Final.

Real(er than dim sims)

 

 

started: 150703

finished: 150708

released: 150717

word count: 17k+


 

Fire the walls, rising higher and higher. He holds the letters close to his heart, hugs them like his entire life depends on it, because he doesn’t have anything else. Not anymore. Everything that is his is burning, and he wants to burn along with them.

The heat captures him in an inescapable prison, its metal bars so hot that he doesn’t think he will ever be able to escape.

At this point, he doesn’t know if he wants to.

Multiple strong, firm hands grab him and pull him up.

“We’ve got you.” They say. “You’ll be safe.”

But I don’t want to be, he remembers thinking, with a heavy heart. I don’t want you to save me.

They pull him out, and as they leave the building, they leave behind the fire walls of his house collapsing into ruins.

Just like his collapsing heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“On March third, a house in western Seoul caught on fire due to a malfunction in the stove. Fortunately, the firefighters got inside just in time to save the house owner ………”

“……The house owner survived with mild injuries ……”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 years later

Baekhyun straps on his tie as he looks at himself in the mirror. He grins and pats himself on the back for looking so handsome. Today, 20-year old Byun Baekhyun is ready to start working in his father’s restaurant again. On a sunny day, 20-year old Byun Baekhyun grabs his bag and his cap, and sets out on his first day of work.

As he enters the restaurant, he sees some new people and many changed factors – like how the chairs have now become wood instead of plastic, how the walls have now been adorned with paintings of peaceful nature, and how everyone’s uniforms have now …

…changed.

When he sees Yixing, he tiptoes and waves wildly, watching as the young waiter notices him and hurries over.

“What are you doing here?” He hisses. Baekhyun senses something different in Yixing’s voice, as well as his entire appearance in general – he swears Yixing had aged ten years or something.

“I’ve decided to work again.” Baekhyun replies, smiling. “I’m taking a year off university, how’s that? You’ve always wanted me to work here, remember?” He pokes Yixing’s chest teasingly. Yixing stands there, stunned, his non-existent tie crooked on his tidy collar.

“It changed a lot here, didn’t it?” Baekhyun looks around. “Funny, I could’ve sworn I visited here two months ago …” At that moment, Yixing grabs him and turns him around, then begins pushing him to the change room next to the counter of the restaurant, smiling sheepishly at customers as he walks past.

“How old are you again?” Yixing whispers. Baekhyun would’ve rolled his eyes, but Yixing sounds so serious. Baekhyun rolls his eyes anyway.

“Uh, a year younger than you?” When he turns around and sees blankness reply him, he sighs. “Twenty. I thought –”

“Twenty?” Yixing’s eyes widen so much that Baekhyun can’t read his expression.

“Yeah. Don’t sprout that ‘You look like you’re sixteen’ again, Yixing. I thought we were childhood friends.” Baekhyun lectures. “I may be twenty and look sixteen, but my mental age is 29 years old!” Yixing continues to stare at him. Baekhyun wonders if he should call a mental hospital, but before he can take out his phone, Jongdae appears in the doorway. His usual large grin disappears the moment he lays his eyes on Baekhyun.

“Baekhyun? What are you –” Before he can finish, though, Yixing flies over to him and pushes him out the door, looking back at Baekhyun and saying “Stay here, we’ll be back,” before closing the door behind him. The younger stands alone in the change room, wondering what the hell is up with his friends.

In the meantime, he decides to change his uniform into the new one, picking up random shirts in cardboard boxes and trying everything on until he finds one that fits him. Maybe it was a little sudden not telling anyone that he wanted to start working here again, but did they really have to react like that?

Baekhyun shrugs again. Yixing is probably explaining to everyone at this moment, so he’s sure he won’t be seeing any more surprised expressions shot at him.

Soon enough, Yixing returns with a strange smile on his face.

“I’ve just told everyone that you’re back, and knowing you hate people staring, I just told them to treat you like a normal worker.” Baekhyun nods, smiling as he pats Yixing on the back.

“Thanks, man. You’re a great friend.” With that, Baekhyun walks out the door and into the restaurant environment again, smiling politely at customers, asking them how their day has been, then asking them if they need anything else. In this sort of environment he’s expertise even though he hasn’t worked here for over a year, and sometimes he wonders how they survived without him.

At around 3 o’clock, there aren’t many customers. Baekhyun has been watching the door for the past half hour, waiting to jump on the next customer that dares set foot through that door. But someone like Baekhyun can’t stay still, so soon enough he scans the room again, watching to see if anyone is in need (and contemplating whether he should walk over and start chatting to some of them). Just as his view is about to end, he finds a lonely customer sitting by the window by himself in the very corner of the shop on those hard-to-see comfy sofas, and he wouldn’t have seen him at all if he didn’t see an arm falling from the table and down to his side.

Curious, Baekhyun tiptoes over, and as the Corner Customer comes into view, Baekhyun finds himself staring at a college boy sleeping on his books. He sneaks down on the seat opposite, and takes note of the bag of food in the corner. Dim sims.

“Hey.” He chirps gently, poking on that arm that’s on the table. The sleeping boy jerks a little, but otherwise doesn’t respond. Baekhyun pokes harder, and finally the boy stops snoring and lifts his head up.

His wispy silver hair is all over the place, his eyes half lidded as he stares over dazedly to see what’s going on. Baekhyun gets a clearer look – he’s wearing a red checker hoodie underneath a large varsity jacket.

“Oh. Hey.” He mumbles. Baekhyun can predict that he’s about to drop asleep again, so he quickly places his palms in front. The boy’s head falls on them. Realising it’s suddenly not as comfortable as it was before, the boy lifts his head up again, once again staring at him blankly with half-closed eyes. Half-closed eyes that are still bigger than mine even if I were to widen them as much as I can … Baekhyun thinks to himself, grinning as the boy finally decides not to sleep anymore.

“Hi.” Baekhyun starts, retreating his hands and resting his chin on his palms. The boy lets out a lazy, cat-like stretch, his eyebrows furrowing cutely before he blinks with those huge eyes of his. “You were sleeping on your books so … You don’t want to procrastinate, do you?”

“…” At first, the boy says nothing as he rubs his eyes. How cute. Baekhyun thinks to himself, grinning. “Yeah. I mean, no, I don’t.” He lets out a yawn. Baekhyun yawns too. “It’s just that … I spent all night playing video games, so I decided to get away from my home, which has too many distractions.”

“Isn’t this place a distraction?” Baekhyun asks, tilting his head. His voice is really nice.

“Mm … I guess.” The boy ruffles his hair as he opens his eyes. Baekhyun almost gasps at how big they are. As opposed to how much like a camel he looked with his half-lidded eyes earlier, now he looks like a toddler with huge, puppy-dog eyes. “Not when I come here during Lunner, though.”

“Lunner?”

“In between Lunch and Dinner.” The boy grins. It’s goofy, and toothy, but Baekhyun likes it. “So, peaceful times like now, when no one is eating. See what I did there?”

“…That’s so lame.”

“But you’re laughing.” The boy points at him. Baekhyun puts his hands up in defence. He grins again, his perfect teeth showing. “I’m Chanyeol.”

“Baekhyun.”

“You’re a waiter, I see.” Chanyeol stares down at his uniform. “And yet you’re not working. Naughty.”

“Please.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “I own this place. I’m just acting as a lowly server so that no one would notice I’m actually spying on my employees! Who would’ve thought someone so young and handsome would be their boss?”

“Who would’ve thought someone so young and narcissistic would lie about something like this?” Chanyeol shoots back. Baekhyun pauses, shooting him a look. Chanyeol stares back, not backing down. Eventually, Baekhyun breaks into a grin.

“I like you.” He says.

“I like you too,” Chanyeol replies smoothly, “for giving me a reason not to study …” At that moment, he seems to realise his books are in existence and he stares at them, jaw dropping open. He looks back up at Baekhyun, horror written all over his expression. Then he lets out a string of curses, grabs a pen, and starts scribbling onto his book.

His scribbles match the wavelengths of Baekhyun’s laugh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol comes almost every day, sitting in the secluded corner of his where no one comes close to him, where no one even bothers him.

“I take this space especially because no one can see me.” Chanyeol whispers. “So no one can kick me out for not ordering anything.” A cheeky smile peeks through his lips.

“I can kick you out right now.” The threat is softened by the grin on Baekhyun’s face.

“Oh, boss, please keep me in here.” The taller falls into character, pleads rolling off his tongue as he stares at Baekhyun with those puppy dog eyes. “I’d do anything to stay.” Giggles threaten to rumble from Baekhyun’s chest, but he pushes them back down.

“Please, boss, my studies mean the world to me.” Chanyeol begs as he stuffs a dim sim in his mouth. "Even more than this dim sim I’m eating right now …” He stuffs another one in his mouth. Baekhyun is near tears from trying to hold back his laughter. Now Chanyeol’s cheeks are stuffed full and he strains to chew quickly, nearly choking at one time. A tear is rolling down Baekhyun’s cheek as he covers his mouth with his slender fingers. He watches the large Adam’s apple bob as Chanyeol swallows a huge chunk, then opens his mouth.

As soon as his mouth opens though, a piece of dim sim falls out of his mouth.

Baekhyun is dying now, silent laughter leaving through his wide mouth, trying to keep his small eyes open but at the same time unable to keep himself from laughing so hard. Chanyeol is shameless, not even feeling a wisp of embarrassment as he continues chewing, holding up a finger for patience. The ridiculous pose has another tear rolling out of Baekhyun’s eye, and by the time Chanyeol does finish chewing the most part, Baekhyun’s stomach is hurting like hell.

“I’ll even …” Chanyeol chews some more. “…give you my most prized possession…”

“Oh … and what is … that?” Baekhyun chokes, a grin almost splitting his lips as he tries to contain overwhelming laughter.

“…” Chanyeol straightens his back, hands reaching up to the top of his varsity jacket. The moment Baekhyun blinks, Chanyeol rips his jacket open, revealing a white T-shirt with the words “TAKE ME” on it. Baekhyun can hear the buttons pop. “My body.”

At this moment, Baekhyun has rolled down onto the comfy chair into a ball, soft laughter escaping through his lips and tears coming out of his eyes. The fact that Chanyeol isn’t laughing at his ridiculous acting makes everything even funnier. Baekhyun swears he has never laughed so hard in his life.

Even so, his heart is thumping painfully at the thought.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hi, I’m Luhan!” A boy with the most beautiful eyes Baekhyun has ever seen greets him. “I’m new here, and I’m twenty-two years old. Please take care of me.” He bows really low, looks at Baekhyun, and bows again. Baekhyun quickly straightens him up and snorts.

“What are you doing? You’re two years older than me.” Baekhyun says. Luhan blinks multiple times, glancing around, as if checking to see if Baekhyun is talking to him.

“Yes, sir, I’m talking to you.” Baekhyun replies impatiently. “I’m twenty years old, can’t you see that? I should be calling you hyung! Not like I would.” Baekhyun’s hands leave narrow shoulders just as Jongdae hurries over and slings an arm over said narrow shoulders.

“Well, this is Luhan, always so polite to anyone. You can’t blame him.” Jongdae turns over to Luhan. “Right?”

“R-Right!” Luhan nods enthusiastically, blinking once again. Seems to be a habit. Baekhyun thinks to himself. Even though Luhan is older, he seems to look years younger than Jongdae and Yixing, who almost look like grandpas next to him (or maybe that’s just Baekhyun’s wild imagination).

“You really have a baby face …” Baekhyun observes, peering at him closely. Luhan blinks innocently back. “What beauty products do you use?” Luhan blinks again. Yixing laughs as Jongdae veers Luhan away.

“He just migrated from China, so he doesn’t know what you’re saying.” No wonder he had an accent. “Haha, he’s a weird one, that’s for sure. Don’t mind him if he bows to you every time he sees you. Don’t mind him either if he continues treating you like his hyung. It’s normal in China.” Since Yixing is also Chinese, Baekhyun gives in.

