When Bae Joohyun arrives, she's all anyone talks about.

 

You don’t really bother with it, not the type for petty gossip, but you entertain Seungyeon as she rambles on and on about the mysterious new trainee who’s so pretty students used to line across the windows just to get a glimpse of her. You think it’s probably just an exaggeration (you’ve seen Yoona sunbae before and you don’t think anyone could compare to her), but when you see Joohyun for the first time during dance practice, off to the side, listening intently to the instructor, you start to believe everything Seungyeon told you.

 

Pretty as she is, you’re not sure she’ll last. She’s so small, so fragile, you’d hate to see someone like her ruined by the industry, but then she turns to you, eyes set, jaw locked, and there’s a sort of determination behind that initial timidness that has you backtracking.

 

You watch her. Witness her move with more grace than you’ll ever have, see her become an entirely different person under the booming tempo of the music, and you think:

 

please last.

 

--

 

You don’t actually talk until a week later.

 

You’re coming out of vocal lessons when Seungyeon calls you over, voice far too cheery for someone who’s just ended acting lessons.

 

“Seulgi!” she gestures you forward hurriedly and it’s only when she turns that you see Joohyun standing behind her. “Have you met Joohyun unnie yet?”

 

You shake your head as Joohyun’s eyes wander off to the side, avoiding direct contact with your own.

 

“Hi,” you offer and she bows her head.

 

“Hello.”

 

It’s a bit too formal and stiff but you chalk it off to awkwardness. Joohyun doesn’t say anything, just keeps her eyes trained on anything but you and you can’t help but wonder why.

 

Seungyeon starts babbling on about practice and school and something else you don’t bother catching. Joohyun still won’t look at you, and for whatever reason, you’re hit with the determination to change that.

 

“Unnie," you call softly, interrupting Seungyeon’s monologue. Joohyun finally looks at you, eyes wide and you think there’s no way she can be older. “Would you like to go eat with us?”

 

Joohyun doesn’t say anything right away, but that doesn’t stop you from looking on hopefully.

 

“Actually,” Seungyeon starts, eyes trailing back and forth between the two of you, “I think I’m going to get some extra practice in. You two go ahead.”

 

She leaves before you can say anything. You wonder what her angle is - she’s never been the type to turn down an outing, especially for the sake of practicing - but you don’t dwell on things that shouldn’t matter and leave it alone. You turn back to Joohyun who has yet to speak.

 

“So, just you and me then?”

 

You smile in the way you’ve been told is cute and it seems to cripple Joohyun second by second until she’s giving you one of her own.

 

“Just you and me then.”

 

--

 

Whether it’s because Joohyun’s the oldest or she’s so pretty to the point of intimidation, the other trainees never seem to talk to her so much as they talk about her.

 

You notice it when you’re in the middle of a dance, some of the others off to the side, kind of watching but mostly messing around, and Joohyun walks in and suddenly the thump of the bass becomes deafening in the sudden silence.

 

It happens again during a break in acting lessons, your friends who were just moments before laughing unabashedly now whispering to each other secretly at her arrival.

 

You think (hope) that Joohyun doesn’t notice, but when your eyes try to find hers and they can’t because Joohyun’s too busy staring down at the floor, you know she does.

 

You don’t really know Joohyun - one awkward meal together hardly places you as friends - but it doesn't sit well with you to know she’s been put on a pedestal so high up she’s all alone.

 

The others eye you as walk across the room, but you ignore them, pretending not to be intimidated by the stares - your sweaty palms and warm cheeks saying otherwise.

 

“Practice was hard today, huh?” you say as you drop unceremoniously to the floor next to her. She startles and you almost laugh.

 

“Uh- yeah, I guess.” Her voice is small, like a child’s. It makes you want to wrap her in your jacket and shield her from the world.

 

You smile instead.

 

“We should practice together some time. You dance really well,” you comment casually, blowing a strand of hair away from your face.

 

In the middle of the room, Jongin has started a dance battle with some of the others, and all the attention that was previously on you two filters away.

 

Joohyun rests her cheek against her knees, looking at you with eyes that seem like they’re sparkling with the kind of stars you’ve only seen in the sky.

 

“Okay,” she answers, the smallest hint of a smile on her face and she’s so beautiful it has your lungs constricting in a way that's painful.

