For the last two years, I admitted to myself that I’m in love with my own brother. And there’s nothing more terrible than that. I thought. But then, you can’t weigh the terribleness of things to things unless you experience them all.

Then one day I saw them kissing--Mizuki and Airi.

I sulked for the longest possible ever without any of them knowing why.

I’m aware that what I’m feeling is wrong. So wrong.

If there is no wrong in love. Then why is this love so wrong?

I grew up to believe that love is not as perfect as mom and dad’s love story. Love is vain. Love is selfish.

*****

I heard a click in my door knob. Then I heard footsteps. The side of my bed moved as an indication that someone sitting on it. “Nothing changed here.” He looked around.  I know it was Mizuki, getting all worried why I didn’t eat again. “Hey.” He tried calling me under the thick pink blanket. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

I didn’t answer. I don’t want to.

“Minami.” He sighed.

I didn’t move a muscle.

I felt him stand from the bedside.

Thinking he would leave, I was wrong. The next thing I knew he was already pulling the blanket covering my body. “Talk to me, Minami!”

“No!” I tried to pull back the blanket. I sat on my bed and pulled hard the blanket, still trying to cover my face.

“You’re worrying everyone. You’re worrying mom and dad. And Airi-cha—Ouch!”

I released the blanket and so he fell on the floor. He was covered by the blanket before he removed it away from himself, pissed off and rubbing his . “Minami! What the—”

He froze upon seeing me. My eyes are swollen and my nose and cheeks are red. I was panting in anger as I glared at him, never thought tears will easily form in my eyes again. I never said and did anything, though I really wanted to punch him hard in the face.

My muscles are shaking. And my tears fell easily on my cheeks.

Mizuki slowly crawled and sat on my bed. He did nothing. Just stare at me. Not removing his eyes on me.

My arms unconsciously wrapped around Mizuki’s neck. “I...I’m afraid of losing Mizuki.”

I heard him gulped.

I tightened the hug. And he immediately wrapped his arms around my smaller frame.

“I love you Mizuki.” The words unconsciously slipped from my lips and Mizuki’s hug loosens. He slowly removed my arms around his neck.

I felt so stupid. Damn, why did I say it!

When I was ready to apologize and run far—very far away, I felt his face leaning closer to mine. His hands are shaking as he held me in my arm. He continued moving closer that I can already feel his nose against mine.

“Mizuki? Minami?”

My heart leap in so much surprise as we broke from each other and saw the most surprise face of our mother in the door entrance.

Mom covered as she panted silently. Whose parent would not after seeing her own children about to kiss. In that situation. In that place.

*****

We were silent in the dining table. It wasn’t time for dinner but we were sitting around. Mine and Mizuki’s head were kept down. I particularly can’t look at my parents right now. Never can I. I’m so ashamed.

“Tell me what’s going on?” Dad eyed both of us. His voice was calm but his face isn’t and there’s no way I would want to look at my daddy this time.

None of us said anything.

“I said what’s going on?!!!” Blood rushed through dad’s angry feature. While mom next to him kept her palms together, silent and crying.

Suddenly dad pulled Mizuki in the collar.

“Dad!!!” I immediately shouted.

“Hiro!” Mom rushed to stop him from landing a fist on her baby boy.

Dad’s fist was shaking.

“Don’t do this Hiro.” Mom pleaded.

His lips made a thin line as tears formed in his eyes. He then dropped his formed fist and removed the grip on Mizuki’s collar.

Mom immediately cupped Mizuki’s cheeks. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” She kissed him in the forehead before mom hugged us both and kissed me in both cheeks.

Dad walked backwards apathetically before he dropped on the floor, crying...so hard. Those were the most painful set of tears I’ve seen in my whole life. I felt so sorry. I felt so guilty. But I never do anything. I just watched him cry and cry.

Mom kneeled in front of dad and hugged him tight.

*****

It was like a nightmare. After that, we still moved on as a family. As if nothing happened.

Mizuki continued dating Airi.

And I learned to be independent. I transferred in an all girls Catholic School. I lived in a dorm and I live alone. Mom and dad eventually visits me but never di