“He blinks a lot. I don’t like it.” Baekhyun complains, glancing over at Luhan who’s still blinking profusely as Jongdae talks to him. “He bows a lot, too. I don’t like it.”

“Even if you don’t like him, I’ll have you know he’s a good worker (damn, those hands can work).”

“You like these kinds of boys, don’t you?” Baekhyun wags his eyebrows. Yixing looks a little awkward and embarrassed. “That’s why you hired him, isn’t it? Because damn, those hands can work.

“I-I-I’ll  have you know that, as the manager of this restaurant, I’m ordering you to look after him. Anyway, catch ya later since Jongdae needs someone to translate for him.” With that, Yixing flies away, leaving Baekhyun with a feeling of dread of what might be in his path in the near future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“This is beef.” Baekhyun points to the dish in his hand. Luhan blinks and nods, but something in his expression tells Baekhyun that he doesn’t quite understand. “This. Bulgogi. Bul. Go. Gi.” Luhan stares at it.

“Say it.” It takes a while for Luhan to understand what he’s trying to say.

“Bulgogi.” Luhan repeats, small smile splitting his lips. Another thing Baekhyun dislikes is that Luhan smiles. Too much. “Bulgogi.”

“Now repeat after me: ‘Here is your meal, bulgogi. Enjoy.’” Luhan repeats with an accent, and Baekhyun taps his shoulder, allowing him to go. Luhan lets out another smile as he almost skips off to the table. Baekhyun watches after him, watches as Luhan lets out that same smile again as he sets the meal down onto the customer’s table, pouty lips pronouncing Korean, smiling widely, bowing again before coming back, eyes sparkling at his success.

“Good.” Baekhyun taps Luhan on the back again. “Now get the next dish.” Luhan skips off into the kitchen and Baekhyun crosses his arms, turning around to look at the direction where Chanyeol is usually sitting. This time, however, someone else is sitting there. Baekhyun watches as one of the waiters write down the meals the old man is ordering, feeling slight irritation rise up inside him. Sit somewhere else, old man. He thinks, sighing. Then Luhan appears next to him with a new dish in his hand.

“Uh … what is this?” Luhan asks innocently, pointing to the dish in his hand. Baekhyun rolls his eyes.

“Didn’t I say this already? Bibimpap. Bibimpap.” Luhan stares at the dish, shuts his eyes as he repeats the word over and over again silently. Baekhyun hates it when he does that, because he looks so cute.

“Now go.” Baekhyun sighs again as Luhan rushes off once again.

“Don’t be so hard on him.” Yixing says as he pops up next to him, the both of them watching Luhan’s every move. “It’s hard to move to a country that speaks a language you’ve never learned before. He’s doing so well.”

“I have to be.” Baekhyun mutters. “Otherwise he’d never learn.”

“…You take after your father.” Yixing pats him again, then leaves along with a returning Luhan, who doesn’t stop to bow slightly at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun concludes that he doesn’t like Luhan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next day, Baekhyun finds the man sitting in Chanyeol’s seat again. He hasn’t seen Chanyeol for days because of that.

He’ll be damned if he doesn’t do anything about it.

“I’m reserving that seat.” Baekhyun points to the place where the old man is sitting. “Don’t let him sit there from now on.”

“But Baekhyun,” a timid waitress says, “I-I don’t think we should –” Just then, Yixing grabs her and pulls her around, then begins whispering in her ear. Baekhyun crosses his arms, triumphant grin lighting up his lips. He can almost hear Yixing say “He’s the boss’s son, so you should do whatever he tells you to”. That’s Yixing for you. Eventually, he watches as the girl stiffens up and nods, then turns to Baekhyun with wide eyes, seeing him in a new light.

“S-Sorry, we’ll do it right away.” As she is about to leave, Baekhyun catches her arm.

“I meant do it from tomorrow onwards. Do you even know how to prioritise customers?” Baekhyun rolls his eyes as she lets out another frightened nod and hurries off.

“Doesn’t anyone know how to work? Aside from me?” Baekhyun sighs as he crosses his arms. He knows he’s cold and mean, and that’s why everyone distances themselves from him (except for Luhan, but he doesn’t like Luhan), but it can’t be helped when they can’t work.

The only thing that doesn’t make him roll his eyes is Chanyeol, and he hasn’t seen Chanyeol for days. Watching the old man with new resentment, he turns around and begins barking orders at waiters and waitresses again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Now this seat is reserved? Who for?” Even as Chanyeol says that, he sits down in his usual place, grinning toothily.

“Some poor college boy who can’t afford to study elsewhere.” Baekhyun replies. “How’s study going?”

“Crap.” Chanyeol admits. “That’s because there’s always someone in my mind.”

“Who is that?” Smiling, Baekhyun raises an eyebrow even though he knows the answer.

“I don’t know.” The taller glances around, then rests his chin on his palm, wandering eyes then laying on Baekhyun’s. “Maybe a certain someone who claims he owns this restaurant.”

Chanyeol’s bold.

Baekhyun likes it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even in the public, Chanyeol reaches out and grabs Baekhyun’s hands in his, so suddenly that Baekhyun almost pulls back. He pulls back anyway, because they’re in a public place and he’s surrounded by people he knows.

Chanyeol holds on fast though.

“Nuh-uh.” He says playfully, his large hand encasing Baekhyun’s in a tight embrace. Baekhyun jerks again, but Chanyeol’s grip is firm and strong. “Nup. Not letting you go.” At that moment, Baekhyun relaxes and wraps his fingers around the outsides of Chanyeol’s palm, small eyes melting into genuine crescents resembling the moon.

“Fine then. Not letting you go either.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As Baekhyun walks past the counter, he stops by the mirror hung up on the wall and checks his hair. He his dry lips, then straightens his collar.

“Who’re you looking so good for?” Jongdae pipes up next to him, the chef’s hat making him look so much taller than he actually is. A grin almost splits his lips as he wags his eyebrows. Baekhyun rolls his eyes and looks away.

“None of your business.” Still, a smile creeps onto his lips as he remembers a certain poor college boy who has nowhere else to study.

“C’mon, spill the beans.” Jongdae follows him, almost tripping over his own whitely stained uniform. Baekhyun ignores him, blowing out air as he swiftly and elegantly places menus on each table, waiting to start the day. “I know you’ve got someone on your mind. You have that look on your face.” Jongdae doesn’t stop following him, and while Baekhyun can tidy up tables and push chairs in with a flick of his hand, Jongdae is there to ruin it, bumping into chairs and moving them out of place, then accidentally falling onto tables, ruining the table cloths. Eventually, Baekhyun sighs, stopping abruptly before turning around. Jongdae almost bumps into him.

“Chefs aren’t as agile and elegant as waiters are, so can you please go back to your own lane?” Jongdae lets out a sheepish grin but stays where he is, dusting his apron off, adjusting his hat, then smiles widely at Baekhyun again.

“Tell me!” Wrinkles adorn the corners of his smiling eyes. Baekhyun swears that even if Jongdae looks old, he has the heart of a child.

“Fine.” Baekhyun sighs, but does that because he wants to hide his own smile. “He comes here every day.” He turns around and starts adjusting the tables again, doing it more slowly this time so Jongdae can keep up.

“Really? How come I’ve never seen him?”

“He sits in the corner, over there.” Baekhyun points over to the corner, squinting his eyes hard, hoping that maybe if he stares longer, Chanyeol will appear. “Of course you’ve never seen him.”

“What? That’s like the first time you …” Jongdae trails off as Baekhyun pushes chairs in and fixes the flowers.

“First time I what?”

“Nothing. What does he look like? How old is he? What job does he do?”

“One question at a time, please.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, grabbing a few boxes of empty tissues and ing them in Jongdae’s hands. “Tell Yixing to fill these up.”

“Chyeah right he’ll do that…” Jongdae mutters.

“Then get him to get someone to do it.”

“Answer me first!” Jongdae whines.

“He’s tall, has silver hair. He’s my age, and is a poor college student that obviously doesn’t have a job if he comes here to study every day.” Jongdae blinks.

“What? A-A-Are you sure he’s your age then?” Baekhyun smacks him.

“Just because I don’t go college anymore doesn’t mean other people my age don’t. Besides, you’re my age but you don’t go college.”

“….Uh, right …” Confused, Jongdae waddles back inside the staffroom.

“Don’t you dare sneak up on us! You better leave the two of us alone!” Baekhyun shouts after him, then sighs, swiping a hand through his hair.

Why is everyone here so stupid? Baekhyun thinks to himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan is about to rush past him, but Baekhyun catches his arm. Usually, newbies would jerk and the dishes on their hands would fall, but Luhan catches himself fast enough, balancing the two dishes on both hands and lifting it higher as he walks towards Baekhyun, bowing slightly. Baekhyun dislikes Luhan’s skill and his ability to bow even during stressful and hard times like this. What’s even more absurd is one of the dishes Luhan is holding is soup (and Baekhyun swears he’s never seen someone so skilled before). However, he does have a little respect for the Chinese man for that. Baekhyun gestures towards the dishes with his chin.

“…Sundubu jjigae, ogokbap.” Luhan smiles, still shy and modest as he waits for Baekhyun’s answer even though the both of them know Luhan has gotten it right perfectly. Baekhyun nods, watches him go, seemingly growing an affection towards him. On his way out of the counter, Luhan sees a girl struggling with holding two dishes. Baekhyun watches as Luhan sets the ogokbap on his forearm, leaning down and grabbing the heavier dish from the girl’s trembling hands. He smiles down at her.

“For me.” He says in broken Korean. He smiles gently at her.

“It’s hot.” She warns, steadying the dish in her hand and reaching out for the one Luhan had taken, but the Chinese man shakes his head, then nods, then bows slightly.

“Same table?” The girl nods. “Thank you.” Luhan says, then rushes off before the girl can protest. Baekhyun scoffs as the girl touches her cheek, smiling and obviously charmed by Luhan, then she follows after him.

“What a man.” He mutters to himself before taking three dishes in his own hands and elegantly passing it to the tables of smiling customers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few months later

“How can someone be so polite, smart, hardworking, skilful, and cute at the same time?” One of the girls sighs as she looks far off into the kitchen. Baekhyun is walking closer and closer, wondering who she’s talking about.

“Yeah! He’s so handsome …” A second girl sighs into her hands. Baekhyun stands with them and looks in their direction. He sees Luhan talking with Yixing.

“His Chinese is so pretty too …” A third girl points out, and the three of them sigh. Baekhyun rolls his eyes and walks towards his childhood friend.

“Too bad he’s gay…” He hears one of the girls mutter, and almost laughs at the thought. He sees Jongdae pop up next to them and he sees Luhan bowing.

“Hyung…” Baekhyun hears Luhan greet, and he narrows his eyes.

“Hyung?” He interrupts as he walks towards them, watching the eyes of his friends widen at his entrance. “Are you tricking Luhan again, Yixing?” Luhan sees Baekhyun and bows.

“Stop with that polite bullcrap.” Baekhyun brushes it off, stopping to stand in front of the two of his friends who look like deer caught in the head lights. “Is this some you have? To have your older boyfriend call you hyung?” Yixing flushes in embarrassment and Jongdae contains his laughter.

“N-N-No, we’re just playing with him.” Yixing argues. Luhan is blinking, not understanding because they’re speaking too fast. “You know, because he’s gullible and everything.”

“So you’re taking advantage of him?” Baekhyun stares at Yixing until he looks away. Jongdae is just about to leave, but Baekhyun grabs his collar and pulls him back. “And you!”

“…Yes?”

“I never knew you had a for this too…” Jongdae lets out a sheepish laugh. “What do you want him to do next? Call you oppa?”

“…Good idea – ” Baekhyun smacks him.

