Dear Diary,

Date: Friday, August 9th, 2019

     I'm sorry I didn't make an entry two days in a row, I just wasn't in a good place emotionally. Today however I feel in a lighter mood. 

     Carrying on after that occurance, things in the workplace fell into place. Yeri went back to being in the Avian Department alongside Seo Joon, he is their supervisor. Now, even though I had approved of him, I still wasn't a big fan of his. And this was ultimately because of Yeri. While she spoke well of him, she spoke ill of him just the same, if not most of those times. And because I had considered her at this point like a little sister, I hated him for all the pain he was putting her through. 

     From what she told me he had been giving her so many signs that he had feelings for her, that he had confessed to her and that he was constantly following her around, all this while he was in a relationship. I was definitely not happy about this, but she told me that he was constantly on and off with his girlfriend. Even though at the time, she was living with him. 

      And I did see this, I saw how he would look at her, I saw how his eyes would crinkle that much more as he was smiling when he would look at her. His true smile. There'd be a glimmer in those light brown eyes that wouldn't be there when she wasn't near. It always happened when she was telling a story, ranting, or the chime in her crazy one of a kind laugh. 

      She'd confide in me and ask me for help with him, but at the time I was still an outsider. I would keep to myself, never being a social butterfly, as some would call it, like she was. And he was also the same way, we're two peas of the same conservative and extraordinarily introverted pod. Of course he would initiate the conversations we had because I would be too shy to start. It was to the point that I would eat my lunch in the kitchen--where I worked--because I just didn't feel the need to socialize with my co-workers. Yeri wouldn't have this, so one day she convinced me to have lunch with her and the rest in the cubby room, basically a tiny ghetto rendition of an employee locker room. It had three or four, I apologize I cannot remember, tattered chairs and two wooden stools to sit on. The staff was made up of maybe fifteen people so you can imagine how uncomfortable it was for so many people to gather there to eat lunch. I would sit on the floor with Yeri and some of the others. I didn't like it in the end so I just went back to eating lunch alone in the kitchen. Eventually Yeri gave up and started having her lunch with me there too. And this worked in her favor because the puppy dog Seo Joon followed suit and joined us. It was much more comfortable for the three of us, especially for me because I didn't feel the pressure to be talkative because Yeri was good at starting conversations and keeping them flowing naturally and so was he when it came to her. Oh how happy she was about this. 

      There were no other girls around to steal his attention, there was only her. God knows he'd never lay his eyes on me, I wasn't so gifted with my appearance. She was prettier, petit, but full figured. She had an incredible sense of humor, with the right fiestiness to match. Her laughter would be extremely contagious and her smile just as infectious. Not to mention her intelligence and street smarts. Given that she also had the drive to go to college, work full time, volunteer in programs and had plans to make something of herself. Even when she was young, she was the same way. Not to mention in beauty, she was so talented in cometics. 

      I was never this way. I preferred living more simple. I couldn't pull off any of the looks she wore because I don't have the right body, nor would I ever had the patience to learn how to do my makeup like she did. My entire life had been spent learning how to be a "woman of the house." I also had a pretty rough upbringing so I didn't have the time nor the money to be able to afford financially or the time it needed to be able to do or have these things. I also never had a real woman figure in my life. I grew up having to focus on taking care of my mother. The only outled I had during this time was my first love. 

       When I was with him I had the incentive to be womanly. I wore make up, dressed nicer, and enjoyed it all the while. Because I stupidly only focussed on him and making him happy. 

       I guess even now to this day, that part of me hasn't changed. Only improved, I mean, maybe.. 

      Anyways, this entry is a long one. 

      It became a point where before lunch Yeri and me would talk about Seo Joon and the kinds of questions or insinuations she wanted me to ask or say to him to try and get more information out of him. She had me saying things like, "Are you sure you guys aren't dating? You guys would be so great together." Or questions that were very invasive considering he didn't know me or trust me enough to answer. These questions were more about where he stood with his girlfriend, even questions about whether he was in love with her. 

