This was all wrong! This wasn't right at all!

Standing on that stage Daebak had been terrified. He didn't want to leave! He had friends here! He liked it here! He remembers the pounding of his heart when they had called out his name and he'd stepped forward along with Yoonshik. And the drop of his stomach when they'd said the words.

"That means Daebak, I'm sorry, this will be the end of the road for you."

He hadn't needed to translate the words to understand them. The way Yeonhee had looked at him was enough. The relieved way Yoonshik had let out a breath.

That was it. His last moments on the show.

Except they hadn't been, and that had taken him a while to figure out. Suddenly there had been a wave of nervous energy as Yeonin had stepped forward. Frantic eyes looking from him to Yeonin. Yeonhee nervously looking back at Seona, unsure what to do. So much tension in one studio. And before he knew it it wasn't him getting eliminated but it was Yeonin!

Daebak was glad that he wasn't going home. He loved performing and loved his friends.  But it didn't feel right for someone else to go home for him!

It didn't help that he couldn't find Yeonin afterwards either. Yeonin has immediately been herded into an interview segment while Daebak was up right after. He felt antsy the entire time while his team was transported back to the dorms. There was a hushed silence in the van, nobody felt much like speaking. Daebak just looked out the window as rain hit the glass and cars streaked past.

He felt bad. Guilt. He wasn't supposed to be here right now. He was supposed to be packing his bags and going home. Home where? Russia maybe. Back to the fishing boat. He didn't have much money left to stay here with. But home somewhere. But instead he was going back o the dorm. For what?

Yeonin had said he didn't want to take the place of someone who really wanted to be here. That's the part that stung the most. Daebak didn't know if he really wanted to be here. Sometimes he didn't even know how he'd ended up getting here! He was just having fun! Freestyling, joining some dance group's busking efforts in Hongdae. Then there had been the employee of MNET who'd seen him and dragging him into an audition and that had been that. Honestly it had all happened so fast Daebak hadn't really known what he was saying yes to! But it had been something exciting! Something he'd never done before! Hell he hadn't even known what idols were let alone what one did. He still didn't really, aside from the performances. The fansign had been a totally weird and unexpected experience for him. So many people! He had to admit he hadn't entirely been comfortable with it. So many people speaking a language he still had a bit of trouble understand so quickly,and each of them expected him to talk to them. There had been more than a few who'd grimaced at his accent as soon as he opened his mouth.

And then there were the comments.... How could people be so mean! He'd had no idea that there were people who objected so much to him being here but it had hurt more than anything. That there were people who should think that way! The things they'd said!

"-what is the Russian still doing here? He isn't even Korean. He can't even eat with chopsticks what the hell??-"

"-Sakhalin Korean? More like Sakhalin Russian. There's more to being Korean than genes-"

"-of course he's ignorant trash. What's to be expected from a Russian-"

"-I don't even realize he's there half the time. Thankfully he doesn't get a lot of screen time, it's not like we'd be able to understand what he was saying anyway-"

Honestly there are so many actually Korean people who would kill for a shot at idoldom and he's here wasting our time? Does he even want to be here?!

Truth be told. Daebak didn't know. And that's what bothered him the most. Those comments hurt him like nothing ever did before. The sheer honesty in them. But on top of that there was a grain of truth in them too. And now Yeonin had volunteered for him. Was he worth it?

For once Seowoo wasn't sleep with his little neck pillow. Instead he stared out the window himself. He wasn't scowling but he looked unhappy. If anything the absence of the scowl looked more alarming than when it was there. Daebak wondered if he blamed him for Yeonin' departure. 

And then they were back at the training building and ushered inside while a few fans milled out waiting for them. They had started doing that for a week or two. Sometimes they just milled about the building during the day and could be seen from the windows. Sometimes they waiting friday morning for them to come out of the building. Sometimes they waiting until late at night for them to get back. It was already 2AM but still a handful of fans were here. Daebak didn't feel much like waving at them, there was too much going on in his mind. Changui and Hugo did, which gave rise to nervous titters from the fam, but the rest just kept their heads down and retreated quickly into the building. 