“I have such idiotic friends…” Baekhyun mutters to himself as he leaves, wondering not for the first time why he’s still friends with them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Wow, so this is what your house looks like!” Chanyeol exclaims as he looks around, wild silver hair making him look like a spirit rather than a poor college student with nowhere to study.

“Yeah, you like it?”

“It’s … small.” Chanyeol comments, setting his bag down before skipping around the room. Skipping. “But yes, I like it. Do you live alone?”

“Yeah.”

“I gotta go toilet.”

“Walk straight and turn left.” Chanyeol rushes off, nearly slipping and falling from the slipperiness his socks make with the marble floor. Baekhyun scoffs at his boyfriend’s clumsiness and picks his bag up, putting it on the couch.

“BAEKHYUN-AH, WHERE’S THE LIGHT?” Chanyeol shouts from the back. Baekhyun ignores him. “BAEKHYUN-AH, SOMEONE STOLE YOUR LIGHT!” Baekhyun crouches down and takes things out of Chanyeol’s bag, putting them neatly in piles. His nose twitches when he sees a familiar bag – Chanyeol’s dim sims.

Just then, Chanyeol appears, glancing all around him, especially above him.

“Baekhyun-ah, where are all your lights?” Chanyeol asks. “Why are all your ceilings so blank and absent?” Baekhyun doesn’t say anything.

Used to Baekhyun’s usual coldness, Chanyeol sits down and watches Baekhyun go through his things.

“Why do you still have those things?” Baekhyun asks.

“…What?” Chanyeol crosses his legs and inches closer.

“Those … things!” The smaller points to the bag of dim sims. “When are you going to stop eating them?”

“They’re good as!” Chanyeol protests, grabbing them before taking a half-eaten one and stuffing it in his mouth. “They’re so good!”

“Good my …” Baekhyun mutters, putting the bag to one side. “They’re unhealthy and … not yummy at all!”

“I’m gonna eat more just to piss you off, what’re you going to do about it?” Chanyeol grins as he plops a smaller one in his mouth. Baekhyun glares but scoffs, crossing his arms and turning his head away. He hears Chanyeol continue to chew.

“Go study.” Baekhyun huffs, getting up then walking to the kitchen, ready to prepare dinner for the two of them.

A few hours later, as Baekhyun is nearly finished preparing food, Chanyeol wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s waist, pulling him close.

“What’s for dinner?” He murmurs in Baekhyun’s ear. The smaller says nothing, just continues chopping carrots. “Smells great.”

“My .” Baekhyun mutters, grabbing the top of the carrot, turning around, and stuffing it in Chanyeol’s mouth. “Your jokes are lame as .” A small smile splits across his lips.

“Stop smiling at them then.” Chanyeol leans down and captures Baekhyun’s lips with his own. He tastes like carrots. And so real.

Baekhyun shivers into the kiss, reaching up and touching Chanyeol’s neck, feeling the warmth of it under his fingertips. He feels like he’s known Chanyeol for years, and kissing him makes him feel like he’s falling in love all over again.

Chanyeol tends to make him feel like that. Like he’s experiencing first love a second time. With the same person.

“You taste good.” Chanyeol mumbles, running his hands through Baekhyun’s hair.

“And you taste like … carrots and dim sims.” Baekhyun replies, then pushes Chanyeol away, filling himself a glass of water then taking a drink. Chanyeol is laughing.

“Seriously, Baek. Where’s the hot food?” The taller rests his chin on Baekhyun’s shoulder, and the smaller can see his large eyes blinking curiously at how fast Baekhyun is chopping all the vegetables.

“I don’t cook hot food.” Baekhyun replies shrugging Chanyeol’s head off as he gathers all the chopped vegetables and puts them in a large bowl.

“Huh? Why not?” Even though Chanyeol is behind him, Baekhyun can see him pouting.

“I don’t like using electricity.” The smaller spreads cheese around the salad, then mixes it again, then adds sauce.

“Have you … always eaten cold food? When you’re by yourself?”

“Yeah, because I had an accident with stoves a while back, so now it’s a trauma thing, even though I don’t remember what exactly happened.” Baekhyun grabs the bowl and turns around, setting on the table in one swift motion. “I mostly only eat cold food.”

“As cold as you?” Chanyeol grins once again as he sits down. Baekhyun rolls his eyes and sits down opposite.

“Do you have any better jokes?” Baekhyun points at him before Chanyeol can say anything. “I’m not laughing.”

“You’re about to though.” Chanyeol points back, eyes wide, mouth also wide, and eyebrows hiding beneath his silver bangs. “Am I right? Am I right?” Baekhyun can’t control himself anymore, and he chuckles. Then he catches himself, reminding himself that he was supposed to be angry at Chanyeol for eating too many dim sims. Chanyeol reaches for the bowl of salad in the middle, but Baekhyun snatches it away just in time and starts eating it himself.

“You’re so stupid.” Baekhyun sighs and takes a bite of his salad.

“And you’re so hot when you’re angry at me.” Chanyeol replies smoothly, sending him a wink before forking the air and putting it in his mouth. A smile twitches the corner of his lips, but Baekhyun pushes it down. Unable to control himself any longer, Baekhyun sets down his fork and pushes himself off his seat, then walks off into the living room. Chanyeol follows him, grabbing the salad in his arm as he plops down next to Baekhyun on the couch. The smaller crosses his arms and moves away, because if he stays with Chanyeol any longer he’s going to burst into tears of laughter, but Chanyeol moves closer to him.

“All right, all right, I’m sorry.” Chanyeol puts his arm around Baekhyun and messily kisses his temple. At this point, all thoughts are forgotten and Baekhyun wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s waist, pulling him closer.

“I’m tired.” Baekhyun says as he pulls down Chanyeol’s arm and nuzzles his head onto his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Be my pillow.”

“I’ll be your anything, my dear, as long as you want me to.” The deep voice rumbles. Baekhyun smacks him, satisfied when he hears choking sounds fill the vacant room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They say when you’re in the peak of your youth and absolutely in love, everything feels like a fairy tale, a dream that you don’t want to ever wake up from.

Everything will be too good to be true.

Even so, Baekhyun feels more awake, more alive.

Chanyeol feels so real. Baekhyun feels so real.

He feels like he’s really living.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey, man! Where are you going?” Yixing asks when Baekhyun puts on his cap and grabs his bag, ready to leave.

“To meet up with Chanyeol.” Baekhyun fixes his watch, at the moment wondering why Yixing hasn’t answered him. “My boyfriend?”

“Y-Y-You … W-W-When …” Yixing is staring at him in disbelief. “Boyfriend? You’re joking, right?”

“…” Baekhyun stares at him, sighs, then smacks his arm. “I have no time for you constantly acting like I’ll always be single. Just because I’m mean doesn’t mean …” Baekhyun grabs the plastic bag on the counter, then starts walking out. “Anyway, see ya!” He rushes out.

Yixing is still staring in disbelief.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Baekhyun tells Jongdae of the news, he reacts in the exact same manner.

“Boyfriend? When?” Jongdae’s eyes are huge. “What did you say his name was? You’re joking, right?”

“What’s wrong with me?” Baekhyun shouts to the world. “I’m not that bad, right?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You … have a boyfriend?” Luhan asks timidly one day when they are wiping tables.

“What? Now you’re in this too?” Baekhyun mutters, scrubbing extra hard on one spot. “Just because you’re good looking and you’re basically the ideal type for everyone …”

“No … It is not that.” Luhan replies quickly.

“You don’t believe me? Because how can someone mean and cold like me would have a boyfriend?” Baekhyun is feeling bitter.

“N-No!” Luhan once again replies quickly, his gentle voice almost soothing to Baekhyun’s ears. “I believe you. I believe you.” Even though Baekhyun doesn’t like him, he knows Luhan’s words are always sincere.

And when Luhan smiles at him, lips so genuinely curved up, eyes so earnestly sparkly, Baekhyun starts thinking to himself that maybe Luhan is not so bad after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Sorry guys, I gotta go.” Baekhyun takes off his waiter’s apron and rushes outside.

“Where are you –”

“A date.” Baekhyun announces, waving wildly as he steps into his sneakers. “With Chanyeol.”

“What? Seriously, Baek, it’s not funny –” Baekhyun doesn’t hear any more as he rushes out. He doesn’t want to keep Chanyeol waiting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun realises that Yixing and Jongdae are starting to act more and more distant towards him, constantly trying to find some excuse to avoid him and do something else. Other than that, everyone else had been quite distant with him in the first place.

What’s up with them? Baekhyun shrugs to himself. Still don’t believe me? He stabs at the cloth with the fork. I don’t give a damn. I’m angry at you s anyway.

“Hi.” Luhan greets softly as he appears next to a sulking Baekhyun. The smaller ignores him and continues poking the white cloth. “How… you and your boyfriend is going?” At this, Baekhyun stops for a while, then begins poking again.

“Good. Great. Amazing.” Baekhyun mutters. “Would be better if my friends actually supported me.”

“I support you.”

“…You’re my friend?” Baekhyun eyes him suspiciously, but Luhan nods enthusiastically.

“You’re my friend too!” Luhan replies, smiling cutely. When Baekhyun ruffles his hyung’s hair, he begins to realise why they like to treat him like a dongsaeng. He really is so cute and so polite. He’s tempted to tell Luhan to start calling him hyung instead.

“Well, firstly, I met him here.” Baekhyun starts, pointing over in the corner. Wide eyes widen even more in surprise.

“H-H-Here?” Luhan points where Baekhyun is pointing. “No- Th-Th-There?”

“Yeah.” Baekhyun smiles affectionately at Luhan correcting his Korean. “His name is Chanyeol. He’s a poor college student, is really tall, has silver hair, and huge eyes.” Luhan nods, taking out a chair and gesturing for Baekhyun to sit, then sitting himself on the chair next to it.

“He makes the lamest jokes, I swear.” Baekhyun chuckles, playing with the fork in his hand. “He flirts way too much, as well, and doesn’t study much. Even though he claims he loves studying.” Luhan nods, but the expression his face tells Baekhyun that he didn’t understand half of that. Still, it’s quite sweet knowing Luhan is doing his best in cheering him up.

“His favourite food that he always, always eats, is Chinese food.” At Chinese, Luhan’s ears perk up and he sits up straighter, giving himself some time to process the information.

“What Chinese food?” He asks eventually.

“Dim sim.” Blank face. “Dim sim? Dim Sim?” A cloud passes over Luhan’s face and when it clears, so does Luhan’s mind.

“Ah! Dian xin?”  Baekhyun doesn’t know what the hell he just said, but nods anyway. Luhan breaks into a small grin.

“What kind?” He asks. Baekhyun’s mouth drops open. There are kinds of dim sims? Then he remembers Chanyeol saying it’s popular in Australia and is mostly Australian made food that had been inspired by China. He shakes his head, dismissing the thought from the Chinese man’s mind.

“I would like to meet him.” Luhan says, nodding before blinking before turning to Baekhyun and smiling innocently. “Someday.”

“I’ll introduce you, when you’re not busy.” Baekhyun punches his arm lightly, feeling the bitterness in his heart slowly lifting and fading away. “Don’t worry, he’ll always be there in the corner, but don’t show anyone. I don’t want anyone who won’t appreciate our relationship to know.” Luhan tilts his head in confusion.

“I meant, I don’t want anyone else to know.” Luhan takes this in, then nods earnestly, as if he’ll die before he breaks his promise.

“Luhan!” Yixing shouts. “What are you doing there? It’s opening soon, come here!” Luhan gets up abruptly, bows slightly to Baekhyun, and rushes off. Baekhyun leans back on his chair, sighing as he is once again ignored by the rest of the world.

Maybe he doesn’t dislike Luhan that much anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun is eating his sandwich as he watches Chanyeol writing notes.

