“How do you know that you’re in love?” Hyewon asked the person beside her as she fixes the blanket covering her body. Leaning deeper into the mountain of pillows behind her as she continues to watch the film playing in front of them.

It was a mindless question that she just thought of because of the film playing – The Fault in Our Stars. In all honesty, it was a very cliché film but Sora was into those things – what can she do about that?

She could feel Sora shifting beside her, the latter fixing her position after hearing the question that Hyewon just threw out of the blue.

“Why the sudden curiosity Wonnie?” Sora teased the girl and Hyewon just rolled her eyes. Eating the granola while Sora was eating her potato chips.

“Forget that I asked that,” Hyewon muttered and glanced at Sora – the latter still sporting a smirk on her lips. “Wipe that smirk off.”

Sora just chuckled at her sister and turned to look at the movie – it was a valid question anyway, especially since it was a movie about love. “Well, it’s different for everyone.”

“Huh?”

Sora looked at Hyewon and smiled, “Love, knowing that you’re in love. It’s different for everyone.”

Hyewon tilts her head in confusion, how can something so widespread be different for everyone? “Oh, because everyone is different from one another?”

Sora laughs softly, throwing a chip at Hyewon. “Yeah, you could say that. But it’s something much more than that.”

Hyewon groans and reluctantly the thrown chip, just to avoid the mess. “Elaborate please.”

“But why do you want to know? Are you in love?” Sora asked with a tone, trying to insinuate something.

Hyewon rolled her eyes and looked at the screen, “If I knew then I wouldn’t have asked you, right?”

She then looks at Sora, the latter nodding her head acknowledging her answer. Hyewon could see the ghost of her sister’s smile, the same smile when Sora talked about having a future with Jaehyun. It was that same smile that Hyewon wonders – ponders, what emotions does a person feel for them to smile like that?

“For starters, love takes time.” Sora started, using a tone as if she was giving a lecture making Hyewon laugh. She chuckled along the latter but continued, “It’s a process because you can’t just possibly say that you’re in love with someone that you just met.”

Hyewon nodded her head, knowing that for a fact already. “Yeah, that’s just infatuation.”

“Exactly.”

“So, how do you know that you’re in love with the person?”

Sora then turned to her almost finished bowl of chips, smiling quietly to herself as she remembers her a certain person. “You just know.”

Hyewon was about to retort when Sora continued to talk, all in her own world – and Hyewon could only just watch and listen to her sister. And maybe, asking Sora this question is the right thing to do because it was the face that Sora is sporting that makes her think – maybe, just maybe, that being in love is not that bad.

“You could realize that you’re in love with that person while they are driving and singing out of tune. You could realize it while you two are out on a date and it just so happens that the sun hits their eyes perfectly, that you couldn’t imagine not seeing it again.” Sora started enumerating number of random things that could happen.

Hyewon hummed, frowning at the movie and at what Sora just said – thinking about something. “And if that person does not love you the same way?”

Sora sighed and leaned back, looking at Hyewon – the latter having a frown on her face, obviously thinking the worst possible scenarios. As expected, Hyewon is the type of person to think of the most logical and painful thing in this area.

“Wonnie,” Sora softly called out, “you love a person not for them to love you back.”

“You love them just because.”

The movie all forgotten by the twins, Hyewon played with the granolas in her bowl – thinking about the words that Sora just said to her. Loving someone just because you love them, without them even loving you back. That’s – “Isn’t that the worst thing that could happen in love?”

“It’s a risk that millions of people took,” Sora said as she nods her head because Hyewon was not wrong – that is one of the painful things that could really happen in love. “and maybe, it’s the feeling of loving that person that makes it worth it.”

“At what cost?” Hyewon fired back.

“Everything.”

Hyewon kept quiet and Sora just let her – already knowing that the girl is just processing everything that she has said and was about to ask another barrage of questions. This is one of those things that she likes every time she spends time with Hyewon, the questions that the latter always asks her.

The innocent questions that no one has the guts to ask – especially at this age, but Hyewon is an exemption. She would ask Sora these questions because she would prefer to have a basis on everything in her life – rather than facing it in the future without any idea of what she would be facing.

“But that would destroy you,” Hyewon voiced out her thoughts, “to give everything to someone who can only give you a part of themselves or worst, nothing.”

Thinking about that, the idea of love is not something she will be fond of – heck, she hopes that she would never feel that emotion. It sounds like impending destruction to a person – to be in love and not be loved.

