oblivious to the fact he's just got home. 

Chanyeol subtlety watches as Baekhyun takes a sip of his favourite coffee, he can really see the growth of the man he left behind! The Baekhyun of yesterday would never be so bold to reject an apology from him, it does make him feel ashamed that he never wanted to talk about their problems!

"Your apology means nothing because that would mean allowing you to take all the blame! I was so wrapped up in the belief I was failing by not getting a promotion and my parents cruel words at the time I neglected the one person who saw me for me!"

"Baekhyun"

"Where did we go so wrong Chanyeol, one minute we were so happy planing a first trip away and the next we were strangers. I've done a lot of soul searching in the years you've been gone, I know that I was as much to blame, I practically pushed into Henry's arms."

"That doesn't mean I should of fallen in to his trap."

"Temptation isvoften hard to ignore. What did you mean when you said you don't know where to begin?"

Chanyeol looks into Baekhyun's eyes and for the first time he sees an emotion other than emptiness, he sees curiosity. He's surprised by the gentle question really he knows he should come clean about why he is here and what happened.

"I don't where to begin because I finally know how it feels to be in your shoes, how soul destroying it is too know the person you love castes you aside. How can I just say I'm sorry?"

"What happened Chanyeol?"

"His pregnant secretary happened!"

"Finding out about her must of hurt and to be pregnant too, it's not a nice feeling is it and makes you question what you did wrong!"

"Is that what I did to you, did I make you feel like you did something wrong?"

"Chanyeol you left me for another man, flew half way across the world to get away from me, it was obvious I was not good enough for you!"

Chanyeol can feel his whole body freeze at Baekhyun's words, the shame he felt when he stood outside is nothing like the shame he feels now. He has to lower his head away from Baekhyun's intense gaze, his heartbeat  is thumpingso hard he can feel it his ears! His chest is burning so much he's finding it difficult to breathe, those whispered words will be branded on his soul for the rest of his life. He can feel his chest heaving as it gets even more difficult to breathe, his worst fears have come to light he truly is nothing but a villain. Finally raising his head as his vison swims does he see concern grace Baekhyun's face, he tries to shake his head he doesn't deserve anything from this man. Especially concern all this time he believed Baekhyun had accepted their parting because he was not interested in saving their relation is so far from the reality.

Baekhyun didn't chase him, because he believed that he himself was trying to get away from him! The pain in his heart is so intense he's finding breathing difficult, his vison swims with blurry white light as he finally accepts that perhaps why he is feeling so rotten is because he is one in the wrong there can be no redemption for what he's done. The strange tingling in his body, and the sense of feeling underwater is beginning to get to much, the darkness he knows will bring the relief of nothingness he so desperately needs. He wanted to meet again to start to mend fences, his road to redemption is going to be a marathon and no less then he deserves.

He can no longer face his shame of destroying Baekhyun's life, and lets that darkness consume him, the last things he sees is Baekhyun jumping out of his chair and reaching for him. He's too far into the void of nothingness to hear what Baekhyun is saying.

Hello my lovelies,

I hope you like this update and that it sets the tone, I know it's very doom and gloom right now but Chanyeol and Baekhyun will reunite first they have some soul searching to do, and this is about falling back in love and not my classic insta love.

I know it's also a bit dramatic but admitting when you have done something wrong can be drastic hence the collapsing.

Yes I have been heavy with the detail but I like to make my stories as detailed as I can. I really want to create a beautiful rediscovering of love, love story and to do that I need to highlight a lot of emotions.

Anyway enough of my waffling, let me know what  you think please be honest too even if you think it's not my best work.

❤️❤️❤️