It wasn't that Siyeon was in a bad mood, it really wasn’t.

They were looking forward to their US tour for such a long time and now that it was happening, everyone was excited and hyper, including their staff and most importantly fans. So of course, Siyeon was particularly thrilled to meet all those people that were patiently waiting for them and were constantly giving them nothing but love and support. She loved being at the stage for her own pleasure but she also loved those moments when she just looked down at the audience and got lost in the view of fans smiling and screaming, having the time of their lives all thanks to them. Words couldn’t explain how amazing it felt to witness with your own eyes that your passion made happy not only you but other people as well. For Siyeon every concert made the world stop for a second like she was forever trapped in this moment, the most joyful she had ever been with a fond smile on her face and shining eyes, looking at her fans with pure admiration and gratitude. Singing and performing was her whole life, therefore to have an opportunity to perform in new places was the most precious thing in the world.

But sometimes Siyeon was exhausted more than anything. Everyone knew what a perfectionist she was, one mistake was enough to make her practice for hours and adjust things over and over again until every little detail was perfect, just to never be fully satisfied with herself. She was always the one to be too harsh and tough on herself, even the smallest mistakes would make her disappointed in herself and mad. She didn't just want to see fans, she also wanted to be her best self for them. It was frustrating when she wasn't able to because she couldn't overcome her own shortcomings. That’s why she was blaming herself and kept trying to reach the impossible till her legs gave up and her whole body became numb from pain.

What she didn’t understand though was that she was only hurting herself in the process. Siyeon wasn't only a perfectionist, she was also a very stubborn one and she refused to listen to anybody. A lot of people were worried about her, even Bora who was a workaholic herself thought that sometimes it was too much, but there was no power in this world that could talk her out of it, be it the other members, staff of their company or even her family. She just hated to be confronted about this. Putting things in words had always been cumbersome for her so even though lately there were some things that were especially nagging at her, she didn’t want to concern anyone even more when she knew she was okay. They would just overreact.

So when the day of leaving for their US tour came, she was desperately trying not to show how tired she was after sneaking out from the dorm at 11 pm and spending almost the whole night in a practice room.

The atmosphere in the car was nice; the other members were all chatting and laughing, trying to ease their excitement and nervousness about reactions to their new hair that somehow managed to creep up every time, despite the fact that they had already done this numerous times. It was already dark outside, their faces illuminated only by dim street lights they passed by but it was warm inside and felt cozy. Siyeon rested her head against the cold glass and felt temporary relief when it soothed the dull ache in her temple. Gahyeon’s warm body was pressed to her side in a hug which was so comfortable that she had a hard time keeping her eyes open but it also brought her the feeling of safety. Sure, it was a bit too loud for her liking and she had to fight with her eyelids slipping down every now and then but her girls were smiling and cracking jokes and they were obviously so excited for this and Siyeon was too, she really was. She just needed some rest, a solid nap maybe and tomorrow everything would be okay. For now, everything she could do was trying her best to smile and wave to fans, to take up the rear and to cut every conversation short since her span attention was terrible at the moment and it seemed like she actually managed to fool everyone.

But there was always this one person that could see through Siyeon no matter what.

Siyeon first caught Minji’s worried, perceptive gaze in the car when she turned back to say something to Bora but was meet with soft brown eyes instead. At first, it caught her off guard how intense her stare was, they were so many things in her eyes and Siyeon didn’t expect to suddenly collide with them. Even after all those years it still made her a bit perplexed and baffled how insanely expressive Minji’s eyes were. She was basically wearing her heart on a sleeve as you could see everything she felt in them - from their sparkling when she was smiling and they turned into two cute crescents to deep sadness that always felt somehow wrong to see because Minji was the last person that deserved to suffer. And it was honestly something Siyeon adored very much but it was also hard to form one sensible thought when Minji was piercing you with her stares like that. Siyeon was drowning in the raging sea of worry and confusion and God, she felt so exposed under her gaze like she was futilely putting on a mask that Minji could perfectly see through.

Over the time Siyeon had learned that if she didn’t talk about certain matters and kept carrying on a usual, people’s worries would slowly fade into helpless sighs and at the end they would drop it, too tired to deal with her stubbornness. But never Minji. She knew her so well that she picked up on every little change in her behavior and sensed whenever Siyeon’s mood was down. Siyeon was accidentally locking their eyes throughout the whole day, observant gaze, the deep frown on Minji’s face and a hesitant bit on her bottom lip accompanying her from afar, lingering on her back, finding her in the crowd but never acting on or voicing the evident concerns. And it wasn't until they dropped off their bags that Minji finally approached her.

