To say Karina was antsy that very moment was a complete understatement, and her clammy hands and slightly fast-paced breathing were more than enough to show that. There was also the way she’d attempted to smooth the creases and pick at the fibers on her dress shirt for the umpteenth time that day which definitively, would have made it safe to assume that she was anxious beyond belief.

Because when she decided to invite a certain blonde-haired girl out to eat after years of not talking— with no prior interaction for so long, all choked up as she had called the younger girl’s number and asked her out to eat— she really didn’t know what to expect. Karina was apprehensive at the time, yet all she had thought about upon going back to her hometown was reaching out. 

It wasn’t really anything dramatic, but a case of them slowly growing apart with time. The older girl had chalked it up to differences in interests that they simply couldn’t compromise for, and it was around that time that the older girl had decided to move to the city to pursue a more stable and remunerative career as a model. 

She’d admit that leaving without any prior notice, or even a “goodbye” to Winter was a fault on her part though, and if there was anything she’d have to truthfully and wholeheartedly apologize for, it was that. Because she knew if there was anyone that deserved to know, it was Winter. After all,  they’ve basically grown up together, and they had come to know each other so precisely, it was like they were a two-in-one package. 

Though Karina could attribute it to her forgetfulness, or simply the fact that they were growing apart then, she knew that there was an underlying explanation to why she never told Winter— something that she could never come to terms with and admit to herself, even until present. Because that fact alone had ended up making Karina question a lot of things about herself, and she feared the possible consequences of that realization. 

Her train of thought would immediately be silenced upon the arrival of a familiar girl though, and Karina suddenly felt light-headed as a certain blonde-haired girl with blue highlights stared right back at her, a black backpack slung over her shoulder as she plopped onto the seat in front. 

Winter had (naturally) grown up to become so beautiful that the older girl wouldn’t even be surprised if she’d decided to pursue a career in modeling as well. The fact that she’d never really moved on from flannel jackets and ripped jeans would have made Karina laugh and tease Winter, but they weren’t exactly on “teasing terms” then, so the older girl had just settled for a pinch in her heart. 

There was a blank expression on her face— eyes steely and emotionless, and it kind of hurt to see her own childhood friend look at her this way. It was a complete contrast to the warm, homely gaze she had f̶a̶l̶l̶e̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶  gotten used to. It was the same gaze Winter would often give to people she couldn’t care less about, or to those that would have picked on Karina years ago. 

Now, they were on her and that fact alone made the older girl want to cry. And she was sure that if she were to cry, Winter wouldn’t even do a thing— only look at her, and mutter something about being way too sensitive. 

“Hi.” Karina choked out, forcing the words out of to avoid any awkward silence from happening. 

“Mmhm, hello.” The younger girl only hummed and waved weakly, as if she was completely disinterested. 

That exchange of greeting alone had told Karina that this meeting was going to be excruciatingly long and painfully—… well, painful. Winter looked like she’d rather be anywhere else than with her, and Karina had initially thought that the most heartbreaking thing in the world was being a witness to the ending scene of Toy Story 4. 

The waitress drops by to take their order, and the younger girl’s face immediately twists into one polite smile that she didn’t even bother giving Karina upon them meeting. 

The older girl took the menu, kind-of-jealously turning to the waitress and forcing the most fake smile. She couldn’t help but feel annoyed by how the girl taking their orders seemed to look at Winter a lot more, and shouldn’t there be acceptable durations of staring for restaurant staff? She’d have to look into that later.

Not that she was jealous, of course. She was just— … looking out for the younger girl. Karina wouldn’t want Winter to get herself into some relationship she wouldn’t be happy in. Maybe she could settle for something better than a waitress, though there was nothing wrong with that— one would just simply think a person so breathtakingly gorgeous would be better suited for a m̶o̶d̶e̶l̶ person with an upstanding job. 

“We’ll take hawaiian pizza and lasagna.” 

“Lasagna?” Winter blinked, eyebrows pinched together. “I don’t like lasagna.” 

“Yes, you do. It was your favorite growing up.” Karina raised a brow, absolutely confident that she hadn’t forgotten because she could still vividly recall the moments they shared before, and the multitude of Winter’s birthday parties the older girl had gone to that were almost always held in some italian diner that served lasagna. 

“Well, it’s not anymore.” The younger girl exhaled through her nose, shaking her head. “Not that you’d know, anyway.” 

“Wh—what?” 

The way Karina’s voice had ended up cracking probably made it sound more dramatic than it should’ve been, but it really did seem like the most preposterous thing in the world to her— Winter loved lasagna so much that she even had that accent to her voice whenever she said it, and she’d repeated it without end years ago when she first heard it. 

Winter would only nod, and the older girl had no choice but to hesitantly, and sadly omit the meal from their order.  

The waiting was painfully stretched out due to the lack of talking, partially because Karina’s mind was clouded with things she could possibly say but can’t bring herself to due to the non-receptive vibe the younger girl had assumed during their whole duration together so far that night. 

The final nail in the coffin that might have done it for the older girl was when Winter’s phone rang.  Karina had slipped a glance to the ID of the caller, and she had immediately felt this sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that honestly made her want to throw up a little. 

