First Day of School

I'm saying this here because too many ppl i know in school follow me on instagram and last time i said something like this on Facebook someone told my guidance counselor and he called my dad, which was the most embarassing thing ever to happen to me. And i have no Twitter friends (plus I don't want to ramble in just 140 words).

So today was my first day of my senior year in high school and it started off terrible cuz I have zero friends on the bus and all the kids are so mean and cocky and younger than me. Then in most of my classes I have like one or two friends tops, and even then i don't get to talk to them much. And we had a summer reading for English andwe're writing the essay tomorrow and there's this big long presentation we're gonna give later in the year called the "Capstone Project" and it's giving me so much anxiety not because I'm bad at writing but because i HATE timed writing. I hate it so much and ppl tell me "well too bad cuz it's only gonna get harder from here on out. colleges are gonna give you five essays all at once" and i know they're bein realistic but honestly it's words like those that give me the most anxiety and which make me think suicidal thoughts because rather than being encouraging or helpful, people decide to on me and my anxiety and basically tell me to grow a pair but i can't.

and i'm even more lonely because we have this Business Program in our school and two of my classes are FILLED with business kids who all DO stuff (literally one of them learned to fly a ing PLANE over the summer) and theyre all smart and bffs with each other and active outside of school, while i am none of those things and then they have friends who are NOT in the program while i have nobody.

and lastly There are 12 ppl including myself in my physics class and i'm the only girl. and i don't think about that fact myself but honestly my dad is the one who makes me think of the gender difference. i know that once i tell him that i'm the only girl there then he'll go on and on about how i'm alone and stuff and i tell u i would not have caredso much had it not been for my dad. it's not encouraging at all. the one thing i'm actually good at is a field that ppl are telling me not to go into all because I have s

i'm home now and i just started crying and i dont wanna bug the one friend i can count on but idk what else to do ik i'm not gonna kill myself bc i'm not physicslly strong enough to do it but instead i'm passively suicidal and it's a living hell

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monstaxexo #1 Sep 21, 2016 05:13:33

And don't feel inferior to the other kids. Where you're at in life can change in a snap. It's true that there are people who understands things better and faster but if you think about it negatively and put yourself down.. well, you can only go so far. You should use thag truth to motivate yourself. Personally, i think about how much smarter the people around me are and then feel a great need to work harder. And u know what? It works. Maybe i had to work harder than others to get to the same level, but all that matters is that i'm even there.
It's ur senior year, it might have not been a great start but it's still early. Just be optimistic. Fighting!

monstaxexo #2 Sep 21, 2016 05:06:36

Hey, so how are you?better? I'm a complete stranger but if you ever need someone to talk to, just message me here. Don't think that you're bothering me or anything like that.
Sweetie, i know high school is tough... but just know that dwelling in those feelings of embarrassment, loneliness, and awkwardness is not the way to go. If you're feeling down or lonely, keep yourself busy is my very practical tip. It works all the time.
And about that one friend you can count on, you should go ahead and spill your heart out to her/him. Don't sweat the small stuff. She/he would want to know what you're feeling. That's what friends are for.
I don't know your dad but maybe he's just telling you those stuff because he's uncomfortable with the idea of you being in a field dominated by men where other people are definitely going to give you a hard time... but just know that whatever anyone says, you just have to it up and shut them up by showing what you can do.
Cheer up.

Odds_Are_Inevitable #3 Sep 8, 2016 02:37:02

My first day of school is tomorrow and I struggle making friends as much as the next guy. I'm walking in with maybe a friend or two but I'm nervous as heck tryna make new ones. I'm sorry your first day blows but I really hope tomorrow is a better one. Let's stay positive and tackle the challenges of social anxiety together okay?! Cheer up and keep smiling. People are always prettier with a smile on their face. And if it gets too lonely or too hard, you can always talk to me to get through it :) !