Nothing is exchanged between them, but Baekhyun finds it nice watching his boyfriend work so hard. It’s quite cute, actually. Chanyeol is working so hard that he’s not even looking at the textbook anymore as he writes his notes, just taking bites of his Australian-imported dim sims and scribbling furiously.

“Where’d you get those dim sims?” Baekhyun asks, now that he fully realises the ‘weight’ of them.

“They’re outside.” His boyfriend replies. “The store is on the street that you take to walk here.”

“Really? How come I’ve never …” Baekhyun would be lying if he said he hasn’t. He remembers seeing the store the day he decided to start working again.

“You want some?” Chanyeol’s tone is teasing even though his face is serious. He’s not even looking up at Baekhyun, but Baekhyun already can picture his grin. “I’ll feed you, babe.”

“Stop that. Do your work.” Baekhyun flushes, pleased as he rests his chin on his palms, watching Chanyeol work. Eventually, Chanyeol finishes writing with a swipe of his pen, then straightens his back.

“I’m done.” He says. Baekhyun rolls his eyes. Before his eyes finish one round, though, he sees Chanyeol push a piece of paper towards him.

“What?” Baekhyun stares down at the paper, then up at Chanyeol’s handsome smirk. He takes the paper, then unfolds it.

 

 

You’re cute.

 

 

“Are you studying or not?” Baekhyun complains, but slides the note in his pocket, a smile threatening to ruin his frown. Chanyeol doesn’t respond, just pushes another piece of paper towards him.

 

 

I like you.

 

 

Baekhyun turns the paper, anticipating something there.

 

 

Go out with me?

 

 

 

He scoffs, rolls his eyes, but once again his eyes land on a third piece of paper pushed towards him.

 

 

You know,

 

 

Turn.

 

 

I think about you all night?

 

Every night?

 

 

A smile is creeping up his face now. He really can’t contain it. Another piece of paper.

 

 

How about I come to your house tonight…

 

Turn.

 

 

…And cook you dinner?

 

 

Scoff. Trust Chanyeol to say something suggestive then end it with something innocent right after.

Next come a string of papers one after the other.

 

 

If you’re happy,

 

Chanyeol makes a happy face as he passes the note.

 

I’m happy.

If you’re sad…

 

Sad face.

 

I’m sad too.

If you’re angry …

 

Tries to put on an angry face, but looking cute instead.

 

So am I.

And if you feel lonely …

 

Neutral face. But Baekhyun can see the smile hidden beneath tight-lipped lips.

 

…Let’s be lonely together.

 

Baekhyun looks up again, this time seeing Chanyeol put his hands up in surrender, eyes wide and innocent as they stare at Baekhyun. Then his face relaxes into a grin and he reaches his hands out. Baekhyun puts his hands on them, feeling the warmth of Chanyeol that feels much, much better than his anger and much, much realer.

“Whatever’s making you feel so down, don’t let it, okay?” Chanyeol whispers as he leans across and runs his finger down Baekhyun’s cheek. Baekhyun leans towards it, savouring this moment of warmth, finding it so solid, and so real.

“It’s fine.” He mutters, trying not to think of Jongdae and Yixing.

“You got me, right?” He grins handsomely again. “I’m always here, and I’ll always be here. Me and my Australian dim sims.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol loves writing letters to him for Baekhyun to find.

Once, Baekhyun would find something out of place in his kitchen, and another one in his bedroom, sometimes even under his coffee table.

Sometimes it would even be up as high as the ceiling in the middle of nowhere. Baekhyun wonders how he does it.

But every time he reads the letters, looking at Chanyeol’s familiar writing and sometimes even predicting what Chanyeol would say in them, Baekhyun smiles.

And reminds himself that this is what it feels like to really be living.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Can you be any more creative?” Baekhyun points to his chest pocket, then takes out the hidden letter from there. Chanyeol chuckles and leans back.

“So that I can be closer to your heart~” Baekhyun rolls his eyes.

“Can you be any more lame –” Chanyeol interrupts him by grabbing his chin and kissing him, tilting his head back so he gains more dominance. Baekhyun gasps quietly into the kiss, reaching up to wrap his fingers around his boyfriend’s neck, feeling his warmth under his fingers.

“Cheater.” Baekhyun murmurs against Chanyeol’s lips. “Surprise kisses don’t count.”

“That was to shut you up.” Chanyeol grins into the kiss. “Before you hurt my feelings.”

“Am I really that cold?” Baekhyun sticks his bottom lip out, but Chanyeol smiles and pokes it, laughing. His laugh is deep and seems to reverberate through Baekhyun’s mind. “That’s why no one believes in us …”

“Who doesn’t believe in us?” Chanyeol pulls away, eyes wide and offended. “Is it Yixing and Jongdae again? And that Luhan?”

“How do you even know their names?” Baekhyun sighs and sits down on his couch, pulling Chanyeol with him. “Just Yixing and Jongdae.”

“Introduce me to them then.” Chanyeol grins as he rests his hand on his boyfriend’s waist and pulls him closer. “I’m ready.”

“They might not be.” Baekhyun sighs. “They probably think I paid you to be my boyfriend. They probably think you don’t even exist.”

“I exist!” Chanyeol protests, spluttering. It’s cute. “I’m real. I’m Park Chanyeol, nearly twenty years old, and I met a certain young, mean boss in his own restaurant. If I’m not real, then what’s real?”

“Okay, okay, you’re real.” Baekhyun smiles at Chanyeol’s childishness, turns, and pecks him lightly on the lips. “To me, you’re realer than everything else in the world.” He pecks him again. “Happy?”

“Yes.” Chanyeol chuckles quietly when Baekhyun smacks him. “But it’s opposite day.”

“When I break up with you, it’ll be because of your lame as jokes.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“…And he writes the stupidest letters with the lamest jokes.” Baekhyun continues as he sets the cutlery down onto the tables. “He wrote the lamest pickup line once …”

“Your boyfriend seems very romantic.” Luhan observes. “I wish I can see those letters.”

“I’d show it to you but I don’t have them here…” Baekhyun sighs, but then he realises he does indeed really want to show Luhan, and suddenly he remembers that his favourite one is in his pocket. “Wait, I have one. I’ll show you.” He takes it out of his pocket and unfolds it. Luhan lets out a small laugh.

“H- Baekhyun, you are funny.” Luhan chuckles again. Baekhyun doesn’t see what’s so funny.

“I haven’t even told you the joke yet!” Baekhyun scoots his chair until he’s sitting next to Luhan, smoothing out the paper and showing it to him.

 

 

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Park Chanyeol is almost as bossy sweet

And as mean cute as you

 

(I’m getting there too)

 

 

“But I don’t see  –”

“It’s in English, but yeah.” Baekhyun smiles as he smooths the paper out again and points to the first line.

“Yes, but where’s–”

“I’ll translate it for you.” Baekhyun says, but Luhan doesn’t look reassured. He nods stiffly, and as Baekhyun starts translating, Luhan stares at his face instead, searching for anything that will calm the growing fear in his heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“B-Baekhyun …” Luhan rushes up to Baekhyun at the end of work. “I want to meet your boyfriend.”

“Where did that come from?” Baekhyun raises his eyebrows.

“I want to see … who’s making you so happy.” Luhan smiles gently.

“Um … okay …” Baekhyun sees the sincerity in his eyes and pats his back, smiling back. “I’ll try to get him to meet you some time? When they’re not trying to tell you to wash the dishes at the back, though. I swear they like to work newbies’ butts off.”

“Yes!”

“So how’re you and Yixing going?” Luhan flushes in embarrassment then looks down.

“Uh …”

“How far have you gone?” Baekhyun asks almost gleefully. Luhan stutters. “Base one?” Luhan shakes his head. “Base two?” Luhan stutters. Baekhyun gasps.

“No way … You’ve gone that far already …?”

“No!” Luhan interrupts, face red. “We … haven’t kissed yet.”

“What?” Baekhyun blinks and stares, jaw dropping open. “Why not? Have you even held hands? Touched each other?”

“Uh …” Luhan glances around, as if unsure how to reply. “I –”

“Come on. I’ll help you!” Baekhyun grins as he pats Luhan’s back (more like smacks it). “Man, trust Yixing not to make a move!”

“It’s that –”

“Don’t worry, you got me.” Baekhyun grins as he waves his goodbye, grabs his bag, and begins his journey back home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun takes Chanyeol out to a night market near their restaurant, one that opened on his twentieth birthday, and one he has never been to before.

“Why are you always wearing that varsity jacket?” Baekhyun rolls his eyes when he sees Chanyeol waving wildly at him at the end of the night market. The moment he walks up, he feels Chanyeol touch his face.

“Because you like it.” He replies, grinning wildly. “I’ll stop showering for the rest of my life if you want me to.”

“That’s what you want, isn’t it?” Baekhyun shoves him lightly with his shoulder as they begin to walk inside the night market. “Liar. Otherwise you’d have given up on dim sims already.”

“That is the only exception.” Chanyeol laughs. “Man, it sure is crowded here.”

“Yeah it is.” Baekhyun walks forward and Chanyeol stays close behind due to the tight space of the streets and the people. At some point, Baekhyun brushes past a careless man, who bumps into Chanyeol fully.

“Hey! Watch it!” Baekhyun barks. The two lines stop moving momentarily as Baekhyun stops in his tracks to face the man.

“It’s okay, Baek –” Chanyeol mutters.

“The ’s wrong with you? I didn’t even touch you!” The man shouts back, annoyed.

“Not me, my friend!”

“Crazy er …” The man stumbles away. Baekhyun wants to go after him, fuming, but Chanyeol catches his arm and pushes him forward.

“What are you doing? He hasn’t learned his lesson –”

“It’s okay, seriously.” Chanyeol says sheepishly. “Everyone’s looking at you, silly. Don’t embarrass yourself for that.” When Baekhyun glances around, he does indeed see people sending him weird looks.

“…Fine.” Baekhyun crosses his arms and quickens his pace, Chanyeol following close behind.

“I’m hungry.” Chanyeol whines eventually as he watches all the food stores around. “But I’m thirsty too… Thirsty for you.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, corners of his lips twitching up.

“Stop that.” He says.

“Seriously though. I’m thirsty.” Chanyeol whines again, pulling at Baekhyun like the child he is.

“Then don’t talk.” Baekhyun sighs. “All right, go buy something to eat. I’ll get you a drink from the convenient store over there. Let’s meet back here in ten minutes, okay?” Chanyeol nods enthusiastically and bounds off. Baekhyun rolls his eyes again and walks towards the convenient store. As he walks in, he sees the perfect person there.

“Luhan!” He shouts as he rushes over. The Chinese man is alone and looking adorably alone. He looks up, eyes widening in surprise when he sees Baekhyun. Then he breaks into a smile and he walks forward to greet his workmate.

“Hi!” Luhan smiles widely as he almost bows at Baekhyun, but stopped by the smaller. “Nice to meet you here!” Baekhyun chuckles.

“I’m here with my boyfriend.” An idea clicks into him. “You said you wanted to meet him, right?” Luhan nods enthusiastically.

“Come with me!” He walks up to the counter and pays for the bottle of iced tea.

“Sorry, it’ll be quick meeting? …” Luhan says timidly, keeping his back slouched and modest. “I am a little busy.”

“That’s okay.” Baekhyun grins as he pulls Luhan along to the place where he was supposed to meet with Chanyeol, but Chanyeol isn’t there yet. “Don’t worry, he might be a little late because he got a little hungry.” Luhan nods, then stands there with Baekhyun silently.

Ten minutes pass.

“Where the hell is he…” Baekhyun mutters to himself as he takes out his phone and presses it to his ear. “Chanyeol? Where are you?”

“Come here!” Chanyeol shouts into the phone, such that Baekhyun has to pull his phone away for a while. “Pretty things!”

“Where are you?”

“Place with fishies! Wow, so pretty … Sir, can I have one –” The line goes dead. Baekhyun sighs as he puts the phone back in his pocket.

