A beep signals for him to start, but Taekwoon waits all the same. It isn’t until five or so seconds into filming that he finally glances up towards the lense. He plays with his fingers off screen, making sure to keep his shoulders still as to not give away his bad habit. “Hello.” He worries that his shy voice won’t be picked up by the tiny mic on his collar, “Thank you for clicking on my video. You can… You can call me Leo, please.” An inaudible sigh passes his lips as he glances away from the camera. Looking back, he bows his head and continues, “Please take good care of me.” He knows he’s probably said “please” too often already, but it’s been recorded, and he’s sure he doesn’t have it in him to record this intro again. Besides, it’s not the intro he’s really concerned about, it’s the part after.

Filming becomes easier as Taekwoon starts to sing. Though he hardly looks into the camera, the way he clutches one hand to his chest and reaches the other in the air conveys his emotions in a way that his eyes never could alone. When he finishes he bows again, whispers a thanks, and shuts off the camera.

His heart is beating in his ears as he pulls the memory chip out from the camera he’s borrowed from Hongbin and places it into his computer. The footage isn’t too bad. It’s a bit hard to hear him in the beginning, but his singing voice rings loud and clear through his speakers. It’s definitely passable and honestly Taekwoon doesn’t want to do it again. However, he can’t help but cringe as he watches it over for the fifth time. His voice is so sharp. He hates that he can’t find that balance between intonations, that he can’t produce a sound that’s smooth and powerful.

He groans, burying his head in his hands as the uploading timer pops up at the top of his screen. He started sharing videos to YouTube in a feigned attempt at improving his vocals. He wants feedback-- someone to tell him how to move his lips or where to place his tongue. Instead he gets the influx of compliments that, while appreciated, do little to help him:

TaekMe2043: Oppa your voice is so nice!!

LionGirl11: Omo! Oppa is so handsom~~~~

HungTaekW00N: i wna b the cause of tht scream *3*

Some of them crack a genuine smile on his lips while others make him want to recoil from the computer and never upload again. But after reading each page of comments (and Taekwoon goes through all of them) none of them help his performance how he would like.

It goes on like this for every video he uploads. Every week the same thing. He sighs. Maybe it’s time to give up.