They were far past the gates, where fans couldn’t follow them, the girls went shopping around and probably spent a ridiculous amount of money on snacks they claimed were absolutely essential for such a long flight and it looked like most of the staff followed them, probably in cockeyed attempts to stop them from buying out half of the stock therefore only one manager was in Siyeon’s sight and he was sitting quite far anyway. A few steps and Siyeon found herself all alone in the center of the huge hall, some people passing by her but nobody paying any attention to her and Siyeon felt like she was blending with a small crowd and fading into it, her vision slightly blurry from the tears that always filled her eyes whenever she was this sleepy, unceasing yawning annoying her to the core. She didn’t dare to occupy one of the uncomfortable chairs since she was afraid she would doze off, instead, she chose to lean against a wall and try to distract herself with some pointless games on her phone, quickly getting lost in the virtual world so much that she didn’t notice someone quietly going up to her.

First, there was a tug on Siyeon’s sleeve, then somebody’s fingers slipping into her hand. Her heart lurched with shock, the breath got abruptly caught in and the instinct told Siyeon to whip her hand away which she regretted in an instant because when she looked up from her phone, she saw a curtain of dark blue hair framing a familiar face, soft apologetic eyes, and crooked half-smile. Siyeon liked to think that maybe it was because she was really tired and her chaotic thoughts didn’t make much sense but at that moment she felt like everything around them went quiet and blurry and just irrelevant for Siyeon because Minji was all she could see. The immediate want to take Minji’s hand back, squeeze it and intertwine their fingers rushed to her like it was the most natural thing in the world but she couldn’t bring herself to do that, not when Minji was so close and Siyeon found herself weirdly enchanted in her shining eyes and the way the light tangled into her hair and made it look even more navy, the color extremely pretty on her. The corners of Siyeon’s lips lifted gently.

Siyeon was exhausted both physically and mentally, yet all it took for her to feel at least a bit better was one look of Minji’s eyes and the memory of her laugh from that night, still resonating in her ears

The car was filled with babbling and attempts to outshout each other with new ideas of styles and colors they wanted to try this time, even though everyone knew they would change their minds and come up with something completely different the second they sat on the chair. Siyeon remembered how scared Minji had been about her first big change in her appearance but ever since her red hair she was the one among them who experimented the most, liked trying various things to bring a fresh feeling to herself, needless to say, every single color suited her. So it was a bit weird that she was the only unusually quiet person, not excited at all. She didn’t even react to Bora’s antics or played along with her and seemed deep in thought, or at least that was what Siyeon could tell from the distant gaze in her eyes and scrunch of her nose always indicating that something was bothering or irritating her.

She was watching Minji with curiosity and confusion but it wasn’t until they arrived at the hairdresser’s that she understood what this was about.

"Seems like the princess couldn’t decide how she should fry her scalp this time,” the familiar voice scoffed on Siyeon’s right side. She took a peek at Bora and had to squash a giggle when she saw the girl’s death stares sent towards Minji who was standing in front of the mirror with a (cute) sullen expression and combing fingers through her now brown strands with quiet sighs and a deep frown on her face. Bora definitely wasn’t the person used to the lack of attention and interest, especially from Minji.

“Yeah,” Siyeon agreed absent-mindedly, looking back at the leader, the idea in her mind already blooming along with the mischievous grin on her face. She knew exactly what to do.

Remembering how fascinated Minji had been with her blue hair, Siyeon waited till everyone in the dorm had either fallen asleep or got too stuck up with their own stuff to care and crept to the half-opened door of the bathroom where Minji was brushing her teeth after the shower, getting ready to sleep. At first, the rise of an eyebrow was all she got when she showed up in the beam of light and rested her shoulder against the doorframe but it was quickly replaced by the wide smile Siyeon had been missing the whole day at the sight of the younger girl pulling out a blue dye from behind her back, the one that was left after her own experiments.

And it didn’t matter that by the time they were done the white tiles, tub and basically everything, including their pajamas and tip of their noses were covered in navy shades because they were together and they were having so much fun and honestly Siyeon didn’t recall the last time she pushed all her worries and thoughts away and just forgot that the world existed for a moment like that. All she could think about was how Minji’s giggles were pealing in the four walls and filling every fiber of Siyeon’s body with unmatchable happiness, how she was so sure Siyeon didn’t notice the stolen glances at her because she looked so cute when concentrated that Minji couldn’t help but look up at her focused face and how her eyes were so loving and warm.

"It’s okay, Siyeon.” Another whole-hearted laugh escaped Minji’s mouth when Siyeon started to whine that the color didn’t exactly end up the way it should have and even stamped her feet in annoyance. It was so adorable how she genuinely cared about such small things.

“But I wanted to do better for you,” Siyeon whimpered with a sulky face, a pout forming on her plump lips meanwhile Minji was still sitting on a stool, her hands on the other woman’s hips as she was standing right in front of her, eyes drawn to each other. Minji’s heart swelled with affection and Siyeon didn’t even have time to process what was going on - the next thing she knew, she was pulled in by Minji’s strong hands and ended up on her lap, attacked by nuzzling on her face and tickling.

