dont say you weren't warned because this chapter is a ball of angst and I can't write angst... so you wont cry.

---

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Those were the first words that Tzuyu heard. She stared up at Jihyo’s sincerely apologetic face.

 

“I actually know who you liked… It was probably me. But I really don’t want anything to be awkward.”

 

Jihyo had continued on, Tzuyu not even believing the situation upon her.

 

It hurt to hear Jihyo saying something like this.

 

“But I still want to be close with you.”

 

“As a friend.” Jihyo quickly adds on.

 

Tzuyu’s frown could be clearly seen.

 

“Please don’t be hurt.”

 

Tzuyu almost laughed bitterly. Almost pointed out that, this entire speech is ripping her apart. But she kept quiet. She didn’t want Jihyo to worry any longer.

 

It was silence from then.

 

Tzuyu breaks it, “Jihyo unnie, I like you, just to confirm your suspicions.”

 

Jihyo’s face depicts pity and hurt as it also softens. “Oh. I’m glad I was right. If I were wrong, it would probably be really awkward ahaha…” Jihyo tries to joke, trying to raise the mood. It clearly wasn’t working.

 

Tzuyu was on the verge of crying.

 

Keep strong, don’t worry the person you love. She reminded herself.

 

“No.” Tzuyu answers. “It would be awkward still. I still like you. People don’t stop liking someone else overnight you know.”

 

Tzuyu gulps.

 

“I hope you don’t mind if I avoid talking to you for some time.”

 

Jihyo frowns subtly, her heart almost breaking at her friends almost cracking voice. “It’s okay.” She says in a gentle voice. “As long as you feel comfortable.” She smiles bitterly.

 

Tzuyu turns on her phone to check the time. It was late.

 

“I best be going. Have a good day, Jihyo ssi.” She says formally, further hurting the older girl. Tzuyu thinks that it’s best for both if Tzuyu and her aren’t close.

 

For now. (Maybe forever. Tzuyu’s a coward.)

 

Tzuyu walks away from Jihyo, her guilty eyes boring in Tzuyu’s figure. Tzuyu can hear a heavy sigh from the older.

 

The night, like every other night, Tzuyu thinks about Jihyo.

 

The night, unlike every other night, Tzuyu is hurt by Jihyo.

 

Maybe she shouldn’t have confessed. Maybe she could have salvaged what they had together.

 

Right, what they had together.

 

It was like turning off your girlfriend who then suddenly wanted to break up because she was so turned off.

 

What did they have together in the first place?

 

Tzuyu had gained the trust of Jihyo, she had been the shoulder to lean on for any troubles. Tzuyu had fallen for Jihyo, hard and this was only because of what they had together which allowed Jihyo to show what Tzuyu made her love her.

 

She lost everything and that was what she was dreading for this entire time. Tzuyu dreaded this conversation, her conversation and the rejection that would come along with it.

 

If only Tzuyu was stronger enough, then she would have the courage to chase after Jihyo and be persistent. Maybe that would work and she would have the happy ending she’d been wanting since the beginning of time.

 

(But no. Tzuyu was cowardly. Too cowardly. No matter how strong she looked on the exterior, she was weak-willed in the interior.)

 

When Tzuyu enters her dorm, she ignores the stare of worry from her roommate because of her unusually tightly lipped not-smile and loss of her usual nature.

 

Exactly. Because there was nothing in the world to worry about.

 

This was just a small problem that everyone encounters, everyone gets over it sooner or later.

 

Apparently not everyone. Tzuyu thinks sadly, sitting on her chair, blasting Eddy Kim’s You are so Beautiful in her earphones

 

The next day, Tzuyu found it excruciating to even turn her head away from the goddess named Jihyo.

 

Tzuyu wanted to witness anything regarding Park Jihyo. But she couldn’t.

 

It hurt.

 

It hurt so ing bad.

 

It hurt Tzuyu to watch Jihyo acting indifferent when nothing was alright.

 

So she tried not to watch her.

 

She stayed quiet during breaks, staring at her food, not even listening to the distinct sound of careless laughter in the background which came from her friends.

 

Unlike usual, she hadn’t sat next to Jihyo or flirted with her or kissed her in front of their friends. Neither had looked at each other those breaks.

 

Surprisingly, no one noticed. They continued with whatever they were doing.

 

(Tzuyu somewhat wanted them to notice and to do something about it. Or just magically make Jihyo fall in love with her.)

 

Tzuyu looked up to see Jihyo staring right at her. She almost got caught in her little staring contest.

 

Almost.

 

She looked away immediately, a tight line represented . “I need to go somewhere.” She mumbled quietly, and no one listened. No one heard a word she had said, they all continued with what they were doing.

 

Ugh. She felt sick.

 

Tzuyu felt like vomiting so hard, the unusual feeling in her stomach and heart brought her down and she felt so sick because of it. Before she could even move an inch to somewhere, anywhere, as long as it was away from Jihyo.

 

She fainted.

 

That’s where the ruckus started.

 

There was Nayeon and Momo crying over her ‘dead’ body, Jeongyeon contemplating on calling the ambulance frantically, Dahyun and Chaeyoung panicking, themselves, running around until they bumped into each other and Sana then crying because Dahyun was going to die just because she fell to the ground, and then there was Mina who was staring at Jihyo.

