It’s a typical rainy day.

 

Dahyun didn’t even know why she invited Sana to go to wherever they wanted to go while it’s raining and there is a high chance that they will be drenched from the rain if they will have a walk in the park, that is the thing they were used to do back then, unless they will just agree to stay at the Mall.

 

And yes, she’s running late, for the first time.

 

She doesn’t know that she will run out of time because she just came from running some errands from her family and she doesn’t want to regret, but she keeps on regretting while on her way to Sana.

 

She is 30 minutes running late already for Pete’s sake and she doesn’t know what to feel.

 

When the vehicle stopped and she finally arrived to her destination, she sighed.

 

She entered the Mall and saw a girl holding her phone looking so gorgeously with her hair tied into a braid that is currently lying in her shoulder. It made Dahyun smile.

 

“Hey, I’m so sorry I’m late. I came from the other side of the town. I’m sorry I made you wait.”

 

“No worries about it, Dahyun. Don’t make it a big deal.”

 

Well, it’s actually a big deal for Dahyun because she doesn’t know and she realized just now that gosh, I didn’t know it’s so nice that you’re actually the one waiting for me this time.

 

They then just decided to keep on walking and walking and walking, just like what Sana always wants to do that Dahyun just suddenly told herself I envy your liking in walking because you don't get tired of me, while in our relationship... never mind.

 

They don’t have a specific location to stay to, or at least a specific destination because that’s how Sana usually does… to make Dahyun walk and just talk about anything under the sun (or in their case, under the rain, even if they are currently inside an establishment).

 

Until they eventually found a bench to sit down after Sana decided to buy the both of them some ice cream to eat, so that ‘date’ cannot be just about them walking.

 

It’s also the first time that Sana treated Dahyun some food, even if it is just an ice cream and the latter is very grateful for it.

 

That’s where their conversation officially started.

 

“Hey, so uhm… thanks for agreeing to spend this day with me.”

“Of course, Dahyun. No need to mention it.”

 

“Hmm… so what keeps busy these days?”

 

“Me? My new hobby of making different scents for candles and perfumes, I guess. As well as gardening. How about you?”

 

“Same old, same old.”

 

“Oh. I see”

 

It’s awkward. Dahyun can literally feel how awkward it is and she instantly just want to get out from it, but she doesn’t know how exactly.

 

“Can I ask the reason why you asked me to come with you today? I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to, but…”

 

“No, it’s totally okay. I just want to spend some time with you is all and yes, thank you for coming, really. And I’m sorry”

 

Sana chuckled. She doesn’t know how many times did she heard Dahyun said thank you and sorry to her in that day alone and she doesn’t also know if she will be really happy with it or not.

 

“Dahyun, it’s your special day. Come on, don’t look down and make me feel bad. I want you to be happy today.”

 

Dahyun glanced at her and Sana was somehow startled with what she just said.

 

“And every day, of course”

 

“Sana, you have gotten beautiful as days pass by, do you know that?”

 

“Oh, please. I should be the one saying that to you. You get prettier day by day, Dahyun”

 

They giggled at each other before Sana continued talking again and just talked about their feelings and memories.

 

“You know…. Ever since then, I already think that you’re a pretty person with a beautiful heart, Dahyun. You’re so nice to others, always leading the class, even placing at the top of it because of you being a bookworm and always wanting to study in any chance you get.”

 

“Shut up. I’m embarrassed now”

 

“No, but really. I admire you so much because of your passion and dedication of graduating not just because your parents told you to, but because you really want to.”

 

“I appreciate your nice words Sana, really”

 

“And that’s just one of the million reasons I like about you.”

 

It made Dahyun blush and cannot say anything for a moment that gives an opportunity for Sana to continue.

 

“You’re indeed lovable, even your flaws. You’re cute and sweet and lovely and all about sunshine and butterflies. Your presence radiates warmth and I really like that about you. Your existence screams comfort and you never fail to make the people around you happy and contented with life because you made them think this world is a better place to live in.”

 

“Your words are drowning, Miss. I feel like I’m already being eaten by ants here because of your cheesy and sweet words.”

 

“I’m telling the truth, Dahyunie. You’re so perfect that I did not regret loving all of you.”

 

A pregnant pause before Sana continued the conversation that Dahyun is thankful for because it feels like her saliva just went dry and her mind cannot think of something they could talk about. The conversation has been just too serious and they both need to exhale from it and maybe change the topic.

 

“Dahyunie, I still memorize your phone number”

 

It’s random, but instead of a smile, the younger wanted to scoff and anyone can tell how she is trying hard not to do it because she respects the girl beside her.

 

“Really? Well, I’m not surprised anymore because I have not change my phone number ever since”

 

And it’s true, though. Unlike Dahyun, Sana keeps on changing her phone number that made her tell herself internally again, like our relationship… I am still here staying like my phone number, but you’re there, you keep on changing yours, changing what you really like, who you really like.

 

Sana then gave her a sweet smile and noticed that Dahyun already finished her ice cream so she asked her to go to the department store next, even if they both know they have nothing to buy there and just want to, probably, check some furniture and some stuff.

 

“What are we doing here, Sana?”

 

“I don’t know as well, Dahyun. Let’s walk again going nowhere, shall we?”

 

Dahyun can’t even imagine the day where Sana will get tired of walking because the girl just feel like she never ran out of energy for walking alone.

