You meet up with Baekhyun outside the indoor basketball court. Sehun and Minseok are warming up inside with their team and people are filling up the stands to watch them play.

"It's starting in five minutes," you tell Baekhyun as you enter the gym with him by your side. You bring him to where Minji is and you sit between them.

"Hi Minji," Baekhyun greets the girl, who blushes and says 'hi' back shyly. Guess you're not the only one who feels flustered when Baekhyun speaks to you. He doesn't see her red face though, because he turns to you and presses his thigh to yours. "Hey kitten," he drawls.

"Hmm?" You distractedly hum, watching Sehun shoot a practice hoop. You can feel Baekhyun's hand on the inside of your thigh, squeezing you lightly. You give him your attention and ask, "So has your results been announced?"

"It depends."

"What do you mean 'it depends'?" You knit your eyebrows.

"If you don't have time to celebrate with me then no, it's not yet out."

A grin forms on your lips. Baekhyun laughs. "So it's out!" He nods, smiling. "Did you do well?"

"First class honours, baby."

You clench his hand and he immediately threads his fingers through yours. "We have to celebrate then!" Baekhyun rubs his thumb on the back of your hand. "Wednesday?"

"And we can celebrate Christmas together too," he murmurs.

Wednesday would be the eve of Christmas. You normally spend the night with your family and Sehun's, counting down to the actual day. But you're sure you can put aside some time for Baekhyun during the day.

So you nod and then the game starts. You watch intently while Baekhyun observes you. You have to pull your hand away because you've gotten so excited that your hands are sweaty. During the half-time break when Sehun comes in all breathless and panting, you pass him his waterbottle. As he gulps down his water, you dab on his perspiration like you always do, a motherly act that comes from within you.

"Oh, Mr. Byun," Sehun pants when he sees the teacher next to you. He asks, not unkindly, "Why are you here?"

"To watch you," Baekhyun shrugs.

You are reminded of you sleeping with Baekhyun in his apartment, of him holding your hand during the game. You feel guilty that you're not telling Sehun anything about this, about you and Baekhyun. That Baekhyun is actually really here just to watch you watch him.

Sehun glances at Minji, who is trying not to show that she is staring at him. "Are you okay here?" She nods shyly. Sehun smiles.

The team leader calls for a meeting, so you take his waterbottle and he your nose with the back of his finger just like he has always done for the past five years before the start of any game. He claims it makes him lucky. You sit back down.

"What was that, sweetheart?" You would have melted when Baekhyun wraps an arm around your waist so that you're close to him and when he murmurs gruffly into your ear. But you've known him for sometime now and you recognise that gruff murmur as a growl.

"I was h-helping Sehun—"

"You know I'm not talking about that, honey," he whispers, squeezing your waist. It isn't painful, but you still cringe at the warning the action holds. You can't focus on anyone but the closeness of Baekhyun and how his breath is caressing your cheeks.

"It's his s-superstition," you stutter, not even moving. Nor breathing, actually. "He does that before every game as a Good Luck gesture..."

Baekhyun hums. "You know," he casually mumbles, letting his lips brush your earlobe. Half-time ends and everyone goes back into the court to play. "The other day, Sehun kissed you... And now he does this... I'm not sure I like him very much."

"It was only a k-kiss on the h-head," you whisper back. "It's n-normal."

"Yeah?" Baekhyun breathes. You bob your head and so he dares you, "Then kiss me."

"Here?" You're horrified. There are so many people and Sehun, who still sees Baekhyun as a teacher, is here. Baekhyun nods his head nonetheless. "There are people..."

"You said it's normal," Baekhyun raises an eyebrow at the challenge. He wraps his hand around your leg so that his hand is on the inside of your thigh. He half-carries and half-pulls you to sit closer to him. "I'm waiting," he taunts.

So you turn your head and kiss the side of his lip quickly. Baekhyun doesn't whine or complain about not having special treatment anymore. His arm that is around you stays there the entire time and his hand would caress your inner thigh from time-to-time. You just hope Minji won't say anything upon seeing the skinship. When the game ends and people start to leave the gym, Sehun's team stays back for a debrief. They have won the game even though Sehun hadn't been playing on point.

"Can we go?" Baekhyun asks.

"No, we'll go when Sehun finishes." You turn and whisper into his ear, "I think he would like being alone with Minji too."

"I'd like being alone with you too," Baekhyun murmurs quietly, making you blush.

When the debrief finishes, Baekhyun lets go of you and moves to sit a bit away from you. Sehun walks over with scrunched eyebrows. Something must be wrong. He's always happy every time his team wins a game.

"You okay?" You ask him when he is in front of you. You pass him his waterbottle, which he doesn't take. Instead, he gestures for you to come closer. You do.

"I think there's something you didn't tell me," he drops his voice, staring solemnly at you before giving the male behind you a meaningful glance.

"I wanted to tell you—"

"When, exactly?" He growls. Sehun hardly gets angry at you. So every time he does, you get scared and unsure of what to do. "Come out with me."

