Be normal, Byulyi, be normal. 

“Hi?” I squeaked. With one hand holding a small box, I raised the other in an awkward small wave. Really Byul-yi, a wave? Something’s wrong with me, I swear.

He seemed surprised, as his eyebrows furrowed at seeing it was me behind the door. “What are you doing here?” he asked. But before I could utter a word, he reached out and took hold of my wrist before dragging me inside. Shocked, I carefully set the box down onto the table to avoid jostling it again. He stuck his head back out again, looking left and right before closing the door and locking it. While that was happening, I was just standing there awkwardly and unknowingly rubbing the wrist he grabbed. 

"Did I hurt you?" He asked, frowning, finally noticing what I was doing. I let go of my wrist and shook my head, giving him a smile to assure him. Or at least that's what I hope it looks like. It must have looked like a grimace with how stiff my face is.  

“What are you doing here?” he asked again after a while, frowning deep as he crossed his arms. 

“Um… I, well. I – “ I stammered, a little unsure of myself at that point. I cleared my throat, which seemed to be failing me at the moment, and continued in a more steady voice, “I texted you that I was coming.” 

“And I replied that now isn’t a good time. Didn’t you read it?”

Oh. So that was why he was surprised. I shook my head no. “I left my phone in my room. You must’ve sent it while I was on my way.” Annoyance was written all over his face, making me fidget in uneasiness. In a small voice I continued, “It’s been a while since we last talked, Seokjin-ah, so I just assumed it was okay. Sorry.”

His eyes seemed to soften at what I’ve said, but it was gone before I could make sense of it. Well, I must have imagined it because now his only expression is that of irritation, which was triggering my own temper and making my spine stiffen. “Is it really that big of a deal? Me going here to see you?” Calm down Moon Byulyi. You didn’t come here to fight.

“Not big of a deal?” Disbelief colored his words as his voice slightly rose. He was pacing back and forth on the carpeted floor. “What if you were seen? You could’ve run into one of my members or one of our staff. Worse, what if a saesang fan saw? Did you ever think of that, huh? Did it ever cross your mind the scandal that would have created?” He was huffing by the time he finished and stopped pacing, his face red in anger. I would have found that very cute, with his cheeks all puffed and red. But right now, I’m not finding it cute at all. Everyone who knows me really, really well knows that I have no trouble fighting back when provoked.

“Did you really think I was that stupid?” His eyes widened at my raised voice. “I’m an idol too, remember? Or maybe you have forgotten that? The way you have been acting around me makes me think I’m not your friend at all.” Okay, that was not how I intended to start, but I couldn’t hold off my tongue even if I wanted to. 

Caught off guard, he asked, “What?”

“Last year’s MMA and MAMA. Same goes for this year’s MMA too. And let’s not forget what happened last night.” I held up my fingers as I recounted every event I could easily remember. “Do you want me to go on? It would take us all night, you know." This time, I was the one with arms crossed. The tension inside the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Really Kim Seokjin? You're seriously giving me that? ‘Cause I seem to remember me congratulating you on all your wins every time our groups crossed paths on every stage only for you to bow and give me a cold shoulder afterwards. Not even a thank you, mind you. A freaking smile would have sufficed, but no." I scoffed. "Not only that, but it seems that I'm the only one you have an issue with because you have no problem smiling at Yongsun unnie or any other person for that matter."

He hesitated for a second before saying, "You're imagining things Byul-ah." 

I laughed in disbelief. "Omo, this guy." I gave up. We're getting nowhere. All my fight left me as I stared at him fidgeting. "Why are you like this Jin-ah?" He looked away, avoiding my eyes. 

Then it hit me. It was now clear as the glass separating us from the cold outside. The reason why he's avoiding me. The reason why he's cold. I felt my face heat up as the memories of that night came rushing back to me. That was a very long time ago. "It's because of what I said that night, isn’t it?" 

The silence that followed my question was answer enough. He didn’t even deny it. "I thought we were over that."

"Yeah, I know that. It's just that -" he stopped, at a loss for words. He sat down on the bed and stared at the floor. "I don't know Byul-ah. Even I myself don't understand why I'm like this." 

I stared at him and felt a pang in my chest at seeing how bothered he was. "Do you really hate the thought of it that much?" I asked, flinching at how small my voice was. 

He looked up, eyes widening, "What? No," he quickly denied, and repeated it again after a pause,  "No. That's not it." 

"I doubt that." 

"No, please don't misunderstand." He stood and strode towards me. He started to reach for my hand but I stepped away from him. His hand fell and looked at me pleadingly.

“How do you want me to understand this, huh? Tell me Seokjin-ah, ‘cause I really want to understand why you would choose to treat me like this just because of that --” I stopped and took a deep breath. Getting worked up would never solve anything. “You know what? It’s fine. I’ll just go.”

He stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. "No wait. Let's talk this out." 

I groaned inwardly. Honestly, I can't with this guy. One minute he doesn't want to talk to me, now he wants to. I don't know whether to hit him or choke him or maybe both. Running my hand through my hair in frustration, I shrugged him off. "I get it okay. You don’t see me as a friend anymore. No need to talk about it. Like what I said before, it's not a big deal and I'm really not expecting anything from you, not then and especially not now. So please forget about that night and let's move on." Without waiting for a reply, I headed to the door and continued out of spite, "I'll try to get out of your way as much as possible so you don’t have to worry." 

"Byulyi-ah… Please don't leave like this. " I can’t see his face but I can hear the guilt in his voice. I simply ignored him. There's nothing to be guilty about. He just doesn't want anything to do with me, even friendship. And I'm fine with that. 

I'll be fine.

As I reached for the doorknob, I realized that he's right. I shouldn't leave like this. Even if the friendship ended sourly, I can't deny the fact that he was a good friend. So I turned back and called softly, "Jinnie-ah.." I waited until he looked up and met my eyes. I gave him a sad smile, knowing this will be the last time I'll be doing this. "Happy birthday. Goodbye." And with that, I opened the door and went out, closing the door softly.