Yixing

Feiyan looked surprise at Yixing’s invitation, but after a moment’s hesitation, put down her tray and settled herself down next to him. Yixing took a deep breath before beginning.

“There once was a girl named Ruyi.” He began, “She was a citizen of Ming, but because her father, a court official, offended the king, her entire family was executed. Because of her age, the emperor spared her life, but exiled her out of Ming territory.” He saw Feiyan’s fingers tighten slightly on her dress, but did not inquire into why.

“Somehow, Ruyi made it to Mongolia, where the khan, taking pity on her plight, allowed her to stay and join the Mongol people. There, she befriended one of the young princes, and the two grew to become close friends.” Yixing took another deep breath and closed his eyes. For a moment, he could see Ruyi now, her young, dark eyes sparkling as she ran along the grassy plain in front of him.

“Eventually...the prince and Ruyi came to fall in love.” He said after a few more moments, “The prince was certain that he would love Ruyi and make her his one and only princess consort. But then, when they were both thirteen years old…” His voice trembled slightly, and Yixing was surprised to feel Feiyan’s small hand come to rest on top of his. Her hand was warm, and after a moment, Yixing found the strength to continue.

“Ruyi went out for an early morning walk, and...never returned.” Yixing continued, “The soldiers searched for her all day, and when they finally found her…” His hand clenched into a fist.

“Ruyi was dead, her body fallen at the bottom of a cliff.” He said, “The physicians said she had mistakenly fallen over, the result of a robbery attempt gone wrong.” Feiyan let out a soft gasp, her fingers clenching around his palm.

“Who?” She asked quietly. Yixing shook his head.

“The final answer came out to be bandits.” He said, “They said she wandered out too far and became their target. But the prince...he never believed the truth of the statement. But in the end, despite all his efforts, no alternative answers came to light.” Yixing opened his eyes and looked down at Feiyan.

“And ever since then...that prince has never opened up his heart to any other woman, ever again. Nor did he ever want to see or hear of the Ming again, because every time he does...he thinks of her.” He finished.

“When you told me you understood how I felt...is this why you said that?” Feiyan asked quietly. Yixing nodded, and looked down to see Feiyan’s eyes b with tears.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, “You had to think of such a painful thing from your past.” Yixing shook his head.

“You would have to know sooner or later.” He replied, “It is better for you to hear it from my mouth than another’s. Besides, if you are going to vouch for my ability in front of your father, the least I could do is tell you more about myself.” He smiled wistfully.

“Ruyi loved to dance.” He commented, “I used to dance with her all the time.” Feiyan looked away uncomfortably.

“And that is why you danced with me the first time?” She asked quietly, “Because I reminded you of her?” Yixing looked down at Feiyan’s expression and immediately felt a sense of guilt well up in his chest.

Idiot! Why did I have to mention dancing?

“I’m not sure.” He admitted after thinking for a moment, “Perhaps it was, but perhaps…” His voice trailed off, but a thought continued the sentence unbidden in his mind.

Perhaps it was your dance itself that drew me to your side that night.

Yixing shook his head quickly to clear the thought from his mind, and quickly diverted Feiyan’s attention.

“Will you dance for me, Feiyan?” He asked, “It would make my injuries hurt less.” Feiyan hesitated.

“There is no music.” She said. Yixing gave her a small smile.

“I will sing.” He replied. Feiyan’s eyes widened.

“You know how to sing too?” She asked in surprise. Yixing chuckled.

“I have many skills you are not aware of, Feiyan.” He replied, a soft teasing lilt to his voice. A little smile turned up the corners of Feiyan’s mouth, and she rose to her feet to give Yixing a bow.

“Then, please sing well, Crown Prince.” She responded playfully, “I cannot dance to music that is out of tune.” Yixing chuckled, the sight of her smile easing the guilt that had built up inside him.

“Rest assured Princess, I have rarely gone out of tune.” He replied. As Feiyan began to twirl in front of him, Yixing opened his mouth and began to sing.