 

Jihyo. She was only staring at Tzuyu, stilled in her spot, without moving.

 

It was obvious that she was itching to run to Tzuyu’s side with her quivering hand. But Jihyo didn’t want to break the boundaries that Tzuyu built up too easily.

 

“Why aren’t you running to her?” Mina had asked, startling the fidgeting girl. Jihyo only stared up at Mina, “You like her, don’t you? Why aren’t you running to her?”

 

Jihyo’s expression darkened under that, “No- no. You’re wrong. I don’t…” Jihyo stood up afterward, “I need to go somewhere…” She mumbled, running away, but not without looking at Tzuyu first.

 

“Wait!” Mina shouted, the loudest she could. Jihyo had already run away and now Momo was staring at her lover in confusion.

 

---

 

“Wait… You actually mean that, right, Mina?” Momo whispered to Mina who nodded. “I’m certain that’s what happened.” The couple stare at Tzuyu who has lost her energy.

 

They sigh at Tzuyu who never used to walk alone. It was always with Jihyo. Now they can’t even stand one metre close to each other without Tzuyu wanting to burst into tears.

 

“Tzu.” Momo called out to Tzuyu who turned her head lifelessly. “Yeah?” Tzuyu tiredly asked. “Can we ask why you are so sad on this fine day with you answering our question?”

 

Tzuyu hesitated for a moment. She gave a fake light-hearted chuckle and a convincing wave. “Nothing is wrong, why? I mean, nothing happened, everything is fine.” She said and Mina lowered her head.

 

It has started. Mina thought to herself, staring in pity to Tzuyu.

 

---

 

Everything reminds me of Jihyo unnie. Tzuyu thought out of sorrow, staring at the cafe they would frequently visit. Momo, Nayeon Jeongyeon reminds her of Jihyo for being ex-best friends with her. Chaeyoung and Dahyun remind her of Jihyo because they were the ones to introduce her to Jihyo. Sana reminds her of Jihyo because they’re in the same grade. Mina reminds her of Jihyo because Jihyo and her are best friends.

 

Everything reminds Tzuyu of Jihyo.

 

And it makes her sick.

 

Tzuyu took out her ringing phone and her eyes darkened at the name. Another person who reminded her of Jihyo, the reason why she fell for Jihyo for the first place. Jackson.

 

“Heyyo, Tzuyu~” The man in the phone screams. The voice seemed to be close to her for some reason. “Hey Jackson.” Tzuyu replied with a monotone voice, one unlike her previous voice.

 

“Oi, why are you so sulky. You’re even kicking rocks, right now.” Jackson whined and Tzuyu frowned, looking around the area to find Jackson and this so called- Mark Tuan, holding hands.

 

“Oh, nice, you have a boyfriend-- Did you say that to me before? I feel like you have.” Tzuyu said with a slight chuckle. Jackson sulked, “How dare you, I told you so long ago!” He shouted at the phone.

 

Then Tzuyu hung up the call because Jackson was too loud, she stuck her tongue out at him. Jackson playfully frowned and dragged Mark toward the younger girl and engulfed the girl in a big hug, raising her from the ground.

 

“I MISSED YOU, TZUYU AH!!!” He shouted loudly, it attracted the attention of a lot of people who murmured at the sight. Mostly because one of the prettiest girls in Tzuyu’s school is being hugged by an equally handsome person.

 

Mark stayed still at their interaction. Tzuyu almost felt like she was going to be beheaded by his silent glare. “I, uh, missed you too, oppa.” Tzuyu laughed nervously, hoping that Mark wouldn’t kill her for saying that.

 

Jackson finally put her down after the silent glares which came from Mark. “How have you been, Tzuyu! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you!” He hit her shoulder lightly.

 

Tzuyu rolled her eyes then turned to Mark and outstretched an arm. “I’m Chou Tzuyu. Just a friend of his.” Mark smiled faintly and took her hand, “Hey, I’ve heard a lot.” He said quietly before breaking out into a grin, “And a friend of Jackson ah is my friend!” He said a bit louder.

 

Jackson sulked. “Why was I just ignored?” He asked himself and Tzuyu let out a small chuckle. “Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow, Mark and I got some shopping to do. We’re settling in the school dorms.” Jackson said.

 

Tzuyu tilted her head, “Tomorrow? School dorms?” Jackson grinned mysteriously, “We’re transferring to your school!”

 

“Oh my god, isn’t that Jackson? JACKSONN!” Chaeyoung called from afar, walking together with Mina. Mina and Chaeyoung run to them. “Why are you guys hanging out together?” Tzuyu asked, staring between the two.

 

Mina laughed nervously and Chaeyoung answered, “Just helping out Mina unnie pick out a dress for her date with Momo unnie tomorrow.” “And you wouldn’t budge until I said that I would help you with Somi ah.” Mina grumbled with a red face.

 

“Aw man, I thought you guys were dating.” Jackson said in surprise and then wrapped his arm around Chaeyoung’s neck and ruffled her hair, “And you little squirt, you already have a girlfriend!”

