I'm actually being a lazy bum (I came onto AFF to do something else, and now here I am, goofing off as usual. Le sigh.) and not replying on tumblr, or in a private message. However, since writing dictates so much of who I am, I wanted to know what you had to say when I saw that you'd posted about Why You Write (or rather, Why You Wrote It) and then got to the questions at the end...

"What guides your pencil/pen/cursor? What inner force compels you to put words to the page? Who are you writing for and why?"

I write because I can't not. Much like you, (although with a less flowery backstory), I was ridiculed, outcast, and lonely for much of my early life. I found solace in books, and will forever be grateful to my mother for instilling in me a love of reading. Reading added to my loneliness, because I was the "weird, quiet girl with her nose stuck in a book" all the time, but at the same time, it offered me an outlet as well. Rather than dealing with the bullies, or the bad classes, or the hateful teachers, I could escape into a fantasy world of my own devising, one where I wasn't alone, but one in which I was the hero, where I wasn't trapped in a mundane life, but had fantastic adventures. My memories of childhood are mostly missing, but one thing stands out clearly. Sixth grade math; I had a grumpy old man for a teacher who called us things like "hooligans" and "turkeys" (at the time, it had no meaning to me, but my grandmother was incensed when she found out). Probably, he is the beginning of my lifelong dislike of math, but because I hated being in his class so much, I would daydream to escape. I saw myself in another world, beating monsters just like in my video games. I even remember a bit about that daydream - there was a cliff, and I had a sword. It's funny, because if not for pictures I wouldn't even remember what my own mother's face looked like, but that daydream left such an impression that it's still with me after almost twenty years.

Hrm... An interesting post. (has it really been that long? Wow... Congratulations. :D)

For me, why I write... I don't know. I don't do it often anymore. Not because I don't have much time, with Fifi running around and getting into stuff, but mainly motivation (or lack thereof) and just... I don't know. Maybe it's just one of those things for me. I do have a page with plotbunnies that I write everything down for some imaginary future date. Sometimes I am inspired, but very rarely anymore. I've flirted with just deleting everything and stop writing, but you can see how well that worked out. LOL

As for who I write for, I write for me. If people like it, then that's great, but I don't want to get caught up in trying to please people because it just doesn't work. You always end up upsetting someone... I write what I like, who I like, and whatever situations I like. I seem to be in the minority though. (and for some reason, this confuses me...) I do wonder if it's a bit selfish, but I can't help it. I can't write stories that please everyone and don't want to even try. I'm not in it for popularity, whether for me or my stories. I just write because it's there and I want to. (does that make sense?)

The only thing I would add though... I think it makes it hard on me when I don't have anyone to read it over and say yeah, this works, that doesn't, what about this? I don't use a beta (I don't really feel I need one, arrogant much? LOL) but I do have a friend who reads them when she can. She's just been really busy lately, so... *shrugs*

That said, I'm glad I was shown in your direction (you know who by LOL) and love all your stories and whatever situations you come up with for them to deal with. There might have been things I would have done differently BUT they are not my stories, so it doesn't matter. Everyone has their own experiences, their own ways of dealing with things, so... yeah. *shuts up cuz I'm just rambling now*