Characters: Yamada Ryosuke, Shida Mirai, Suzuki Kyoka as Yamda Mariko, Rin Takanashi as Nurse Takanashi, OC

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In the depth of every deafening silent night, that lullaby would always brought the little me in the calmest slumber. Every unsatisfactory becomes perfect, the cheap pillow ing my head was the softest despite the old cotton tore in its smallest pieces. The aged patched blanket in different colors and patterns was thick enough to hold my shaking body in each cold winter night and the hard-rock bed feels as comfortable as laying in a king’s ones. Sleeping in comfort was one I never experienced—denied at birth, toss and towed after a day, pushed after a week, abandoned after a month, tormented after a year. That is are we, unwanted. Left by time, hoping that someday every tick of the clock becomes a friend and waiting becomes a sweet lemon squeezed in our thirsty and dried mouth. The setting of the sun is the only sign that another waiting is done—waiting that someday, bigger hands are to wrap our small ones. But that lullaby was the only reason I opt to forget the distasteful truth, because as it started to blow with every gentle lyric, my heart flutter at its extreme and I felt loved in her little caress. She was my mom, though she’s not.

“Sleep tight, my candle light.

The silence of the night

Close your eyes.

And tomorrow will be bright.

Your mom will sing you goodnight.

My little candle light.”

Those were the exact repeated lyrics. I wouldn’t forget. Though almost 17 years had passed. I wouldn’t forget.  Her sweet little voice echoing in my brain. I wouldn’t forget. Her soft tiny fingers caressed my hair. I wouldn’t forget. Her lullaby. Her smile. Her everything. I wouldn’t forget.

I call her Ka-chan (mommy), though she’s not. I was even a day older than her.

Because in the orphanage where everyone was never given the chance to be whom’s children. Where everyone is not a parent, anyone can be your family. And I chose her—that small girl who sings to me that self-composed lullaby—to be my Ka-chan.

Waiting always comes to its end. I listen to the tick of the clock, and yes as expected, it was friendly today, but a bulk was stuck inside my throat. I choked with the unpatterned feelings. Because that day everything changed.

An old lady leaned in front of me. “From now on, I will be your mom.”

I was adopted that day. And my cheerful Ka–chan who wore that baby blue dress was changed to a lonely old lady in black.

My Ka-chan—she looked at me with beaming eyes, they were the prettiest. She mouthed the word ‘Goodbye’ and just watched me leave the portals of the orphanage that day and towed by the old lady I now call ‘mom’.

My mom, she’s a very lonely woman. She smiles at me with a lonely grin. She hugs me with a loose grip. She kisses with unmeant smack. And she loved me with pretence. But she needs me genuinely.

I’m happy I was there for her. She once had a family, but for a reason, she woke up without them.

She calls me Ryosuke. But most of the times Yukito. It was the name of his real son.

She hits me with no reason and yelled at my little mistakes. But hugs me after all the bruises are swollen and kisses me after I plastered all my wounds.

My mom was not your typical mom. She’s different. But I never wanted to know the reason why. Until, I was 25.

“Do you know she’s ill?” The doctor spoke to me in the halls of the hospital.

I shook my head. And that’s because I don’t consider her ill. She’s just different. That’s it!

“Boy, your mom is mentally ill.” He finally said it. “We’ll have to turnover her in the hospital appropriate for her case. She’ll have to stay there until she’s completely recovered.”

I walked away from the doctor after that. I was thinking but my mind is empty. My feeling is indescribable that I would choke in it. I breathe heavily as I looked down my feet—trembling.

“Sleep tight, my candle light.

The silence of the night

Close your eyes.

And tomorrow will be bright.

Your mom will sing you goodnight.

My little candle light.”

My eyes widened as my heart fluttered in its nostalgia.

I heard a nurse singing Ka-chan’s lullaby inside the nursery ward.

The lady in complete white uniform turned and that was then I saw her face. Her beaming eyes, looking at me in confusion, was the prettiest pair. She has Ka-chan’s eyes...and that self-composed lullaby.

*****

Two days later. In a small room of discomfort, Ryosuke Yamada was sitting on his bed, hugging his knees and his chin rested on top of them. His eyes lousily watched blankly outside the dusty glass window. Children’s voices sing together with the noisy sound of cicadas. It was a bright morning and the lad was not as bright as the day. His eyes made dark circles around them. His hair unruly—he had not taken a bath for two days now nor washed his face or change clothes. He completely forgot about doing them.

There are two things inside his unruly head for two days. One. His mom was taken away from him. He can no more hear her loud voice telling him repeatedly how stupid he is. He can no more hear her footsteps coming up and down the stairs as she calls Yukito’s name. He can no more smell her burnt fried eggs. She’s not at home anymore. Two. The thought of that nurse with beautiful eyes who had his Ka-chan’s lullaby have been bringing him up late at night.

An old box was laid beside him. His eyes lousily landed on the box as he cupped each precise carving on it. He flipped it open and a relaxing sound escaped from it. He made it himself, so it is special.

“Sleep tight, my candle light. The silence of the night. Close your eyes. And tomorrow will be—” He apathetically sang through the tune of the music box. “Your mom will sing you goodnight. My little candle... light.”

It was the total yearning for Ka-chan’s lullaby that made him made that music box out of scrap.

A growl made him blink. He looked down to close the music box and shift his sight at his stomach and slowly touched it. He doesn’t remember the last time he ate. Air might have just taken residence inside his stomach right now.

Lifting his up and picking the music box from his bed, he took his old blue jacket from the table. He walk down the stairs and left the music box on the dining table. He checked on his wallet and he had few yen inside.

Ryosuke came back after a couple of minutes with plastic bag in his grip. He opened the door of his house. “Tadai—“ He paused and realized there was nothing inside the house but complete silence. He sighed  and walked in. Throwing the plastic bag lightly in the dining table, hitting the old box and the electric airpot.

Later he was slurping cup noodles. He was indeed really hungry that he might have died in an unfelt starvation anytime. He was eating like he had not eaten for a long long time. Well, two days was long enough.

He doesn’t care to turn on the lights. All of a sudden he paused from eating. His mouth covered in noodle soup that he has wipe the tiny dripple under his chin. He just realized...he is alone again. Just like what it was supposed to be. He hates how it felt like. Realizing he was parched, he opened the fridge. Empty. Almost. A bottle of water was inside. He immediate drank from it and consumed more