 

She remembers how the girl will always walk an extra mile when they were still in school and never complain because she likes walking so much.

 

They just keep on walking in the furniture section so Dahyun keep on walking forward, if not for Sana suddenly turning right at the toy section and pointed out a cute teddy bear.

 

“Look, Dahyunie! It looks like the bear you gave me when we were in middle school. It also looks cute as you”

 

“As if, heh! I’m cuter than that, Sana”

 

Dahyun tried to pout while making a V sign that made Sana giggle. Oh, how Dahyun misses that sound so much and how it still give her butterflies in her stomach. It feels so nice.

 

But then again, what just happened made her told herself internally once again, that like walking and suddenly turning sideways… it is just really obvious that we indeed have separate ways to go on now.

 

It was a great 2 hours of just walking around the Mall and talking about their feelings, memories, and relationship when they decided to go out.

 

“Dahyun, I want to ask you something”

 

“Yeah? Go on, Sana”

 

“Why are wearing a short shorts?”

 

Dahyun was literally puzzled with what Sana just asked. Sana literally just sounded like an over-protective girlfriend who doesn’t want her partner to be seen by others wearing some revealing clothes and Dahyun doesn’t exactly know what to feel about that.

 

“Eh? Is there something wrong with it? Do you have any problem with that? I mean, I didn’t have the chance to change anymore because I’m running late”

 

Sana shook her head and it made Dahyun sighed. Back then, when one of them is wearing some too revealing clothes, one will instantly get mad because there might be some people who will check on them because of those and they both hated it. But now, Dahyun just thought of the question, “We’re not in a relationship anymore, right?” so she believes that it is more than okay for her to wear clothes that she wants without anyone’s consent.

 

Two minutes after that conversation, drizzles were unexpectedly visible in the night dark sky until it became a rain shower.

 

It suddenly feels like they were in a romantic film where after they had a lovers quarrel, they will make up by kissing or hugging, except that they are in reality and they are not considered as lovers anymore.

 

They are walking towards the parking lot where Sana parked her car where the latter suddenly just pulled Dahyun closer to her and half hug her.

 

Dahyun’s world instantly stopped as she feels the rain drops float and all she can see are the street light near them and the image of her and Sana standing in the middle of that wide parking lot and no one else, nothing else.

 

It feels like a dream. That certain scenario feels like a dream and Dahyun doesn’t want to wake up from it.

 

“Dahyunie~”

 

She was pulled back to reality when Sana spoke and softly giggled at her.

 

“Y-yeah?”

 

“Let’s go inside the car already, we’re getting soaked in the rain. I’m gonna drive you home”

 

“Y-yeah, sure. Thank you.”

 

Here’s the thing, though. Dahyun doesn’t really know why, but she deeply thinks that the rain suddenly became essential to her just because of what happened earlier. She thinks that if only Sana continued to fully hug her, then maybe she is happier when she finally went back home, but she also thinks that it’s okay, at least we told ourselves that we like hugging each other while raining.

 

It was a long day for Dahyun and she can say that it was a day well spent, moreover that she spends the rest of it with Sana.

 

The ride back home was quiet and chilly that she just said their quick goodbye to each other and the next thing Dahyun knew is that she’s already writing in her journal that feel like she’s writing a whole essay to be submitted in her literature class.

 

Dahyun doesn’t really know why she wanted a hug from Sana, though, and why she keeps on thinking about that half-hug.

 

“Maybe because you have my safeness and I personally want you to give it back to me.”

 

She said out loud as she write those words in her journal.

 

Sana’s existence just screams serenity and safety. It feels like when someone is in her arms, that person will feel safe and protected because Sana is there and she always got that person’s back all the time.

 

She sighed before she continued writing and when she went to that part, that certain part she didn’t want to talk about a while ago and the part she is so awkward to talk about, she cannot help but stop herself from shedding a tear.

 

Honestly, she just wanted to meet Sana that day and be with her on that special day so she can be sure of herself, that she will be assured that Dahyun indeed belong to her already. But there’s still something, that once she will not choose her, or if she will still not talk about their relationship, what they really are, and if the both of them will still not fix it, then Dahyun will not hesitate to talk to the girl Sana is seeing at the moment and snatch Dahyun away from her.

 

She’s half joking with the last part, but who knows if she will really do that anyway.

 

Everything that has happened to them a while ago is already a proof that they are indeed in their own reality already, that they already know in themselves that Sana already has a special someone and Dahyun is already alone, but their laughter, eye contact, teasing moments, and conversation a while ago are all true and natural.

 

It feels like everything just made a quick replay to Dahyun’s mind and it made her smile. It’s just a small thing, but to her, it means a lot already.

 

She ended her journal entry for that day with some nice words for Sana, or so she thinks.

 

“I really hope that you will not get sick because we were drained in the rain a while ago and that I hope you’re always happy. I am really grateful for this day, thank you Sana.”

 

She thinks of another thing and did not hesitate because it’s her own anyway.

 

“I hope there will still be next time, and in that next time, I hope I can be yours again. I wish I can be yours again.”

 

Her last words hit so hard that it made her remember Sana’s last words to her before she go back in her car.

 

“Goodbye, Dahyun. Happy birthday.”

 

That goodbye feel like it’s for good because of how heavy it is and how it gives a tug in Dahyun’s heart, hitting her soul.

 

And maybe Dahyun is right because there will be no next time.

 

“And I can never be yours again”