Jeonghan is terrified of the water.

It started out when he found out about sharks during when he curiously asked to his teacher about the "grey triangle on the water" he found on one of his classmate's drawings. Now it's a thing his boyfriend makes fun of him of. 

Jisoo had brought him to the beach on one of their dates, swimming out to the point where Jeonghan couldn't feel the sand with his feet anymore. He was terrified - images of the countless reported shark attacks simultaneously appeared in his thoughts, and Jisoo either must have sensed it because he then started to sooth Jeonghan by rubbing his thumb softly on the back of his palm. "It's ok, just focus on me and everything will be alright. Okay?" He offered him his brightest smile, the one that even his closest friends confess as it being 'the smile for only one special person'. Jeonghan smiled back at him, and tightened their grip on each other's hand as he let Jisoo lead him to explore the deeper parts of the sea.

Jeonghan evaded the water.

He found it weird, how he considered his dates with Jisoo, holidays, which makes him feel too tired to go back to listening to how to solve math equations and having to find the exact coordinates of the countries outside of his own. Instead, he wanted to create music.

As a small child, he would recall watching the old musicals his grandparents had always gathered the family around for. His mother had always read to him thick fantasy novels which worlds revolved around magic, instead of the more common children bedtime stories. Even now, as a 22 year old, a few months away from graduating with his medical degree, he was able to combine the two, storytelling with music, soon leading him to ballads.

It irks him how his boyfriend is able to handle all the arduous group projects while still being able to compose lyrics. 

He remembers last Valentine's, the day when Jisoo had caught the cold and when Jeonghan was left all by himself. Everyone else was busy either confessing or receiving annonymous love letters yet what he didn't expect was when the cold, quite petite kid of the class approached him. Jihoon, known well for composing songs and being too stiff for anyone to get close to. Except when he had everyone dumbfounded when he revealed that he was seeing the school's sunshine, Lee Seokmin.

Jeonghan looked around for Seokmin, just to find him settled in the corner of the room with a bright eye smile that he then realized was meant for him. 

He bit his lower lip before delicately taking the neatly folded paper away from Jihoon's grasp. The petite male stared him down before quickly walking back to his boyfriend, interlocking his hands with his as they left the room.

He catiously softened the folds, opening it to Jisoo's handwriting that was clearly written across the sheet. 

'My mind gets twisted, I'm Falling For U'

Jeonghan chuckles at the note, hinting that he already knows where Jisoo is, as if he knew what his boyfriend was planning all along. He took out a piece of paper from his journal, folding it before placing it on top of Jihoon's desk. 'Thanks'.

The café is way more quiet during the night hours - just like how Jisoo likes it. The hours when Jisoo would usually ask him if they could go out and take walks while talking about their days and trash talk the class though they'd do it to themselves and end up laughing loudly by themselves on the sidewalks. 

He spots Jisoo sitting down in their usual spot - near the window but far away etched from the other tables, with a cup of mocha on both of his hands, looking through the café's glass windows absentmindedly. Jeonghan smirks and approaches the barista and orders one latte.

He didn't have to wait long before the barista called out his name. His attention was on Jisoo as his head quickly snapped in the direction of his name being called. Jeonghan pretended not to notice and walked to the counter and took his drink away, sipping nonchalantly until he felt Jisoo's stare digging onto his own eyes.  

Jeonghan couldn't keep his facadę anymore, and his smile that hid behind his smirk finally showed, elicting a small laugh from Jisoo. Hands in his pockets, he 'cooly' tried to walk over to where Jisoo was, which then earned him a playful slap on the shoulder as Joshua's laugh showed among the layers of scarf that he wore. 

Jeonghan sets down his drink, "Are you really sick or?" Jisoo yanked his scarf lower to take a small sip of his mocha, the foam nested in the corners of his mouth after the cup had left his lips which Jeonghan found too adorable. Take a picture, he mentally reminds himself.

 "What do you mean?" Joshua fails to hide the small michevious glint in his eyes and Jeonghan wanted to slap that smile out of his face. If it wasn't that beautiful and precious, that is.