      I didn't like it, I did it for her though. Because I always thought she was always telling me the truth. And he just seemed to always be hurting her feelings. I also thought I was the only one she was telling these things to. But I was wrong.

      Slowly I would start hearing other people make comments, condemning Seo Joon. And pitying Yeri. Slowly I learned that she was telling nearly everyone about her situation. Down to our management. Even our HR would make remarks here and there about them. Everyone knew and everyone had something to say about it. 

      And the more I noticed these things, so did Seo Joon. He was obviously upset about it because of a couple facts I didn't know at the time, and started to back off. At the time she still had me slightly fooled, given that she had showed me evidence of what she was telling me--a text message he had sent her while drunk to be exact professing his feelings and attraction towards her but that he didn't want to hurt her so he didn't want to start anything serious with her. So I just kept to myself. 

      Because he was pulling away, things became more intense with her. She would get jealous of all the girls that would be near him, be super rude to them, down to even crying at one point because a girl sat in front of him during lunch and he was joking around with her. Granted even I didn't like the girl either, but only because she was an airhead, super clingy, and would say acronyms outloud. Instead of laughing she'd say, and I quote, "LOL." It drove me nuts. 

       By this time I had had many heart to heart conversations with Yeri. I tried to make her reason. She had already confessed to him many times, and had all but begged him to realize his feelings for her. He had been fighting with his current girlfriend of six years at the time, he wasn't happy, she told him he'd be happy with her. But he'd reject her time and time again. It was really hard on both of them. People were starting to joke about our work place being a reality show. 

      I don't know exactly when or how it started to happen, but Seo Joon started hanging around me more often. He would be in the kitchen with me for most of the day. We'd spend it talking or making stupid jokes. I would take the oppurtunities to try and get him to vent. To have an outlet because I could see how stressed he was. At the time I was going through it with my ex and I didn't want to talk about it with Yeri because for some reason she'd tie in her situation with mine and I was tired of that, so I confided in him.

     He followed me to my enclosure and just hung around me while I cleaned it, I told him the things I wasn't proud of that I had done. It was my way to show him I trusted him. Then I asked him if maybe he had been in a similar situation like me--which is exactly what the both of them were going through, except my ex was in an abusive relationship with a girl that was using him, and I'm not even kidding when I say this, pushed him and I together though that doesn't make the fact that I got between them right--and to my surprise he did talk. Very vague of course, while he never said her name or what happened exactly, he told me everything I needed to know. His words were: 

      "Yes, I have been in a situation like that before. But unlike your ex, I was more in lust with her than in love. I just confused the two for a while."

       I remember being mad at him for that. Especially after having read that text Yeri had showed me, but I made no comment. Only agreeing and wondering if that was what my ex felt happened to him too and maybe that's why he chose to end our relationship. 

      I believe this new found friendship towards me started to happen on the days Yeri wasn't there. She had went down to part time. When she was there however, he would stay away. He'd go out of his way to avoid talking to her too much or being around her for too long, let alone be in the kitchen for periods of time just in case she'd be there. He'd talk to me when I was alone. And she noticed the distance he was putting between them, and she'd cry, again, and again, and again. I couldn't bring myself to tell her what he had said to me that day because I felt bad for her. She had made up a romance novel in her mind of them both. 

      On one of these scenerios, our second manager, who liked her I might add, was comforting her as she sobbed into his chest as he held her, because yes--even he knew about it too. And because he liked her he would bully Seo Joon. Making him do the jobs no one liked doing and just stupid tasks altogether, constantly haggering him over his location and what he was doing. Trying to catch him slacking to get him in trouble. Even I was fed up with how much he'd call Seo Joon over the walkie talkie. This made the situation so much worse. 

      Then came the day that loverboy broke up with his girlfriend, something that I now know had nothing to do with Yeri. But Yeri didn't think so, so she swept right in. And because Park Seo Joon is so easily manipulated and is too nice, they had their first kiss. At a park, while I sat alone during lunch for the first time in months.