 

“Ah oppa, stop it!” Chaeyoung laughed, somehow getting out of her grip and tripping into Tzuyu who caught her easily. “Whoa, watch it cub.” Tzuyu laughed, pushing the older girl on her feet.

 

Mina crossed her arms and raised a brow at the male who had entrapped her friend in a hug. “Now, who are you?” She asked and Mark crossed his arms back, “What, you haven’t heard of the names, Mark Tuan and Jackson Wang before?” He asked.

 

Slowly, Mina nodded. She had heard of those infamous names before, mostly associating with the rumour that they were dating and that they were super popular with the girls.

 

“This,” Tzuyu points at Jackson, “Is Jackson Wang. Is our chingu chingu.” Jackson looked offended, “And I’m not your direct friend?!” He exclaimed, Tzuyu laughing in response.

 

“Sure you were, as much as I thought that I was attracted to you.”

 

Chaeyoung gasped and Mark looked jealous. “Hey, then why didn’t you accept my confession back then? Though, I wouldn’t have met Mark, we could’ve been a happy couple!” Jackson exclaimed, laughing as loud as he always is.

 

Tzuyu rolled her eyes, “I could’ve.” She answered simply. Mina sharply inhales, when she looks over her shoulder. Tzuyu followed her gaze.

 

It led to Jihyo, who had just dropped the groceries she was carrying. “I-I’m sorry.” Jihyo said quietly, her eyes tearing up for some reason that Tzuyu didn’t know of.

 

“I must be disturbing something.” Tzuyu could hear Jihyo say. “Jihyo unnie.” Tzuyu mumbled sadly but with so much endearment.

 

God, Tzuyu missed her so much.

 

“Jihyo unnie!” Tzuyu shouted as Jihyo ran away, almost crying. “Jihyo… unnie... “ Tzuyu whimpered, falling to the ground dramatically.

 

Damn it all.

 

“Are you okay?” Mina asked, running up to the younger girl. Tzuyu nodded and wiped away the tears. “Yeah, I’m fine, I’m alright.”

 

Mina stared at her caringly. “Do you… Want to talk about it?”

 

Silence came.

 

Tzuyu hesiatated and wondered whether she should tell Mina what had happened. But then again.

 

Nothing happened, right?

 

This is how everything goes.

 

DENIAL.

 

“Whatever do you mean, Mina unnie?” Tzuyu said, giving out a sickly sweet smile. “Nothing happened.”

 

It didn’t even sound like a lie.

 

Instead, it sounded like she was trying to fool herself that nothing happened.

 

“W-What?” Mina stuttered, clearly startled by this change. Tzuyu grinned widely, “I promise, nothing happened. I don’t think I’ve even confessed to Jihyo unnie yet.” Tzuyu laughed weakly and trailed off.

 

“No. Nothing happened. Nothing happened.” Tzuyu reminded herself, trying to keep away from reality.

 

Step 1. Denial. It is the first of the five stages of grief. It helps you cope and slowly accept reality.

 

“Nothing happened, right?” Tzuyu asked Mina with hopeful teary eyes. Mina could only sigh in response. “I don’t know. You didn’t tell me anything.” She answered, holding onto Tzuyu’s hand.

 

“I think…” Tzuyu said, slowly as they quickly entered a cafe. “I think something happened.” Tzuyu admitted, “I know something happened…” She said quietly.

 

Chaeyoung held out a hand to pet Tzuyu’s head. “Do you think you could tell us?” Jackson was surprisingly silent and only watched. Mark only listened, confused about everything.

 

“It’s Jihyo unnie. Yes. It was her.” Tzuyu admitted again.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I- I..” Tzuyu began to get teary again, remembering the scene. Her heart felt heavy with sorrow. It wasn’t that nothing happened. Tzuyu only wished it never happened in the first place

 

“I confessed to her. Like you told me to, Mina unnie.” Tzuyu said, staring at the unsurprised elder. “I confessed, I remember. She told me…”

 

“I’m sorry.” She remembered Jihyo saying. “I want to stay together as close friends.” She had also said.

 

“She told me that she was sorry…” She started slowly, shortly accepting her memories. “...And that she wanted to stay close friends.” Tzuyu said.

 

Tzuyu felt faint.

 

No. Why did this have to happen?

 

“We’re… We’re still friends.”

 

We’re not.

 

“Nothing will be changed after this anyway.”

 

I’m keeping away from her. We’re not close at all.

 

“I still keep in touch with her and talk to her a lot.”

 

I deleted her number.

 

Tzuyu gave a not noticeable fakely plastered smile on her face, the only lie being the depths of her actually sorrowful eyes.

 

Mina gave a look at her. A look of disbelief. A look of anger flashed on her face, almost wanting Tzuyu to just stop lying before she calmed herself with the acceptance that this is what Tzuyu believes.

 

Mina knew better than to meddle in her friends affairs.

 

“If that’s what you choose to believe, then I will accept it.”

 

Mina’s eyes flashed with sympathy.

 

“Come on Chaeyoungie, what was that good restaurant you were going to recommend to me again?” Mina asked Chaeyoung with a kind smile with a clear unfulfilled expression.