“You did well,” Minji reassured with faked anger between Siyeon’s desperate attempts to catch a breath, “and I won’t let you tell otherwise.”

Minji’s wet hair was sticking to Siyeon’s cheeks and forehead but they loved it like that anyway because it was them and when it dried, they ended up together in Minji’s bed, cuddling as Siyeon snuggled up against her until she found the most comfortable position and hid her face into the crook of the leader’s neck, freshly dyed blue locks lightly tickling her face. The weariness began to take over them but Siyeon made sure to stay awake long enough to keep whispering how much the color suited Minji, earning a playful poke on her soft tummy when she stated that the older one looked better than her in blue because no, Siyeon looked the most beautiful in Minji’s eyes always. She didn’t even realize her lips were brushing Minji’s skin tenderly with every word but Minji did and she relished in the shivers it sent down her spine, repaying by caressing the small of Siyeon’s back under her T-shirt. There was no place where Siyeon felt more at ease than in Minji’s arm.

Once she had called Minji her soulmate during a live and of course, she hadn't really give it too much thought back then but at times it really felt like Minji truly was the one that just… got her. Always. Siyeon had 6 amazing, devoted, caring and hard-working people by her side to rely on, to share happiness and worries with, to cherish what was probably the best years of her life and she loved them all so much in so many ways. But in the beginning, Minji was all she had. She had watched Siyeon growing, changing, improving, succeeding and failing, making her dream come true, giving up and trying again just because Minji had been there to offer her hand and help her get up. She was the first one that was there for Siyeon and she probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for their leader. Nothing could ever change that. Nobody could take Minji’s place.

Sometimes she did this in a quiet way, sometimes from afar and sometimes in the smallest things and gestures that went unnoticed by most people but she was watching over Siyeon all the time. She cared about her more than anyone else and had been with her through thick and thin for such a long time. The safety, the comfort, the understatement - Minji was all of those. One time it was about being extremely loud and dorky together, the other day about sitting in a comfortable silence because they didn't need words to understand each other, and feeling safe just because the other one was there. They just fit. It was so clear they somehow belonged to each other.

“Are you okay?” Minji asked gently, her voice almost a whisper, tilting her head when she noticed how lost in her thoughts Siyeon had got.

Siyeon glanced at her reflection in the huge glass wall on her left. It was already dark outside so the light illuminating in it allowed her to perfectly see dark bags under her eyes and the mess that her hair was. 

“I am.” Siyeon looked back at Minji, a small smile never leaving her lips. It wasn’t really true but Siyeon decided it was okay as long as Minji’s warm and understanding gaze gave her all the comfort she needed and was going to do the same thing tomorrow when Siyeon would come to Minji to talk about this. Today she just didn’t have the strength to deal with this. And it was fine. For both of them.

***

Siyeon didn’t know why Yubin suddenly called her and waved at her to show that she had a place taken for her but Siyeon was so grateful. With her eyelids growing heavier and heavier as time went by, she had been dreaming about comfy seat in the airplane ever since they had entered the airport, waiting for the moment when she would sink back into the chair and doze off instantly and Yubin, unlike other members (or to be frank just Bora and Gahyeon), was just a perfect companion to travel for Siyeon right now. Quiet and too busy with her own things to bother you, it was like she wasn’t even there unless you tapped her shoulder and pulled her out of her own world that basically consisted only of the headphones and the lyrics she was currently working on. And the fact that the third person sitting in their tier was one of the managers made it even better; literally no one was going to wake Siyeon up or not let her sleep at all.

Or so she thought.

“Siyeon unnie!”

Siyeon loved Gahyeon very much. But at that moment she felt like her outraged, high-pitched voice piercing through the whole cabin would appear in her nightmares.

“Yes, Gahyeon?” She asked through clenched teeth and turned back to face the source of the voice definitely too loud for such a small body. She already knew what this was about and felt like her dream about a peaceful nap was slipping through her fingers as she was helplessly watching it disappear.

“You can’t sit there, you promised to watch that new movie with Jiu unnie and me!” Gahyeon whined and didn’t even give Siyeon time to process what was going on before she dragged her to her own seat by her wrist, almost causing the poor exhausted girl to trip. She then sat down with a satisfied grin on her face and expecting them to do the same, looked impatiently at Minji and Siyeon still standing and hovering over her. Siyeon sighed (instead of cursing under her breath which she was very close to) and closed her eyes shut.

Gahyeon was a great kid but sometimes she really acted on her impulses and couldn’t read some obvious signals but what Siyeon could do? It wasn’t like she would ever be able to turn Gahyeon down, besides just like her voice, her physical strength also surpassed her tiny figure; she would probably carry Siyeon on her back just to get what she wanted.