 

You nod because you don’t think you can speak at the moment and turn away. Joohyun’s eyes are burning holes into the side of your head and you can’t quite figure out why your heart is beating the way it is.

 

You’re fifteen and you don’t realize it then, but you’re in love.

 

--

 

At sixteen, you hit a slump so hard it physically weighs you down to your bed in the mornings.

 

You don’t want to get up because everything seems pointless and nothing matters anymore. The friends you’ve trained with have either debuted or are preparing to debut or quit because they were smart and got out early. While you’re just there still clutching onto the useless hope that your time will come soon even though everyday it seems like it’s going further and further away.

 

Your friends from school don’t understand why you’re constantly tired and you want to tell them but you can’t because you’re just a trainee and it’s always been an unspoken rule that you don’t talk about being a trainee until you’ve got something to show for it.

 

Your body feels heavy with the burden of all the problems you can’t even share, and your dad, who finds you sprawled on the couch late one night, sits beside you and rubs your back the way he used to when you were younger and you couldn’t sleep.

 

“Don’t push yourself,” he says quietly. “If it’s too hard, it’s okay to stop. You don’t have to do this.”

 

You look into his eyes and you know he means every word, know that maybe it was too hard for him, that he gave up and now spends his days wondering what it would be like if he hadn't. He’s been your biggest supporter for as long as you can remember and you know it’s both of your dreams that you’re striving for. And even though he’s serious, you don’t want to quit, you don’t want to fail. You don’t want to spend forever wondering ‘what if.’

 

Maybe that’s why you linger when everyone else has already gone and in the solitude of the practice room, stare at yourself in the mirror and think about every reason why you should just stop.

 

You aren’t pretty enough.

 

You can’t sing well enough, can’t dance well enough, can’t act well enough, can’t do anything well enough.

 

You’re just not good enough.

 

You don’t even realize you’re crying until you bury your face into your hands and feel the tears soak into your palms.

 

It doesn’t even feel worth it.

 

“Seulgi?”

 

You don’t lift your head because you’re ugly when you cry and someone as pretty as Joohyun doesn’t deserve to see that.

 

“Seulgi-yah.”

 

Nimble fingers pry your hands away from your face but you keep your head down. You think it’s funny that of all the people to find you it had to be Joohyun, the one person you know you’d crumble under because she looks at you like you could move mountains when all you really can do is climb them.

 

She lowers her head, trying to meet your eyes but you’re stubborn and turn away. You can imagine her frown as she rubs your arm soothingly.

 

“What’s wrong?” she asks. You hate that she’s concerned, hate that it’s your fault, hate that you aren’t stronger than you are.

 

“I-” the words die in your throat, fresh tears blurring your vision. You will yourself not to cry, but you’ve never been good at stopping once you’ve started. “It’s just,” you try again, “I’m so...tired.”

 

You bring your knees to your chest, trying to cave into yourself. You’re more than tired, but you don’t know how to say that without seeming like you’ve given up (even if you already have).

 

Joohyun wraps her arms around you, breath warm against your cheek as she nudges her forehead against your temple. It’s the closest you’ve ever been to her, but you can’t even revel in the moment because you’re too busy trying not to sob like a complete child.

 

“I know,” she whispers, holding you closer. “I know.”

 

And you let yourself go, crying into her shoulder as she comforts you quietly. It hits you then that you’re not the only one who’s suffering. Joohyun who’s the oldest and has to watch out for all the other trainees, who learned how to speak like everyone else because she didn’t want to be different, who lives so far from home but never complains. She’s got it so much worse than you and yet you’re the one crying.

 

“I’m sorry,” you say, wiping at your eyes with your sleeves. “I just-”

 

She lowers your arms, looking at you with a tender smile and it still takes your breath away.

 

“It’s okay. I understand.”

 

You nod and move back - now that you aren’t a blubbering mess you’re aware of the close proximity and you’re really not ready for that just yet. You look at yourself in the mirror and, god, you really are ugly when you cry, especially next to Joohyun who looks stunning just sitting there.

 

“You can’t quit.” Joohyun says after a while. You stare at each other through the mirror and maybe it’s your imagination but she looks flustered. “If you quit- I...what will I do?”

 

You turn to her, but she keeps her face forward. Softly,she continues.

 

“If you can’t make it then how will I?”