Jaemin rushed up the stairs ahead of the others, throwing the door of the vocalist room open.  Then he looked back. "Where's Yeonin hyung?" he asked frantically. He opened the rapper room as well, and then the dancing room. Daebak got a look of James, who was apparently still packing and sent an angry look their way, before Jaemin closed the door again. "He's not here," he said, eyes wide with panic.

"You don't think he left like Kyungtaek do you?" Seowoo asked. 

"His stuff is gone!" Hyuk said.

Daebak’s heart skipped a beat. Could Yeonin really have left without saying goodbye? But Daebak hadn't thanked him yet!

“is something wrong?” Jaemin let out an audible sigh of relief as Yeonin came up the stairs, looking confused at all the panic.  

“Yeonin!” Jaemin exclaimed.  “I thought you'd left! Like Kyungtaek!”

Yeonin shook his head. “I was just thanking the staff for taking care of me,” he said.

Daebak stepped forward and enveloped Yeonin in a big hug, squeezing tight. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “Thank you for what you did for me.”

Yeonin just stood there awkwardly. “I-its okay,” he stammered. “Please let go for me now.”

“Oh! Sorry!” Daebak let go of him. In general his philosophy was never enough hugs. He forgot sometimes that others might not think of it that way.

Everyone else gathered around Yeonin, and more than a few sniffles went around as they said their goodbyes to the awkward vocalist.

“What's that on your hand hyung?” Hugo asked in the midst of it all, amused smile plastered on his face as ever.

“Oh?  That?” Yeonin’s face for beet red as he quickly balled his fist to hide what appeared to be numbers written on his palm with a ballpoint  "It's nothing."

Hugo's grin widened. "She shoots. She scores," he said cheerfully.

"None of this is right," Seowoo grumbled. "You shouldn't be going home. You're the best of all of them. All of us."

"It's fine really," Yeonin said. "I wanted to go. I don't  belong here and we all know it. But it's okay, I'll make it somehow." He smiled a little awkwardly, but warmly. "You all should swing by my studio sometimes. I'll give you some free vocal classes if you want."

Halli's face it up. "Really?"

"Really."

The door to the dancer's room opened and out came James with his own suitcase. His head was held high as he gave a nasty look at each of them.

"You must be feeling pretty smug right now aren't you?" James snapped at Yoonshik, who'd been watching him.

"No I'm not. Unlike you I don't thrive off other's misfortune," Yoonshik said, ice in his tone. Then he turned to Yeonin. "I'm really sorry to see you go. I admired your work ethics and technique.

"Thank you," Yeonin said. "I hope you manage to clear your name Yoonshik."

"And who's to say I don't deserve this more than all of you?!" James interjected, apparently unhappy at being ignored.. "Halli too much of a little for this industry. Ted only has two settings: boring and bitter, but he doesn't even realize he's been hammering on the wrong person. Daebak is an unintelligible fool and a scandal waiting to happen. Hugo is ugly and untalented and plain ing weird. Yoonshik is already ruined. Hyuk has no personality at all. Jaemin burst out crying at the drop of a hat. Hanjin is a two-faced selfish . Inho is the trash Show Me the Money left for pickup who can't even see his best friend is using him. Jeongha's ugly and annoying and can't rap. Changui is dragging everyone around him down. Seowoo isn't even worth my time- You're all worthless!"

Hugo folded his arms and stepped into the doorway between James and the rest of the contestants. "I think you're done," he said with a smile that held more than a hint of a threat.

"You don't get to tell me I'm done-" James protested. 

"Was it you?" Ted came up behind Hugo and Hugo stepped aside to let him talk. "Was it you who got Alex eliminated?"

James snorted. "That runt? The way I see it he  did that to himself. When you're that easily manipulated are you not just asking for it? All he needed was the merest suggestion that Inshik was a bully and off he went on some self righteous quest for vengeance and justice. Pathetic. He dug his own grave. The phone was just a last touch-"

"And that's enough," Hugo said, stepping back in. "I think you've said enough for your lifetime, don't you? Don't forget to pick up your pride and dignity on the way out."