Dreaming of beauty, the road is distant and long without end

Ten kilometers of Heaven and Earth without date of return

Thousands sayings, tens of thousands of words, only stuck at the bottom of the heart

Sorrowfully dreaming of connecting upon one early morning

Dreaming of beauty, the floating clouds lifted for me

Sadly the wild goose doesn’t understand the intention

The returning bird rides the wind and fly far away, I broke my wings in the same place

The fingertips dreaming of cotton across the edge of the sky

A man’s aspirations, sorrow through the ages, surfacing inside the embrace

Tossing into the flowing river stream towards the East

Laughing yet not really laughing, worrying and worrying

In the mortal world who will be able to understand

Flicking the sleeve, walking alone, not looking back

There are orchids and fragrance, the cold wind smiling handsomely

Asking the gentleman if he knows where she is

Taking advantage of the fireworks still has not dissipated, picked a lotus flower as a companion

Don’t allow troubling matters to tangle in the heart

Feiyan’s movements slowed to match the pace of the song. Although the lyrics of the song were wistful, almost sad even, Yixing felt a contented smile tug at the corners of his lips. Slowly, the tightness that had arisen in his chest along with his thoughts of Ruyi eased.

 This woman...she has quite the interesting effect on me. 

____________________________________________________________________________

Mongol Camp

Yilong’s hands clenched into fists behind his back as his spy bowed behind him after reporting the current situation.

“Useless thing!” He snapped as he turned and kicked the man in the chest, sending him falling to the ground.

“How could you let Princess Feiyan interfere?” Yilong yelled furiously at the spy, “This was a golden opportunity to take Zhang Yixing’s life!” The man groveled at Yilong’s feet, his incessant babbling of apologies getting on the prince’s nerves.

“Forget it!” He snapped with an annoyed sigh, “Get out of my sight!” He turned his back to the tent entrance as the spy rushed out.

“Xu Feiyan is protecting Zhang Yixing?” Yilong mused, “If that is the case, then I suppose Feiyan will first have to be removed from Yixing’s side.”

____________________________________________________________________________

A few days later, Feiyan

Feiyan looked up as Yixing entered their tent, his long hair messy from the ride he had been on.

“Welcome back!” She chirped. Yixing raised an eyebrow.

“You are in an awfully good mood.” He commented. Feiyan smiled and waved him over.

“Come and try the snack I made!” She invited. Yixing looked down at the plate of rice cakes Feiyan had placed on the table.

“Is that red bean inside?” He asked in distaste as he peered at the ruby colored filling. Feiyan nodded.

“Because you are still recovering from your wounds, red beans have important nutrients to help you heal faster.” She replied, “Try one!” Yixing frowned.

“I’m not fond of red bean flavored things.” He said, “Can’t you make it with something else inside?” Feiyan pouted and shook her head.

“No!” She insisted, “You are not a child Yixing, you cannot refuse to eat something before even trying it!” As Yixing opened his mouth to protest again, Feiyan plucked a rice cake from the plate next to her and promptly shoved it into his mouth. Yixing coughed in surprise and almost lost his balance at the sudden action. Feiyan crossed her arms and gave him a look in return. Left with no other choice, Yixing sat down and ate the rice cake slowly.

“It’s not too bad.” He admitted grumpily after a few moments. Feiyan grinned and pushed the plate towards him.

“Have some more!” She said with a grin. Yixing shook his head.

“Maybe later.” He said, “Sit down for a moment, I have something to say to you.”

“Another story?” Feiyan asked curiously. Yixing shook his head.

“I have been thinking a lot over the past few days.” He said, “Now that you know about my past, you more or less know what to expect of my emotions towards you.” He sighed deeply.

“I...cannot guarantee that I will ever love you.” Yixing admitted, “In fact, I am uncertain if I will ever feel more than gratitude towards you, Feiyan.” He folded his hands on his lap and gave her a faint smile.

“The Mongol people do not live as strictly as the Ming do.” Yixing said, “Neither of us wanted this marriage to start with. If you would like your freedom to find someone who will truly love you, then I-” He cut off as Feiyan rose from her seat.

“Absolutely not.” She said firmly, “I know where you are going with your thoughts, and I will refuse them before you even finish your offer.” She planted her hands on her hips and glared down at Yixing.

“Whether you like it or not, I am not going anywhere.” She declared. Yixing sighed.

“You will not be happy if we have little more than a legal title binding us together.” He protested. Feiyan shook her head.

“Where will I go of I leave?” She asked, “Perhaps I will not find love here, but at least I can be of some use. I am happy that you trusted me with your past, and I am also happy you are willing to think on my behalf.” She smiled a little at Yixing.

“But I will not be going anywhere anytime soon.” She said with an air of finality. Yixing sighed.

“If that is what you desire.” He replied, “I will not stop you.” Feiyan grinned as she sat back down.

“I have something to say too.” She said. Yixing looked at her curiously, and Feiyan took a deep breath before beginning.

