Before Myungsoo allowed the waves of doubt to drown him, it was adrenaline that rushed through non-stop. 

Initially, it was just Myungsoo looking for dirt on the senior with ‘a knack for spreading ’. It wasn’t going to be for anything other than his bitter self trying to look for more reasons to hate him. 

Myungsoo had a simple plan: peer into the older’s social media and see if there’s anything weird that he saved, or look into some messages, make fun of it and move on. He’s done it a handful of times (and may or may not have passed some of the fun information to Howon, the older also may or may not have any idea how he got said information), and they’ve all ended the same way. Some were stubborn -posters in a weird Facebook group, others were firm believers that anyone breathing next to their bias group is detrimental to society, and so on. There were moments he’d rant to the walls, but it’d all end the same. Just looking through a bunch of students being the idiotic teenagers they are.

Peeking into Park Seungho’s messages, however, was a whole other story.

There he learned a few things: the trio prefer talking about details over twitter, Seungho bookmarks a lot of posts concerning Soojung’s father and his company, and the student that left 11-B last year didn’t leave just because his family had to travel. Most importantly, he concluded: Park Seungho and his friends deserve thirty strong kicks up their asses.

His private messages with Seungyoon, under the keyword ‘friend’, revealed more than Myungsoo expected. Before this, all he knew was that Seungho, Seungyoon, and Soojung were friends that had fun playing with their parents’ influences, and that one way they did it was through the infamous bullying trope. Before this, all he knew was that they took advantage of two best friends liking Soojung, and that it ended in one of them transferring to save face, while the other was forced to stay behind. That alone was sickening to his stomach, so how could he have known the truth could be even more twisted?

His eyes couldn’t stray away from the screen, even when his heart wrenched at the thought of going through so much suffering. His eyebrows were practically glued to his face in a scrunch as he reads the nauseating conversations sandwiched in between questions as casual as homeworks or hangouts—how could they go through this so naturally?

Instinctively, he found himself wondering… What if he was put into Siwoo’s shoes? What if he was forced to choose between two people he loved? What if, despite his obedience, the people he loved still end up in jeopardy? 

He didn’t know who exactly the two friends victimized were, other than their names: Siwoo and Junho. His heart ached at the supposed finale, now knowing while one left the school entirely, the other became the trio’s own errand boy because ‘their little threat worked’.

Nevertheless, he could only hope that the two friends met each other again. That maybe they patched things up, or someday will.

Perhaps it was knowing that these same disgusting people were starting to target Sungyeol, even if it did seem like harmless rumors (and honestly, how can anything from the trio come out harmless?). Perhaps it was the fact that, based on the way they handled everything so naturally, this wasn’t the first incident they were able to sweep under the rug. Perhaps it was knowing that this may continue here until the very last day of the three in highschool, or was it disgust knowing the only way out now is to hope they don’t do anything before they graduate? Perhaps it was a mix of these and so much more that brought an inexplicable weight on Myungsoo’s shoulders.

And his shoulders were stacked with adrenaline: to give them even a small taste of their own medicine, to make them feel even an ounce of fear, reminiscent of their reckless manipulation.

However, little by little, the adrenaline weighed on him with a different emotion: panic. The doubts snowballed and put out the fire once sparked, and it was practically overkill when two people gave him the same sign today: stop. 

So, instead, here he was on the Thursday before the student elections. As he walked with Sungyeol to the school’s entrance, his head was nothing but a container of doubts, criticisms, and fears.

He looks back and wonders, why did he do it the way he did? Why did he think the threats would scare the three, yet not make them consider plotting revenge on Sungyeol? Why did he think blackmailing three of the most influential students in IAM would leave him unscathed? 

Why didn’t he stop to think?

“Where’d hyung go?” Myungsoo hears Sungjong ask. When he looks at the older students, he notices that indeed, Dongwoo was missing.

“He had to take care of his brother ‘cause his mom left for work early.” Hoya explained.

“I’ll have to leave too,” the youngest says with a sigh. “Maybe today’ll be the last day, pray for me.” He hugs his friends quickly before waving goodbye, walking away from the group.

“Honestly, it feels like Jjongie’s been grounded for weeks,” Sungyeol pouts. “Come to think of it, when was the last time he even got grounded?”

“I dunno… Grade five?” Myungsoo assumes. “Can’t imagine how mad auntie is to actually ground him…”

“Agreed. I don’t even remember the last time auntie would scold us, and that’s amazing considering how often we hang out at his place.” Woohyun says. “If any of my parents went through that, they’d probably be tired of you all in like, four weeks I’d bet.”

