little things: one direction

Seungmin walks up the stairs with a plate in his hands, two rows of gimbap sitting in the middle. He keeps his steps slow while his gaze slides between the plate of food and the way he was going.  

Woojin's and his door are still closed when he passes by while the door to Jisung's room is open. Taking his gaze off Jisung's door, he turns back to Woojin's where he slowly opens the door and peeks his head inside.

Felix and Jeongin are huddled in front of the bed while Woojin lazily runs his fingers through his younger lovers hair. He looks up at Seungmin and sends a sleepy smile.

Seungmin returns the smile. "I made food?" he says holding up the plate of food. Felix eyes the plate and begins to think and with a quick movement upwards, he's out of the room, barely brushing against Seungmin.

"Lixxie hyung," Jeongin says with a yawn, "was on a roll. Guess he was hungrier."

Seungmin just blinks and walks out of the room, careful not to bump into anything when he closes the door. Silently, he makes his way to his room where he opens the door and fights another coo.

Changbin has somehow become the bottom of this dog pile that is Hyujin and Chan. There's a small look of discomfort on his face, but it vanishes when he nuzzles his face into Hyunjin's shoulder. Seungmin coos quietly and closes the door.  

Before another unnecessary thought can come (he can feel one coming), Seungmin pushes Jisung's door open to find a burrito looking human much like he found Woojin. Jisung's fluffy hair sticks up in different directions, and bloodshot eyes shoot to Seungmin's face before they land onto the plate. His face contorts to a look of distaste which is enough for Seungmin to place it on one of the dressers and walk to the bed. He sits in front of Jisung, his legs under him and just watches the other breathe.

The older's chest rises and falls with each puff of breath, a broken smile spilling from his lips. He opens the blankets, begging Seungmin for warmth and cuddles to which he obliges. He wraps his arms over Jisung's torso and pulls the older closer. Closing his eyes, Seungmin stuffs his face into Jisung's neck and breathes, the soft scent of rose and spruce wood filter in his nose. He presses a soft kiss against Jisung's neck and just feels his lover in his arms.

Jisung's shoulders begin to shake as if he was waiting for a moment to let the tears fall. Seungmin doesn't understand why but he's not going to make himself question the older male in his arms. Instead, he going to press continuous kisses to his neck and whisper small encouragements.

"They're so loud, Seungminnie," Jisung says after a moment. "I don't know why but they're so loud."

Jisung's tone is one he never wants to hear. A sound so broken that every other word cracks with disappointment and grief. Seungmin shuts his mouth and listens.

"They tell me the things I don't want to hear. How eating will only make me larger than I already am. That eating will make you guys not love me. That eating will force my boyfriends away from me, and I don't want that. I want my boyfriends to love for me."

Seungmin in a breath and counts to five. This is very delicate this situation. Something Seungmin knows he won't be able to fully control and the thought scares him. He's not going to be the boyfriend he should be.

That bubbling of panic hits his mind with full force as he feels his body begin to shake.

A rambling Jisung stops talking when he feel shaking coming from his younger lover and opens his mouth to say something. Seungmin's mind clears, however,  when he hears Jisung's voice stop. This isn't the time or the place for this. He thinks to himself. I need to...

"What else do the voices say?" Seungmin whispers out.

"Seungminnie," Jisung says. "You're about-"

"And listening to you will help," he doesn't mean to snap, but he doesn't want to go there. He wants to worry about this first. He takes a deep breath and looks at Jisung's chest. "Jisung, what do voices say? I want to prove them wrong."

Seungmin pulls away from Jisung's body to look into the watery eyes of the owner. There are questions on his lips, but Seungmin shakes his head. "Tell me," he says. While the worry for Seungmin is there, Jisung's eyes speak volumes at the doubts of his own mind.

"They tell me that my cheeks are too big," he whispers as he looks away from Seungmin's gaze. He covers his cheeks almost as if hiding them would make Seungmin smile.  

"Lies," Sungmin says as he reaches and pulls away Jisung's hands. "Your cheeks are a perfect size. Even if they were too big, they'd still be the perfect size to press sloppy kisses too." He pauses for a moment before pressing a long wet kiss against Jisung's cheek. "Next."

"I'm too fat."

Seungmin wraps his arms around Jisung again, holding the small man in his arms. He runs his fingers against Jisung's side causing him to squirm at the feeling. "If you're fat, then I'm a whale."

"You're not."

"And your not fat. You have a little tummy yes," Jisung forces Seungmin away. There's hurt in his eyes, but Seungmin smiles. "But I love it when you have a little tummy because I poke and prod at it until you yell at me to stop. It's what makes Jisung Jisung." To prove his point, he reruns fingers against Jisung's side, poking the soft skin.