James opened his mouth to say something else but Hugo stepped closer, arms crossed and ominous smile still plastered on his face. "I hope you all rot in obscurity," he spat, and shot them all one last angry look before he marched off. 

"Good riddance," Yoonshik said.

"You are very good at that," Halli said to Hugo, admiration in his voice. "That was awesome oh my gosh."

Hugo grinned happily. "I used to work as a bouncer at a night club. I have experience driving off the scum of this earth."

"I have to get going too," Yeonin said, backing away from the various sniffling contestants crowding him. 

"What will you do now hyung?" Hyuk asked.

"I'm just going to catch a cab back to my apartment," Yeonin said.

Hyuk turned a little red with embarrassment. Daebak had to smile, the guy was a cutie but also a bit of a mess sometimes. "No no I mean with your career!"

"Oh. I don't know yet. Carver hyung said something about talking over some options with Seona noona but I don't want to put my hopes on it. I suppose if nobody is interested in signing me I will return to composing and teaching." He smiled a rare smile. "Maybe I could even compose a song for the final group. That would be nice I think."

Much to Yeonin's dismay everyone gave him one final hug, even Seowoo, before he managed to disengage himself and left. In his wake was an empty silence as none of them really knew what to do now. One by one they filtered to their various dorms. Daebak felt his own mattress on the floor calling to him, but he also felt weird still. A mixture of hurt and guilt and pressure weighing down on him. He didn't much like it.

"Hey, are you okay?" Hyuk asked, already changed into his pyjamas. 

"No," Daebak said. "I don't think so."

Hyuk frowned. "Do you want to talk about it maybe? Is it because of hyung leaving or the comments you read earlier?"

"Both," Daebak said honestly. He leaned against the balustrade overlooking the hallway. "Yeonin should not have left because of me." He said each word slowly and carefully. He needed to make sure he was understood.

"That was his choice to make, hyung," Hyuk said. "It doesn't matter if you think you deserve it or not, or if you think he should not have. It was his choice and he made it. All you can do now is make sure that you make the most of the opportunity."

Daebak nodded. "Thank you..." 

"Something else then?" Hyuk asked. "The comments?"

"people who would be so mean!" Daebak exclaimed, distress plain in his voice. "To judge someone they don't even know! And for the place the were born-"

Wait.

Daebak looked at Hyuk, who was busy rubbing his back in comfort. Oh no. Oh no. Had he not done the same just a few weeks ago. "OhmygodHyukIamsosorryIwasosstupid!" Daebak said, tripping over his words as they got caught together. He threw his arms around Hyuk, pulling the guy into a bear hug.

"Woah! Woah!" Hyuk protested. "Less hug please I can't breathe!"

Daebak loosened his grip immediately. "I'm so sorry I was so mean to you before I did not understand!"

Hyuk laughed softly. "It's okay. We talked about it. I forgave you, alright? It's water under the bridge." 

Daebak nodded. Honestly he didn't think he deserved a friend like Hyuk, but he was glad to have him anyway. "Thank you."

"Come on," Hyuk said and stretched. "We'd better get some sleep before tomorrow."

And he did feel a little better. Not all better. Nothing that easy. But a little better. He was so thankful that he'd been allowed this opportunity, he'd met so many amazing people here. Coincidence or not, it had been a good thing, he thought, and that was what mattered.

"Hey," Inho said as he sat down next to Jeongha. "I just wanted to check in. Are you okay with the line division?"

"Yeah totally," Jeongha said. They'd just come from the meeting with Cipher and had just gotten their line divisions. Jeongha was singing, apparently. "I don't mind singing at all. It's kind of fun actually."

"Oh okay," Inho looked a little surprised. "I just thought that, since last time you didn't get to rap things got rough for you, you wouldn't be too happy about this."

"Nah man," Jeongha quickly dismissed. "The not rapping wasn't the problem. Getting ignored and dismissed was the problem. This is fine." It was sweet of him to ask though, but Jeongha was amused at the concern. He figured it had been obvious what had bothered him before. With everyone around him continuously dismissing his opinions and skills it had . A lot. This time Cipher wasn't ignoring his skills, he was just showcasing different ones. Sure Jeongha wasn't a great singer but he was able to carry a tune and that's really the basics of one needed to do most of idol singing anyway. It was totally fine. Hell, it might even be fun!

