“And a one...and a two… and a three.. start.”

Hoon’s P.O.V-

I couldn’t believe what had just happened. He kissed me...I walked into an empty room to try and clear my mind. My heart was beating rather fast and it wasn’t a good sign. Why did it take me so long to push him off.? Without realizing it, the door opened and a group of males came in. I felt caution build up and quickly turned to see BTOB standing with their annoying smiles. “Quite the show you put on just now. Hoon… why must you make us jealous?” Peniel walked closer to me, his lips. I was backed into a corner and they just stared at me like I was food. I shivered as one ran his hands up my chest, caressing my face. I quickly pushed him away from me before heading to the door, only realizing it was locked. Before I could unlock it, hands grabbed me and pulled me back. I lost balance and ended up falling. It was exactly how they wanted it to go. I could feel it getting harder for me to breath and reached to hold my chest. Ilhoon kneeled down before me and smirked, grabbing me and slamming my lips onto his. I was frozen as memories of that incident rushed through my body. I was, however, finally able to snap out of it when I felt his tongue enter my mouth. However, it was too late. They had taken photos of it. “Wow, Hoon... I didn’t know you could make that kind of face.” They all laughed before leaving me all alone in the dark room. I sighed, leaning myself against the wall and hugging myself with my shaking arms. Why is life so hard?.... A large pain shot through my head causing me to slightly cry out in agony. I was about to get up and leave when I heard it.. my song. I slowly got up and walked towards the door to the next room. As I looked through the window, I could see the long-haired boy resting with ease against a chair, humming along to the song. It.. that song wasn’t for you.. so stop singing it! Before I could storm in and yell, my name was called on the loudspeaker. I had to report to the auditorium for the next show. As I walked through the halls, I could feel myself becoming more and dizzier. I tried to focus as other contestants sang but..... I just couldn’t. Soon it was my turn. The guys all helped me up before getting into their positions. The bright lights slightly blinded me, causing a slight pain in my head. I could hear the opening chords of the song and got ready to sing.

Song

As I sang along to the tune, I could feel my legs becoming weak. It was like every muscle in my body was becoming drained of its strength. My leg slightly gave in but I quickly caught myself.

Seungcheol’s P.O.V-

I quickly became worried when I saw him slightly fall. Is… is he okay? What is wrong with him? He quickly wrapped the song up before slowly raising his hand to his head. I noticed his eyes slowly shutting and before anyone could do or say anything, he collapsed on the stage. We all quickly got up and ran towards him, rushing him to the nurse. The nurse quickly placed him on a bed and examined him. “He should be fine. You can go back to class now.” She politely smiled at us. As much as I didn’t want to leave, I knew I had to.