Again, Seungmin pulls away from Jisung's body. "Remember this Jiji that even the goddess of love herself had a couple of rolls on her body and She still was the most beautiful woman in the world. While you're not a woman if the goddess of love can have a couple of rolls, then why can't you?" Seungmin takes a deep breath.

Jisung looks near tears when Seungmin stops talking. The haze of doubt is slowly clearing.

"What else?" Seungmin questions staring into Jisung's eyes, waiting for the particular set of words. He raises a brow.

"That," Jisung pauses, "that my boyfriends don't love me."

Jisung looks so small when he says those words, his expression looks close to crying as the world falls apart around him. Seungmin grabs the older's hands and squeezes them.

"Am I your boyfriend?" Seungmin questions.

"Yes."

"Do I love you?"

Jisung says nothing and Seungmin feels his heartbreak and the quiet anxiety eating at him again. He knows he doesn't show enough affection for his boyfriends, but it's just who he has been since he can remember. If Jisung is questioning his love for him, then maybe he's not showing enough. Seungmin gulps to keep his voice from wavering.

"Jisung, do I love you?" he asks again.

Jisung looks at his hands. "I don't know."

Seungmin fights back a scoff. "I love you," he says. "I love your cheeks when you smile and the way your eyes crinkle along with them. I love it when you throw your head back in laughter when Minho hyung says something stupid. I love it when you cry watching romcoms because when is life ever like that? I love it when you brush your fingers through your hair and bite your lips trying to look y, and I love it when you play with your earring when you're nervous.

"I love it when you wrap your arms around Felix when he needs a hug and when you yell at Chan when he needs to sleep. I love it when you get angry at Woojin's parents with me because they're horrible people. But most of all I love it when I catch your looking at our boyfriends with so much love in your eyes that it makes me want to cry."

Seungmin takes gulps of air as he breathes heavily after his speech. A flood of tears rolls down Jisung's face as he stares at the younger with eyes wider than Seungmin has seen before. There's a look of satisfaction on Seungmin's face and he it from the way Jisung suddenly launches himself at him. Jisung sobs loudly against his ear as he squeezes the younger, curling himself into his lap.

Seungmin feels his eyes tear up at Jisung's sobbing, but he pushes them away and continues his tradition. He presses the wants to Jisung to get better against his hair and the hopes Jisung will realize how much his boyfriends love him. He wishes for those horrible voices to leave Jisung alone and he knows he's fine just the way he is. There's no need to change Jisung into someone he's not.

And finally, Seungmin presses a gentle kiss against Jisung's head filled with love and hope.

Jisung quiets down a few minutes later, the walls echoing his quiet sniffles and gentle pats on the back. Seungmin finds himself humming quietly when a loud rumble resounds across the room. Jisung's sniffles stop as does Seungmin's humming.

Seungmin holds back his laughter. "Are you hungry?" he asks as Jisung holds onto him tighter.

"Yes," Jisung mumbles.

"I made gimbap. I know it's not your, but I thought it would do."

Jisung nods and buries his head more into Seungmin's chest. Chuckling, he tries to detangle himself from Jisung only to have the older male grip him harder.

"Your food?"

"Minho hyung can bring it when he comes in. Just don't leave. Not yet, Minnie. Please."

Seungmin doesn't say anything and instead untucks his legs from under him and lays down with the other on top of him. Jisung sighs in contentment.

The door opens showing a half- Minho wrapped in a towel. He doesn't look surprised when he sees Seungmin laying on Jisung's bed with the owner on top of him. Instead, there's a soft smile on his face like he's happy the other was able to get the comfort he needed. He looks to Seungmin and walks towards him, pressing a soft kiss against his forehead. Seungmin turns away to allow Minho to get dress while he cards his fingers through Jisung's hair.

Jisung's breaths begin to even out and soon enough, he's asleep.

He stays asleep when the bed dips and Seungmin turns his head to look at Minho, the oldest reaching out and running his fingers through Seungmin's hair. Seungmin closes his eyes.

"I heard him," Minho says quietly. "I heard him, but it didn't sound like the crying he had been doing."

Seungmin hums.

"He loves you."

"And we him," Seungmin says opening his eyes and staring into black pools belonging to Lee Minho.

"I need to put the food back," Seungmin says looking away from Minho's stare.

"I ca-"

"No!" Seungmin almost shouts, mentally kicking himself when Jisung shifts. They both pause to see if the other is going to wake, releasing a sigh of relief when he doesn't. "I need to get something before I come back."

Minho raises a brow. "If you come back. I walked into your room, and Hyunjin demanded to know when you were coming."

Seungmin smiles and motions for Minho to take the sleeping boy off his chest. "He knows when."

Minho hums and takes Jisung, cooing as the orange haired male snuggles into Minho's warmth. Seungmin quietly leaves the room with the same plate of food, mentally promising himself to give it to Jisung later.