“I understand the logic behind why you went to see my father alone.” She began, “I know you wanted to minimize bloodshed, even if it cost your own life. But please, do not be so impulsive again.” Yixing opened his mouth to protest but Feiyan held up a hand to stop him.

“I am here to keep relationships flowing smoothly between countries.” She said, “Even if we do not love each other, I do not wish to see bloodshed anymore than you do. So please, the next time you run into more trouble, I hope you can at least discuss your ideas with me first.” She hesitated, then reached out to lay her hand on top of his.

“Even if we cannot be lovers, we can at least be friends.” Feiyan said, “Allow me to share a little of your burdens.” Yixing looked shocked at the gravity of her statement, and smirked a little after a moment.

“It seems that the recent events have made you bold.” He commented, “You dare to request these sorts of things from me now?” Feiyan frowned as Yixing stood and headed for the exit.

“Are you going to agree to my request or not?” She demanded. Yixing smirked again as he turned just slightly to look at her.

“Perhaps yes, perhaps no.” He replied cheekily. Feiyan’s eyes widened and she jumped up from her seat with a huff.

“Hey, Zhang Yixing!” She protested. Yixing only laughed and left the tent, the sound of his laughter trailing in the wind behind him. Feiyan sighed and crossed her arms.

“What audacity!” She grumbled as she sat back down. Nevertheless, a soft giggle bubbled up between her lips as she thought of Yixing’s reaction to her dessert. For the first time in a while, Feiyan’s heart felt light and at ease.

Perhaps I could learn to spend my life with this man.

____________________________________________________________________________

Nighttime

Feiyan yawned sleepily as the sound of music and dancing whirled around her. The khan had thrown a small feast to celebrate the successful avoidance of war stemming from the unsolved murder. Normally, Feiyan knew enough about royal politics to keep herself looking vaguely interested and dignified during feasts, but after a week of rushed traveling, her entire body was still exhausted even after a few days of rest. She had thought a little wine would wake her up, but at the moment, it was just making her eyelids feel even heavier. Yixing had been called away to talk with his father, who was sitting in the very front of the feast. The two men were so busy talking, Yixing did not even catch a glimpse of Feiyan’s sleepy glances that were just begging for permission to leave. Feiyan sighed.

If he won’t look at me then I suppose I will just have to go up and ask.

As she stood, her foot slipped on the wet grass  sending her falling forward. A hand grabbed her upper arm, barely keeping her from hitting herself on the table.

“Thank you-” Feiyan’s smile faded as she saw that it was Yilong who had caught her. As usual, he had a small smile on his face, but for some reason, it looked different today. Yilong’s dark eyes seemed like cold melted obsidian, their depths unreadable, the end of an abyss that fell into the unknown. Feiyan swallowed hard, her heart starting to pound in her chest. She could neither read nor understand Yilong’s expression, and it frightened her.

Did I just not notice it before, or did something change?

“Are you alright?” Yilong asked. Feiyan bit her lip and forced a little smile to her lips.

“Yes, thank you.” She replied, suppressing the rising unease in her chest. Feiyan tried to pull away from Yilong’s grip, but found that his grip was unbreakable.

“Feiyan.” Yilong said as he took a step closer to Feiyan, “I trust that after this incident, you can tell which man you can depend on?” Feiyan felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise as she leaned away from his proximity.

“I’m not sure what you are talking about.” She mumbled, starting to feel quite uncomfortable. Yilong scoffed.

“Feiyan, I am certain that you know exactly what I am talking about.” He replied, “Zhang Yixing cannot protect you. Just look at how he handled the situation this time. Wouldn’t you be better off if you found a more...dependable future for yourself? A man who could truly hold power properly?” Feiyan raised a hand and tried to push Yilong’s hand off her arm.

“What are you trying to get at, Yilong?” She demanded, “First you tell me to run to my father, and then before I even get back to camp, he’s apparently received a message about Tianjun anyway…” Her voice trailed off as her thoughts came together.

“Don’t tell me…” She said hesitantly, “It was you all this time? You did all this...to affect Yixing?” Yilong smirked.

“Princess, do you really think I would openly admit to something like that in public?” He asked, “And even if I said yes, what evidence would you have to prove it?” Feiyan was at a loss of words. In a way, Yilong could be affirming her suspicions. But at the same time, his answer was far from certain. She opened to protest when an arm suddenly s around her waist from behind, and Yilong was suddenly shoved backwards from Feiyan, his grip on her shoulder immediately loosening. A low voice growled from near Feiyan’s ear.