You sigh and follow an angry Sehun out, not even turning around to acknowledge Baekhyun. How could you, when he is partially the reason why your best friend is mad at you? Sehun walks to the corner next to the vending machine, hovering over you like an intimidating predator. You swallow nervously.

"How long has this been going on for?" Sehun asks emotionlessly.

"N-Not long," you mumble. You feel like a child being scolded by her mother. "W-We only f-found out about our feelings for e-each other after Paris..."

"He's your teacher, cupcake," Sehun tries to rationalise with you. He hasn't called you 'cupcake' since years ago when you were dating. He must really want to get this point through to you if he's trying this hard to sweet-talk you. "I won't even talk about the , but the fact that he's your teacher... Darling, that is against the rules and regulations of the school."

"But it's winter break and we're not in school for now," you tell him.

"And what happens after winter break, then? What is this, a winter fling?"

You sigh. Honestly, you have no idea either. But someone else answers for you. "No, this isn't a winter fling," Baekhyun's voice is strong and full of confidence. You and Sehun turn to look at him. "I'm serious about her. And if leaving her alone means she'll be safe from the school's authorities, then I will."

"How do I know you're serious about her?" Sehun narrows his eyes. "She will always be the girl I will protect my entire life, I don't want her to be hurt by you again and again."

Your heart swells at that and you reach out to hold Sehun's hand. He squeezes your hand. Baekhyun is witnessing the interaction in front of him with attentive eyes but sealed lips. You murmur, "Sehun, Mr. Byun has been nothing but caring and affectionate to me... He won't hurt me."

"You won't know that, darling," Sehun clenches your fingers tightly, staring at you intently.

"Will you give us a minute, kitten?" Baekhyun looks at you softly.

You let go of Sehun's hand, consenting to Baekhyun's request. The two males watch you walk off as you constantly look back in nervousness. You're fidgety while you wait for the two to come back into the gym. Minji gives you sympathetic glances but you don't want any of that. This mess may be your fault but you don't want to feel bad about it, as if this will all turn awry. So what if Mr. Byun turns out to be playing with you? So what if this is just a winter fling? At least you liked it while it lasted. Right?

Isn't it important to live in the moment, take what whoever up there gives you, embrace whatever fate and destiny have in store for you? But why do you feel so conflicted? As if choosing to let this fling with Baekhyun go on means losing Sehun, for longer than a month, possibly even forever. As if staying with Sehun means letting go of Baekhyun and avoiding him for an eternity, never finding the possible happy endings to the 'maybe's.

The place suddenly feels so stuffy. You can't breathe. Not with so many sweaty basketball players around you, not with Minji looking at you with pity in her eyes, not with all your thoughts trying to swallow you, to pull you into a vortex. You stand up abruptly, sliding past everyone who is oblivious to your troubles. You push through the door of the gym, heading straight for the exit. Funny how you feel endangered in here when there are walls protecting you from the outside. You just want to step out and let the biting wind freeze you and maybe freeze your thoughts too, if possible.

You hear your name being called. The voice sounds familiar. Like Sehun. But it also sounds like Mr. Byun. Your name resonates again and you realise that they're both shouting out for you. You need to get out, out, out. The moment you step out into the cold night, you thump down the steps, breathing in deep with your mouth. The cold air slices through your lungs and the snow flakes sting your skin. You focus on that temporary pain, not on your thoughts, not on Sehun or Baekhyun calling out for you.

"Dammit, kitten," you hear someone pant, throwing a padded jacket over your shivering body.

The warmth feels so good, so nice. But your lips are still trembling. Someone turns you around roughly, cupping your cold cheeks with his warm ones. Baekhyun looks so worried, like he is going to cry or do something along that line. But he doesn't say anything as he holds both your hands together, bringing them up to his lips so he can blow his warm breath on your icy hands. Your eyes are fixed on his, not moving, just staring. Then Sehun pulls you from the side, away from Baekhyun, and engulfs you in a warm hug.

"Where were you going?" Sehun whispers, your hair gently. Your hands feel cold.

"Away," you reply quietly, closing your eyes.

"Why?" He pulls away from the hug and brushes the snow out of your hair.

You shrug, bringing your hands up to your own lips to warm yourself. You still don't feel warm. But Baekhyun takes it upon himself to take a hold of your hands, blowing on them. He still hasn't said anything. It makes you nervous and anxious. You want to know what went down while they were outside. But you also don't want to know.

"Can you bring her home?" Sehun requests, not looking at Baekhyun even though he is talking to him.

"Yes," Baekhyun breathes on your hands, holding your gaze.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Sehun tells you, warming your cheeks with his large hands. You nod dumbly and he sighs. He doesn't let you go until the second sigh and a whisper of a kiss on your forehead, just his lips brushing against your skin.

He steps back and Baekhyun immediately guides you back to his car, holding onto your hand tightly. You're too tired to even say goodbye to Sehun. When you reach the car, Baekhyun ushers you carefully into the vehicle and turns up the heater.

"Wait here, I'll get your stuff—" You grab onto Baekhyun's knitwear when he is about to leave you.