 

You frown. “Unnie…”

 

She looks at you then and you see that same determination from that first day, except now it’s directed only at you and not a room full of people doubting her.

 

“Just keep going okay? And I’ll keep going with you,” she tells you and you can’t help but smile.

 

It feels like you’ve broken through the surface of murky water when you breathe. Lungs on fire but relieved with the weight that’s been lifted from your shoulders.

 

“Okay,” you nod, “but you have to promise.”

 

She laughs as you hold out your pinky finger, but laces it with her own nonetheless.

 

“I promise.”

 

She smiles at you and you realize then that it is worth it.

 

Joohyun's worth it.

 

--

 

There’s an unspoken bond between the two of you after what you refer to as ‘the incident.’

 

Joohyun seems to always be there every time you turn and if she’s not, then she’s in front of you, urging you forward.

 

You learn a lot about Joohyun these days. How she has an irrational dislike for chicken, how she hates whenever you crack your knuckles (which you make sure to do as often as you can in her presence), how she loves skinship more than anyone else you know.

 

The first time she links arms with you, it throws you off completely. You’re not a very physically affectionate person to begin with, but coupled with the fact that it’s Joohyun of all people, has you turning completely rigid.

 

“Relax,” she laughs, swatting at your frozen arm. “I don’t bite.”

 

You scratch at your neck, hoping that the chuckle you let out doesn’t sound as awkward or as forced as it does to you.

 

“Right, sorry,” you apologize. “I don’t usually do skinship.”

 

She pinches your cheek and smiles teasingly. “I know, but I do so you better get used to it.”

 

You yelp at the hand that slaps you from behind and you’re sure you’ve turned ten shades darker. Joohyun runs off, laughing at your demise and you think she’s really more than just a pretty face. She’s cute and childish, kind and sweet. She laughs at things that aren’t funny, hits you whenever you try to be, and is always there even when you aren’t looking.

 

She’s perfect.

 

She’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

 

--

 

You get confessed to for the first time when you’re seventeen.

 

You don’t really understand what’s happening until it’s happening and suddenly the bumbling awkwardness from him and teasing smirks from your friends makes sense.

 

Honestly, you’ve never even thought about boys and you certainly didn’t think they thought about you either.

 

He’s looking at you expectantly, sweating so much you feel kind of bad and, oh, you’re supposed to say something.

 

“I’m sorry,” you start and his face falls. You feel terrible, you really do, but if you’re being truthful, you barely even know the guy. He’s just another classmate you only just remember the name of.

 

You stumble through the rejection, doing your best not to hurt him, but he still leaves with his head hanging low and his shoulders forward.

 

It jars you, realizing you’ve had such an effect on someone you hardly know. You don’t understand how it’s possible and you spend more time than you’d like mulling it over long after it’s happened.

 

“What are you thinking about?” Joohyun asks, knocking against your head lightly.

 

You pout at her. “I got confessed to today.”

 

Her expression is startlingly neutral and you have no idea what she is or isn’t thinking.

 

“Did you accept?”

 

You shake your head, twisting the cap of your water bottle. “No. I don’t even know him, but he seemed so upset after...” You stare at the ceiling, recalling the image of him dejectedly walking away from you and sigh. “I didn’t even think anyone liked me.”

 

“Everyone likes you, you dummy,” Joohyun laughs and pokes at your side.

 

You swat at her. “I mean like like.”

 

Joohyun shakes her head and she’s still smiling in that way she always does whenever she looks at you (like she knows more than she’s letting on and you’ll never figure out what).

 

“A lot of people like like you.”

 

You frown. “That’s not true.”

 

Joohyun raises a brow and answers simply. “Jongin.”

 

“We’re just friends!”

 

Joohyun rolls her eyes. “Maybe to you, but he definitely wants to be more.”

 

You and Jongin have been friends since you started training, bonding over your mutual love for dance and performing. The idea of being anything more than that with him is weird on so many different levels.

 

You grimace. “He’s like my brother.” Joohyun laughs again, linking her arm with you as she guides you both out of the practice room.

 

“I know, I was just making a point,” she says as you walk. You don’t even know where you’re going, but you don’t mind as long as you’re with Joohyun.

 

“I still don’t see what your point is exactly.”

 

She chuckles dryly and halts you both. You’re in the hallway outside of the rooms with voice lessons. Down the hall, you can hear the heavy pounding of the bass of some pop song.