"Aight," Inho said and laughed. "Good talk."

"What about you?" Jeongha asked. "Are you okay with the leader thing? You didn't look too happy when Cipher announced it."

Inho mulled over his words for a moment and Jeongha waited patiently for him to be done. "Yeah," he said. "It's fine. I don't mind being a leader."

Jeongha noticed Hanjin standing around a little awkwardly, obviously debating on whether to approach Inho or not. Jeongha had heard a bit about their little fallout last week, Inho wasn't always very open about such things but he'd told Jeongha a thing or two about it after much prompting and a bit of nagging. Jeongha was always squarely on the side of his friend of course, but it couldn't hurt to facilitate what Hanjin had to say. He nudged Inho and nodded at Hanjin.

"Hey, dude," Hanjin said a little awkwardly, the tension had far from dissipated between them "Thanks for defending me yesterday." It wasn't necessary to be more specific, they'd all been shook by James' vitriol. That episode would stay with all of them for a while to come Jeongha himself was trying very hard not to think about what he had said. Jeongha is ugly and annoying and can't rap.

Inho nodded. "Of course. You didn't deserve that."

"He really tried to turn you against me did he?" Hanjin asked, sitting down next to Inho.

"Yep," Inho said. "He told me that you were selfish. I told him where he could shove those accusations."

Hanjin laughed. "No you didn't. You just told him to not and left calmly."

Inho laughed too. "Yeah. That's exactly what I did. Don't put too much stock into what James said, he was just trying to do what he always does: rile people up and hit their weaknesses so they make mistakes. I know you're not a two-faced just like I know that I'm more than Show Me the Money leftovers and Jeongha is an excellent rapper." Jeongha would be lying if he said that little didn't feel good. His heart all but did a flutter.

"I'm glad we have that sorted then," Hanjin said.

Jeongha always felt a little weird around the both of them. They were friends but there was always something off there too. Like it was only a matter of time before they weren't. Even now where they appeared to have made up there was still tension lingering. That and Jeongha felt a little awkward about being the one who came between them too. He knew Inho and Hanjin were best friends, and now Inho and Jeongha were, well, really good friends at least. It was a weird dynamic.

"What did James say anyway?" Hanjin asked. "I'm curious, what could he even have on me that would make you doubt me?"

Inho shrugged. "That you're selfish and only care about yourself. That you put yourself first at all times." Well was that really a lie? Jeongha knew firsthand that when it came to planning any kind of performances it was Hanjin first and everyone else second. After all that's how he'd ended up with the hook in Born Hater.

"What really?" Hanjin sounded surprised and laughed. "So much for that. I don't do that at all."

"Dude you do that a little bit," Inho pointed out. "You kind of always take the best parts for yourself."

"What? No I don't!" Hanjin objected. Oh no. Jeongha had a very bad feeling about this.

Inho raised his eyebrows. "Remember Born Hater? You took the first rap and forced Jeongha to do the bridge."

Oh no. Jeongha wasn't happy with how that had all gone but he didn't want it to end up fuel for a fight either. "Hey wait-" he tried to interject but was ignored by both parties.

"I'm the best rapper," Hanjin objects ."Of course I should go first to hype people up and not be delegated to the hook. You don't bench your best player."

"ou could have let others have the spotlight because you didn't need it," Inho said. "But you didn't even think about that did you?"

"I was doing what was best for the performance," Hanjin maintained. "And none of you objected."

"Jeongha objected to getting the hook."

"Leave me out of this," Jeongha said immediately. He wasn't comfortable with this at all.

"And then you almost took over that time we did that performance with Seowoo too," Inho continued. "Remember Interstellar?"

"I remember Comfortable," Hanjin said. "We changed it because you wanted to do your own song and I didn't object there did I?"

"No you didn't, but if I hadn't spoken up you would've just steam rolled your own project in there without regard for other people."

