It was difficult being responsible and the oldest of a boy group. It took tremendous effort, but primarily did it take a large sum of discipline. Seokjin was no angel, he held urges and desires just as much as any other man within this world. He watched , touched himself when no one was home, imagined steamy scenes within the shower. Of course, he never spoke of those terrible habits, but not because of shame of doing something normal, but because it would not be accepted coming from him.

Due to this, Seokjin often strayed away from the opposite , knowing well that he would stare where he should not. He was a gentleman, don’t get me wrong, but he also was a man above anything else. His hormones and testosterone were the same as any other, so why should he be judged separately? Of course, he never complained. He simply accepted his fate while signing the contract with Big Hit Entertainment, his mother a mess within the kitchen, sad to see her baby leaving and growing.

‘I don’t know what to do Jin…’ He would never forget the tears that stained her eyes that night when she brought him the plastic piece of material, marked with a taunting pink + sign. It was his only act of rebellion, hidden within the dorms room and from the eyes of those who constantly watched him.

‘People can’t know’ Seokjin wished that he had answered that differently, for what he would remember most about the night he would regret the rest of his days, were how large her eyes had become and how thin her lips pressed against her angelic face.

He hated that his first reaction to finding out he was going to be a father, was that of his fans and bandmates, and not the mother of his child. If he could turn back time, he would. Yet how far back would he go and erase? Did he regret sleeping with her that much? Or only the outcome of the action, the consequences for being too heated in the moment.

“You alright Hyung?” Seokjin’s eyes widened when glancing at the six concerned members, all in which were staring at him. How did he notice the crowding area before?

“Yeah Kook, I’m fine” Seokjin smiled that motherly smile that was meant to comfort, and soon enough the youngest boy would nod a few times and go on his way, leaving his Hyung once more. The one person who didn’t budge however, was the one who was much to observant for his own good. Kim Namjoon.

“What’s bothering you?” It was no longer a conversation between bandmates, but a conversation between brothers whom shared so much hardship together, that the slightest glimpse of sunlight beamed brighter than the largest.

“I slept with her” Seokjin threw out his problems, his rage and heartache being uncontrollable within his decaying heart.

“Bout time you did something…” Namjoon joked, but his smile was not met with another smile, but instead tears and a choking elder member, forcing his smile to fall all the same. “It’s really not that bad Hyung, it’s normal for you to do those things” Namjoon tried to console the best he could, but without knowing the real problem, how could he comfort it?

Yet Kim Namjoon was a man of intelligence, so it didn’t take him long to stutter out his next concern. “It’s not like you got her pregnant right?” Namjoon spoke carefully, but it didn’t help numb the pain that had robbed the eldest member’s heart, that had caused his droplets to become waterfalls, his breathes to become gasping intakes of suffocated oxygen. In that instant, Namjoon knew exactly what was going on.

~*~*~*~

“The baby is looking healthy, and everything seem to be just fine” the doctor smiled at the news, the cold lube already warm upon her growing stomach, the large lump indicating she was much further along than what she was prepared for. “Have you and the father picked out a name for the little guy?”

“It’s just me” Soo Yeon spoke gently “and this little guy” she finished, rubbing the side of her belly, feeling the little foot that reacted towards her every touch, obviously very much in love with his mother, despite never meeting one another just yet.

“My apologies” the doctor was quick to look away, as though ashamed for assuming, but it was normal to assume that a pregnant woman would be married with a loving husband at her side. It was how life had worked, with ordinary people of course. Life with an idol however, was one of many lies and secrets, and the relationship was doomed before it ever truly began. It was never a real relationship to begin with.

Leaving the doctor’s office, Soo Yeon felt a powerful loss of comfort, her arms wrapping around her chest and enclosing herself within a tight hug. She had always been alone in this world, it has never bothered her… She didn’t mind being abandoned, but it was her son that she worried for. What could she possibly tell the precious boy? How would she ever admit that his father chased his dreams over responsibility? A young mind wouldn’t understand the complications, he’d grow with only one parent.

“Can we talk?” It had been so soft, that she barely heard the soft whisper, her eyes instantly looking up from the pavement below to stare at the face that haunted her still.

It wasn’t as though she blamed Seokjin for running away, she wanted to run away as well, and she had a lot less to loss than him. She couldn’t blame the idol for thinking about his image first, after all, he spent his entire childhood obsessing over the smallest of details. She remembered even as children dreaming large, Seokjin had always cared about his visual, and the opinions of those close to him.

“Sure” she smiled despite the pain, despite how difficult it was to see him, to accept him on a whim of weakness, knowing well where it would lead them. Look where it already took them.

“How’s the baby?” Seokjin whispered after several long moments of silence, the walk leading them through endless trails within the small woods, the only place in which it was safe to be outdoors and not have to worry about camera’s and flashing lights.

“He’s good” Soo Yeon answered despite her best attempt to shun and ignore the man whom had once did that to her, leaving her alone during most of her pregnancy. Seven months later, he finally found some strength to acknowledge the shadow behind the lights of his career.

“He’s?” Seokjin asked, his eyes growing wide and the cutest of smiles tugging at the corner of his lips. She pondered why he couldn’t have that expression when she first presented the news to him, when she was the one who was nervous, shy, and almost happy to be carrying around his child?

“Yes, it’s a boy” Soo Yeon answered instead, a soft smile on her own glossed lips, quick to look away from the smile she fell in love with so many years ago, before the lights and fame claimed his name. Before there was such name as ‘Jin from BTS.’

“How have you been?” Soo Yeon blinked at the sudden question, as though he wouldn’t know how miserable she had been, dealing with pregnancy alone. Becoming a parent alone. The que