 

Chaeyoung smiled with unsurety. “Alright, let’s get going Mina unnie. I’ll see you at school Tzuyu?” Tzuyu nodded with a tight lipped smile.

 

Jackson watched Tzuyu with a stern glare. Tzuyu focused her attention on the male and tilted her head nervously, “What?” She asked.

 

Jackson looked at his boyfriend for a second before looking back at Tzuyu.

 

“Who are you?”

 

Tzuyu raised a brow at this ridiculous question.

 

“Me? I’m Chou Tzuyu.”

 

Jackson kept staring at her with a tough glare.

 

“Oh really?”

 

He stood up with a poker face.

 

“The Chou Tzuyu I knew wasn’t like this.”

 

--

 

The next stage is as you all know:

 

ANGER.

 

Step 2. Anger. As you slowly come to realisation, and the effects of the denial wear off, the pain slowly re-emerges. Because of the vulnerability, we come to be angry.

 

SLAM!

 

Was how the door went as Tzuyu entered her room angrily.

 

“I’m not Chou Tzuyu?! Tch. Who the hell does he think he is for thinking he knows me!” Tzuyu raised her voice uncharacteristically at the wall.

 

Tzuyu frowned at the silence and shouted again.

 

“IM CHOU TZUYU!”

 

Then again, nothing replied and she frowned even deeper. She felt so angry for some reason.

 

She never felt as angry like this and she definitely didn’t like this feeling.

 

If being in love with Jihyo was the best feeling in the world; then this feeling must be the worst.

 

After all, it’s like the heart shaker and the heart breaker.

 

“I- I don’t understand her anymore!” Tzuyu shouted in the deep dark and deafening silence.

 

“I- We, we kissed! We acted like a couple! Why, just why!? Is it because I’m a girl?!”

 

“Is it because I’m a romanticist and you just want to see me extremely down after making me extremely happy?!”

 

“Are you some kind of sadist!?”

 

“I HATE YOU!”

 

Tzuyu panted for a while.

 

“Wait no. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts! Are you laughing at my demise now, Jihyo unnie!?”

 

There’s no response in the darkness.

 

Tzuyu growled.

 

“You hate me don’t you! You mock me, don’t you?! Why did you toy with me like this!?”

 

“And you, Mina unnie! You judged wrong, didn’t you!? You lied, just to laugh at me, right?! Just the same way that Momo unnie did to Jihyo unnie, right?!”

 

“YOU DUMB SADISTS, STOP PLAYING WITH US!!” She shouted again, throwing her bed sheets to the floor.

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

“Shut…” Tzuyu punched the wall once.

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

“Shut up…” She punched the wall even harder.

 

“Please don’t be hurt…”

 

"SHUT UP!” Tzuyu roared, tears streaming down her cheeks as she kicked down her chair and screamed, hitting the wall of her room with her fists until they bled.

 

"Please... shut up..." Tzuyu sobbed, falling to the floor, holding tightly onto her bleeding knuckles.

 

Her room was a mess with the messed up bed sheets, the fallen down chair and the blood marks from her bloody fist.

 

Now Tzuyu was alone. Just like she always was.

 

She cried silently, bringing her hands slowly to her face to try and wipe them.

 

She fell to her bed, crying about Jihyo.

 

I… I miss you, Jihyo unnie…

 

Please- Please come back.

 

(Wow that makes it sound like she’s dead.)

 

Tzuyu chuckled croakily at that thought and fell asleep soon after.

 

---

 

With red eyes, Tzuyu walked out of her room. She noticed that it was past school time and that Momo didn’t wake her up for no reason.

 

(Or perhaps Mina told her of the situation.)

 

When she entered the living room, the first thing that she saw was the couch.

 

That couch.

 

The one that Jihyo and her made out on.

 

The same place that Jihyo got jealous because Sana kissed Tzuyu by accident.

 

Tzuyu had a small smile of endearment because it was the same place when she also realised that-

 

Jihyo was perfect for her.

 

Their perfectly tangled legs that at the same time of being so messy, seemed so graceful and in correct place.

 

Their playful and teasing words as well as caring and sweet attitude toward each other.

 

The two blended in together so well that it almost blew Tzuyu in disbelief as to why Jihyo would deny her of her love.

 

But then again, Jihyo was too perfect. Too perfect to be hers, on a higher pedestal than Tzuyu was.

 

Tzuyu took in a deep sigh as she went to sit on the couch that they had once kissed on before.

 

The third phase:

 

“If only I hadn’t confessed to her, then maybe we could have continued what we had.”

 

BARGAINING.

 

Step 3. Bargaining. A normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control through a series of “if only” statements. It’s the attempt to bargain.

 

Tzuyu sighed, staring at the roof that she is so accustomed to seeing. It hurt her to think that Jihyo hadn’t felt the same way.

 

She lied down on the couch and slowly closed her eyes.

 

“Maybe, if I wasn’t such a coward, maybe I could be chasing her right now.”

 

Tzuyu’s heart pounded at the thought of maybe chasing her, she sits upward and goes to the messages section.

 

I love you.

 

She wanted to text, but as if there was a magnet that pushed her fingers away, so her fingers hovered over the send button without sending it.

 

It wasn’t until then that Tzuyu realised that:

 

She’s too much of a coward to do anything about it.