Hoon’s P.O.V-

My eyes slowly opened to the bright lights of the nurse's office. Each lid weighed a ton and.. I just wanted to sleep forever. The nurse came over and gave me some water. She said it would help. Before I could even try to get out of bed, she told me to head to the principal's office. What? Why?... I simply nodded and walked out. As soon as I opened the door, all of those idiots and Hyemi were standing, waiting for me. I felt… a bit happy they were worried. It scared me. I ignored their concerning questions and simply continued to walk to the principal’s office. Once I reached his room, he made me sit before closing the door and staring at me with an unreadable expression. “Hoon is there something you need to tell us?” I stared in silence and confusion, urging him to continue. “Are you sick Hoon? The nurse said she couldn’t find what was wrong with you but no one collapses on stage without a reason. So, tell me.. are you sick?” I remembered hearing about my brain tumor but.. if I told him, he would take me out of the competition for dumb reasons like stress. “No, I am not. I keep forgetting to eat lately so that is why. I was just too exhausted I guess.” He didn’t really seem to buy my excuse but simply nodded. “Well make sure you eat then. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.” I slowly shook my head and bowed before leaving his office. Hyemi and the others rushed over to me in worry. “Hoon are you okay? What did he say? Why did you faint?” Hyemi's hand reached to touch my forehead but I simply backed away. Without saying a word, I walked away. I remembered I had practice and headed to the practice room. She was waiting, smiling a sweet smile at me. “Eunmi.. let’s start okay?” She quickly nodded and moved over so I could dance beside her. Before we could start, the door opened and seventeen walked in with Hyemi trailing along behind them. Knowing they wouldn’t leave, I sighed and told her to follow my lead. I the speaker and counted the beats. As the music played I took in a deep breath before moving swiftly. To my surprise, she was keeping up rather well. I could see how fun she thought it was. She looked up and grinned at me which took me by surprise. I decided to take the dance up a notch and was impressed how quick she got it. Smiling, I paused the music. “You are really good. How come you can learn so fast?” I passed her a water bottle which she gratefully accepted. “Well, my brother is an idol so I guess it runs in the family.” That word caused me to stop moving. “He is… who is he?” She gave me a funny look but continued to drink. Once she put the bottle down, she smiled. “His name is Peniel. He is in BTOB.” I could feel so much stress being placed on me. Tension built up and as if on cue, all of BTOB walked in. “There you are, Hoon. We wanted to make sure you were okay after you fainted on stage. Oh, why are you here Eunmi?” Peniel pretended to act concerned but did seem a bit surprised when he saw his sister. He didn’t seem too excited when she did explain herself. “Eunmi you can’t take lessons from him. If people found out, they would think you had something to do with the contest and that we were judging biasedly.” Her happiness immediately shut down and for once, I agreed with him. Not because of the contest, but because I wanted nothing to do with anything concerning him or his family. She slowly nodded and left the room in disappointment. Not long after, BTOB left leaving me with the others. I sighed and sent a glance over to the others before slowly walking out of the room. My head was beginning to hurt… a lot. I made it to the roof and walked towards the railing. Why does living have to be so hard… I heard a small noise and turned to see him. “Mark.... what do you want?” He gave me a small smile before leading me to one of the benches and sitting me down. He sat down beside me and pulled me so my head was resting on his lap. I didn’t resist… I didn’t want to admit it but I was craving for this. For him.

Seungcheol’s P.O.V-

We were all following Hoon and watched him go up to the roof. We were hiding and before I could even go up to him, the door opened once more and Mark walked in. We saw how he made Hoon rest his head on his lap and how he gently his hair.

Hoon’s P.O.V-

“I’ve missed you so much… you know that right?” I felt a pain in my heart as I remembered being alone, without him to comfort me. He hummed in response, running his fingers through my hair, causing me to shudder in pleasure. “Don’t leave me again… I can’t handle not having you by my side anymore. I don't care anymore.. just... just let me stay with you now.” There was a long pause, which caused me to be overcome with worry.

“Hoon….I know. About you I mean...” My eyes widened as I quickly sat up and stared at him. “She called me crying the day you guys found out.” I started panicking and quickly grabbed him. “Mark.. don’t tell her. Please… don’t tell her.” He gave me a small smile but... “She deserves to know Hoon… she’s going to find out eventually.” I could feel myself becoming even more panicked and groaned at the sharp pain that was sent to my head. He quickly grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. “My Hoonie.. how could this happen to you.” My arms slowly raised to hug him back. “Do you know how long..” Those words caused me to let go. “No.. and I don’t care.” He let me go angrily. “You don’t care? You are dying and you don’t care?!” My head shot up and I sent him a glare. “Shut up people will hear you!” He glared at me and folded his arms. “A brain tumor isn’t anything to just blow off like that. Why aren’t you getting the surgery at least?..” He stared at me with broken eyes which caught me off guard. “It would be too much money. I need to focus on helping her. I don’t care what happens to me.. I just need to get her better. If I die, I die. I just need her to be better before I do.” I heard crying and we both quickly turned to see Hyemi and the others standing in front. Hyemi was crying her eyes out and quickly ran up. “Tell me it isn’t true. Please, Hoon…” She was trembling as her arms went to touch me. I was about to pull away but saw how broken she was. She...really cares… Even Seventeen was wearing an unreadable expression. The only thing I could do was stare at Hyemi. “I am not going to die. The nurse said the chances of me dying were really small but it would be best if I did get surgery.” I guess Hyemi wanted to buy it so bad, she did. She pulled me into a hug, sobbing into my shirt. I sighed and gently held her. “Let’s go to the hospital okay? Just as a checkup.” I was about to protest but basically, everyone was dragging me. They pushed me into a car and we drove in silence. Seungcheol was sitting beside me and refused to look at me. I was about to scoff when I noticed… his hands were trembling. Why are they shaking so much… is.. is he scared? I don’t know what came over me but.. I slightly moved my hand to touch his. He slightly flinched and stared at me with shocked eyes. I didn’t really know how to look or react so I just turned my head to face forward. Soon enough, we reached the hospital. We found the nurse and they made her scan me again to make sure. She seemed a bit confused but did the scanning nevertheless. Once again, the tumor showed up. “Hoon.. please do the surgery. I get that you only care about helping your sister but… wouldn’t helping yourself also help her?” I stared in confusion. “If she does fully recover and is released… who will she stay with? You are her only family Hoon… she needs you to be alive with her. At least think about the surgery… please..” I slowly nodded and earned a small smile from the others.