 

Joohyun stares at you, face suddenly serious. “You’re charming, Seulgi, and you're pretty. You can sing and dance and you’re adorable without even trying. A lot of people like you.”

 

You want to laugh because none of that seems true, but the air around you is too thick for you to even consider that she’s joking.

 

And you wonder.

 

Do you like me?

 

You open your mouth to speak, but before you can one of the doors opens. It’s like being woken from a trance with the way both your heads snap towards it immediately.

 

A group of girls file out, giggling in the way school girls do. One of them smiles and bows at you as she passes.

 

Kim Yerim.

 

She’s so young, but she’s talented with a face that the company already adores. You wouldn’t be surprised if she debuted before you (all your other friends did).

 

The two of you don’t say anything as they pass, just wait silently until it’s only the two of you again. The hallway feels suffocating, filled with all the hopes and dreams of every trainee who’s ever walked through it, and it crushes you, brings you back to the reality you almost forgot about.

 

“I meant what I said earlier,” Joohyun starts softly, “a lot of people like you.”

 

You want to ask why she’s bringing this up again, but you can’t will yourself to. There’s another unspoken question lingering in the air, filling the gaps that separate you both. You’re not sure if you want to know the answer.

 

 

“Whatever you say, unnie.” You smile, grabbing her hand and leading her back the way you came. “Come on, I’m hungry!”

 

She doesn’t say anything about the topic again, and you never bring it up either. That doesn’t stop you from thinking about it late at night, when it’s just you and your thoughts and the image of Joohyun looking at you in that narrow hallway.

 

Do you like me?

 

--

 

There’s a new girl, Seungwan (or Wendy you’ve heard people call her - she is from Canada), who arrives and she’s so good at singing you want to be jealous but you can’t because you’re a little starstruck if you’re being honest. You take it upon yourself to become her friend and you drag along a slightly unwilling Joohyun with you.

 

“Hi.” You smile and she looks kind of alarmed to see two of the longest trainees standing in front of her. “I heard you singing. You’re really good!”

 

“Uh, thanks,” she says, eyes still a bit wide.

 

You elbow Joohyun who yelps and sends you a threatening glare. You motion for her to say something because she’s the oldest and she’s supposed to be good at this sort of thing.

 

“Hi.” Joohyun’s smile is timid at best and on impulse, she reaches for your hand. “I’m Joohyun.”

 

“Seungwan,” she introduces, bowing deeply.

 

Cute.

 

“We were just about to eat. Would you like to come?”

 

Joohyun shoots you a look that says neither of you so much as talked about eating, but you ignore it. She needs more friends anyways.

 

“Sure.” Seungwan smiles. “Just let me go get my stuff.”

 

When she leaves the two of you, Joohyun raises a brow.

 

“What?” you ask but she just shakes her head.

 

Seungwan comes back before you can question Joohyun further and it’s only when you’re out of the building and in the cold, Joohyun pressed firmly into your side that you realize she still hasn’t let go of your hand.

 

--

 

Seungwan fits into your life so easily it’s almost like she was made to be there in the first place.

 

It helps that she just seems to get you when it comes to music.

 

And then there’s Joohyun who’s been more and more confusing the more you stop to think about it (which you do quite often). It’s been a year since you met Seungwan, two years since your classmate pulled you aside and confessed to you, and you’ve determined that part of the reason you’ve never thought about boys is because of training but also because you’re too busy thinking about Joohyun.

 

It’s not even you that makes this revelation, but Seungwan who’s somehow picked up on the slight nuances that make up your relationship with the older girl.

 

You’re in the middle of a story about how Joohyun helped you discover your hidden talent for imitating pikachu, when Seungwan starts laughing to herself quietly.

 

“What?” you ask, staring at her in concern. Maybe the time away from Canada has finally made her crazy.

 

“Nothing.” she shakes her head, smile still on her face. “It’s just, you two talk about each other a lot.”

 

You look at her confused. “What do you mean?”

 

Seungwan raises a brow and looks at you like she’s about to tell you something profound (she probably is). “You two are always with each other, and if you aren’t, well...” she gestures at you vaguely. “You’re like this.”

 

You look down at yourself, thinking maybe you’re missing something, but when Joohyun walks in later, armed with a pikachu plush she claims she couldn’t not buy for you when she saw it, and your cheeks warm and your heart begins to beat like you just ran a marathon you think you understand.

