Writing depresses me. Just. It's hard to put into words.

I'm not into this for attention, but seeing views and comments really makes me feel fulfilled and appreciated (can you tell my parents didn't give me enough attention?). Seeing that someone actually liked my fic that the subscirbe, and liking is so much that they comment! Makes me so happy.

See.. my biggest fic was My Little Lamb, and something about it just motivated to me improve. My process before that fic was just writing whatever I felt in one single document (or notes app on my phone) and correcting minor things like spelling that were red highlighted. i ddin't proofread or have multiple drafts, I didn't even plan out fics a lot of times. I just wrote whatever idea I had without a care about the quality or length. If I got an idea, I just wrote. Thinking back to it now, I have no idea why I was in such a rush. 

Everything before My Little Lamb has a similar story to this. And after My Little Lamb, as it racked up views and I added a second part, I suddenly took myself seriously. I was reading fics of superior quality and reading other writers' writing process, realizing that I did not have a process of my own, I forced myself to adopt one. I forced myself to meticulously plan out every scene, write drafts- something I hadn't done in years. It , but the quality of my fics improved. I researched what I was doing wrong and what I should be doing instead, talked with other writers. I tried to right my wrongs, and I even rewrote one of my old fics. In this attempt to improve myself, my fics have never been worse. I barely get views anymore.

It's terrible. I've put in so much work (the first chapter of It's Not Fair took 3 days to write) and my views are trash. It makes me not want tow rite because it feels liike no one is reading. The work being put it is having 0 reward. I don't know what to do.