“Mine would be worse,” Sunggyu laughs. “I remember when my aunt talked about my cousin having her best friend over almost all the time, mama said she’d hate me and my friend if I did the same.”

“No way!”

The group continues to laugh, and Myungsoo distracts himself for a while. A few minutes of chatter pass, and Woohyun looks at his watch.

“Oh, Gyu hyung and I’ll have to go, Sir said we can only have the music room for half an hour today.”

“Something’s happening?”

“Not sure, something about a meeting with the other music and arts teachers, I think.” Sunggyu answers. “Anyways, see you guys tomorrow!”

“Bye!”

And then there were three, and three became two.

“Uh… I think I’ll just rest at home today, see you two tomorrow?”

“Sure!” “Okay.” Hoya and Myungsoo responded, waving at Sungyeol as he took his leave. Although the younger was confused that his best friend left earlier, he’d soon turn his attention to his hyung.

“How ‘bout we eat at Soul’s? Or do you wanna go home and rest too?” The older asks, referring to their favorite restaurant near Myungsoo’s place.

See, if Myungsoo goes home and attempts to sleep, there’s still a high chance he’d continue to stress over what would happen and whether he’d be found out or not. So, in that case, actively focusing on Hoya might be helpful. 

“Hm… Let’s go eat, I’m kinda hungry.”

Well, at least he hopes.

Lucky for him, Hoya had a lot to talk about. Unlucky for him, it didn’t seem to be distracting enough.

“Soo…” The talkative student stopped his tracks to call his friend’s name. It took a few more tries before Myungsoo actually responded, looking at his hyung with raised eyebrows. “Are you okay?”

“Eh, I’m as okay as school let’s me,” the younger attempted to joke.

“Okay understandable, but you look like you’re really really out of it. Are you sure?”

“Well… Half-half I guess?”

“Uh, do you wanna talk about it? And walk, so you can distract yourself with random stuff we’ll pass by… Hm?”

I don’t know hyung, do I really wanna reveal the I’ve done and bring in another potential witness? It was evident that Myungsoo didn’t want to tell the truth. When he barely scratched it with a question to Dongwoo, he was met with chilling words of advice (call him a coward if you will, he’s already accepted it), and when a mysterious student who seemed to know him so well told him similar words, he was ready to run for it. What would make him believe that he wouldn’t just get the same response from Hoya?

If it’s not too selfish to ask, he just wanted to vent. He wanted to tell someone—but the fear of their reaction held him back.

Did that stop Myungsoo from finding a way around it?

“Honestly, here’s the thing… There’s this character I’m trying to write about for a story assignment…”

Apparently, it did not.

To Myungsoo, it was simple: introduce a little bit of what the character he’s writing about does, ask how the older felt about it, then see if he can try pushing the envelope further. 

Was it the desperation for him to open up to somebody that led him there? Even if Myungsoo wouldn’t vocally agree, speaking up after the many times he ran away was enough to answer the question.

“Basically, we’re supposed to make some kind of personal conflict for the main character, something that breaks the usual practically perfect persona, like the ‘OP’ thing. So I decided to go with this route: Person A, we’ll call him… Anderson.”

“A-Anderson?” 

“Yeah Anderson, but Andy for short. So Andy over here, a highschooler by the way, one day he finds out that his best friend… Benson, or Ben, has been unwillingly caught up in the gossip of school bullies One, Two, and Three, especially with One.”

“Okay…” Although Hoya may not have pieced up the entire situation Myungsoo was in, he did mentally note that the situation had a striking resemblance to a real-life event that included his friend.

“And because Andy heard that the bullies were a bunch of bad people, Andy pulled a techy move and got into bully One’s… phone and looked at the messages to find something to hate One for. Just for fun though!”

“Tech savvy and kinda petty… ” The older nods with an approving hum. “My guy.” Myungsoo couldn’t help but laugh at the comment.

“The thing is, Andy just wanted something as petty laughter because it’s something Andy usually does and gets over pretty quick. But with One, Andy found out that One, Two, and Three actually forced a student to leave school and forced the other as their errand boy and Andy was absolutely disgusted! Like, how could they ruin lives of people they just met? Even worse, the two students were best friends too, and they also ended up separating because of what the trio did!”

“Damn, when did you get all these creative ideas? Just last sem you complained ‘cause Yeol called your essay boring as hell.”