“It’s all or nothing when it comes to love,” Sora answered softly, “being in love is probably the best feeling you could ever feel. Being loved back, now that’s just a bonus I guess.” She chuckled and looked at Hyewon.

“Loving the right person, the one – as what they all say, is one of the best things that could happen in our life.”

“Well, how do you know that you’re in love with the right person?” Hyewon asked again making Sora smile and scooted a tad bit closer to the older girl.

Hyewon just looks at her twin, genuinely curious.

“Well, just like our talk last time – you just see your future with them.”

Hyewon rolled her eyes, “Well, did you see your future with Jaehyun when you first saw him?”

Sora chuckled and smacked Hyewon, “Of course not but I did see that we would be great friends.”

“Friends?” Hyewon echoed back.

Sora nodded her head, “I told you, love takes time.”

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Hyewon recited earning a smile from Sora.

“Friedrich Nietzche.” They both said simultaneously, Hyewon smiling at her sister. She pulled Sora closer to her, happy that in this lifetime – she managed to be a witness of someone genuinely being in love. And being loved back.

“Well, how did you know that you’re in love with him?”

Sora smiles at the question, knowing that she could say anything to Hyewon and the latter will keep it a secret. “It was just a split-second moment for me when we were out on a date.”

Hyewon hummed and let the girl continue.

“He drove me back here and we were just sitting inside his car, laughing and reminiscing about everything that happened during that date.” Sora continued, not stopping the smile from forming on her face – the memories all so vivid as if it was just yesterday.

“It was normal for us to say ‘I like you’, I don’t know. Maybe it was just for assurance, how people still want to have words to hold on to even if the actions are already saying it.”

Hyewon chuckled, “Actions could be misinterpreted, while words are something that once you put it out there – it’s just out. It’s either you hold on to it or not.”

Sora nodded her head, “Well, it was a split-second moment where I was about to those simple three words but I don’t know.”

“Yeah?” Hyewon asked mindlessly, playing with the chips in Sora’s bowl.

“Maybe it was just how normal the day was and it just bloomed into something so marvelous with his presence, or maybe just how he was laughing at everything that happened.” Sora thinks about everything, anything – all the possible things that could be the reason why she uttered those words. “Or maybe it was just him and the thing that I’m feeling.”

“Because at that moment, I just realize that I love him.” She whispered and buried her face on Hyewon’s chest, the latter quickly grabbing the bowl away from Sora. “I’m in love with him, and with the way, he smiled after I said that…”

“He’s in love with you too.” Hyewon finished the sentence, “and I’m happy for the both of you.”

Sora could feel her cheeks getting warm but she continued, “And maybe it was the friendship you know? How it all started with us being friends and it bloomed from there on.”

“How I found someone who turned my world around without me even knowing it, that I found him and tell him things that I only imagined telling you. And he listens, he actually listens and encourages me to say more.”

Hyewon watches Sora tell everything and she couldn’t help but be grateful for Jaehyun – to have someone other than her for Sora to lean on.

“To share my dreams that might never come true, my disappointments in life, the embarrassing moments. Everything. I just woke up one day and he was the first person that I would want to share my achievements with, laughter became a part of my daily life.”

“You are in love.” Hyewon pointed out the obvious and Sora laughed – realizing the tears that are falling down her face. Reality hitting her that indeed, she is in love and she is happy.

“It’s the things that never fascinated me before but are now interesting because it is important to him, the fact that I could be vulnerable to him because I know that he will always be there to listen.”

Sora sobs quietly because it feels freeing – yeah, she did say she is in love with Jaehyun but she never realized how she fell in love with him. This conversation with Hyewon just made her realize things that she never knew before.

“That even when we’re together sitting with silence, it never scares me at all. It never bothered me because suddenly, even the most silent places seem exciting and worthwhile as long as I’m with him.” She smiled widely and looked at Hyewon – knowing that the latter is listening to everything.

“That in my life, my hope and security are knowing that Jaehyun is someone that I could be friends with and something more. Someone that became a part of my life and someone I would never let go of.”

Hyewon holds Sora beside her as she lets the latter cry silently – she wasn’t worried at all; she has seen her sister cry multiple times already but she knows this time it’s different. Sora is not crying out of sorrow, stress, grief, pressure – no. She knows that Sora is crying about something good – about love, her relationship with Jaehyun.

And as she continues to watch Sora laughing silently as she wipes her tear-stained face, Hyewon thinks about herself. She wonders if she would ever feel it – to be loved, to love, to be in love. She has been curious about that certain feeling, but not curious enough to look for it. It was just something she knows that is present in life but never actually cared about it.