 

“I really shouldn’t have confessed.” Tzuyu admitted with almost teary eyes, dropping to her phone which was held by her shaky arm.

 

Tzuyu tried to wipe the tears over and over again, but they kept coming. “Maybe… Maybe I shouldn’t have admired her… Then I wouldn’t be feeling all this pain…” She slowly said, her voice cracking repeatedly.

 

“But it would’ve been better if she loved me back, right? The same way I do? Maybe she does but she doesn’t know…” Tzuyu hoped but breathed out sadly, knowing that would never happen. Ever.

 

“Dammit.” Tzuyu mumbled and hit her head at the back of her couch. “I wish that Jihyo unnie- no, Jihyo ssi, I wished she never knew Momo. Or Nayeon unnie or Jeongyeon unnie… Or Mina unnie and Sana unnie.”

 

“If only Dahyun unnie hadn’t fallen in love with Sana unnie. Or Nayeon unnie with Jeongyeon unnie, only with Jihyo unnie- ssi. Then I wouldn’t have been connected with Jihyo ssi as I am now.” Tzuyu sighed.

 

Tzuyu turned to her side. “Why is life so rude to me?”

 

“It was that I had no ability to love…”

 

“And when I finally found the ability to love… You made me fall for someone who was unobtainable.”

 

Ah, great. Tzuyu thought to herself, tears obscuring her vision. My eyes hurt. They sting so bad.

 

--

 

Her stomach grumbled hours later after silence and she stood up, apparently hungry for some food. She walked over to the kitchen, hoping for some food but it seemed that there was no more food in the fridge.

 

Tzuyu’s stomach grumbled again and she groaned when she saw a sticky note by the fridge stating that the food was finished and was asking Tzuyu to buy some food for herself.

 

Tzuyu stared hard at the sticky note, hoping that it was some kind of joke.

 

Nope it wasn’t a joke.

 

She sighed and relaxed on the table nearby, closing her eyes in anger. Why did love have to be so complicated? So painful? Tzuyu opened her eyes again and saw money on the table she was leaning on.

 

Well, at least there’s money over there.

 

Tzuyu took the money and walked back to her room to wear some outside clothes. She stared at the makeup that Momo told her to use more frequently and rolled her eyes at the memory, putting some concealer on, to hide any traces of tears.

 

Soon after, she walked outside, closing her eyes slightly because of the bright light of the sun.

 

The fourth phase:

 

DEPRESSION.

 

Step 4. Depression. As we become more vulnerable, and it sits in, we tend to think about it more, leading to the sadness.

Tzuyu found her legs walking her to the secluded cafe which was good and which Jihyo found with her.

 

(“Hey Tzuyu, check that out!” Jihyo said excitedly. Tzuyu smiled at the child-like nature of the older girl. “What’s up, Jihyo unnie?” Tzuyu asked, looking at the same direction which Jihyo was staring at. It was named TWICE cafe.

 

“How cool is that? The cafe which no one goes to! It’s really good too, you have to try it.” Jihyo said with a large grin. Tzuyu raised her eyebrows at her statement, “No one goes to it? Wouldn’t it be bankrupt then because of lack of customers?”

 

Jihyo rolled her eyes because of Tzuyu’s honest words. “Pssht. I know the owner, they’re rich. They don’t even need this cafe.” Jihyo held Tzuyu’s hand and forcefully walked her to the cafe, “Ah-hey! Who’s the cafe owner?”

 

The shorter girl ignored her for a moment and then opened the door to the cafe, revealing a beautiful and calm looking interior. Like Jihyo said, there were barely any customers, which added to it’s charm because then, you could clearly hear the light jazz music in the background.

 

“Hmm. It’s good, it’s to my taste.” Tzuyu said with a graceful smile dancing on her lips, humming in delight because of the charming cafe. “But maybe the name could be a bit more original? It’s kind of obvious they’re in love with the girl group TWICE and those jazz arrangements I can hear are what; Previous Love of TWICE?”

 

Jihyo rolled her eyes for the second time that day, “Always the sharp one, you are.” Tzuyu cooed with fake admiration (real). “Aw, does it seem like that? Always the sweet talker you are.” She said, well knowing that what Jihyo wasn’t a compliment.

 

“You and your amazing sarcasm.” Jihyo laughed, before pausing and dragging Tzuyu to a seat by the corner, not seen by the current customers.

 

“Oh hey Jihyo!” A male came over to their table. Tzuyu snapped her head over to the male who called Jihyo out without any formality. Maybe it was someone older than them. “You came again!” The male exclaimed, giving Jihyo a big hug.

 

Jihyo laughed in his arms and slowly, Tzuyu never felt more jealous in that moment. She finally got her breath back when he loosened his arms and kept them to himself.

 

“Anyway, what’ll you be ordering.” The male straightened himself and entered professionally. Jihyo laughed, “I hope you won’t be acting like that all the time, Jaebum oppa.” She said, officially naming him as Jaebum.

 

Jihyo, as if memorising her order, turned her face to Tzuyu and smiled, “Just the usual Americano, thanks Jaebum.” Jaebum looked at his board and mumbled something along the lines of, “Americano… for the prettiest lady on the planet…”

 

That got Tzuyu’s blood boiling, a lot.

