I don't even know what I am doing, why I'm writing this all. I was supposed to be studying as middle exams are coming but I just can't focus on anything right. I feel so sad. It's been so long since I don't have anyone by my side. I was fine when I had my friends next to me but now everyday feel so lonely. I go to class, I laugh with my roommates, I even bought an skateboard as birthday gift to myself but somehow, I am still empty. It hurts even more when I look at his photos or see his videos and remember I can't have him. Just... feels so bad, you know? I thought it was just a normal crush because he is my style but no, it's been months and I'm still not over him. I dream with him, I find myself looking at his pictures, at the ones we took together - even though I know that I am just one more Seungri fan for him. In case, you're wondering who I am talking about, no it's not Ri - hahahah. Actually, I don't think I could ever be in love with any idol because heck, they are idols. But he also feels like an idol, because no matter how much I try I can never get close enough. I just hate it. I have not having him, not being able to tell him how much I like him or not having the chance to make him happy. I also hate my stupid brain that blocks every thought of being in love with another person: it needs to be him, only him. 

I know it will eventually pass but until it does, how am I suppose to live?