"Hey!" Hanjin said. "That's unfair and you know it! If nobody else speaks up then how am I supposed to know that people are unhappy with my suggestions? I was the leader for Born Hater, I was there to make decisions!"

"Kyungtaek was the leader for the BTS mashup we did," Inho said. "And yet you still called the shots. Butterfly too."

"Because Kyungtaek wasn't doing anything," Hanjin said. "Someone had to make some damned decisions. He was just sitting back and not offering anything at all!"

Hanjin had raised his voice and glanced nervously at the camera and Inho rolled his eyes. "Yes I know it's there. Unlike you I'm not afraid of it."

"Dude what the hell?" Hanjin demanded. "Where did any of this come from?"

Oh no this was escalating quickly and Jeongha didn't like it one bit. He wasn't a fan of Hanjin but he didn't want this either.

"Honestly a lot of the times anyone else is an afterthought for you," Inho continued. "But you don't even notice do you? You don't even know you're doing it?"

"Maybe I would if my best friend actually had the balls to talk to me about this . If my best friend actually trusted me. Dude if this is the way you think of me why didn't you tell me anything? Instead of choosing your new friends over me and leaving me to rot in the mess of a group with James and Halli that you knew you were dooming me too. At least now I know how little you respect me. Not enough to straight up tell me what you really think of me."

"You accuse me of being disloyal? I defended you against James. I've always had your back!" Inho shot back.

Hanjin snorted. "Apparently until a newer model came along." He turned to Jeongha. "Be careful, he's going to just passively trail behind you and stab you in the back and before you know it you've been replaced with a new bestie when it suits him."

"Hey!" Inho got up between Hanjin and Jeongha. . "Leave Jeongha out of this, he has nothing to do with it."

"Friends are supposed to look out for each other," Hanjin pointed out.. "But I guess that doesn't apply to you huh?"

"Like you looked out for me by dragging me here?" Inho demanded. "You just dragged me along to be your shadow, like you always do, and you know it."

"No," Hanjin said. "I dragged you here because you were wasting away in your little supermarket letting your skills go to waste! That's how it's always been! You'd never do anything with your life! If I wasn't there to kick your into gear and get you to take a risk every now and then you would still be checking out people's tampons! It was that way with Show Me the Money and it's that way with Do or Die. And all the times I've dragged you in to feature on my songs. You're too damned afraid to step out of your safe little box and take a risk!"

"Right. I forgot. You are the great Hanjin who can do no wrong," Inho said, a nasty twist in his voice, and Jeongha cringed at his tone. "The great Hanjin. The successful Hanjin. The Hanjin who always masters everything in the blink of an eye. The Hanjin who got signed only years after he started rapping. The Hanjin who almost made it to the finale of Show Me the Money. The Hanjin who got top rank time after time after time because he's so far up Cipher's -"

"Hey," Jeongha interrupted putting a hand on Inho's shoulder to try and de-escalate things. "Hey, dude. Calm down."

Inho shrugged off his hand. "No. No this has been a long time coming and there are things that have to be said."

Hanjin rolled his eyes. "Of course Inho. Take the moral high ground. Stand up against the evil Hanjin. Tell me how I'm the cause of all your problems."

"Ever since I met you I have been in your shadow," Inho said, balling his hands in fists. "It was always Lim Hanjin this, Lim Hanjin that. Kwang Inho was an afterthought. Someone just trailing along behind the great Lim Hanjin. And now I'm actually making something out of myself. I'm actually successful, and you pull this?!"

"I pull what?" Hanjin challenged. "The only reason you're even here is because of me. I dragged you along with me, just like I dragged you to Show Me the Money. You'd be checking out some lady's tampons at your corner ship if it weren't for me. The only reason you got any kind of published music credits is because of me too. Because I let you feature on some of my songs because you're my friend and I've always looked out for you. You didn't complain on being in my shadow when I asked you to feature on my album."

"Am I supposed to be grateful for your handouts?"