Defeated Siyeon blew air through pursed lips and was about to join Gahyeon and take a middle seat but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder. Minji used the fact that Gahyeon was busy looking for the said movie on a laptop and leaned towards Siyeon to whisper to her.

“You know…” Minji trailed hesitantly. “You can go seat with Yubin and take a nap there. I will handle the munchkin over there,” she finished with a little sly smirk which earned a giggle from Siyeon.

“It’s okay, unnie,” the younger one stated explicitly but softly. “I promised and I’m a woman of my word.”

Siyeon squeezed Minji’s hand to back up her words and sent her a small smile which she returned, even though she didn’t seem necessarily convinced, concern still marking her face.

In the end, Minji was the one who ended up on the middle seat with the laptop on her lap so Siyeon on her left and Gahyeon on her right could see the screen perfectly. The movie hadn’t even started, yet Siyeon’s head already fell on Minji’s shoulder comfortably. Her hand searched for Minji’s, intertwining their fingers and pinching the top of the leader’s palm with her other hand. Minji didn’t even react to it anymore, at this point she probably would have been more surprised if Siyeon hadn’t started playing with her hand as it was a thing that was happening ever since they had met each other. It was such a big habit of Siyeon that sometimes she didn’t even realize she was doing this and she could go on for hours. She liked to keep her hands occupied, it relaxed her, relieved the stress; she needed contact, she needed to actually feel someone’s presence right next to her and Minji’s touch was so familiar that it always brought her comfort and safety like nothing else could. Everybody scolded Siyeon for doing this to them since it hurt and it did hurt Minji at first too but now she didn’t mind. She even liked it, it was their thing. One of many.

Minji rested her head against Siyeon’s and they just stayed like that. Dim lights and the heat of Minji’s body were covering Siyeon like a warm blanket meanwhile the sound of her breaths and occasionally laugh caused by whatever was happening at the screen were calming and lulling her. The older one had actually got pretty lost in the plot and it wasn’t until the pinching on her hand had gradually stopped that she noticed Siyeon had fallen asleep.

When Minji realized that, she tapped Gahyeon to get her attention and nodded her head at Siyeon to show what was going on. There was an unhappy, resentful look on her face but she didn’t dare to say a word when Minji sent her the cautionary, adamant “leader” gaze. She would deal with Gahyeon’s moods later. The youngest accepted the laptop Minji handed her, hid it in her backpack, plugged the earphones into her ears and turned her head to the other side ostentatiously whereas Minji’s full attention focused on Siyeon.

Her head slumped over limply a bit so her warm breath was tickling Minji’s neck but it also gave her the perfect view at Siyeon’s face when she looked down. Bangs were falling on her forehead, full rosy lips were slightly open, calm sighs rolling from them, and she looked very peaceful in general except for those moments when her eyebrows furrowed a little as though she was dreaming about something. Minji tenderly brushed Siyeon’s messy bangs away and left a soft tiny kiss, first on the lines that had appeared between her brows, then on her forehead where it lingered a bit longer. A small smile tugged on her lips when she pulled away and saw the way Siyeon immediately relaxed under the touch. She was such a baby and it always made Minji inexplicably happy whenever the younger one was resting well.

Even though she was sleeping soundly, their fingers were still intertwined and Minji really didn’t have a heart nor wanted to break it but she thought it would bother Siyeon if she wanted to shift and change position so she tried to loosen the hold slowly.  

...only to be stopped by a grunt leaving Siyeon's mouth and a smaller hand desperately tightening its grasp on hers the second she felt Minji slipping away. Minji didn’t expect this at all and her gaze quickly shifted to Siyeon’s face, worrying she had woken her up. Indeed, Siyeon’s eyes fluttered open but she seemed very sleepy nonetheless and Minji was quick to calm the confused girl.

“Shhh, it’s okay, you can go back to sleep. I’m here,” she whispered with a throaty, softly spoken voice and lifted their linked hands to her lips to gently press a peck against Siyeon’s pale knuckles with reassurance. 

And half-asleep Siyeon just cuddled closer, hugging Minji’s waist with her arm, hiding her face into the crook of Minji’s neck, nuzzling like she always did and smiled gently because yes, Minji was there and she wasn’t going anywhere. Ever.

Minji felt like something bloomed in her chest, a familiar feeling she couldn’t put into words, filling her body with warmth. She knew she wouldn’t be able to protect Siyeon all the time but if there was one thing she was sure in life it was that at least she was always going to be there for her as a quiet support, as the person she could trust, as her soulmate and as her safe place where she could rest. Like she had been for all those years. All Minji had ever known was that she wanted to keep this girl safe and happy.

“Thank you, unnie,” Siyeon whispered into Minji’s skin, only for her to hear, before she the sleep took over her again. Minji took her time to watch Siyeon’s face and fix some of the lost strands on the younger one’s forehead before she answered.

“Always, Singnie.”