A deathly air

The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom

"AAAHHHH!!!!!!"The girls screamed as the severed head of Jurina rolled down on the floor. Rena and the other girls couldn't help but maintain a shock looked on their faces when they saw the blood and gore coming out of the severed neck of Jurina. But Wulfgar and Vlado pulled out there weapons and pointed them at Jurina.

Then Jurina suddenly stopped bleeding out blackened blood. Her severed neck now formed a scab around the opening forming Black Dust all over it. Jurina then recoiled to the wall behind her and began to climb on it. With the agility like a cockroach whose cover was blown in the middle of an  average household, Jurina crawled away from the room.

"Haruka, Airi, keep Miyuki inside and safe. We need to get Jurina back now!"Wulfgar ordered.

 

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KILL.....

DIE.......

BLACKENED THEIR LIGHT.....

WEAK.......

THEY ARE WEAK......

AFRAID OF WHAT NATURE INTENDED......

I AM THE MEANS OF HOW CREATION MUST BE...........

LET ME KILL YOU.....

 

The voices were back again, Jurina is now reliving them once again. The darkness, voices, the very apparations of many deceased now dance on her brain, mocking her and tempting her to submit.

 

YOU CANT FIGHT ME!!! ALL OF US WILL BE EVENTUALLY YOU!!!

 

That voice rang again. It was the same nightmarish voice that haunted her when she made first contact with Black Dust.

WEAK.....

IMMORTALITY IS A LIE!

SHE IS WEAK......

YOU ARE STRONG....

KILL HER.......

KILL SAMHANE!

ONLY THEN CAN THE BREACH IN THE SKIES BE SEALED......

KILL HER!

"NO!!! You will not make a monster out of me!"Jurina yelled but in vain the voice only laughed.

MWAHAHAHA FOOL.....

DO YOU REALLY THINK SHOUTING AT I, LORD GRIMALDUS THE BLACKENED ONE!

Black Dust began to eat her very flesh, from her skin, the muscles and bones. She is now slowly becoming a Broken Lord. Jurina frightened to the very thought of that.

"No...Rena.......Mother....Father.....I am....sorry.....I was.....weak....."Jurina said before succumbing to the darkness.

 

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The streets of Aksyar were in utter chaos, dead people now litter the desert merchant's oasis as Rena, Wulfgar and Vlado gave chase. There were reports of people seeing a black cloudy mass passing through them when the people started to drop dead, coughing in Black Dust contaminated blood.

Rena had to hold back her tears as she ran with her weakened legs after days of tiring walking from all of that journeying.

"Avatar, I must tell you something. I fear that my champion Vlado is to afraid to speak about."The consciousness of Samhane Haligtide within Rena.

"What is it?"Rena asked.

"My Brother, is the polar opposite of life and blood. It is death and bones are his to command. Everything it touches, dies and those he deems worthy are made to his lords. He has yet to find an avatar just like you to return to the living. And now he plots revenge on the very people who betrayed him....Our church."Samhane said.

"What?"Rena was confused.

"Millenias ago, after my imprisonment to the mauseleoum back in Baizan. My brother, Grimaldus was enraged that I was sentenced to sleep forever. With his godly power of Black Dust, he raised an undead army of a millions 'to kill Auriga and all of their treachery and filth'. In response to my brother's insurrection, Vlado led the Red Church to a desert dune outside Aksyar to stop him. They suceeded and banished him out of the realm of beginning. Vlado honestly thought he will be there for good. But I am afraid he is wrong. It is said that if the Black Church gets an avatar just like you, that person would undergo the same methods of turning Dust into a Broken Lord. And now, your friend Jurina, is slowly becoming one of them."Samhane said.

"Jurina, is becoming like.....Rainoric, Wulfgar, Vlado and you? No....she is just---"Rena uttered but was interrupted by Samhane again.

"You must not hesitate to kill her Rena. There is no other way, your frienship with her outweighs the lives of many if my brother suceeds in his revenge."Samhane said.

"She went through the gate the guards told me. Quick let us ride on theses horses."Vlado said.

 

"I might have to.....kill.....Jurina....."Rena thought to herself.

 

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This....is where we all died.....I died.......now.....with you as the source of my new unlife.....I shall walk this plane once again.

Jurina, now no more but a mass of clouded particles of her once beautiful body, found herself in the middle of nowhere about a ten kilometers or more away from Aksyar. The dune was empty and lifeless and the only sound was the quiet dunes brushing sand away.

"Please.....don't.....stop.......More......DIE"Jurina now in the final stages of her corruption.