 

Usually, she’d buy chocolate milk, or something like that, damn, even the chocolate smoothie seemed nice to buy. But this day was different.

 

“I’ll take the jasmine milk tea.”

 

Jihyo stared at her in confusion and Tzuyu only offered a smile, “I’m starting to like the taste of jasmine… It's rather… sweet.” Tzuyu said slowly, her lips seductively at a red faced Jihyo, who finally understood what Tzuyu was getting at.

 

Jihyo choked and hit her head against the table in (ual) frustration. Tzuyu laughed, knowing that she got the reaction she wanted.

 

When Jihyo looked up, she looked dazed… And red. Tzuyu smirked, and parted her lips slightly. As suspected, Jihyo’s eyes went over there, to her lips. As if Tzuyu didn’t know the effect she had on the older girl, she looked down, panting slightly as she pulled her collar slightly.

 

Jihyo stood up immediately, muttering an ‘excuse me’ she swiftly ran out of the cafe, with Tzuyu laughing, trailing behind her and a confused Jaebum who meekly put a reserved sign on the table, so that no one would steal their spot.)

 

“Welcome!-- Oh? It’s Tzuyu ah!” Jaebum shouted by the entrance, gaining few curious eyes toward the beautiful taiwanese lady. He ran to her in slight confusion and concern. “Are you okay?” He asked, worriedly.

 

“You’re crying.”

 

Tzuyu raised her eyes to her face and wiped the sneaky tears, with shaky hands and her shaky voice. “No-no. I’m alright. I was just thinking of someone.”

 

“Anyway, I’ll get my… jasmine milk tea… And I’ll be off after that.” Tzuyu composed herself. Jaebum nodded and made her drink, giving it to her.

 

Tzuyu took a sip and it took her back into the past, the moment she left the soothing cafe.

 

(“No, no.” Jihyo shouted to herself, running out, trying to compose her breathing. Tzuyu soon came out, laughter bubbling in .

 

Jihyo turned to Tzuyu and pinned her against the wall, in an alleyway where no one could see them. Hesitantly, she pressed her lips against Tzuyu’s own, savouring another kiss of theirs. She pulled away slowly, and looked away, her face still red.

 

Tzuyu’s hand went up to Jihyo’s head and pushed their heads together, kissing her again. Tzuyu pushed between Jihyo’s lips, her tongue to taste the jasmine taste that she had been talking about earlier.

 

Then they parted for air. Jihyo panted, pouting at Tzuyu. “You’re unfair. I hope you know that.” She mumbled. Tzuyu grinned, panting in the same way that Jihyo was panting.

 

Tzuyu pecked her lips, her tongue gliding over the middle of Jihyo’s lips, then she pulled away, Jihyo moving forward in heat of the moment but pauses because Tzuyu moved out of her hands.

 

It was kind of obvious that Jihyo was by Tzuyu but Tzuyu only stuck her tongue out playfully and running back to the cafe. “You might want to come back, our drinks will be ready in a second!”

 

Jihyo growled, annoyed at the fact that she was .)

 

Tzuyu looked at her left and turned her body over to that side, walking until she gets to a pet shop.

 

Dogs had always been her true love, her number one sanctuary. It didn’t help that the dorms didn’t allow pets, and she even had a dog back in Taiwan.

 

Things get lonely pretty easily.

 

Stopping in front of the store, she watches as a dog- a blackish to a whitish colour Shih-tzu Chihuahua crossbreed, she could tell, jumping up excitedly at her. Tzuyu smiled, remembering this dog.

 

(“Isn’t that Tzuyu?”

 

Jihyo saw Tzuyu, her forehead pressed against a window of a pet shop. She walked closer to get a better image of the scene.

 

Cute, Tzuyu thought to herself, approaching the dog that was just on the other side of the window. “Aren’t you adorable.” Tzuyu mumbled, an excited smile elicited because of the dog.

 

Jihyo walked toward Tzuyu with a smile. “It’s not everyday that you find the Chou Tzuyu fangirling over a- a dog?” Jihyo teased, Tzuyu turning red being caught fawning over a dog. Tzuyu jumped up and shook her head.

 

“You can’t tell anyone.”

 

Jihyo laughed because of Tzuyu’s panicked tone. “Shouldn’t you be embracing the fact that your only love is a dog?” Tzuyu rolled her eyes, “Not that, I meant to Gucci. If my family finds out that I’m having an ‘affair’ with another dog, they’ll tell Gucci. Angry Gucci is no pretty sight.”

 

Jihyo took a moment to sink that in.

 

Then she laughed.

 

Tzuyu turned even more red because her crush was laughing at her.

 

“No, no. Goodness no, I’m not laughing at you.” Jihyo said, as if reading her mind. Jihyo pressed her lips lightly on Tzuyu’s lips, light enough that no one saw them. “You’re just too adorable.”

 

The dog in front of her barked and ran away quickly before coming back in and nuzzling its face at Tzuyu. Tzuyu crinkled her nose at that and made a little ‘aww…’ sound at that.)

 

But this time, the dog’s attention wasn’t on her anymore. It was on a little girl, who had it in her arms. The little girl was grinning mischievously, only breaking that form when the dog bit her.

