untitled confession
YunJae.
Ever since you got into the world of shipping male idols together, you hear that couple's name literally everywhere. And you do find them compatible but you don't actually believe they are real. So you add them to the list of 'typical' OTPs which you find adorable but don't really believe in.
Super Junior has SiChul, Big Bang has GTOP and DBSK...well DBSK has YunJae.
So you go ahead and start to search for more and more fanfics and FMVs of several couples which make you all giddy and giggly. You are having so much fun that you even start to look for stuff of couples you actually don't ship.
At last, you get to YunJae. And the more FMVs you watch, pictures you see and fanfics you read, the more you start to lose yourself in these two and their obvious bond. You get trapped.
And then, you start to notice things. You learn to look closer, be more observant.
And at some point, you get the feeling that there is more.
It's not really about the big things they do for everyone to see but about the things they bare to everyone who cares enough to take a closer look.
It's not about them hugging each other, it's about the way they hold each other like there won't be a tomorrow for them to do it again.
It's not about what they say, but how they smile and look as they talk to each other.
It's not about them looking at each other, it's about the way they stare at each other as if they can't see anyone else but the other.
It's about the way they make you feel like you are intruding an intimate moment as you look at pictures or videos of them losing themselves in their own little world.
It's about how the two of them meet in a street fight for the first time before meeting each other again as trainees in SME where they are first put together in a group named Four Seasons before finally ending up in DBSK together like fate wanted for these two to meet and keep each other safe.
It's about things like Yunho using his whole body to shield Jaejoong from fans at airports without thinking of his own safety.
It's about the fact that Jaejoong refused to leave Yunho's side after Yunho was poisoned and ignored his own health to the point of losing weight.
It's about the way only fancams and not the cameras of MKMF 2008 manage to catch the private moment of how Jaejoong touches Yunho's chin gently as Yunho leans in to whisper something into his ear before Jaejoong gets up to sit down next to Yunho, their hands intertwined.
It's about the way Yunho holds out his hand for Jaejoong to take when the latter complains about feeling cold and even more so about the way Jaejoong smiles oh so shyly afterwards.
It's about the way the two of them seem to sit extra close together during Japanese interviews when the big gap between Jaejoong and Junsu clearly indicates that there is enough space left for Jaejoong to occupy and that such closeness to Yunho is therefore not necessary.
It's about how Yoochun and Changmin seem to always have an eye on Yunho and Jaejoong, smiling like they know more than what we see.
It's about how Junsu tries to warn them of still being filmed by nudging Yunho and Jaejoong as their arms seem to be glued together like they have been holding hands underneath the table all along and it's also about the way they look and smile at Junsu afterwards.
And it's about the way the two people who never cry openly admit to only break down in front of each other sometimes like the intimacy they share makes it alright to bare their weaknesses and insecurities to each other although they have to hide them from everyone else.
And it's also about how years later, after their steps along the path of growing up separates them, their tears seem to break free oh so easily as if they don't have the strength to hold them back anymore.
But simple things make you hope for them.
Simple things like a compliment after years of not talking about the other. Simple things like the call of a name which has rarely been said in public ever since the separation.
You don't really care how 'delusional' people find you. You are simply here to hope for two people to find their happiness.
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