“Why can’t you just love me?” I begged her as my tears coming down my cheeks. Here I am begging her to love me and I know I look like a fool right now but I can’t just let her go. I feel like I am on the edge of the cliff and holding on to her but she is slipping away from my hands letting go. 

“Byul-ah, we can’t be together you know how Korea is and how the people is. They will judge us, hate us, force us to quit the band. Also, our parents, friends what are they going to think of us?? Think about that byul” she said to me, I saw a tear coming down too. We are crying. We are hopeless. She doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to fight back. I am hopeless.

“Yong… can I just ask one question…” I look at her with a sad eyes and hoping that she ever loved me just for a second. 

“What is it byul?” she asked 

“In a second or in your life have you loved me as more than friends?” I asked her and waited for her to answer.

“Byul, you know i loved you but as a friend.. I am sorry.. I can’t.. I don’t love you like that… Byul” She said and I know flood of tears are streaming my cheeks right now and cannot comprehend on what I have heard just right now. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. Did I just assume? Did I just hope that one day she will love me?

I nodded and smiled “Thank you for telling me the truth Yong..” 

 “I hope things will be back just the way they are, byul please” She asked 

“We can’t just turn the things around Yong” I told her “But don’t worry I will act like nothing happened, good bye Yong, Good night” I told her for the last time and walked away from her apartment. 

Why did we end up like that… 

*Flashback*

We were just watching a movie at Yong’s lounge. Her head was in my shoulders and she was playing with my hand. We were just happy. We just came back from our schedule and it was tiring day for us. Looking at her right now, I am in my happy place. I am happy just to be with her and knowing that she is with me on this night like this. 

“Byul, what are you thinking?” She asked and looked at me 

“Nothing, I was just thinking how I am happy right now..” I told her while smiling at her

“You are so greasy as always! Why don’t you get a boyfriend and annoy him with your greasy stuff instead of me” She laughed

“You know I can’t have a boyfriend, I like someone and I am waiting for that person” 

“Oh who is it?? Why didn’t you tell me”

“I will tell you who when I am ready Yong” 

“Well, tell me who it is, maybe I know that guy and I can be the bridge for you to talk to him. You know” She winked at me. 

At this time, in my head I was battling with the demons. Should I just tell her that I like her. That I want to be with her. Is it really worth the risk? Am I ready for the rejection? Am I ready to lose another friend? I don’t know what came through my head but at that moment I confessed. 

“It’s you” 

I can see her wide eyes looking at me. Here we go. Let’s get ready for the worst reaction and rejection. I am ready. 

“You like me?” She asked me and I nodded 

“But why?” She asked me again

“I don’t know… I just like you…” I said and continue “I like you since we were young Yong, the moment I walked in to that company’s door, you were the first person who greeted me, who I fought with, the only person I want to say my problems, the only person that I want to spent my Christmas with, the only person that spent with me the whole day on my birthday. You were there in my ups and down… I don’t know… I just like you. In fact, I love you Yongsun” I told her. It was now or never.

“Byul… I don’t know what to say… I… dont.. love.. you that way…” She told me and I started to cry. 

Here it goes. The rejection. Worse rejection from my best friend, my one and only.