“Let my brain do its thing. Okay, anyway because of that discovery, Andy ended up screenshotting some of those convos and sending it to One, Two, and Three to blackmail them and scare them so in turn they’d at least apologize to his best friend for the rumors. But now that Andy re-thinks about it, like way after he already did it, he realizes that he could get expelled and everything. Because One, Two, and Three aren’t just able to hide the they did for no reason no no, their parents are wealthy as .”

“Okay I see…” Hoya waited for Myungsoo to add more information. When he notices the student is done, he asks. “So, what’s the problem with it?”

“It just… Was the flaw too dumb? I just feel that our teacher might think it’s a useless conflict. Like, why didn’t Andy just sit back before doing that? Even worse, why did he end up involving—uh—Ben into it?”

It took Hoya a few steps of humming until he could give an answer. 

“Hm… Honestly it is kinda dumb… But I don’t see why that would make it a weak conflict.”

The answer still seemed too vague for Myungsoo to decide, so he prodded on. “What d’you mean?”

“I mean… I understand why Andy feels guilty about that, blackmailing is a pretty scary thing to do, and it’s dumb for him to do it on the whim, but it’s not like it isn’t possible? Not that I’m condoning what Andy did of course, but it already happened, he already did it, is that not a good enough conflict he needs to solve?”

“It’s just disappointing to me, the idea that even if his intention is good, he did something wrong, and he realizes that way too late. I just feel that, realistically speaking, he wouldn’t go that far.”

“Is disappointment never part of a conflict?”

“Well… Sometimes....” 

“Look, I think you’re downplaying the conflict you chose because it’s not as complex and intriguing as what you’d see in TV dramas, but not all shows are about mystery and complexity. Think about the coming-of-age genre, it’s all about personal growth of someone—whether that be you trying to learn about yourself, challenging your weaknesses, or something else. In genres like that, they do use conflicts about one’s insecurities… Man versus self? Is that what you call it?”

“But does it make enough sense? Did Andy really need to do that?”

“Listen, Soo…” They pause at the red stoplight. “No Andy did not need to do what he did, and it may make a lot of sense to us why he bothered. But that doesn’t change the fact that it can happen, that he could want it. That doesn’t change the fact that someone can do that and feel conflicted. It’s not always about logic and reasoning, especially when your emotions exist. We won’t always be as rational as we want to be.”

The stoplight turns green, and the two take those few seconds to quickly walk to the other side.

“Well then how am I even supposed to resolve the conflict? Do I just have Andy admit to the three and pray the apology is taken?” 

“Well, I guess not necessarily… At least not while Andy knows the three are probably s who’ll make his life a living hell and never change from it. Is that right?” 

“Yeah, they haven’t shown any remorse.” Myungsoo confirms.

“Yeah okay. But one thing I do know is, especially if that would be all the kid is thinking about, Andy needs a breather.”

The younger scrunches his eyebrows in confusion. “A breather?”

“He didn’t take a step back before he sent those screenshots, but he can take one now. I’m assuming if he realized how bad it can go down, he’s probably really scared about what will happen to him, and I wouldn’t be shocked if it’s like ‘eating him alive’, you know?” Seeing Myungsoo nod in approval, Hoya continues.

“Well then, he won't get anything done if he keeps on thinking about how he did wrong, how he could’ve done things better, how all of that . In the end, he’s still a human, a teenager even and, considering the fact that he felt guilty in the first place, there is hope for him to change… His so-called victims however—a whole other story.”

Myungsoo was so immersed in hearing more and more he forgot to judge whether or not he should tell Hoya it was him. But there was hope with every word he heard, hope that he wouldn’t just become a disappointment to another friend. For once, his hope of telling the complete truth was not crushed by fear or worry, and he wanted to take the risk. He’s already felt so stressed with a few days of hiding, so who was he to let go of this chance that he would no longer need to handle it alone?

“Hyung… Can I tell you something kinda serious?”

Would he be closed off from the chance?

“Of course Soo.”

Was it too early to feel the burdens on his shoulders lighten?

“That was me. I’m Andy.”

They reach another stoplight. 

However, with the green symbol lit up, they took a quick stride across the pedestrian. Objectively, it was quick, but time feels really relative when you wait for a reaction you can only pray is positive. Then again, did he even have a right to expect so?

“Well then Soo… I hope I helped you out.”

“Oh.” That means we’re okay, right? The younger worries; thankfully, the older’s response was followed by a light pat on the back and a few more words.

“Remember what I told you, you can still make it right, okay? Wow, I can’t imagine how scared less you probably were—kinda wished you told any of us earlier, but at least you’re here now, yay!” Although Hoya’s little hooray at the end would seem sarcastic or monotonous to the average person, Myungsoo knew better. And with that, Myungsoo laughs.