 

You glance at Seungwan who’s been watching the whole exchange silently, the look on her face saying more than it doesn’t (she’s never been good at controlling her expressions).

 

You try to ignore it but it’s hard and all you think about. Joohyun’s all you think about.

 

I told you so.

 

--

 

Your name is at the top of the search engines and your first thought is that they chose a terrible picture to use of you in the article.

 

This is followed closely by the overwhelming confusion over why you’re even in an article in the first place.

 

“I didn’t know you knew Kyuhyun sunbaenim,” Seungwan comments, reading the article on her own phone.

 

“I don’t.” You frown. “Not really, anyways.”

 

You’ve met all the company seniors at least once or twice, mostly just in passing (perks of being around for so long), but never enough for you to think they’d know you let alone mention you on public television.

 

It’s all Soojung and Jinri’s fault, you think as you fall backwards to lie on the floor. You haven’t talked with them much since they debuted all those years ago, but you know they always got a kick out of all the older trainees constantly doting on you. Those jerks.

 

“What’s wrong with you?” Joohyun asks, crouching over you so you’re looking up at her. She’s blocking the light and from this angle it’s almost like she’s glowing.

 

You close your eyes instinctively.

 

“Kyuhyun subaenim mentioned her and now everyone’s going crazy trying to find her pictures,” Seungwan answers casually while you groan.

 

“Seriously?” Joohyun asks and from the sound of her voice you know it’s meant for you.

 

You nod.

 

“Is that...bad?”

 

You laugh and it’s so easy to picture the frown on Joohyun’s face. Honestly, you wouldn’t make fun of her age so much if she would just act like she was still part of your generation.

 

“Not really,” Seungwan answers. “The comments aren’t all that bad. A few say to stay away from him, but most are just saying you’re cute.”

 

“Then why is she…” You crack an eye open to see Joohyun gesturing at you.

 

“No clue, but I’ll leave that for you to figure out. I’ll see you later, unnie!”

 

“Where are you going?” You call after her, tilting your head back enough to see her standing at the door.

 

“Voice lessons,” she responds simply.

 

You purse your lips. Didn’t she just have voice lessons?

 

Before you can say anything, she leaves and then it’s just you and Joohyun alone together. You close your eyes again because if you look at Joohyun it might bring up feelings you don’t even want to think about nevermind experience.

 

“Seulgi,” she calls, voice much nearer than before. You feel fingers pull through your hair and for a while you revel in the comfort of her touch. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.” And it’s not a lie. There’s nothing wrong in this moment. Not with Joohyun stimulating all your senses like this. How could anything be wrong?

 

“Are you sure?” she asks, fingers stopping. You almost whine.

 

“I’m grateful he remembers me.” You answer finally and Joohyun’s fingers start again. You have to concentrate to get out what you want to say because it’s hard to focus on anything when Joohyun’s touching you like this. “But now if I don’t debut…”

 

Six years is a long time. Most trainees don’t stay longer than seven, not unless they’re really dedicated, but you don’t know how much longer you can keep this up. The idea of being on stage is beginning to feel like a far off dream once again. Only this time you’re not sure you want to keep chasing it.

 

“You’ll debut,” Joohyun tells you and when you open your eyes, she’s much nearer than you expected.

 

“How do you know?”

 

She smiles wryly. “I don’t.”

 

She doesn’t. You can tell from her eyes that she doesn’t. All the uncertainty, the stress, she doesn’t know if you’ll debut or if she will either, but she’s still holding on for the both of you. She always has been.

 

“All right.”

 

She quirks a brow. “All right?”

 

“All right.”

 

You smile and she follows soon after.

 

“All right.”

 

--

 

They put you in a project group with Joohyun and Seungwan and a couple of others. It’s tentative and nothing’s set in stone, but it’s one step closer and your heart almost bursts at that thought alone.

 

“Told you,” Joohyun whispers, nudging you with her elbow.

 

“Yeah, you did.” You smile as Seungwan, on the other side of you, starts muttering to herself in English, pulling out her phone to probably call her parents.

 

Training with the group is harder than any of your training from before. It’s long and tiring and you feel like you’re getting yelled at more than you're getting praised. The girls originally in the lineup are slowly pulled out one by one, your heart stopping every time another one leaves.