"You . Happy Valentine's."

Jisoo lowered his scarf again, resting it below his chin, reaching again for his mocha before Jeonghan suddenly perked up,

"Can we visit the beach again?"

Jisoo raised his eyebrows in cofusion, "I thought you didn't like going to the beach-"

Jeonghan interrupted his boyfriend by forming a pout, the one he'd use when Jisoo was too lazy to buy him the teddy bears he wanted, but still complied to in the end. "Please~? It's so that I can finally get over my fear of the water!"

Joshua stayed still for abit, stirring his mocha. The smile that once lingered now formed back to his thin straight lips until Joshua leaned forward and pecked his boyfriend's lips, "Sure. Happy Valentine's too".

Jeonghan eluded the sea.

His graduation was 2 months away, and soon he'd be leaving every memory he had behind,  he'll be working as a nurse aiding doctors side by side in private hospitals. Yet the thought of leaving his friends had tired him down, even though Jisoo had reassured him that he'd be "fine taking care of them all by myself".

That doesn't explain why Jisoo then had created a space between them, as though it feels that he had intentionally created a barrier to seperate them. Their shared dorm would always be empty, and instead of Jeonghan barging into the room and Jisoo reaching out to him for a hug, the notes Jisoo had left him in the morning had instead welcomed him everyday. 

The afternoons when Jeonghan would fall asleep by the teacher's irritating voice, and when Jisoo would let him, now Jeonghan could barely get any sleep, the seat beside him that once radiated warmth had gone cold without one person.

Jeonghan returned back home early that day.

He returned to the room with the lights , and the sound of the running water from the bathtub echoed from their bathroom. Jeonghan rushed to the room, the thoughts he once tried to fight returned back to him, the once that appeared whenever Jisoo wasn't around.

He sees his boyfriend near the faucet, focused on washing his hands thoroughly. His hair was dripping wet of the water, and so were his present apparel. Jeonghan ran over and immeadietly hugged him from behind, which Jisoo had to hold on to the edges of the faucet because of the pull. "Yah where did you go!? I missed you." 

Jisoo stared at the mirror, to the person behind him, and curled a smile, "I had a final group project," Jeonghan, who rested himself on the curve of Jisoo's neck, looked up to the mirror and met eyes that stared back at him, "Final? Does that mean you won't leave me anymore?"

Jisoo raised one of his hands from the faucet, and reached out for Jeonghan's, the way he used to sooth him. "I'm sorry, I won't leave you alone ever again," he turned around so that Jeonghan would be facing him, and leaned in again for a kiss, the one that lasts a bit longer than a peck, and the one that reassures Jeonghan. "I love you."

I love you.

Jeonghan pauses. Though they were dating for over a year, never once had they said those three words to each other. Jeonghan had always thought about it, when his boyfriend was there in the crowd loudly cheering by himself, when he was there to listen to him when he was down, or when it was just him foolishly complaining, the words would he'd always think about but would never leave his lips. 

"I-I love you too."

Jisoo chuckled and smiled at him, because he understands, he knows.

But Jeonghan didn't.

His warmth, the only person who would gladly stay up at 3 am listening to him, the one who soothes him when he had nightmares, the one who always stayed beside him when no one else did, the one who gave him a chance because he too needed it, the one who made a promise to him a year ago, he was gone.

His body floated lifelessly on the small bathtub they earned for, the days when they had their shifts done in the coffee shop, is now soaked with the a life taken away.

Now he understood.

The nights that he used to escape, why the bathtub was always overflowing with water,

This isn't the first time.

Why his smiles disappear ever so quickly, why he shows up with new scars each week, and fooling Jeonghan to believe he was that careless- it was because he too needed help. 

Jeonghan was around the wrong people, the ones that took advantage of him, the ones that barely even cared, until he met him. The one that helped him even though he declined it for thousands of times- he needed help but he placed Jeonghan first until his difficulty swallowed his breath to live.

Jeonghan is terrified of the water.