Blessed Godan.....creator of all things and the gifter of Dust. Take me back to the mortal realm so I may make retribution to those who have transgressed your Holy Creation.

The sand began to swiftly brush away a part of the dune, revealing the worn remains of a Black Dust Knight armor. Its armor had several holes from arrows and missles that managed to pierce through its steel and it was complemented by a  worn yet still wearable cape. Then like a gush of wind, Jurina's essenced form was into the armor breathing it a new life. It jerked its limbs for a bit trying to adapt to its body before finally settling down.

"ALAS! I HAVE NOW WALK THIS WORLD ONCE ANEW."Grimaldus/Jurina spoke deeply and sinisterly.

'The Blackened One' twitched his fingers and with the use of the deathly Black Dust, he raised his hands upwards to the night sky. The sun became as black  as night and the moons that orbit around  Auriga turned red as blood. Then the remains of Grimaldus' army started to arise from their sandy graves, there forms quickly rose as about 500 Black Dust warriors rose around him.

"LET THE APOCALYPSE....BEGIN....."Grimaldus/Jurina declared menacingly.

 

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"Oh no! We are too late! Rena.....I  mean Samhane, your brother...."Wulfgar said

"Has risen again, I thought I slew him for good centuries ago."Vlado said clutching 'Lubyanka'.

"Jurina, no.....this can't be..... I must save her!" Rena yelled. She ran towards Grimaldus, scythe raised. But Grimaldus casually pushed her away.

"AH HA! IF IT IS ISN'T MY CONNIVING SISTER. TELL ME, HOW WAS YOUR SLEEP?"Grimaldus/Jurina said.

"Grimaldus, you aren't yourself aren't you?"Samhane spoke through Rena while standing up. She was then joined by Vlado and Wulfgar who quickly followed behind her.

"DESPAIR! FOR I AM THE END OF DAYS!"Grimaldus/Jurina raised his voice.

"You have no right to judge who lives or dies 'Soul Eater'. I have bested you once and I will best you again!"Vlado proclaimed.

"And to think I call you my brother."Samhane/Rena said.

"Let my friends go!"Wulfgar challenged.

"MWAHAHAHA! COME NOW AND FACE YOUR DEATHS!"Grimaldus/Jurina taunted.

'The Blackened One' pointed his minions to attack the three. And all 500 of them complied with the Hive Mind. They all charge, shambling and limping aimlessly at the group. Wulfgar swung his large axe and created a gap between them and the Black Dust minions that can allow Vlado and Rena to fight freely. But as each of them fell down, they simply rose again like zombies refusing to die.

"FOOLS FOR AS LONG AS MY OFFERINGS OF SOULS TO GODAN STAY ERECT, WE ARE INVINCIBLE!"Grimaldus/Jurina spoke.

Then a large wicker monolith over ten feet tall rose. It had contained so many people that Grimaldus managed to capture and stuffed inside the structure. It was sealed by a lock that prevented the people inside from escaping. Cries of help rang at the three as the monolith was suddenly set a light on Black Dust fire. If someone doesn't take out that lock, the people inside will perish.

"No! Rena, Vlado, I'm going for the people, cover me!"Wulfgar said.

"Go get them 'Tower'. Ganbatte"Rena said.

Wulfgar charged towards into the very heart of the swarm as he desperately hacked anyone who got in his way. But the closer he got to the monolith, the more stubborn were the defenders became to ensure the sacrifice is complete.

"Wulfgar-sama! Help me!"Yuki cried.

"Yuki! Airin! Minami! Miyuki! Paruru! Hayato! Leoferic! How did---"Wulfgar was stunned to see that his friends were now in the midst of danger. Wulfgar's dogma of always protecting his Lord's property and his friends burned through him. But being surrounded by the Black Dust people he was tackled from all side to the sandy ground.

"Nothing shall stop death! And when the last of them turns to ashes....WE will personally throw you and Samhane.....INTO THE SUN!"One of the Black Dust minions said.

"No!"Yukirin cried. The flames now began to their very bodies as fire slowly ate the monolith.

"No....I am...sworn to protect....those......I am sworn to be the martyr...."Wulfgar thought. His very duty was to protect but now he is failing as he is seeing them dying infront of him

Halfdan....Alaric.....Clovis....Odoacer.....Jowan.....

Allan.....Obadiah.....Petyr....

Gelasinus....Alban....Vitus....Benedictus!

"Never again!"Wulfgar yelled. He pushed himself up from the ground causing those who pinned him to be pushed away.