"Yes!" Hanjin snapped. "I didn't have to feature you. I could've carried those songs on my own, or ask an established rapper and get exposure out of myself, but I didn't. I actually turned some of them down in favour of you and they called me an idiot! I wasted real valuable career opportunities to give you a leg up, hoping that with some exposure you might finally decide to step up and take a risk and do something with your life! And now look where I am? myself out to the audience for a shot in some boy group for fame that maybe I hadn't needed if I'd decided to do those songs with Jung Hanhae or Ssam D instead of Kwang Inho. But I didn't. I did those songs with you, the nobody rapper, because you are my friend."

Jeongha felt a bit like he was at the worst tennis match in existence, looking back and forth from one to the other as they threw jab after jab at each other. And the worst thing was he had to admit that some of the things Hanjin said made sense. As much as he wanted to be squarely on the side of his friend, some of it did not feel right.

"Am I though?" Inho took a step closer, and Jeongha nervously kept by his side, ready to spring into action if this escalated. He didn't think Inho was the kind to get physical but still. He couldn't be too careful.

"I thought you were," Hanjin said, staring right back up at Inho even though he was quite bit shorter. "I guess I was wrong."

"I guess I was too," Inho said and stepped back. "I'm starting to think James was right after all."

"Oh you take that back!' Hanjin pushed forward but Yoonshik was there first to firmly pull him back.

"That's enough of all that," Yoonshik said as he pulled Hanjin back and stepped between the two of them. "Come on, both of you, take a walk. You're on time out."

Jeongha moved to join Inho but Yoonshik held him back. "Let them come down first," Yoonshik said. "They have to deal with this themselves. A lot of things were said, some meant and some didn't. They each to figure out what was what."

Jeongha sighed. There was some wisdom in that but he didn't like it one bit. "Fine."

"Come on, you can stand to practice your lines," Yoonshik said.

"What? Now?"

"Yes, now," Yoonshik said. "It's never a bad time to practice."

Jeongha raised his eyebrows. "You and I are very different people my friend."

Yoonshik snorted. 'We are. Come on get your in gear."

"Fiiiine." He threw one more worried look at the door. If Inho stayed out for over an hour he'd go look. He'd give him an hour. Then he glanced at Yoonshik who was already putting their song back on the speakers. Inho had better appreciate the he put up with because of him.

The city looked beautiful from here. Even in on the outskirts of Seoul’s bustling center the light stretched on all around them. It was beautiful.

Changui had never quite lived anywhere like it. Europe didn't have any cities as metropolitan and huge as Seoul was. Paris probably came the closest one that he'd visited, but even Paris had been quieter. Even the Eiffel Tower slept at a reasonable hour.

Changui looked out over the city and felt at peace. More at peace than the city did anyway. Cars honked and drunk people shouted. City night sounds and Korea was pretty big on the noise pollution. It was life. Raw life.

Honestly, given choice, Changui would much prefer smaller towns. Big cities were often the worst a country had to offer. Noise and isolation amid so many people. Raw life but disconnected life. He'd much rather go to to a small town and find out how the real population of a country lived. That's how he'd found out how really German ale was brewed or that the Tuscans  celebrated spring with the strawberry festival. Berlin and Rome would not have taught him that.

Still. The sight was beautiful to be sure and he'd really enjoyed it here. This whole survival show had been an experience he didn't think he'd ever have! But now? Now it was time for the next thing in his life.

Honestly he was surprised he'd stuck it out this long. The novelty of the experience had worn out long ago. He didn't think he'd actually become an idol but it was something to do. He would've probably bailed a long time ago if it weren't for some of the friends he'd made. Hugo in particular was one of a kind. He didn't think he'd ever found a conversation partner quite like the guy and that in and of itself was invaluable and quite noteworthy. Changui had met a lot of conversation partners in his life.

He didn't really know why he'd come to the roof ether. Maybe a last goodbye to Seoul before he found a night bus to take to the town where his grandparents lived? He wasn't sure, but the skyline  had called to him one last time.

“There you are.”

Huh? What? Changui turned around in time to see Hugo close the latch to the roof behind him. He'd been so sure he was the only one who knew about this little hidey hole. Everyone else had been too focused on the whole survival show thing to explore, let alone b