Because she cannot just fathom how she would feel something so deep, complex, and yet wonderful – an emotion that just fills up a person. It’s a scary thought for her, to be filled up with something too difficult to understand.

Because that would just mean that once that emotion bursts out of you and something goes wrong, it would be too difficult to understand how it happened. Why it happened.

And maybe that’s why she never actually cared about it because she was too scared to experience something so risky – that with one wrong turn or move, it could destroy her completely.

Because after that, where would she start to pick up herself?

“Don’t be scared of love, Wonnie.” Sora said quietly as if she could read the thoughts running inside Hyewon’s mind. “Be scared to not love at all.”

Hyewon just kept quiet and smiled at the girl, brushing Sora’s hair softly as they leaned on to each other. She didn’t ignore the girl’s words but she didn’t put much thought into it either.

Hyewon looked at Sora, thinking that she heard the girl saying something again. Tilting her head, she encouraged Sora to repeat it. “Sorry, what was that?”

Sora chuckled and bopped Hyewon’s nose tip with her finger, making the latter scrunch her nose.

“But most importantly,” Sora started and looked at Hyewon with her soft eyes, hoping that the latter would take into heart the next words that she will say. “Never be scared to accept love.”

“Because no matter how much you think you’re worthless, you are still someone worth loving.” Sora whispered and held Hyewon’s hand, “And a person who will know your worth, who will see your worth is someone worth taking the risk.”

“To love, to be in love, and to be loved.” Sora whispered, “It’s something I know you don’t think too much but I know it will do you good.”

Hyewon chuckled humorlessly, her sister’s words really hitting her deep. Sometimes it’s a blessing having a twin sister like Sora – a soulmate of some sorts, to just say things out of nowhere to reassure her, but sometimes it’s a curse. Because it just slaps Hyewon in the face that she still has her own insecurities – things that she hides through her cold-like façade.

“Will it? You sound so sure about that, Sora.”

Sora widely smiled at Hyewon and nodded her head enthusiastically, “Of course.”

“Because you deserve all the love that a person could give Wonnie. You’re an amazing person and you deserve to be happy.”

Hyewon just looks away at the intense and sincere gaze Sora is giving her, picking up the bowls and standing. “And the same goes to you.” She smiled and walked away, leaving Sora on the couch.

The talk was too suffocating for her, it’s too personal and – she cannot really point it out, but there was just something about that conversation that doesn’t sit well with her.

Because Hyewon knows, no matter how much Sora convinces her that she deserves to be loved and be in love – she knows in herself. That it would be too difficult for her to accept something like that.

And what does a person do when it becomes too difficult?

They run and ignore it.

And it just so happens that Hyewon is good at that.

//

It was a calm night and for a moment, Hyewon thought that everything was fine – like everything is in place. With the breeze of the wind hitting her face from time to time, everything felt normal for a few seconds as the rooftop of their old apartment gives the same calming feeling for her. The way she just felt free and in control of everything, of every thought and action – but of course, it was wishful thinking.

The great reminder that everything has changed, that nothing is normal – as normal it could get years ago, is in the form of Jaehyun. Hyewon would never bring anyone – especially Jaehyun in that rooftop, her sanctuary. Only Sora is allowed – and now Minju, but never Jaehyun.

Not a single word was uttered between them since they reached the rooftop and she was thankful for that. She went there to be alone in the first place, to think about things – to think about her feelings, for clarity.

She didn’t expect to bump into anyone, especially Jaehyun. But she didn’t know what came inside her to accept his offer. Now here she is with Jaehyun, a surprisingly calm atmosphere between them.

And she decided to break the silence.

“So, what were you doing around the area?” Hyewon asked as she walked over to a place where they could sit, she could feel Jaehyun following her.

She heard him humming, a familiar tune that made her stutter with her steps but she continued and sat down. Jaehyun sitting beside her, leaving a reasonable space between them.

“I just felt like it,” Jaehyun answered as he sighed, looking up to the sky. “You know that feeling? That nagging feeling that you should do something and you can’t do anything but to do it?”

That statement made Hyewon’s eyebrow raise, glancing at the guy beside her before looking away and sitting in a comfortable manner. Because she knows that feeling too well, and surprisingly she felt that during the first few months of her stay with Minju.

That time when she offered to cook for Minju for the first time, she doesn’t know why but she wanted to offer it – to do it even without asking. Maybe it was after that slight misunderstanding that happened but even after that, she knows within herself that she wanted to do it.

The constant texts she sends to the younger girl about not forgetting her lunch – it was something tha