The Huscarl helixed his axe around like a helicopters chopper as it effortlessly sliced through the Black Dust minions. With his way clear, he ran towards the monolith. Raising his axe and in one great strike, he destroyed the lock keeping the people from escaping their fiery tomb. Everyone bailed out just as the wicker monolith was fully engulfed in blackened fire.

"Rena! Get him now!"Wulfgar shouted.

 

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Grimaldus/Jurina was weakened that his sacrifices managed to escape, his connection with his resurrected minions weakened as their bodies and forms began to shamble like a limp old man without his cane.

"FINE! IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME HEAD ON, LET US DO IT THEN!" Grimaldus/Jurina frustratingly said. He snapped his fingers and all of his minions dissipated leaving the armor that they once held their physical forms to drop to the sandy ground.

"You were always were the more impulsive one brother."Samhane/Rena said

"STOP MOCKING ME! YOU WILL GIVE ME WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE SAMHANE."Grimaldus/Jurina clenched his fist. A large mace conjured on his right hand.

"Beware his sorcery mother! I learned that the hardway."Vlado advised.

The brother and sister with a champion both charged at each other with a fury that it cause a large discharge of sand to gush away. The two Red Lords have locked their weapons tight with Grimaldus. The Blackened ones superior height and weight taking advantage over them.

"I WILL GLALDY COMMIT MY SOUL TO THE 9TH CIRCLE JUST TO DRAG YOU WITH ME."Grimaldus said pinning Samhane/Rena and Vlado.

"Never!"Vlado pushed the mace away from him and lunged his Sablia at Grimaldus only for it to deflect off of his  armor.

"YOU CANNOT BEST ME TWICE BOYAR. I ALWAY LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES." Grimaldus swung his mace and struck Vlado on his left but was unable to knock him down.

"I will have first blood! If you had any!"Vlado angrily yelled. He went berserk and began to swing his sword in lightning speeds. His swordsmanship easily went pass Grimaldus parries as he cut and slashed him causing some parts of his arm to crack open from fatigue.

Samhane/Rena conjured her bow and shot it through Grimaldus 'Helmet Head'.

"Ahh!!! Rena....please.....help me!"Jurina's voice echoed through her when the arrow struck its target.

Vlado kicked Grimaldus down to the ground and impaled his saber into the Grimaldus.

"RRAAAGGGHHHH I WILL NOT LOSE TO YOU AGAIN!"Grimaldus roared as he tries to stand back up but Vlado angrily pinned him down.

Wulfgar also ran towards him and body slammed him to the ground. Grimaldus struggled to push them away but the two Gimaelics lay resolute in pinning him down.

"Rena! Finish him!" Wulfgar said.

"I----can't do this to Jurina."Rena hesitated.

"Kill him....her or we all die!"Vlado argued.

"YES....KILL YOUR BEST FRIEND....THEN I WISH TO SEE YOU MOURN.....THEN YOU WILL BE ON YOUR KNEES!"Grimaldus laughed.

Rena clenched her head panicking on what to do, if she deals the killing blow she will also kill Jurina in the process but if she doesn't Grimaldus will be free to reign terror and tyranny from Aksyar to Gimael. She began to cry tears much to Grimaldus sadistic pleasure.

"Rena.......Please......make it stop......" Jurina's voice echoed inside her.

"Jurina?"Rena asked towards nothing.

"KKKKIIILLLLL MMMMEEEEE!!!!!! DON'T LET HIM WIN. NO MORE DIES TODAY. NO MORE!"Jurina yelled demonically.

"But.... what about....."

"Promise me.....bring me back home....."Jurina spoke her last words to Rena.

"Jurina.... don't...."Rena tried to ask her friend. Meanwhile, Grimaldus was able to push away Wulfgar and Vlado from their pinning weight and was about to stand up. His eyes in the sockets of his helmet/head darkened ever more angrily as his hands began to conjure more Black Dust, in preparation to what he will make the apocalypse and 10,000 years of death and darkness fall in Auriga. But he is at his most vulnerable state for a brief moment.

"Rena! Its now or never. Kill him!"Wulfgar shouted.

Rena shedded one last tear and prayed for forgiveness as she clutched her scythe.  Swallowing her hesistance, she ran towards Grimaldus with righteous fury.

"This is for Jurina!"Rena yelled. Before dealing the Coup de Grace on Grimaldus by impaling him in the blade of Samhane's Scythe. As it sank through his body, Grimaldus' form began to crumble down to the floor untill all that remained was the armor and ashes.

Rena knelt down to the ground crying for what she has done.

"It is over, its finally over."Vlado said relieved.