“He’s in the animals section, do you want to –”

“I’m sorry, I’m afraid I will be late…” Luhan’s pretty face is scrunched up in guilt as he bows and speaks at the same time. Baekhyun doesn’t know why Luhan looks like such a kicked puppy, it’s not like he betrayed Baekhyun or anything.

“It’s fine.” Baekhyun waves him off. “Bye. Be careful on your way home!” He watches Luhan disappear down the street, then starts heading towards the animals section of the night market. Soon enough, he finds Chanyeol leaning forward earnestly along with the crowd, staring at something. Slightly annoyed, but slightly relieved, Baekhyun stomps up to him and pulls him back by his shoulder.  Chanyeol is stuffing food into his mouth, large eyes blinking innocently as he stares at Baekhyun.

“You’re here!” Chanyeol smiles sweetly, jumping excitedly as he grabs Baekhyun’s arm and pulls him towards the crowd, finding a space for Baekhyun to see. Baekhyun watches as small goldfish swim in the aquarium on the floor, scales reflecting light in the prettiest ways.

“They’re so pretty, aren’t they?” Chanyeol takes another bite of his fish ball stick.

“I’ve seen it before.” Baekhyun says, smiling gently as he watches the fish swim. Then he catches himself. When exactly has he seen it before?

Shrugging it out of his mind, he lets Chanyeol grabs his hand and take him elsewhere, to places where he knows like the back of his hand. But still, Chanyeol makes everything seem like it’s his first time, as if teaching him to see things for the first time all over again, just like Chanyeol had made him feel like he’s experiencing first love for a second time.

It’s an amazing feeling, this constant th-thump in his chest, this breathlessness – Chanyeol’s warmth, Chanyeol’s kisses, Chanyeol’s touch.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“As long as it’s not harming him, we won’t stop him.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Christmas Eve, Baekhyun sits down with his friends Yixing, Jongdae and Luhan. Even though Yixing and Jongdae have stopped with the disbelief thing, there is still a sort of tension between them (one sided though, because Baekhyun is not one to have hard feelings).

“How’s Chanyeol going?” Yixing asks as he puts a mouthful of rice in his mouth. The room silences itself.

“Fine.” Baekhyun replies, taking more vegetables. “He wants to meet you guys some time, even though he already knows who you are.”

“We’d like to meet him too. Why didn’t he come today?”

“He has to go home to his family. I’ve been telling him to dye that white hair of his, because it looks too bright and he’s too noticeable.” Finally Baekhyun has a chance to talk about Chanyeol, and he’s not going to stop. “You’ll know who he is the moment you see him. He’s some really tall lanky guy with wild silver hair and a varsity jacket with dark red hoodie underneath.”

“Doesn’t he … change clothes?”

“Hardly.” Baekhyun scoffs as he takes another bite. “It’s strange, right? But he doesn’t smell bad or anything.”

“What does he smell like?” Baekhyun turns to stare at Jongdae weirdly.

“What are you, a ert?” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “Like the stupid dim sims he eats. Why?”

“Nothing, just curious.” Jongdae mutters, then brings up his glass of beer. “Let’s drink! Cheers to another year!” Everyone clinks glasses and starts drinking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few hours later

“Anyway, enough about my love life.” Baekhyun slurs as he waves his can of beer in the air, having given up on pouring onto his glass. “I heard you and Luhan are going … nowhere?” He smirks at Yixing.

“That’s none of your business.” Yixing mutters, slightly tipsy as well.

“I heard you haven’t even kissed yet.” Baekhyun mocks. “ him already. Are you a man?” Yixing says nothing, but Baekhyun notices his back has stiffened. Even though his mouth is harsh, Baekhyun genuinely wants Yixing to chase his love, not just sit idly and watch Luhan get bored of him.

“Baekhyun, you drank too much …” A sober Jongdae stutters, trying to calm him down, but Baekhyun is too high.

“Since you’re not man enough…” Baekhyun turns to Luhan, who drank a little more than him. “Luhan! Go kiss him!”

“That’s a bad idea.” Jongdae warns, reaching out to take a hold of Luhan’s arm. “He doesn’t know what he’s doing when he’s drunk. Luhan’s an obedient drunk.”

“Even better!” Baekhyun giggles. “Go, kiss him!  Thank me later!”

“Okay!” Luhan stands up, shrugging Jongdae’s arm off, then starts stumbling towards Yixing. Yixing looks a little shocked and uncomfortable, and he shifts but otherwise doesn’t move – almost as if he wants to retain his manly image.

“Sit on his lap.” Baekhyun barks. Luhan does, the alcohol somehow making his cheeks look redder in the most perfect way. Yixing is moving away. Jongdae looks horrified. “Kiss him –”

“Baekhyun, stop, you don’t know what you’re –”

“I just want Yixing to GET A LIFE!” Baekhyun shouts, brushing Jongdae off. “Luhan, kiss him.” He watches in glee as Luhan leans in. Jongdae looks helpless, and lunges towards them but doesn’t get there in time. In the end, Yixing pushes Luhan away.

“Baekhyun, you …” Yixing’s voice is low with rage. Jongdae reaches out to restrain Yixing, and Luhan lies down on the floor, as if he already fell asleep.

“Calm down, Yixing.” Jongdae hisses, and Baekhyun wants to laugh, but instead he pouts in disappointment.

“What are you so afraid of, Yixing? You like him, don’t you? Why don’t you ever go for things you like?” Baekhyun rants. “Remember how you just let your high school crush slip by your fingers, even though you guys were childhood friends?”

“…You …” Yixing lunges for Baekhyun, but Jongdae holds him back.

“She liked you too, isn’t that obvious?” Baekhyun continues. “Yuqi liked you too. You were too stupid to realise.” Yixing stills at that time, and doesn’t say anything for a while.

“…Mind your own business, Baek.” He mutters eventually.

“Mind my own business?” Baekhyun laughs. “Mind my own business? How can I, Yixing, when I had to spend every day of college watching my best friend cry, just because he heard his childhood friend and high school crush had found someone else? Moreover, a ing jerk who used to bully her back in primary school? It wasn’t easy on you, and it sure as wasn’t easy for me. Especially when I was the crap friend who didn’t do to help his best friend.” Yixing doesn’t say anything once again, and Jongdae slowly removes his grasp.

“Mind my own business? I’d mind yours before I mind mine…” Baekhyun is feeling a little tired now so he decides to lie down on the cold, hard wooden floor. He watches Jongdae and Yixing staring at him slowly spiralling into the darkness, and he can see pain on their faces. “I’d rather break my own heart than see someone break yours…”

Then, slowly, he falls into a deep sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What happened?” Luhan asks gently, pointing to Baekhyun’s bandaged hand.

“Nothing.” Baekhyun replies. “I was trying to iron Chanyeol’s red jumper, but I guess I kinda got distracted so …” The smaller looks down at his hand. “I’m fine though.” Luhan stares at it for a while, mouth open as if trying to say something, but eventually his mouth closes and he nods.

“Are you and Yixing still okay now?” Baekhyun asks as he joins Luhan in wiping the tables after busy hours. It’s Lunner, but Chanyeol isn’t here because he has an exam, even though this is the first time that they’ve let Luhan do something else other than wash the dishes.

“We … have always been fine, were we not?” Luhan replies eventually after moments of processing the question and then translating the answer in his head.

“He’s always been a shy one, that’s why.” Baekhyun sighs, tempted to throw the wet cloth and stomp on it, picturing Yixing’s face. “It’s okay, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. It’s just that he refuses to show much of his emotion…” Luhan chuckles quietly.

“I betcha he’s still angry at me …” Baekhyun mutters. Actually, even though he tries not to show it, he does feel slightly guilty, but at the same time, he feels wronged. Which is why he’s angry right now. For a while, silence fills the room as the both of them do their work cooperatively, but eventually Luhan chuckles again.

“Baekhyun…” He approaches Baekhyun’s table and starts wiping it with him. “You may seem really mean, cold, harsh and bossy …” He winces at every adjective. “…Maybe that’s why not many people like you …” He winces again. “But inside, you’re a really kind person.” Baekhyun stops for a while and glances at him. Luhan is smiling at the table.

“You’re caring, but you don’t know how to show it.” Luhan continues. “Even though things don’t turn out well, you tried your best. And you took care of me very well.”

“Hmph.” Baekhyun scoffs, not sure how to react and not sure how to reply, but knowing his heart feels great because of that. “I thought you only say that kinda stuff to hyungs?” He smiles along with Luhan. “Why are you saying this all of a sudden?”

“Because …” Luhan hesitates for a while, glancing around the room slightly before returning back to looking at his hands. “I want you to take care of yourself too.”

“What do you –”

“I have a surprise.” Luhan smiles excitedly as he sets his cloth down, straightens his back, and glances backwards at the counter, where all the other workers are. Most of them seem busy talking with each other or working and no one is paying much attention. Then Luhan runs out.

“Wait –” Baekhyun cuts himself off, not wanting to attract attention as he watches Luhan open the door and sneak out. He shakes his head, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he lets out a sigh.

“I better cover for him then …” Baekhyun mutters to himself as he grabs both their cloths and heads back to the counter. Yixing is walking out at that time.

“Hey.” Baekhyun sets down the cloths as he blocks Yixing’s way. Yixing at first seems furious, but then he melts and he sighs. “Look, about Christmas –”

“I’m over it.” Yixing replies sharply. “It’s okay.”

“Is Luhan though? He likes you a lot, I can see that –”

“You don’t know anything.” Yixing interrupts. “You think you do, but you don’t.”

“I do.” Baekhyun steps forward, feeling a little angered now. “I’d be an idiot to not see the way he looks at you. The problem’s with you, isn’t it? He’s your type, but you don’t like him that much, do you?” Yixing says nothing. “You have no feelings towards him at all? Or you don’t want to show it? Or you still yearn for Yuqi?”

“Stop lying to yourself.” Yixing mutters quietly. “Stop hurting yourself. It wasn’t your fault, Baek.”

“What the are you talking about?’ Baekhyun is getting tired of this . He has been getting hurt recently, he knows that, but they aren’t stupid reasons, and he’s not hurting himself. He cut his fingers a few times trying to peel the skin off apples for Chanyeol, and has gotten bruises in different parts of his body because he had been trying to get to the letters Chanyeol had kept – in places that are so ridiculous that Baekhyun doesn’t even know how he does it, but how does Yixing know all that? He doesn’t, because Baekhyun never tells him. “Seriously, YIxing, you need to get your head checked –”

“I’m back!” Luhan shouts as he rushes over to the two of them. Customers turn their heads as well as Baekhyun and Yixing. Yixing looks pissed and concerned, but he says nothing as Luhan touches his shoulder gently, fingers sliding down to pull him away from Baekhyun slightly, as if feeling the rising tension between the two of them. Baekhyun stares down at the bag, and he sniffs something similar, but too vague for him to know what it is. All he does is roll his eyes and cross his arms, looking away from Yixing.

“Baekhyun! I bought something you have always wanted.” Luhan smiles. “Dim sims!”

“What? You actually got them?” Baekhyun’s eyes widen, anger momentarily forgotten as he lets his hands fall by his sides.

“Yes!” Luhan smiles widely. “The girl said they do not sell it anymore, but I asked specifically for you.” He hands it out and Baekhyun takes it.

“Funny, because Chanyeol told me it was an old man that had a store specifically just for Australian dim sims …” Baekhyun mutters. At first there is silence, but then Luhan’s tinkling laugh butts in.

“Oh … maybe I got it from the wrong store …” Luhan reaches out again. “I’ll find the right store …”

“No, it’s all right.” Baekhyun feels a little embarrassed that Luhan had actually specially done this for him, and a little touched. The only times he had eaten dim sims was when he had tasted it through Chanyeol’s lips, but otherwise he has never tried it before. He doesn’t even remember what it tastes like.