“Do you want to go see her? She is in her room right now..” I smiled and nodded. Seeing her would cheer me up. Me and the others were walking in silence until we got to her door. I was just about to open up her door when... “It is annoying.” My hands stopped moving. “He is so annoying. He has always been nothing but annoying. Always doting on me all the time. He recently made friends with Seventeen. Can you believe it? That should be me! He doesn’t deserve it. He should have been the one in this bed. My parents were never so doting on me. He texts me every single day! Like does he not have a life? Sometimes I wish he took my parent's place. Well not like I will have to worry about that anymore. I guess he has some brain tumor now so he will be gone soon. Hopefully, after I get the surgery, and then I can stay with you! No, I won’t miss him. He took everything away from me and then thinks it is okay to go living my dream! He deserves to suffer. I hate him. You know he seduced BTOB into sleeping with him? Yep. All of them at the same time. Hahaha just proves how much of a he is. Even my parents didn’t like him. No one likes him yet there he is, thinking he is all popular and liked. I hope he chokes on something. Anyways I should probably go.. my throat is killing me.” My hands were trembling as I heard how she spoke. No…. this is wrong.. she wouldn’t… “Hoon…” I ignored Hyemi and opened the door, revealing her surprised face. Quickly slamming her phone shut, she smiled. “Ah! Hoonie! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to visit? I missed you!” I forced myself to smile as I went over to her and sat down next to her. “How are you feeling?” She smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I smiled and turned to see the others had walked in. Some had dark expressions on their faces. “Hello! Thanks for coming to visit me again!” She grinned at the others who only stared. “Don’t mind them they are being weird. Sorry I didn’t bring you anything today… next time I will. Is there anything you want?” She smiled at me and cutely placed her finger on her cheek. “Hmmm.. strawberry cheesecake!” I slightly chuckled at her but couldn’t get her words out of my head. I tried hard to hold it in but accidentally let out a sob, causing her as well as everyone else to stare in worry. “Oppa.. what is wrong? Are you okay?” I shook my head and wiped my eyes, trying my best to compose myself but kept letting sobs out. “O-Oppa what’s wrong!” She placed her hand on my shoulder. I smiled and gently waved at her, assuring her I was okay. I grabbed a tissue and composed myself. “D-Don’t worry. I was just really worried about you…” She smiled and gently hit my shoulder. “Yah don’t worry me like that. If there was something wrong with you I don’t know what I would do..” I smiled at her and could feel me about to break so I slowly got up. “I have to go to work now.. next time I will bring the cake okay?” She pouted and spread her arms out for a hug. I smiled and gently hugged her before leading the others out. Once I closed the door, I felt my legs being turned to jelly but stayed composed. We walked out of the building in silence but once we reached the car, Hyemi grabbed my hand. I took in a shaky breath and turned to them. “You guys were right..” They stared at me in sadness.. I couldn’t look at them. I couldn’t face those eyes. I gave a sad smile and bowed. “Sorry… I was rude to you guys..” They seemed surprised but stared in even sadder eyes. “I actually think I am going to walk home… I need to clear my head you know? I-I’ll see you guys later.” They quickly protested but I simply shook my head. “I’m fine you guys. Kind of used to people not liking me. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” I then waved them goodbye before walking away. Tears were rolling down my eyes as her hurtful words hit me over and over. Once I reached the house, I ignored him talking and walked straight into the room. Once I closed the door, I broke. I threw everything around while sobbing. Why!? Why did it turn out like this! What did I do?! The door slammed open and he stared at me with angry eyes. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” I glared at him angrily and continued throwing everything around. “ knock it off!” He screamed but I didn’t care. “Shut the hell up!” He stared at me in shock before walking up to me and punching me. So many emotions were running through my mind so I did something I never did before. I hit him back. So much anger and sadness ran through my veins that I continued to hit him. Once I noticed he was unconscious, I rushed out the house. My head was killing me and everything hurt. I ran to the school and ran into the practice room where I rushed over and threw everything down. I punched the mirror, causing it to shatter in front of me. My weak legs gave in and soon, I was crying on the floor. Why… Through my blurred vision, I saw the large shard of glass, staring at me. My trembling hands soon grabbed it and slid it across my wrist, causing the beautiful line of blood to show. I needed this pain to go away. I needed it to! I angrily caused more lines to show up and was about to add my tenth line when someone grabbed my wrist. My eyes slowly trailed up to see the handsome man from before. Just like last time, everything turned black.