"Sehun will get it for me," you murmur. "Can you stay?" His gaze softens. "For now?"

He threads his fingers through your hair. "Of course. Let me go over to the driver's side, okay?"

You slowly let go of his sweater and he drops a light kiss on your head. He closes the door only after he has fastened your seatbelt for you. You watch Baekhyun jog round the car to get to his seat. He slides in and you notice how pale his lips are. That's when you remember that in your haste to leave, you hadn't taken your coat and Baekhyun had sacrificed his own warmth for you.

"Can you bring me to your home?"

Baekhyun starts driving off even though he sounds worried when he says, "Of course."

When you enter the apartment, Baekhyun speaks for the first time after the silent drive here. "What happened back there, kitten?" You sit on the edge of his bed. The both of you are just staring at each other, both wanting to say something but also not wanting to speak. "Tell me," Baekhyun finally whispers, sitting next to you and caressing your thigh.

"I freaked," you simply explain, shrugging your shoulders.

"Why? Because of what?"

"Because I want you," you murmur softly, playing with his fingers that are on your leg. You can't look at him. "But that means I'll lose Sehun. I can't—"

"Who said it's a 'This or That' situation?" Baekhyun tilts your head up to look at him. "I can see that you're scared..." You shut your eyes and you feel ghosts of his kisses on your eyelids. "And I don't want to scare you. I'm not going to. Look at me, kitten." You open your eyes slowly and you notice how close he is. "You wanting me doesn't equate to you losing Sehun, okay? Sehun gave me a chance."

"What chance?"

"A chance to show him how serious I am for his best friend. But it also depends on how much you want me."

"Then how serious are you?" you mumble, trying not to look at anywhere other than his eyes. Your gaze still end up fleeting to his sinful lips. 

"Serious enough to quit being a teacher," he answers quietly. Then he drops his eyes to your lips. "How much do you want me?"

"As much as you will give me," you breathe. You haven't noticed how close you have been getting until Baekhyun's lips are grazing yours and your noses are touching.

"You can have all of me." He presses a long kiss on your lips. "I'll give you everything, kitten."

It is dinner time but you and Baekhyun are under the covers again with your legs tangled and your sweat mixing. You have your head resting on his collarbone while his hand is around you, playing with your minge. He kisses your neck and you push your body closer to his.

"Shall I drive you home?" Baekhyun murmurs into your ear.

"I want to stay here a bit longer," you tell him as you thread your fingers through his.

"You need to eat," he sighs. "And Sehun must be waiting for you at home."

"He should be out with Minji."

Baekhyun lets out a deep sigh and turns on his back so that he's not spooning you anymore. His hand slips out of yours. You turn your head and see him staring up at the ceiling. You move to lay your head on his bare chest and he immediately wraps a strong arm around you. 

"Do you still have feelings for Sehun? With him being your first love..." Baekhyun looks at you softly, smoothing your skin with his hand.

"I used to," you admit, scribbling on his chest with your finger. "Like getting jealous when he liked someone..." You feel Baekhyun stiffen so you continue quickly to assure him, "But for the first time since we dated, I'm not jealous anymore."

"Why not?" he whispers.

You prop yourself up on his chest to see him better. "I can't like you and him at the same time, Baekhyun. It's not fair. To both of you. This is an 'Either Or' situation." You kiss his lips and he squeezes your arm, kissing you longer and deeper. You moan and he pulls away. "I'm happy for him, that he has Minji. And now I don't have to feel bad either, that I like you."

Baekhyun smiles softly, lifting his head a little to kiss you again. It's a short kiss, but still it satisfies you. Baekhyun drops his head back onto the pillow. "Then do you think Sehun is like you?"

"What do you mean?" you tilt your head. Baekhyun curls your hair behind your ear.

"I mean," he starts slowly, almost as if he doesn't want to say what he is about to say. "Do you think Sehun no longer has feelings for you?"

You stop and ponder over it. Sehun has treated you the same as before. Since you broke up with him, Sehun then and Sehun now hasn't changed. He can't still like you, can he? Maybe he was like you, the part where he had feelings for you since you're his first love too. But he has Minji now, and he likes her.

"He can't like me," you hum.

"And why not?"

"He likes Minji. If he likes her as much as I like you then he can't have feelings for me."

Baekhyun looks nervous as he says in a susurrant, "How much do you like me, then?"

You hesitate. Baekhyun's face is getting blacker as time goes by. You finally mumble, "It's still too early to say 'I love you', right?"

"," Baekhyun curses softly, making your heart sink. Yup, way, way too early. Why else would Baekhyun react this way? His arm is tight around you as he requests, "Say it to me, kitten." You're already flushed red. You shake your head strongly. "Then is it too early for me to say it back?" he whispers.

You look up at him. He has a soft smile on his face. "You..."

"I don't think Sehun is over you, then," he tells you.

"Why not?" your voice is quivering like a scared child.

"Because he doesn't like Minji as much as we like each other." 

Author's note:

i might not be updating every week from now on, maybe once in 2 weeks? I have my finals next month and i really have to start studying. please understand :-)

Till next time
xoxo