Winter and Ningning had always been close— having this mutual interest for music that might have ticked her off more than once back when they were kids. Ningning, the chinese girl with the most adorable smile plastered on her face, and the childlike-demeanor that you’d actually feel endeared by, was a proficient singer, and Winter— who arguably had a similar disposition, had a knack for playing guitar. If Karina and Winter weren’t the ideal two-in-one package, Ningning and Winter certainly were. 

Back then, if Karina and Winter weren’t hanging out and talking about a lot of things, Winter was with Ningning— writing songs about family, or romantic love, or anything and everything under the sun, really. There was also the way that when Karina and Winter grew apart, the younger girl had turned to Ningning instead— they had grown closer then, and it was like a kick to the heart for the older girl. 

Winter’s face immediately brightened up, and her eyes finally had this sparkle that she’d always worn around Karina back then— now an expression she’d save for a certain Chinese girl. The younger girl would excuse herself, taking her phone and walking out of the restaurant briefly. 

And Karina really didn’t know what had gotten to her then, because she was usually the type of person who could manage to keep it together no matter how tough the situation was. But as she sat there silently waiting, immersed in her own thoughts, she suddenly felt her vision grow blurry. Tears welled up in her eyes, and before she knew it, she was sniffling quietly to herself. 

Because God, Ningning probably knew what Winter’s favorite food was now— and if it wasn’t lasagna, Karina’s head would just draw a complete blank because she’d gotten used to that piece of knowledge for so long. They’ve probably written way more love songs than Winter and Karina have ever even exchanged words. 

And Karina really just wanted to wrap her arms around the younger girl and cry about the many things that have plagued her for so long— like how she couldn’t ever look Winter in the eye directly for longer than thirty seconds even way back, or how she’d end up getting all flustered at the tiniest touch, but still yearned for the younger girl’s embrace regardless. 

It was also how the sight of the blonde girl alone managed to take her back to those days she’d just calm down whenever she held Winter’s hand— as if there was some magic power to her touch because she could’ve sworn there was always some weird, spell-like sensation being cast upon her whenever they held hands when all of a sudden, nothing else seemed to matter.

She’d sigh heavily, letting her head drop. One would think spending years apart could desensitize her, or completely extinguish these emotions she’d gone to develop— but it had only become quite the opposite, because now she could confidently argue that they’ve only worsened. 

“Sorry, Ning was just asking about how—” Winter had gone back, only to see the tears rolling down Karina’s face and at this moment the older girl could already imagine the younger girl being completely weirded out as she sat there sobbing. 

But she really couldn’t stop anymore, or deny that the treatment the blonde was giving her had turned her into an ugly, sniffling mess. Winter really just had that stupidly great effect on her. 

“Sorry— please.. don’t mind me—” The older girl had attempted to force a polite smile, now furiously wiping away the tears on her face. “I really don’t know what’s come over me.”

What surprises her is the way the inner corners of Winter’s brows had immediately angled up with worry, and how she’d instantly gone to Karina’s side like the way they were as kids. The younger girl had taken the piece of tissue laid on their table, wiping away at Karina’s tears. 

They sat there for a duration of time, even when their food was finally served and the waitress would only briefly glance at the pair with a confused expression on her face before taking her leave. 

To say that the raven-haired girl was embarrassed was not enough to describe her state right now, because she couldn’t even piece together words comprehensible enough to excuse her from this ...thing Winter had stumbled upon. 

When Karina can finally breathe properly without having to sob in between, the younger girl finally stands up and goes back to her seat, and Karina immediately misses the warmth of Winter’s presence right next to her. She doesn’t say a word though, but maybe the involuntary pout on her face had already given that away for her. 

They eat silently, as if nothing had happened and Karina really didn’t know if she wanted Winter to address what had happened or not. She had lost her appetite then, and her eyes were only planted at the younger girl who was chewing and taking a bite out of her pizza. 

When Winter raises her head to look back at her though, Karina glances back down just as quickly, feeling her face grow a little warm. 

“You know,” The younger girl spoke up while chewing, and the older girl would have reprimanded her for talking with full but she wasn’t really in any position to at that moment. “When you called me, I was kind of surprised.” 

The way that Winter had decided to start a conversation made Karina feel a little hope. At least she was trying, right? If things couldn’t work out for the both of them tonight, she could at least find some solace in the fact that there was some progress.

“Why?”

“Mmmhmm..” The younger girl hummed, putting her pizza slice back down on the plate. “Because I thought you’d forgotten all about me, what with your life back in the city and everything.” 

And Karina could read Winter’s eyes then, because the steely gaze was hardly even there anymore. They called out to her, and spoke to her in some kind of unspoken language they had always shared. 

I thought you were happier, and you didn’t need me in your life anymore when you distanced yourself. 

Which couldn’t really be any more far from the truth, because Karina could have sworn she’d thought about the younger girl at least once a week before, if not daily. There were times she’d just stand outside her apartment’s balcony, wondering what Winter had been up to those past few years, and if Winter still remembered her, had she found someone to replace her? 

Karina knew then that even if she tried, the older girl probably never could. Because nobody could replicate the toothy smile Winter had, or the dimple in her cheek that would show whenever