Seungcheol’s P.O.V-

I could barely sleep.. how could someone be so cold to their sibling? He sacrificed so much and even after she said that, he smiled warmly towards her. How... We all got ready in silence and headed to the school in silence. Hyemi met us at the door and it was clear she wasn’t able to sleep as well. We walked in silence but saw a bunch of people crowding around the practice room. We quickly walked in and saw how terrible the room looked. We also noticed the small drops of blood on the ground. Hoon… I quickly raced towards the nurse's office and opened the door to reveal a passed out Hoon in one of the beds. I quickly ran to his side with the others trailing beside him. “Ah, Hyemi you are here..” The nurse gave her a small smile. “Do you know if anything happened to Hoon concerning family? The student that brought him in found him cutting himself..” I gasped at that and gently grabbed his bandage covered wrists. His eyes were puffy and his face showed no hint of happiness. Hyemi said no so the nurse left us alone. We could hear him slightly whimpering and even when Hyemi tried to comfort him, he continued to be in pain. I can’t believe he heard her say that… She was his entire reason for working so hard..to hear someone talk about you like that.. it must feel terrible. Hansol slightly tapped me when his eyes began twitching. He was waking up. His eyes slowly opened but he winced at the bright lights. Once he got adjusted, he opened his eyes and scanned the room before his eyes landed on us. He sighed and slowly sat up. Before he could say anything, Hyemi pulled him into a hug. His arms remained by his side and he didn’t show any sort of reaction. Once they pulled out of the hug, she stared with sad eyes. “Hoon what did you do last night?” We were all worried about the boy who had a bruise on the corner of his lip. “I don’t even really remember…” He stared at his hands and looked a bit surprised to see his wrapped wrists. His delicate fingers slowly trailed along the cloth before he sighed and looked at us. “Did I miss the contest?” What? He still cares about that dumb contest?! “Hoon.. you are still going to do it? Even after what she said?..” His eyes slightly dropped and I knew he was remembering. Slowly he nodded. “Even if she hates me.. I still love her and want her to be happy. Besides… she is the only family I have left… I promised my parents I would take care of her… and I don’t go back on a promise.” Before anyone could respond, we heard a knock at the door and turned to see Mark. He smiled softly before walking in and sitting next to Hoon. “Mark… you’re here.” Hoon grabbed the boys hand and held it gently in his. “Hoon. I went to your place last night.” I noticed Hoon tensing a bit as if he remembered something. “Was-” Mark quickly cut him off by shaking his head. “No, it was empty. Be careful okay? I have to go...” He gently ruffled the boy's hair before leaving. Hoon sighed and stared at his hands. He looked at us with such pleading eyes but before he could even say anything, the door opened and the nurse from before rushed in. She quickly sat and gently pulled him into a hug. “I was so worried.. We both were..” At the mention of his sister, his eyes quickly filled with tears. His hands found their way to her back, pulling her closer to him. “I’m sorry..” His voice slightly cracked, hurting me. “Why would you even do something like this?..” She pulled out of his embrace and gently grabbed his wrists, examining them. “G-Guilt… the guilt was killing me..” His words confused her yet echoed in the rest of us. She made him feel guilty about the accident. About everything. “I don’t want her to hate me… I thought.. maybe this way… maybe she won’t hate me anymore..” He let out a sob and it just made me so angry. I wanted to storm into that hospital room and yell at her for being so selfish. “Hoon what are you talking about? Your sister adores you! She is constantly talking about your accomplishments and how she can’t wait to follow your footsteps. You are a big inspiration to her.” Those words made us all tense up. Hoon simply hung his head. “Tell her I’m sorry okay?...” The nurse slowly nodded before hugging him yet Hoon still refused to hold anyone to him. “Please don’t scare us like that… Your sister completely shut down when she found out. You’re the only person she has Hoon so don’t think like that!” I wanted to intervene so badly. “I’m sorry…. I just…. I didn’t know what to do.”

