The meeting with Her.

••————————————

People’s indignant approach to the hazy gust of rain became my serenity. I miss the rain, it makes me indulge on the side of imperfections which can be deemed perfect. It is dreary, the car ride I mean. I don’t why I feel uncomfortable. Is it because of a different driver this time around?

The last time I remember, the rain made me feel relaxed. Like a lullaby of some sort, making me smile amidst the curling of my lashes, closing my eyes entering wonderland. And the last time I remember, I was here. In the shotgun, saying I love you to the person who I can only see as a blue right now.

Taeyeon help me. I can’t forget you yet.

Taeyeon is such a soft driver, however I do understand where she is coming from. It is her care for me, the unknown risk she is taking for driving in such weather. Her emotional cargo in which she described is beside her. I feel overwhelmed during those times, drowning in my own pits of mushiness. 

However, the uncomfortable feeling is maybe because my cute driver, obsessed with ballad songs in the rainy adventure is gone. Along with the innate feeling of safety that I feel whenever she is with me. Part of the reason why I love shotgun seats.

Or maybe it is so vastly different. 

“Sica.” 

Soft and deep melodic voice, huskier than my cute love. Comforting like rain. Suddenly I find myself dripping with the desire to explore further. The feelings bottled up

in a dry and spontaneous jolt of emotion.

“Hmmm?”

“I’m thinking..” Her driver had spoken. Eyes still on the road. The subtle jumble of her thoughts proceeded to some certain conclusions of the three dots accompanying the thinking session.

“Yeah?” Three dots to two. 

“What would your family think of me coming to Taeyeon’s death anniversary?”

I paused for a brief moment as her words sang a sad song. Moments like this I had wish to be sensitive enough. Yuri is apparently in the middle of my screaming heart, the confused delusional moron who thinks that it could keep her affection for me at the bay of my dominion.

Longing for Taeyeon had made me insensitive. Dragging people in my emotional spree when I am supposed to move on myself. As what she would’ve wanted. Admitting that indeed I have moved on, but in what sense? Was it because of her.

Her arrival is the end of my voyage. 

“All of their opinions does not matter to me anymore, maybe not anymore since she died.”

Yuri became quiet after, her soft breathing enticed me. Being her friend for weeks now, I discovered the thought that she is just a wounded emotional little child. Her worthless escapades will always be the talk of the town, just because she is the daughter of the one who apparently runs it.

However Yuri is indeed wounded, trying to find the true consolation of acceptance. Even if her mom is supportive enough and her dad is very much supportive that Yes,the suffocation is real. However it is frustrating why would acceptance be this cruel. Maybe Yuri understood it on a different aspect.

Sometimes it tends to be comforting when it has flaws. Like Yuri says, otherwise I do understand where she is coming from. Or at least I don’t. 

“I know that she committed suicide.”

“She can’t handle all of it. The pressure of her parents, loving me too much, her life ahead. I think it overpowered her will to move on.” I lowered my head as my tears became visible. And hen it stopped, at least.

“I’m sorry.” Yuri stopped the car. The feeling of her touch spoiled my heart in such ways it soared, and then I felt guilty.

“Can I change the topic?” I asked.

She smiled. That one crinkle of her sly and lopsided smile. 

“Why are you like this?”

“What?” She returned back on driving. The rain still held a hold in the weather scene.

“Rebel.”

“Oh well, it’s complicated.” 

“Tell me.”

“Oh, apparently my mom and dad gave me the support of being bent. And it’s suffocating.” Yuri smiles, turning to me then back to the road.

“That’s it? It is something to thank Yuri.”

“Well no. Being thankful is an understatement.” She turned solemn. 

“So What is the problem in there?” As if my heart wanted to know every quirk of her full understanding. More times it seemed like I want to read Yuri’s life portfolio, try to settle on such short explanations of her attitude. Intriguing and most of all endearing.

“You won’t understand.”

“Help me.”

———————————-

The ride back home is one hell of a futuristic ride. Yuri had a ton of wordless remarks to dodge my question. Apparently I had her in my mercy when she whined about being hungry and wanted to have a bite only to realize she left her credit card back home.

“Okay, I’ll buy you food. But tell me the reason first.” I handed her the Powerade that she wanted. Walking in a rest stop to find some burritos or something to eat is what I am doing. Apparently Yuri is just flirting with the cashier. 

“What?” She asked, taking a break from her so called chit chat.

“I say, I’ll buy you food tell me the reason. And stop fooling around, well be back on the road. I’ll drive.” I shoved the last of my Doritos in her hands. 

Giving her my credit card as I glare back at the lanky cashier. I had worse experiences with girls trying to get what is mine and they don’t have good ones either.

Back in the car Yuri buckles herself in the shotgun seat. Poking her hands in and out of the Dorit