 

“Hey!” The girl shouted, slightly angry before the dog started to her chin. The girl giggled at this and pressed a kiss on the dogs head, nuzzling with it.

 

Tzuyu smiled solemnly at the dog that was staring at her. “Aren’t you still adorable…” She cooed silently, winking at the dog which gave a slight ruff.

 

Tzuyu walked out of there, wanting to remove the memories she’d made with Jihyo before. So, instead, she went back home, into her room, on her bed, covering her face with her head.

 

She turned to her side.

 

The fifth phase:

 

ACCEPTANCE.

 

Step 5. Acceptance. It is what it says.

 

Except, Tzuyu never gets up to this bit. It all repeats, with her denial, her anger, her bargaining and her depression.

 

--

 

“Do you still love her?”

 

That was a question she was asked frequently.

 

To Momo or to any of the others, she had answered, “No.”

 

To Mina, she didn’t answer at all. She ignored the quiet girl and walked away.

 

Mina knew the answer to that question. Of course Tzuyu loved her. Why wouldn’t she love her? Jihyo would always remain her true and only love, the only love which Tzuyu would ever accept.

 

Mina knew all of that.

 

So then Mina asked it again, when everyone was present, except for Jihyo.

 

“Do you still love her?”

 

Mina had repeated. Everyone else murmured, thinking that they knew the answer. Being “no.”

 

Tzuyu closed her eyes slowly to relax herself, not liking this subject at all.

 

“No. I think what i’d been feeling was infatuation.” She says, those thoughts clouding her mind before. “I don’t believe that I’d loved her before, maybe, as a friend I’d want to protect but… Nothing more.”

 

Mina looked disappointed again. Tzuyu noticed that Mina had kept looking like that over and over recently. Almost like she knew something that Tzuyu didn’t know.

 

“Okay then.”

 

--

 

Mina knew everything. She knew that Tzuyu still truly loved Jihyo, and that Jihyo loved her back.

 

They might have different opinions on something like this, but it was really starting to get ridiculous.

 

Wasn’t it obvious that they liked each other? That Jihyo didn’t mean to say what she had said before?

 

Mina was frustrated, but she let it go.

 

This wasn’t her problem, after all.

 

--

 

Momo was regretful. Regretful that she let Jihyo love who she loved, and that she let Tzuyu love who she loved. It was painful to watch them like that, she decides.

 

But Mina told her not to get into their problem, it might make it even worse, Mina reasoned. Momo accepted her girlfriend’s reasoning.

 

Momo pitied them, but that didn’t mean that she could do anything to help their situation.

 

She decides that they should figure everything out on their own.

 

--

 

Sana notices her favourite dongsaeng (other than Dahyun) is sadder than usual.

 

During lunch, before she fainted, she looked sick. Sana wanted to help her. But before she would’ve helped her, Tzuyu stood up and fainted.

 

It surprised Sana but that wasn’t the thing that surprised her the most. Sana turned back and she saw Mina looking at Jihyo. Confronting her, even.

 

Sana kept quiet, seeing that. Jihyo looked down, her expression unreadable to Mina. But to Sana, she knew that expression. Frustration.

 

Sana was confused because of Jihyo. Wasn’t she the one who declined Tzuyu’s love?

 

“Momoring.” Sana greeted Momo who flashed a weak smile which was annoyed by the decision she made, herself, but had nothing to do about it.

 

“Does Jihyo like Tzuyu ah?” Sana asked, Momo looking sad at the topic of Tzuyu. Momo shakes her head.

 

“No, I think she likes…”

 

 

“Okay then.”

 

Sana, deeply frustrated at the answer she didn’t want, interrupted Momo’s words and before she was going to walk out, said.

 

“I think that Tzuyu deserves to know who Jihyo likes.”

When Sana leaves, she sees her crush talking to a handsome male animatedly. Sana’s heart breaks in pieces.

 

With each lingering touch, Sana wanted to break into tears.

 

She runs the moment they make eye contact.

 

Why? Why does Tzuyu need to know who Jihyo likes?

 

The answer was simple.

 

 

 

Sana broke into tears when she entered her room.

 

“Because I don’t want Tzuyu to feel the same way I do…”

 

--

 

Nayeon sits on the couch, groaning, thinking about Jihyo again.

 

And their days together…

 

“A hot chocolate for your thoughts?”

 

A mug of hot chocolate was shown in her face as Nayeon looked up to see the warm, kind smile of Jeongyeon’s, towards Nayeon’s complicated expression.

 

Nayeon’s smile returned at the sight of Jeongyeon. “Yeah… Thanks, Jeongyeon.” Nayeon said, taking the mug from the younger girls hand and takes a sip, savouring the taste of the hot chocolate.

 

“It’s just a cadbury brand instant hot chocolate, but it’ll do.” Nayeon said, savagely. Nayeon’s eyes widen in surprise at what she said and before she was about to take it back, Jeongyeon pecked her lips.

 

“Oh really?” Jeongyeon laughter filled Nayeon’s blessed ears, “I guess that’s your first compliment today?” She asked, going along with the flow. Nayeon smiled widely because of her girlfriend.