“Are there actually two stores that sell Australian dim sims …” Baekhyun mutters in disbelief as he brings the bag up to his nose and sniffs it. As the scent of Australian-made dim sims waft into his nose, he almost blacks out.

“Why do you like this thing so much? It’s so weird.” He pokes the meaty thing with his finger. He hears a deep laugh echo throughout the room, so sweet – like the gentle, rumbling water -  and a large hand comes into his vision, covering the dim sim.

“It’s delicious, what are you talking about?” The hand disappears, and this time his vision is replaced by a face – someone with short, black hair, large eyes, cute ears, and the handsomest grin. “In fact, it was this very thing that led me to your store!”

“Oh, so I should be thanking these dim sims, should I?” Baekhyun smiles cheekily, and when Chanyeol leans in and kisses his lips, it reminds Baekhyun of how real his lips once felt, reflected in these feelings that still render him breathless, heart going th-thump, th-thump, th-thump.

And when Chanyeol pulls away, Baekhyun feels loss. He feels pain.

All these feelings disappear when Chanyeol’s face reappears back into his view.

“Eat one, then.” His hand appears in front of him, a dim sim in his fingers as he pushes it into Baekhyun’s mouth. Baekhyun can taste the ingredients in it …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“How was your exam?” Baekhyun hides his creation inside the oven as Chanyeol stumbles onto his door, white hair ruffled and wild.

“Crap.” Chanyeol whines as he throws his bag onto the floor and shuffles to Baekhyun, wrapping his arms around the smaller into a tight bear hug. “Cheer me up, Baeb…”

“You’re so old now …” Baekhyun chuckles. “ it up.”

“But I’m still a student, can’t you see?” Chanyeol buries his face in Baekhyun’s hair and blows. The smaller is supposed to be angry, but instead a laugh bursts from his lips and he jerks away, trying to pry away from Chanyeol’s nose.

“Just because you have a love for universities doesn’t make you forever a baby.” Baekhyun teases, removing his arms, slipping from Chanyeol’s grasp with a smile. “Can’t believe you’re going back for your third degree …”

“Gotta stay smart and cool for the Baeb …” Chanyeol yawns. Baekhyun rolls his eyes, smiling as he starts pushing Chanyeol to the guest room that has now become Chanyeol’s room. The taller doesn’t say much, just lets Baekhyun push him inside the door, sit him down on the bed, and cover him with warm blankets.

“Take a good, short nap.” Baekhyun whispers as he tucks the blankets to Chanyeol’s sides, knowing he likes to toss and turn and knowing he gets cold easily, even when he’s wearing the varsity jacket and a thick, red hoodie underneath.

“You’re babying me now …” Chanyeol mutters, but yawns again.

“Who even gets sleepy after exams?” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, then straightens his back. “By the time you wake up, I’ll have a surprise for you!” Chanyeol nods, eyes already half-lidded and tired. “Get a good sleep, all right?” Baekhyun ruffles silver locks, then tiptoes out of the room.

He rushes to the kitchen, taking out the dim sims he had made specially for Chanyeol, to celebrate the last day of his exams. He smiles, picking one up with his finger and hoping it’s a good substitution from all the dim sims that Chanyeol had spent so much money buying (after all, they are imported from such a faraway place it would be impossible for it not to be expensive). He doesn’t know whether it will taste exactly like the ones Chanyeol buys; because he’s only tasted them once, and at that time he didn’t know it would be so crucial in his life today.

Hopefully it’ll taste exactly like the ones Chanyeol had eaten for the past few years. He thinks to himself, smiling as he switches on the stove. It makes random clicking noises and doesn’t start up. C’mon … just this once, please … Baekhyun turns the knob again. The same thing happens. I promise if you be good, then I won’t use you ever again … I swear … He turns the knob again, this time, after a few clicks, fire appears beneath his pan. Smiling gratefully, and ignoring the clicks, Baekhyun places the dim sims once by one in the pan, ready to steam them. At twenty-five, Baekhyun’s mental state ages slower than average, so even at this time he’s still the rebel risk-taking young adult he is. Being the son of a chef who opened the most popular restaurant in Seoul, he knows the dangers and he can hear warning signs go off in his mind, but all this is for Chanyeol …

The moment turns his back to take more dim sims, the clicks increase ten times in frequency. Suddenly he hears a BOOM, feels red hot fire down his back as he is thrown forward by the momentum of the explosion. Then before everything goes black, everything goes hot red.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun gasps back into the present.

“Are you okay?” Luhan is holding his arm to steady him. Baekhyun feels like his legs are gone, not a part of him anymore. He drops the dim sims as if they are on fire. Yixing steps forward, picking it up, but Baekhyun sees a mixture of black and red and he s his hands forward, fear eating him up.

“Don’t!” He shouts, unaware of the attention he’s attracting from even customers. “Get it away from me!” He shoves Luhan away, nearly stumbling because of it, but he doesn’t care anymore. All he knows is that his heart is on fire and he wants to cry so badly but he doesn’t know why. He needs to get away.

“Baekhyun –” Luhan calls, but Baekhyun stumbles toward the door, surprised that his legs are still listening to his wishes. He shoves the door open, then runs out, knowing that all he needs to do to calm himself down is to go home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a nightmare, that’s all. Baekhyun thinks to himself that night, alone in the darkness. He’s still shaking. It felt so real.

But it can’t be real, because Baekhyun has never seen Chanyeol with black hair.

But somehow, he can imagine himself running his hand through it.

It was just a dream … Baekhyun thinks to himself, brushing all thought from his mind, and concluding to himself that if he could, he would wipe it all from his mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“This is a special one.” Chanyeol had said yesterday when he was caught to be in Baekhyun’s house when Baekhyun had been working. “See if you can find it.”

“If I don’t find it, then that means you don’t love me.” Baekhyun grinned as he kissed Chanyeol goodbye. Now he almost wants to take it back.

Damn… Where the hell is it? Baekhyun can feel himself going crazy as he searches and searches. He can almost picture Chanyeol’s face, smiling at him gently and encouraging him to keep going, but at the same time not giving him any clues.

He’ll probably hide it in a place I would never ever expect to look. Baekhyun thinks to himself, heart thumping as he wracks his brains, trying to figure out just where Chanyeol might’ve hidden it. He’s gone from corners of ceilings to inside the bedsheets to in between the pages of his dictionary, to hiding inside amongst his tub of ice (because he doesn’t want to use a fridge). Sometimes Baekhyun falls down and twists his ankles just on trying to get that letter from the ceiling, and sometimes he hurts his fingers as he rips the bedsheets that cling to his mattress, and sometimes he gets papercuts on fingers because this is a race to see how fast Baekhyun can find them, and sometimes he gets bruises on the knuckles on his fingers because he doesn’t want to lose to Chanyeol.

After searching at absolutely every corner of his house and ending up trying to look at every inch of his couch, Baekhyun decides to give up doing that, because he knows Chanyeol wouldn’t hide it there, and Chanyeol knows he knows.

How does Baekhyun know that?

He’ll probably hide it in a place I would never ever expect to look.

This time, the words speak to his heart.

He straightens his back, turning his head slowly towards the kitchen.

Slowly, he steps towards it, one step at a time. He searched the kitchen, everywhere but …

He’s not afraid of the kitchen, but he’s terrified of the stove.

“This one’s special.” Chanyeol had said, and it’s those words that keep Baekhyun going, even though he knows he can back out at any time and Chanyeol can get it for him. But something tells him to move forward (and maybe that something is his unconscious self), and maybe he’s sick of running away from his fear that he doesn’t know the origin of (and maybe refuses to know).

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Baekhyun forces himself forward until he’s one metre away from the stove. He’s never been this close.

What the are you so scared of? Baekhyun thinks to himself. That incident was years ago, so far out of your memory that you don’t even remember what happened. So why are you so afraid?

What’s scaring you?

Baekhyun doesn’t breathe; he just steps forward, and looks down.

He wouldn’t exploit my fear … would he?

Hidden beneath the grate of the stove, lies a large envelope.

With trembling hands, Baekhyun reaches down cautiously, sometimes retreating his hand unnecessarily, for fear fire might burst into his face. Eventually, though, he does take a hold of it, and he picks it up with quivering fingers. It feels heavy in his hand, and Baekhyun swears he’s never felt anything this heavy for a long time (aside from dishes at work). He stumbles backwards, hands reaching backwards to clutch his dining table for support. Slowly he slides down to the marble floor, opening the envelope and letting little pieces of paper fall out. His heart sticks to his throat and he almost chokes when he sees what they are: compilations of letters.

Before he can read any, though, he sees something else fall out of the envelope. Baekhyun picks it up, feeling its texture different from the others. When he turns it over, he sees a photo.

Black-haired Chanyeol has his arm around a content Baekhyun, smiling handsomely. The two of them hold up peace-signs, as if it’s become their thing. Black-haired Chanyeol. Black haired Chanyeol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Suddenly his heart is hurting. Baekhyun drops everything in his hands, forces himself up on unstable legs, and rushes out, wanting Chanyeol (needing Chanyeol) to explain what the hell is going on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At the restaurant, Baekhyun stomps over to the corner where he finds Chanyeol strangely studying.

“Park Chanyeol.” Baekhyun growls, watching wide eyes look up at him in surprise and alarm.

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol’s face breaks into a grin. Somehow him grinning like nothing’s wrong is freaking him out even more.

“Why did you put it there?” Somehow Baekhyun feels confused, hurt, and angry even though he has no reason to.

“Put what where?” Chanyeol continues smiling, as if he can’t detect Baekhyun’s agitated state. Something’s not right here.

“Put all thatthere.” Baekhyun doesn’t know how to say it, just that he’s anxious and close to tears. Chanyeol continues smiling. “When did you have black hair? When did we even take that photo?” And yet, Baekhyun had felt a sense of déjà vu when he saw that photo. His brain hurts.

Baeb, I’m not sure what you’re say –”

“You know exactly what I’m saying!” Baekhyun shouts. “The restaurant isn’t even open yet, but you’re here already, which means you’re waiting for me to find you, aren’t you?” He’s too agitated to notice someone opening the door of the restaurant and stepping in. “Why did you put it there? Why –”

“Baekhyun?” Luhan’s soft voice cuts through, and Baekhyun stops, irritated as he turns to stare at Luhan. Chanyeol does too. “What’s wrong?”

“Can’t you see I’m busy?” Baekhyun lashes out, then turns back to Chanyeol, who turns to him, smiling strangely. “Chanyeol, look –”

“No… No, Baekhyun, I can’t.” Luhan whispers. Baekhyun feels a sense of dread drop inside him as he turns to Luhan, eyes narrowing as he notices Luhan’s wide eyes staring at him with horror.

“What?” Baekhyun sighs, but his entire body is shaking. Something’s not right here. “Can’t you see I’m busy talking to someone?!” He points to Chanyeol, who stares at him innocently. Luhan twists his head slowly, eyes still wide, lips slightly parted as he turns to look at the direction Baekhyun’s pointing. But he’s looking outwards, looking through Chanyeol.

“No …” Luhan whispers again. Baekhyun’s heart is beating so fast he swears he’ll die.

“Stop joking around.” Anger at Chanyeol momentarily forgotten, Baekhyun lashes out at Luhan instead, turning back and  meeting Chanyeol’s gentle, smiling gaze. Something’s not right here. “This is my boyfriend, Chanyeol.” Anger gone, as if he wants to prove something to Luhan. Or maybe himself.

“Chanyeol …” The name slips through Luhan’s lips so prettily, but when Luhan turns back to look at him, his tear-filled eyes look directly at him, as if looking into his broken soul. The way Luhan looks at him, with pain, horror, grief and concern, is almost enough to break Baekhyun’s heart all over again. “I can’t see him, hyung. I can’t see Chanyeol.”