“Brother, I thought you knew better than to touch other people’s things.” Yixing growled, his arm tightening around Feiyan’s waist. Yilong looked startled for a brief moment before collecting himself and smiling politely.

“The princess and I were simply talking.” He replied smoothly, “Dinner conversations, if you will.” Feiyan felt disgust rise in her chest. Their conversation had surely been anything but a casual dinner conversation! In one fluid motion, Yixing slipped Feiyan behind him, leaving one hand grasping hers.

“Whatever you have to say to her, you can keep your distance and wait until I’m around.” Yixing replied coolly, “I would not like unnecessary rumors to arise. I would also appreciate it if you wouldn’t make my wife uncomfortable.” Before allowing Yilong to respond, Yixing tightened his grasp on Feiyan’s hand and turned to face the khan.

“Father, I believe Feiyan is tired from tonight’s festivities. May we have permission to retire for the night?” He asked with a polite bow. The khan smiled.

“Of course you may, Yixing.” He replied, “Both of you must still be tired from the journey.” Feiyan dipped into a slight curtsey, and followed Yixing away silently, her hand still clasped tightly in his. As they walked, Feiyan couldn’t help but feel like she was being watched, and turned her head slightly to see that Yilong was staring at her retreating figure, his dark eyes more cold and impassive than they had ever been.

____________________________________________________________________________

Yixing came to a stop as they entered their tent, and Feiyan peered up cautiously at his back.

“Yixing?” She ventured quietly.

“Did he hurt you?” Yixing asked softly. Feiyan blinked in surprise.

“What?” She asked. Yixing turned, his expression unreadable.

“Did that bastard hurt you?” He demanded. Feiyan swallowed hard and shook her head.

“No, I’m fine.” She replied softly, and slowly, Yixing’s expression relaxed. He took one look at her face and gave her a little smile.

“You looked like you wanted to run away.” He said before the question could leave Feiyan’s lips, “You looked so uncomfortable, and he was getting so close to you, I had to step in.” Feiyan felt a small smile cross her face.

“Thank you.” She said quietly, “But…” Her gaze focused on their still interlocked hands.

“Are you going to let go of my hand?” She asked shyly. A startled look crossed Yixing’s face as he looked down at their hands, then quickly slipped his hand away from hers. Feiyan tilted her head curiously. If she looked just a little closer…

Is he blushing?

She knew better than to ask, but smiled to herself anyway, storing up the moment to think back on in the future. Yixing cleared his throat and looked away.

“What did Yilong say that made you so uncomfortable?” He asked, quickly changing the topic. Feiyan’s smile faded as she thought back to Yilong’s question.

“He asked...if I now knew which man I could truly depend on.” She replied, “He was essentially saying you weren’t dependable, based on what happened this time.” She hesitated before continuing.

“I asked if that meant he was the one who let my father know, but he didn’t give a direct answer.” Feiyan added dejectedly. She shuddered slightly as she thought back to Yilong’s cold eyes.

“His eyes...they used to be so kind, but today…” She wrapped her arms around herself as a chill ran down her spine. Yixing sighed.

“He’s always been cold and calculating.” He said, “He hides it well, but it’s there.” Yixing hesitated for a moment, then reached out and gently patted Feiyan on the head.

“He’s toying with you.” He said, “Yizhong, Yifan, and I know that it’s highly likely to be Yilong behind all this, but there is no evidence, and Yilong knows it. That’s why he dares to be so brazen.” Feiyan bit her lip.

“I wish I could help you.” She mumbled. Yixing chuckled and gave her a soft push towards the bed.

“You can help me now by going to bed and avoiding Yilong from now on.” He said, “I told you from the beginning to stay away from him, but you wouldn’t listen.” Feiyan dipped her head.

“I’m sorry…” She mumbled. Yixing shook his head.

“As long as you stay away from him, it’ll be better for everyone.” He repeated, “Now get some rest. You are about to fall asleep on your feet!” Feiyan smiled a little and did as she was told. She watched as Yixing walked to his desk and began reading some documents that had been placed there earlier. His long fingers tapped lightly against the desk as he read, but all Feiyan could think of was the warmth of his bigger hand around hers. Perhaps he didn’t love her...but when he had held her hand and put himself in front her, Feiyan had felt safe.

Why do I feel so comfortable around this man?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's note: Yep, I think my writer's block is gone for good! Comment/Subscribe if you like my story, or just have some thoughts! If anyone is wondering, the song Yixing is singing is called 思美人兮 from the Chinese mainland drama Song of Phoenix.