 

“Then it’s my turn.” Jeongyeon stopped laughing and kissed her lips again, “You’re so cute, bunny.” Nayeon’s face turned red as she looked away. “Shush…” Nayeon mumbled and Jeongyeon heard it.

 

Jeongyeon kissed her once more, engulfing Nayeon in a tight hug.

 

Almost as if Jeongyeon didn’t want Nayeon to go away.

 

Nayeon happily reciprocated everything Jeongyeon gave to her.

 

Completely forgetting about what she had been thinking about before.

 

--

 

Jeongyeon had always been insecure.

 

Don’t get her wrong, she absolutely loves Jihyo with all her heart. Jihyo would always be the baby of their true group, and Jihyo would always remain special, for she was hard working.

 

But she was insecure.

 

Because Jeongyeon loves Nayeon.

 

And Jihyo had always been special in the heart of Nayeon’s, and Nayeon in the heart of Jihyo.

 

And because of their past.

 

Their past was something… Something that Jeongyeon wished never happened.

 

Nayeon was lesbian, and Jeongyeon was muscular, manly, albeit a woman. Even if her birthname was a male’s name.

 

Jihyo was beautiful, wonderful. Hardworking, and careless. She was feminine and was definitely more appealing to the eyes of Nayeon.

 

Tzuyu would always remain special in Jeongyeon’s heart, too. She was precious, and Jeongyeon didn’t want a repeat of their previous lives.

 

And also because Tzuyu loves Jihyo.

 

Jihyo.

 

Her only true competitor, Momo had told her once.

 

She was jealous.

 

--

 

Dahyun could only worry for her good friend who came to her house. Sana.

 

Sana had a complex expression and numerous mutterings that Dahyun was sure mentioned her best friend.

 

Dahyun could only worry about her best friend who was suffering a heart break.

 

Tzuyu had a saddened expression and Dahyun was sure that she broke down every time she wasn’t in sight.

 

“Dahyun ah.” Jacksons voice called. Dahyun was brought to reality after Jackson called her voice. Dahyun smiled weakly at Jackson.

 

“Hey oppa. So what’s this I heard of you transferring to our school?” Dahyun teased. Jackson laughed sheepishy, “I got caught. Did maybe Chaeyoung ah tell you all about it?”

 

Dahyun laughed together with him and nodded as Jackson grinned, leaning closer, “I’m low-key promoting my boyfriend, as well as showing the world how beautiful he is.”

 

“Ah, Mark, was it?” Dahyun asked, taken interest to Jackson’s boyfriend. “Weren’t you straight?” Jackson pointed at Dahyun with gun like motions, “Aha! Only straight for Tzuyu ah! Too bad, we could’ve been good together… Oh well, I’ve already moved on.”

 

Dahyun smiled bitterly at the name of her best friend, “Yeah well, she hasn’t.” She murmured but Jackson heard it. He stopped smiling. Dahyun stopped smiling.

 

It was then silence.

 

“I love Tzuyu.” He breaks it. “We were friends back in middle school, like you know, since we were friends too.” Jackson looks out the window, “Now that I’ve lost most romantic attraction to her, she’s like, my sister. The little sister that needs help all the time.”

 

He looks straight into Dahyun’s eyes. “That’s why I want to know why Tzuyu is the way she is.”

 

Dahyun smiles, eyes closed, “Always the hero, aren’t you, Jackson oppa?”

 

Jackson shrugs playfully, “I try.”

 

Dahyun looked out the window and finds Sana staring at her, hard. Glaring at Jackson, hard. Sana looked like she longed for something, but Dahyun didn’t know what.

 

Sana ran away.

 

The younger one stands up, almost wanting to run after the older girl.

 

It was useless, Sana had already gotten away.

 

Dahyun keeps her head up for moments, “Tzuyu ah? She’s the same as me.”

 

She looks down at a wide-eyed Jackson, tears filling her eyes.

 

“Heartbroken.”

 

--

 

Chaeyoung had always loved Tzuyu. Tzuyu, who had always been there for her. Tzuyu, who had shown unexpected sides.

 

But no matter how much Tzuyu had been there for Chaeyoung.

 

Chaeyoung felt frustrated, staring at Tzuyu’s miserable expression.

 

She hit her fists against the wall gently.

 

She hated the fact that she couldn’t do anything to help Tzuyu.

 

She hated the fact that this was affecting the group so badly.

 

She hoped that things would get better onwards.

 

--

 

Momo made her mind up. Thanks to Sana.

 

--

 

Knock, knock. The door sounded on Tzuyu’s door.

Tzuyu forcefully picked herself up and opened the door.

 

She was surprised.

 

She wasn’t surprised at the fact that Momo showed up at her door with a smile that screamed Jihyo’s name.

 

She was surprised at the question.

 

“Do you want to know the whole story of our past?”

 

---

A/N: Hi... Sorry for posting this late, I kind of forgot about this story lol.

How ever can I repay you guys? Jk. Anyway, this chapter is 2000 words shorter than the previous chapters, so I'm sorry about that, because even though the wait was long, the chapter was shorter DX

This was a ball of angst right?

Anyway, hope you enjoyed :3 

Peace out!