What?

Baekhyun’s eyes are wide as he stares at Chanyeol, who’s so handsome, so solid, so real before him.

Something's not right here.

“He doesn’t exist, hyung. Not anymore.”

“You’re lying…” Baekhyun whispers, vision blurring as he watches Chanyeol smile at him, ever so gently, white hair shifting slightly from the gentle morning breeze (but how can it be?). Even as he says that, he somehow knows Luhan’s not lying. Because Luhan never lies.

“Baekhyun-ah…” Chanyeol’s voice is deep like the peaceful rumbling water. Baekhyun’s heart still skips upon hearing that. It hurts.

“Hyung …”

“You’re lying!” Baekhyun screams, backing away, vision blurring from tears. He bumps into a table, grabs the undersides, then flips the table over, hearing a crash as cutlery fly into the air along with bottles of sauces and tissue boxes. Baekhyun feels himself falling, sees Luhan’s eyes widen as he quickly rushes forward in attempt to catch Baekhyun’s arm, and Chanyeol … Chanyeol is still standing where he is, large grin adorning his handsome features, looking so perfect even amongst the chaos.

Then the last thing he thinks about before he blacks out is:

Something’s not right here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next time he opens his eyes, he realises he doesn’t want to. Bright light enters his view, almost blinding him, but eventually it clears to reveal Luhan’s concerned face.

“Hyung …” He whispers, large eyes sparkling gently as he helps lift Baekhyun up in his position. When he sits up, he sees Yixing leaning against the wall and Jongdae asleep by the foot of his bed.

“Jongdae-hyung!” Luhan calls, reaching out to shake Jongdae awake. When Jongdae opens his eyes, his eyes are wide and thrilled when he sees Baekhyun. Baekhyun’s head hurts, but somehow, his heart hurts more.

“Baekhyun!” Jongdae moves his chair forward as he wraps his arms around Baekhyun in a tight, tight hug. Somehow, Baekhyun feels warmth in the hug and he feels the love in it, and for the first time in a long time, the warmth has solidness.

“Jongdae…” Baekhyun’s lips are dry, throat hoarse, and he lets out a cough. He feels as if all the happiness has been out of him. Jongdae looks so much older than he did, as if this whole ordeal had him aging a decade. Jongdae pulls away from him, face serious. Luhan sits on his other side, fingers fidgeting. Just then, a doctor enters into his room, and Baekhyun realises now that he’s in a hospital. The man comes over and sits beside Luhan, checking Baekhyun’s eyes before smiling a gentle smile.

“Introduce yourself.” He says.

“Byun Baekhyun. 20 years old. I major in English Language, but stopped for a year to work at my father’s restaurant.” Luhan and Jongdae glance at each other, but say nothing.

“Tell me about your personal life. What makes you happy, what makes you sad, et cetera.” The doctor encourages him after a long while of no more response from Baekhyun. Somehow Baekhyun doesn’t want to talk anymore, but he keeps going, wanting to keep the hope in Luhan and Jongdae’s eyes.

“I live alone and I walk to work every day. Recently I met a poor college boy who studies in my father’s restaurant during the afternoon; he makes me happy. His name is Park Chanyeol. Oh yeah, where is he?” Baekhyun sits up even more, straining his neck to look around the room, but he can’t find Chanyeol. “He would’ve been here. He would’ve sent me flowers and dim sims. Do you know where they are? Where's Chanyeol?”

“We’ll take it from here, doctor.” Yixing speaks up as he moves himself off the wall and walks towards them. He, too, has seemed to age a decade. The doctor nods, as if they had planned this beforehand, then stands up.

“If you need anything, we’re outside. You know what to do.” He says grimly, then he leaves the room. Baekhyun watches intently as Yixing takes a chair and sits down at the foot of the bed, refusing to look at Baekhyun. At first, all of them refuse to look at Baekhyun.

“What’s with the long faces?” Baekhyun forces out a laugh, but he knows this can’t be good. “I’m fine! It’s not like I died or anything. It was just a small accident.”

“Baekhyun …” Jongdae starts after a long while of suffering silence. “It may be hard to comprehend, but right now, you’re thirty years old and you work as a translator for English speaking clients. You just stopped because …” Jongdae trails off. Baekhyun stares at his friend to see if he’s joking, but his face remains grim. “Luhan is twenty two years old, the fact that he just came from China to work here remains. Luhan is the only person that you haven’t twisted in your mind.”

Baekhyun scoffs. What the hell are you saying? He wants to ask, but has no energy left.

“I’m thirty years old, same as you. I just married last year. I still work as a chef in your father’s restaurant, and I have been working there for more than a decade…” Jongdae trails off for a second, for Baekhyun to take in, but Baekhyun remains neutral, expression indifferent as he stares through his blankets.

“Yixing is …” Jongdae throws a glance towards the older. “He’s also married, to Yuqi. They married three years ago, and now have a two-year old son.” Baekhyun looks up sharply, turning to stare at Yixing, who doesn’t look up, then at Luhan, who refuses to look at him. Baekhyun stares, searching for answer, searching for forgiveness, searching for an explanation, but for once, Luhan refuses to give him such comfort.

“What the hell are you saying?” Baekhyun laughs, even though he wants to cry. “Then what the happened to Park Chanyeol, a poor college boy that I met at my father’s restaurant, who tells the lamest jokes and eats Australian-imported dim sims? Are you saying I made him up? Are you saying he isn’t real?” They all look at him this time, face scrunched up in pain as they watch Baekhyun laugh.

“...You’re not wrong …” Yixing speaks up for the first time, to him. “Park Chanyeol wasn’t something you made up. He was real to all of us, and also a best friend to all of us. He indeed was the poor college boy you met at your father’s restaurant when you were twenty years old, studying hard for his first degree. He was indeed the boy you met and fell in love with, and he was indeed the boy who was with you for five years of your life. He was, also, indeed the boy who loved you a lot, so much that all of us could see it.”

Why are you using past tense? Baekhyun doesn’t want to hear any more.

“But he’s gone, Baekhyun.” Yixing finishes quietly. “He died five years ago. There was a fire in your house –”

“No…” It all comes back. Baekhyun is reminded of all those strange looks his friends have been giving him for the past few months. He remembers the horror in Luhan’s face, and he remembers Chanyeol’s presence, always here, with him.

“He’s here! He’s still by my side!” Baekhyun says. “I saw him a few days ago. I was even arguing with him …”

“Baekhyun –”

“Don’t touch me!” Baekhyun pushes everyone away from him, and then rips open his blankets. Everyone is frantic, Luhan reaching out to hold him as well as Yixing, ready to restrain him and give him pain – as if they want to hurt him. He tries to push them away, and in the midst of chaos he sees Jongdae take out something and pressing a red button. Immediately the door bursts open and nurses and doctors rush in, grabbing his body until he can’t move anymore. Still, he continues thrashing. He doesn’t remember much, just knows that he screams and screams and kicks and kicks, and there is pain on every inch of his three friends’ faces, as if they can see the cracks in his heart.

All he wants to do is get away from here, and in the midst of his thrashing, he feels a prick at his neck before cold liquid is inserted into him. His brain goes woozy, his limbs grow weak, but as his vision blurs, and before he blacks out, all he sees is Chanyeol at the door, walking in and smiling handsomely, wild silver hair shifting along with the afternoon breeze.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol has always been a deep sleeper.

When he wakes up, he had expected a surprise, like maybe kisses all over his face or maybe just a Baekhyun hidden inside a large, large present box.

He does get a surprise indeed.

Red, orange and yellow fills his entire vision, as well as waking up in sweat in the first place. Immediately, Chanyeol sits up, throwing the blankets off his body and he rushes out the room without a second thought over his safety, because all he’s thinking about is Baekhyun Baekhyun Baekhyun.

He is almost hit by the falling ceiling.

“Baekhyun!” He shouts as he runs through the collapsing building, cursing himself for not waking up earlier. A dark thought that maybe Baekhyun had left him behind runs through his mind, but he knows Baekhyun will never do that. How did this fire start? Chanyeol paces, then finds the most possible answer. The kitchen!

He runs towards the kitchen, and finds an unconscious Baekhyun amongst a broken table, head bleeding.

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol coughs, feeling the smoke take up his lungs, but he doesn’t give up. Having learned some fire procedures, he hurries over to the sink, takes off his varsity jacket, then his red hoodie, and soaks them in water. The house continues to collapse, and Chanyeol gets impatient. He ends up only soaking his red hoodie, grabbing his varsity jacket anyway as he rushes back to Baekhyun, wrapping the hoodie around the smaller. “Baekhyun, wake up!”

The smaller shifts and blinks open his eyes. Chanyeol quickly holds him up in his arms.

“Let’s get out of here!” He coughs, feeling his world get woozy, but he holds onto Baekhyun for dear life, for fear the love of his life might disappear forever. Baekhyun’s eyes clear and he realises what’s happening.

But instead of rushing outside with Chanyeol, he tries to rip himself from Chanyeol’s grasp.

“The letters!” He tries to pull away, but Chanyeol holds him tight.

“No, Baek, that’s not important –” Chanyeol coughs, and at this moment, Baekhyun rips himself from Chanyeol’s grasp. As he’s about to run inside his room, Chanyeol catches his arm.

“I’ll go.” Baekhyun can see his sweat stained face glowing with the fire.

“No, you don’t even know where it is –”

“I know.” Before he can process what’s happening, Chanyeol wipes the blood from his chin and kisses his forehead. Then he reaches down, takes the red hoodie and presses it to Baekhyun’s nose. “Breathe through this. Go outside and wait for me.”

“Wait –” Upon realising the danger his lover is potentially in, Baekhyun suddenly changes his mind. Nothing can ever prepare him for the fear he felt then – fear of losing Chanyeol – so intense that Baekhyun would rather die than ever have that happen to him. Mere objects aren’t important anymore. Nothing is important anymore, except Chanyeol. “Chanyeol…” He coughs as he watches Chanyeol bound through falling objects. “…Don’t go!” He tries to follow but he falls down. He twists his body just in time as a part of the ceiling falls again, nearly hitting him. He gets up again, and follows the path that Chanyeol had taken seconds earlier. His heart sighs in relief when Chanyeol bounds out again, the envelope in his hands. Baekhyun quickly reaches out, wanting to hold Chanyeol in his arms, but instead Chanyeol gives him the envelope. Baekhyun accepts it, holding it tightly in his fingers as he gives the other sleeve of the hoodie for Chanyeol to breathe through. Chanyeol bends down to his height as they slowly dodge falling objects and head out the door.

“I told you to wait outside …” Chanyeol hisses, coughing. Baekhyun is so relieved he wants to laugh. Chanyeol’s finally safe, here with him, and he would thank God every day for that.

Maybe he had spoken too early.

It happens in slow motion, like a scene from hell that will forever replay in his mind for years after the incident.

The chandelier from the living room cracks and falls. Baekhyun is too slow to react. Chanyeol is faster. Maybe this was the happier ending. As the chandelier falls, Chanyeol realises that lunging at Baekhyun will take too much time, and pulling Baekhyun back will also take too much time, so instead he takes one step forward and pushes his lover with all his might. Baekhyun is forward, envelope flying out of his hands as he falls face first onto the floor. When he pushes himself back up, his first instinct is to take the envelope, then reach back and hold Chanyeol’s hand, but when he turns back, the scene he is met with will forever etch into his mind.

Chanyeol is under the large chandelier, glass all around him. Baekhyun crawls over, smoke in his lungs, tears in his eyes as he realises what happened.

“Chanyeol…” He whispers as he shakes Chanyeol’s shoulder. Chanyeol doesn’t respond. There is so much blood. Baekhyun can see the pointy part of the chandelier penetrate through Chanyeol’s spine. Horror fills every nerve in his body, as well as dread and pain. Chanyeol reacts, shifting a little, eyes opening beneath wild, silver hair. “Chanyeol!”