His body slightly shook as he resisted the urge to cry. She rubbed his back, trying her best to soothe the boy, but no matter what, it didn’t work. “Maybe you should just go home for the day… You should visit her. It’d help ease her nerves to see you.”

He slowly shook his head in objection before wiping his tears away. “I still have stuff to do… I’ll visit her later tonight.”

Removing himself from her hold, he got out of the bed and stared at Hyemi. She looked at him with such broken eyes.. It surely hurt him as well.

I told the guys to give him a moment and slowly followed him. He was walking up the stairs to the roof, ignoring the calls from those around him.

Imagining the possible outcomes of heading to the roof, I quickly rushed after him. Opening the door, I saw him near the edge, staring at the sky. “Hoon!”

He slowly turned to stare at me, allowing his tears to fall once more. He slowly backed up, causing me to run to him. One more step and he would fall. Reaching for him, I grabbed his arms and pulled him into my hold. He weakly attempted to pry himself out my arms, claiming to let him go. He pleaded for me to just leave but I refused.

Finally, he slowly slumped to the ground. Kneeling down, I once again held him in my arms but this time, he clung to me.

“It hurts too much. I didn’t know…. I was so oblivious to how much she was hurting…. I hurt her… It’s my fault.”

I shook my head, trying my best to remove such thoughts from his mind.

“Please… Hoon… it wasn’t your fault. Things are just… difficult right now, but you cannot give up. You have such a bright future Hoon, with her in it. You said it yourself, she’s the only family you have… you both need each other.
Please, Hoon…”

His arms which were once clinging to me had slowly dropped down as I realized Hoon has passed out. 

"Don't let him go home."

Turning around, I saw Mark. 

"He can't go home. He'll die and not by his own hands. No matter what, do not let him go home."

Before he could leave I called out to him. "Why don't you take him with you? Why do you always just leave when he clearly needs you?"

The boy froze before turning to stare. I was expecting a glare or some form of retaliation but he simply stared at Hoon with broken eyes. 

"He would never come with me. I'm too toxic of a person for him. He needs you. You may not realize it but you all? That's the fastest he has ever opened up to anyone. You're special. You mean something to him, whether he wants to admit it or not. Me? Someone like me shouldn't mean anything to him. It's better if we aren't together. Just... just take him home with you."