On a Sunday morning, mom asked if I wanted to accompany her to the wet market. I actually wasn’t really up for the offer. I’d preferred to stay in my room all day and do what Krystal said I never did – think about things. But seeing how hopeful mom was, I agreed. We bought some clams, fresh fishes that just got out from the sea and a bunch of slippery sea habitats. It was going to be a seafood type of day according to Mom and asking me to tag along with her was also an agenda for her to brief on the topic of my not so favourite subjects: my future. “So…just a few more weeks,” Mom said, turning over to me as she took the plastic of citrus from the seller. “A few more weeks…?” “Until your university acceptance letters come?” “And rejection letters as well.” “Seulgi,” she sighed. It was only ten o’clock in the morning and I was already infesting her with my negativism. “You have to want this. It’s really important and quite pricey to stumble your way through it.” “Well you’re not the one who’s going to pay for the fees so…” Darn it, why did I say that? Me and my stupid mood and careless mouth. I took it back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. You know I’m really grateful – ” “It’s fine, Seulgi.” We started to make our way back to our car. “I know you didn’t mean it and I know it’s weird that your biological mother who is pretty much non-existent in your life right now is paying for it. If I could tell that woman to take back her money, I would honey, believe me, but I can’t. It’s a deal your dad and her made a long time ago and I won’t let my pride – or yours, to get in the way of this great opportunity.” “And you never need to tell me you’re grateful for stepping in and acting like a mother to you, because it’s been one of the greatest privileges of my life…” Mom turned to me and smiled. She had the kindest eyes and she is the embodiment of it. I felt bad for being snarky earlier. “I’m a bit scared of those letters,” I said on the passenger seat. “I’m not sure how much rejection I could take.” “Seulgi,” She cast a glance at me before focusing back on the road, “You’re a good kid and you’ve worked hard. You’ll have options and you’ll go to the place that’s right for you. You’ll do well at university and four years later you’re going to land a good job.” “Or?” “Or maybe you’re going to be unemployed for a while – considering it’s getting tough with the job offers – but it’s fine. Worry about that later.” I laughed. “Looking forward to that day.” Krystal and I had applied for the same university and to be frank, I had never considered the other universities on the list besides the two because I had really thought we would be in it together despite our different courses and majors. But I recalled how I told her about being in the same university with her and how she looked at me weirdly like I had said something foolish. Most probably I did. Because only now I realised that Krystal didn’t see me in her future and I had not noticed it until now. I was a fool after all. So now those universities are at the bottom of my list. I was over following Krystal Jung around.     When we got back home, I immediately when to my room and lay down on my tummy on the bed facing my laptop. I watched some videos on Youtube and checked out some new converse shoes. And after that, my fingers hovered on the keyboard, wondering if I should type: Kim Namgi Her face then filled my screen. Despite being the wife to a leading chairman of an oil company, she was quite popular herself. Her hair still and barely reaching her shoulders. Her eyes monolidded like mines – the only prominent mark she left on me. I don’t know what was I expecting when I searched for her. It had not been that long since I googled her name. I scrolled through some pictures, recent articles on her business and whereabouts. There was one where she was on stage giving a speech for the Association of Wives and Women Staff for the Oil Company. She appeared like those women who spoke well and fight for women rights. And seeing that left a slight bitter taste on my tongue. I checked the venue and the date of the event and it was closer to me than I thought. It made no sense how I felt like someone poured cold water over me. Over the years Kim Namgi aka biological mother, had just been out and about in Seoul. But she never bothered to visit. I knew if she wanted, she would. But that didn’t happened. I shut off my laptop and tried to erase whatever I just read and saw. But it was easier said than done; it was like trying to unsee something you’d wish you’d never seen. The more you pretend you didn’t see it, the deeper it burns in your memory. I went downstairs later to help mom preparing for our lunch. Dad was also there as well. He was having too much fun with the squids by the sink. “I’m going out for a bit after this.” I said over lunch later. “Where to?” I didn’t want to say I don’t know because I knew that would make my parents worry so I said, “It looks like a nice day outside. I thought I’d take a walk.” My parents exchanged a smile, “Alright then.”                                                                       ***   I was on the bus heading to the west. I only know one route but this time I took a different one instead. I got off on some place where I saw a coffee shop with a big patio and a lot of foreigners sitting outside. Not favouring the sun too much, I went indoors and ordered an iced latte. I sat down on a lone table, savouring my drink when my eyes travelled to a corner of the café where the tables were reserved and there were streamers and decorations on the wall: CONGRATULATIONS MEL! And an idea struck me. I wandered around the area and snapped some pictures of the letters before cropping it out nicely. I sent each photograph of those bright letters in a separate text. C-A-L-L-M-E I waited at my table, feeling nervous all of a sudden. But the reply never came and I had finished my latte and there was no ring on my phone until I was back on the bus again heading back home. “That’s cute.” That was the first thing she said when I picked up. “Cute huh? Well, I’m pretty good with all these artsy sort of thing.” “Wait – why are you talking so soft right now?” “Because I’m on the bus.” “Bus? Look who’s all grown up.” “Irene, I—” “Wait, be quiet for a second.” “Okay.” It was easy enough to be quiet because I myself wasn’t sure what I wanted to say. “I’m sorry I was weird and went off on you the other day.” “You don’t—” “Please Seulgi let me finish my sentence will you?” “Sorry.” “I’m…mad at myself. For wanting to do things I know I shouldn’t do. Sometimes just keeping from doing those things can be quite exhausting. You understand right? It’s like you and how you’re dealing with Krystal and stuff.” “I…I guess.” “And…I don’t have time or room in my life to… like someone.” When Irene said someone, I really hoped she meant me. “And…there’s like a couple of reasons I shouldn’t like you, Seulgi. For one thing, you’re on the well-off side. And I’m the opposite of that so there is some stigma to that. And you also lie – what was that backstory of us on Instagram? – and you hid that from your friends somehow. And most importantly, I’m quite sure you’re still hung up on your ex. And you don’t even drive. I could honestly go on and on but…” “But…?” “But the thing is, I feel like I can trust you? And that I know you better than you do, which is strange and scary. And it makes me want to find a room and time because I feel…good when I’m with you.” There was silence on the phone for a while. “You’re allowed to talk now Seulgi.” “Now?” “Yes.” “Honestly I…I want us to know each other for real.” I stared at the window and saw that it was my stop but I didn’t stood up. “I want to be your friend. I want to be a true friend. That’s probably more important than anything else right now.” “Hmm…what about when you said you liked me back at the bus stop that day? Do you mean that?” “Oh, yes. I really do like you. Like, like like you. But I also want to listen to you. I want to…help you. For instance if you want to talk on why you steal, how it’s unfair that you can’t have all the things you deserve.” She sighed. I just sat back on my seat and with my head leaning on the window with one hand pressing my phone to my ear. “Where are you now?” Irene asked. I looked out the window. “Heading east after two stops from my house. I missed my stop.” “Get off on three stops after that.” “Then what?” “There’s a Pizza place on the corner. Wait for me there.”       I started to think Irene might not show up. And I just followed orders like how I did with Krystal – but then I looked up and there she was. “Hey.” “Hi.” We stood face to face on a busy and not so clean street corner with the smells of Pizza wafting over us. Irene stood there, her long black hair let loose and she was wearing a light blue flannel over a white shirt. There was a sudden breeze and both of our hair awkwardly plastered to our faces and I smiled looking at how Irene was struggling to remove her hair from her face. I took a step closer, not sure what to do or say. I wanted to help and tuck the remaining strands behind her ear but when I was about to do so, Irene stepped back. “Do you want to eat something? What about this Pizza Hut?” “No.” “You got something against Pizza Hut? “Not a big fan of Pizza Hut.” She smiled. “Me too. Come on.”   We headed to some park not far from where I stood and waited earlier. There were jogging tracks all around the edges of the park as well as benches for people to sit in every corner. So it wasn’t a problem for us to find some vacant bench and sit. On the west side of the park were a set of swings and for a while, we just sat there, amused as we watched how the kids were competing on who could swing the highest. But their competition came to an abrupt stop when one of the kid’s mom warned – or yelled, more like – from afar to stop with it, afraid if any of them would get hurt. So now we were engulfed in silence again, aside from the wind blowing the scattered leaves on the ground from time to time. “So…” Irene spoke, looking anywhere but at her fingernails. “You said…you wanted to talk – or listen…?” “Both, or anything is fine by me.” Irene grunted, “Hmm…you’d probably wanted to know why I s