Rena could now feel the quiet of the shifting desert as the winds cooled her sweat away. She saw the remains of Grimaldus/Jurina facing her and remembered what Jurina's promise. She picked up Grimaldus' helmet and began to scoop up every last particle of ash that remained of Jurina before the winds scattered her.

"Rena, what are you doing.... we need to...."Yuki was about to asked Rena to leave with them.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"Rena yelled as she was still collecting Jurina's ashes unknown to her friends who were almost became sacrifices.

"I think its best we leave her alone for now to....cool off. Rena meet us back in the embassy when your done." Wulfgar stood up. Rena's friends all followed Wulfgar backed to Aksyar.

 

Rena now alone in the desert and was able to collect of the ashes cried herself untill her eyes dried up, became red and her voice hoarse.

"Jurina... If only I could save you...."Rena mourned.

 

 


 

 

 

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Amalya
#1
Chapter 6: Hmm. So things are certainly unfolding at a quick pace here. It's a little bit tricky keeping track of things because the forces were jumping around on Earth, showing up in one place when they were apparently expected in another, and the defenses against the intruders seem pretty ineffective. I know they're space faring warriors but couldn't we get a little more detail beyond 'necklaces' that protect them. How exactly do these things protect them?

I do like how you've been explaining more and giving more detail as the story progresses, so that's definitely something, but I have noticed a relative habit of how your voice suddenly jumps in to mention how this will be important later or explains something in the now and it's jarring. You could have one of the characters explain things mid-story, or even use the non-dialogue space to add world details that wouldn't pull the reader out of the moment when they're reading.

I was also a little confused by Rainoric's reaction to Sakura because he, and his people/friends, seem to be treating slaves with remarkable manners. But who knows. Maybe that's just the way they treat beings so far below them. *shrug* I also would prefer if you actually did more showing instead of telling with your battle scenes as opposed to saying "I'll let you use your imagination here." It comes off as lazy writing. I can imagine plenty, but I still want guidelines when you're showing me your world and what's happening in it. Do you know what I mean?

In this chapter, I was also curious when Sakura hit her head? I didn't catch that so I was surprised when she was suddenly waking up from a week long coma. :S But things are slowly starting to come together and while I'm not sure what the larger, central conflict of the world is going to be just yet, you seem to have tension aplenty between the people as a warrior race, if nothing else.
Amalya
#2
Chapter 3: Okay. So I'm just starting to read this and while I probably won't comment on every chapter, I do intend to pause every so often. I think the image in the character bio page is broken since I can't see the picture at all. I'm personally not a huge fan of character bios in the beginning of the story myself but in this case, I do think it's helpful information since most of the characters are almost completely new (goodness knows I've never heard of most of them haha).

For this chapter, I have at least begun to get an idea of what's going on in the story, though I find myself wishing for more description. What do these people look like? What sorts of mannerisms do they have, other than surprising knockouts when someone is apparently talking too long? Are they all humanoid? Do any of them talk with accents? These kinds of things. I did appreciate the explanations at the bottom of the chapter, though I also think you might have been able to work them into the story. While I also appreciate you have linked the information available for us to read up on the Endless game series, it's also something I tend to think you may want to work on incorporating more yourself. Then again, I don't know if you were expecting people to be familiar with the Endless game series if they found your story, so that could just be me at the moment.

I would say be careful with some of your spellings since I noticed a few mistakes here and there, but overall, things are easy enough to understand. I'm curious to see how the rest of the world/story unfolds with that tag you've added at the end of this update in regards to world changing consequences. heh We shall see.
UltimateLockSmith
#3
Chapter 37: Wow... Annya became a sacrifice... Rena's well... both her and Jurina in one go.... ....
fenrirabyss
#4
Chapter 36: OMG awesome update 10/10 OMG Jurina what are you doing!?!?!?!
fenrirabyss
#5
Chapter 34: Why?....I dont know what to do now......T^T
RukaKikuchi
#6
Chapter 34: *speechless* *tears flowing* Why...? T^T
RukaKikuchi
#7
Chapter 33: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! TT_____TT
RukaKikuchi
#8
Chapter 32: WOAH! This is a new kind of body swap... uh, if you can count it that. XD
Update soon! *bows*
RukaKikuchi
#9
Chapter 24: O_________O Holy freaking crap......
UltimateLockSmith
#10
Chapter 8: Hey, for your question an adding another character from AKB, I want SKEs Takayanagi Akane... In some action fanfics I've read with Churi, she fights hard... One Fic I've read, Churi had a fudging jet XD