“…” Chanyeol tries to speak, but he can’t. Tears blur Baekhyun’s vision but he blinks it away, letting them fall down onto the once-cold marble floor. He takes off his red hoodie, leaning down to press against Chanyeol’s bleeding mouth, but he knows it’s hopeless. Instead, he reaches down to hold Chanyeol’s hand, but Chanyeol pulls away slowly, then pushes Baekhyun’s hand away from him.

“G…G…” Chanyeol chokes out blood. Tears roll down Baekhyun’s cheeks. Finally Chanyeol says it. “Go.”

“Chanyeol …” Baekhyun is crying. Suddenly the world isn’t hot anymore. Suddenly life doesn’t matter anymore. Somehow, even in the midst of pain, he’s clutching the envelope tightly as he tries to hold Chanyeol’s hand, but Chanyeol refuses, weakly pushing him away.

“Go … Go!” Chanyeol chokes out more blood every time he pushes Baekhyun more violently. Baekhyun shakes his head, heart bleeding, tears falling. When Chanyeol looks up, an indescribable, unbearable pain fills his large eyes. At that moment, Baekhyun felt like their world had stopped.Then he closes them forever, and falls limp against the floor.

“Don’t leave …” Baekhyun is coughing, but from the smoke. “Don’t leave me …”

 He curls up as the ceiling continues to collapse around them. He holds the letters close to his heart, hugs them like his entire life depends on it, because he doesn’t have anything else. Not anymore. Everything that is his is burning, and he wants to burn along with them.

The heat captures him in an inescapable prison, its metal bars so hot that he doesn’t think he will ever be able to escape.

At this point, he doesn’t know if he wants to.

“Over here!” He hears unfamiliar voices shout. Smoke is slowly killing him from the inside.

Eventually, multiple strong, firm hands grab him and pull him up.

“We’ve got you.” They say. “You’ll be safe.”

But I don’t want to be, he thinks, but has no more energy left to shout. I don’t want you to save me.

“…He’s dead. Let’s get outta here.” Baekhyun hears them say, but all he’s looking at is Chanyeol, lying down amongst the ruins, silver hair still wild, varsity jacket still in his arm, and red hoodie left beside him.

The firefighters pull him out, and as they leave the building, they leave behind the fire walls of his house collapsing into ruins.

Leave behind his dead love, who could’ve lived if he loved Baekhyun a little less.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“On March third, a house in western Seoul caught on fire due to a malfunction in the stove. Fortunately, the firefighters got inside just in time to save the house owner, Byun Baekhyun, 25 years old ………”

“………….However, one man was not saved. Park Chanyeol, 25 years old, died under the penetration of a large and heavy chandelier supposed to decorate the house. It is presumed he pushed his fellow friend away and saved his life.”

“The house owner survived with minor injuries and is currently in hospital for treatment. A private funeral for Park Chanyeol will be held in a few days, as well as a public one to commemorate his bravery. Rest in peace.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He looks through the letters, but lets them fall through his hands. They’ve lost meaning.

No, he thinks as he picks them up with shaking fingers, putting them back in the envelope carefully. He takes it back. It’s because they hold too much meaning, which is why it hurts every time he looks at them.

He doesn’t want these anymore. Five years later, he still wants Chanyeol back.

But he knows, no matter what happens, Chanyeol is never coming back. Chanyeol’s gone.

It hurts too much looking at these. He needs them to disappear from his life – for the time being, at least. But where should he put them? After all those hide and seek games he played with Chanyeol, he would be able to find that thing eventually.

Keep them in a place where I will never expect to find them, where I will never expect myself to look.

There is only one place.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, holding the envelope with quivering fingers, Baekhyun glances toward the kitchen, and for the first time in five years, challenges himself to approach it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When he goes to sleep that night, a calm wave passes through him, a feeling he has never felt in five years. He doesn’t take his medication (hasn’t done so for weeks), but for the first time he feels safe, tranquil, guilt-less … normal.

He feels like his entire life is going to change. Like he’s going to be reborn as a new person, and forget that this ever happened.

(All he wants to do is go back to the start. The start is when he met a certain poor college boy in his father’s restaurant that day ten years ago).

And for the first time in five years, he finally has a good sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One year later

“Just make sure he takes his medication. Tell him to ignore any voices he hears and pretend they don’t exist.” He hears the doctor say to Luhan, who is still his eager self, nodding enthusiastically. Baekhyun is finally getting released from the hospital. Even though he knows it’s fake, he doesn’t want the deep voice like peaceful rumbling water to escape from his ears.

Baekhyun … Baekhyun…

A gentle laugh echoes in his mind, then fades away.

He clutches the envelope, the one that had broken his ideal world one year ago, and the very envelope that Luhan had carefully put all the letters in and had given to him just then, as he prepared to drive Baekhyun back to his house (they had decided that Baekhyun should live with Luhan for the time being, since Jongdae and Yixing are busy with their families).

“…It’s been six years …” Baekhyun whispers to himself as he makes himself comfortable on the couch while Luhan continues to discuss with the doctor. “… I’m supposed to be over an idiot like you.” He opens the envelope, and this time he doesn’t have any more heart palpitations, nor feelings of fear nor dread, nor sweaty hands. Still, feelings of guilt and pain thrum along with each beat of his heart, and he finds himself apologising mentally to Chanyeol again. I’m sorry, Chanyeol. It was my fault.

And because it’s my fault, I don’t want to move on.

Tipping everything out, he watches as mini pieces of paper run through his fingers, as well as photos of the two of them doing the silliest things. He smiles and scoffs to himself, and yet his heart hurts as he stares at Chanyeol in his early to mid-twenties with hairstyles ranging from slicked-back hair, fluffy black hair, curly golden hair to wild silver hair. He feels himself escaping from Chanyeol more and more (or is it Chanyeol slipping through his fingers?).

He peeks inside to see if there’s anything he missed, and he sees a small piece of paper at the bottom. He reaches down, trying to pick it off, but instead he feels a bump there, as if there is an added layer to the paper of the envelope.

Baekhyun pulls out his hand, and takes a good look at the envelope. That’s when he realises there is a piece of paper stuck along the wall of the envelope, colours the exact same brown so that Baekhyun wouldn’t notice. Heart racing, suddenly Baekhyun doesn’t care anymore as he rips open the envelope. Indeed, now with the light shining on it, Baekhyun can see a lighter coloured sticky tape roughly gluing the paper and the envelope together.

You’ve found it! You’ve found it! He swears he hears Chanyeol’s excited voice fill his mind, and he rips the paper off from the envelope. Guess you really are my Baeb.

Luhan hears the ripping sound and he rushes over, watching with wide eyes.

“What are you doing?” Luhan is about to reach out and stop him, previously having assumed Baekhyun was ripping everything to shreds, but heart lifting in relief and curiosity when he sees that Baekhyun is just ripping a piece of paper from the envelope.

After a long while, he finally gets it off, panting as he holds the paper in his hand, letting the broken envelope fall from his grasp. Luhan stands, watching him carefully as he turns it over. His heart skips a beat when he recognises Chanyeol’s writing.

 

To Baeb, my dim-sim unapprover, my lame joke hater, my one and ownly,

Okay, this is not a joke. I won’t put lame jokes and cheesy pick-up lines anymore. It’s not my style, but I’ll say what’s really in my heart (oh wait, you are haha ok I’ll stop).

We’ve gotten to know each other for five years. I know we’ll last long enough to get to know each other for the rest of our lives.

But even if we don’t, if one day something separates us (be it you getting sick of my lame jokes, or you getting distant from me), I want you to know that it’s meant to be. I hope you won’t be sad, and I hope you won’t get stuck in the past. It’s not your fault. Life moves on.

If we part, promise me that whenever you’re sad, you’ll stand up and run away from it, because sadness is contagious and addictive. Whenever it’s tough, remind yourself to stay strong, because that’s what you are, and that’s what I fell in love with. Whenever you’re lonely, always remember that even if I’m not there physically, part of me (if not all of me) will always be with you.

I’ll always be by your side, regardless of where I am in this world. Me and my Australian-made dim sims.

Baekhyun-ah, I never left, and I will never leave.

 

When Baekhyun finishes reading, his hands are shaking so violently Luhan has to hold the falling letter for him. Baekhyun feels pain. Baekhyun feels relief. Moreover, Baekhyun feels forgiven.

Luhan sits down beside him, watching him as Baekhyun blinks, hands still shaking. For the first time in years, he feels warmth fill the insides of his body, spreading throughout until he feels golden inside. Luhan holds his arm, watching him with furrowed eyes – then he smiles gently.

“You can cry … if you want.” He whispers. And just like that, Baekhyun feels tears roll out of his eyes for the first time since his first encounter with non-existent Chanyeol. Luhan stretches out his arms and Baekhyun leans into it, crying into his shoulder. He feels all feelings of hopelessness, guilt, and grief leave him, and replaced by relief as well as motivation.

“Chanyeol forgave me …” Baekhyun cries, clutching onto Luhan tightly, needing all the support he can get or else he’ll fall. Luhan hugs him tightly, as if feeling his pain.

“No, hyung …” Luhan whispers, fingers through his hair soothingly. “You never needed Chanyeol-hyung’s forgiveness …

You needed your own …”

With tear-stained eyes, he looks up from Luhan’s shoulder, and sees Chanyeol grinning at him, red hoodie contrasting greatly to his untamed, silver hair.

Are you going to listen to me now? Chanyeol asks, feet inches from the ground as he spins, then lands in the air again. Baekhyun sniffs, then lets out a smile in reply. Chanyeol nods and laughs, his solid-looking body gradually becoming more and more transparent, until he disappears into thin air. Baekhyun will miss him, but for the first time, he accepts it – accepts the fact that Chanyeol will disappear from his life forever.

But not his heart.

Chanyeol will always be there by his side, whether he sees, hears, feels him or not.

Because he never left.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I will never leave.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~End~


Inspired by 'It's okay, it's love'.
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Dreamcream
#1
Chapter 1: I can't believe I can cry this much over a ff. It's something I cannot even explain. This is an absolute masterpiece.
o3villem
#2
Chapter 1: I literally cried here at 3 a.m. Woww, blehmeh your writings are really something!!!! Btw, I am a psychology student so I kinda predicted what happened at the middle of the story (nice way to give yourself spoiler), and right then and there, I was so afraid, I didn't want my prediction to come true, but it did, my heart beat so fast and I cried, it was so hard to make a picture of something like that (chanyeol death). I really should say this that writers shouldn't write about death😭😭😭
Sharo001
685 streak #3
Chapter 1: Just ran across your story a couple of hours ago, and decided to binge read the whole thing. Once all the clues clicked into place, it was so very tragic. Poor, poor Baekhyun. What they had was so beautiful that all subsequent happenings were very understandable. The end was lovely and bittersweet. Thanks for sharing with us.
Whatislove0022 #4
Chapter 1: This is not done this story better r not come back in my head because I'm crying and I don't wanna feel this hurt my god.. Only you can do this to me I swear, author... (And my writer friend probably)
I hadn't read this story despite reading all of those written by you on aff , idk why. And now I'm just confused..
Beau1996 1305 streak #5
Chapter 1: Wow - super good - I'm a little teary eyed at the end but like the conclusion✌️
Kkaebsongie04
#6
Chapter 1: Im crying omg! I usually hate these kind of feeling but i cant help reading it till the end ! I knew it will end up w this but the way u write the story is freakin' addictive that i let u played w my soft heart :') ty author nim for making me crying in the middle of the night xD
hope_minn #7
I never cried this hard on a fanfic. Yes, there are some tears that I have shed but this one tops it all. It just hurts. It really hurts.
DimpleLover #8
Chapter 1: I.. cried so hard..
SOOSAUCE
#9
Chapter 1: im crying this is beautiful :,,,)