“Wait, if it really is you, then are we talking about Seungho sunbae and his friends?” When Myungsoo nods, he hears a light chuckle from the older. 

“Okay anyway, like I said, don’t continue as is. Correct what wasn’t right: tell Sungyeol the truth, stop opening their accounts, so on and on. I don’t know if it’s a bright idea to reveal yourself, so just think about that after fixing the things you know you should fix. You get me?”

Myungsoo nods earnestly and, seeing the older nod back at him, he tries another question. “Uh, but hyung…”

“Hm?”

“About Seungho…”

“Yeah?” Honestly, Hoya does have an idea on where this’ll go.

Looking back to the way Myungsoo talked about his situation via fake assignment, he knows the younger doesn’t care for the three seniors—hell, you could see it with how he addresses them no matter what. So, if he isn’t wrong… “You don’t wanna give up, do you?”

“I’m sorry hyung, I know I won’t do it the way I did but… Can’t there be any other way?” Myungsoo couldn’t help but mumble over his last words, feeling unsure again of his hyung’s response. Once again, time pain-stakingly slowed down for him; with every millisecond that passes without Howon’s answer, the more stress builds up in Myungsoo’s shaky hands.

It was almost as if he could feel the weight creep back up on his shoulders as he adds on to his previous words. “Unless, I should just be quiet… Move on?”

“You don’t have to.” The older immediately says. He takes the shortest pause just to look at Myungsoo in the eye, before proceeding with the rest of his answer.

“Honestly, moving on could work if we were sure that the three wouldn’t bother anyone anymore, but that’s not the case. It doesn’t help that they continue to force someone to be their errand boy just last year, and now they’re probably trying to get Yeol into their … You know, people love to say to move on, to leave it to time, but honestly? Can time even move when there’s still someone breaking its wings?” Hoya sighs. “Anyways, I can’t really suggest what to do…as long as you take your time and think carefully.”

“Oh, okay hyung.”

“Ah! There is one thing I can suggest.” With a raised eyebrow, Myungsoo waits for the older to continue.

“Can you try to talk to the guy they made an errand boy? I’m sure he should have a say on what you wanna do. After all, in the end, it’s not your story to tell.” 

“But what if he doesn’t want me to do anything?”

“Then don’t.” The older says. “Maybe reach out to him, help his life as an errand boy be even a bit easier, but don’t act alone. After all, if you were appalled by what they did to him, imagine how he himself would feel.”

“You’re right.” Myungsoo nods, “I’ll make sure to do that.” 

Seeing the determination seep through the younger’s smile, Hoya takes a deep breath. He hesitates; he doesn’t remember how long it’s been since he used to do this… Maybe three? Four years ago? Nevertheless, he decides not to let the moment go to waste, facing his friend with a question.

“Would you like a hug?” His arms were raised up and slightly bent, while his awkward grin hoped to show him sincerity.

“Uh hyung…” Myungsoo gestures to the people around them: it wasn’t necessarily a busy road, but there were still a handful coming by. “Here?”

“Please relieve me from embarrassment,” his grin slowly turned to a sarcastic smile. “I can’t hold my arms out for longer I swear.”

“I thought hyung would be stronger? Aren’t you supposed to be a dancer?” The taller feigned innocence, obviously teasing his friend.

“Why—you weren’t like this before ah!” With a fake sigh, Hoya quickly brings Myungsoo into a hug, and the two laugh. 

“Hm… I still think Dongwoo hyung gives the best hugs.”

“Well Dongwoo would say I give the best hugs, so technically I’m better.”

Soon enough, the laughter dies down, and the two could only listen to the calm world around them. 

“You’ll be okay Soo, I promise.” Light pats fall on Myungsoo’s back. “If ever it gets worse, remember we’ll all have your back, hm? All of us are here for you…” 

The younger simply hums in reply.

“Yeol won’t hate you, okay?”

Another short, simple hum.

“You don’t have to go through this alone.”

With both pairs of eyes closed, neither one bothered about the possible stares they’d get on the streets. Again, they silently agree for a few more seconds to breathe.

“Thank you hyung…” Myungsoo’s hands lightly hold on to the fabric of his hyung’s jacket, and he manages to say once more. “... so much, thank you.”

Hoya smiles. 

Years may have passed by, and the youngest three may have grown past his neck, but he realizes they can still fit perfectly in his embrace. Quietly, he imagines a falling star, wishing that the world treats them kindly as they grow older, that the seven of them will be able to push through, together.

(i swear we're reaching the confrontation i swear)