 

You’re next, you keep thinking and you dance harder and sing louder, until your legs are shaking and your throat is burning.

 

There’s only four of you left. You, Joohyun, Seungwan, and another girl, Sooyoung, who’s younger than all of you and the most inexperienced. She’s nice and funny, but her eyes are bright with insecurity. You hope she makes it.

 

“Irene,” Joohyun mumbles, looking at her picture. “How come you get to keep your name?”

 

You laugh as you both scroll through the endless amounts of pictures you just took. A predebut team they called it. An introduction before the introduction.

 

“Do I look like I could be anything other than a Seulgi?” you ask her and she narrows her eyes at you before decidedly shaking her head. “That’s what I thought.”

 

It’s not quite a debut, but the photoshoots and videos and supportive (and negative) comments quell your restlessness. You know a debut is around the corner, you’ve already recorded all these songs and Seungwan and Sooyoung already have stage names as well - though Seungwan’s name is really just her English name (“Now you have to call me Wendy!” she shouts and you groan). It’s just the matter of when that has you biting at your nails and cracking your knuckles more than usual.

 

“Seulgi, Joohyun,” your dance instructor calls. He’s got two chairs set up in the middle of the room and you both share a look. He smiles. “I’ve got a project for you.”

 

The choreography itself is hard enough without the chairs thrown in (you really hope they don’t make you sing this live later), and then there’s the fact that it’s with Joohyun - which isn’t bad, you love dancing with her, it’s just the kind of dancing you’re doing isn’t entirely what you were expecting (though really, you should have known once you saw the chairs).

 

“It’s supposed to be sensual, you guys,” your instructor sighs after you go through it for the nth time that day. “Again. And put some feeling in it!”

 

Feeling.

 

You could put a lot of feeling if you wanted to - probably too much really - but you stop yourself every time. Although, realistically, if there were ever time to, now would be it. There’s nothing holding you back this time.

 

Just let yourself go.

 

With a deep breath, you steel yourself and when you turn, look at Joohyun the way you’ve always wanted to.

 

Her eyes widen for a fraction of a second before it’s gone, replaced with narrowed eyes and parted lips. She was always a good actress.

 

You dance like you mean it. Let yourself drown in Joohyun’s presence, let you bask in the touches the dance has allowed you, let your eyes linger longer than they should. When you finish, you’re panting, body hot but not from of all the movement.

 

Behind you, your instructor claps.

 

“That’s what I’m talking about!” he smiles. “Now just do that every time.”

 

You spare a glance at Joohyun who’s breathing heavily, sweat lining her forehead and neck. She gives you a crooked smile and your face warms.

 

“Again?”

 

You nod, getting into position.

 

This dance will be the death of you.

 

--

 

A cover up group.

 

That’s what you’re being called. You’d be offended if you hadn’t already thought the same thing.

 

“Be happy! We’re debuting,” Seungwan says, brushing against you slightly. Even if she’s supposed to be Wendy now, you think she’ll always just be Seungwan. Seungwan who sings silly songs with you late at night, who makes you food whenever you whine and eats it all with you so you don’t feel alone. Seungwan.

 

You hum in response, strumming lazily at the guitar in your lap. Seungwan sings along, nonsense words that don’t really make sense, but she has the kind of voice that makes even gibberish sound nice.

 

“Maknae,” you call and Sooyoung looks up at you from where she’s doing homework on the floor. She glares at your use of her new title.

 

“Don’t make me throw my pen at you,” she deadpans and you laugh.

 

“Wendy! Wendy! What are we going to do? Our maknae is so scary!”

 

Seungwan throws her head back in laughter as Sooyoung actually does throw her pen at you, its tip knocking against your head lightly.

 

“Hey, respect your unnie!” you shout but Sooyoung just throws another pen.

 

 

When Joohyun comes in, Seungwan’s on the floor, holding her stomach in laughter, while you’ve got Sooyoung in a headlock as you harass her with your self-proclaimed ‘world’s deadliest aegyo.’

 

“What is…” Joohyun trails, watching the scene with equal parts amusement and confusion.

 

“Leader! Leader! Save me!” You laugh as Sooyoung somehow gets you on the floor and sits on your back. You struggle feebly. “Sooyoung you’re too fat, I’m going to die!”

 

Sooyoung just rests more of her weight on you. “What was that, unnie? I couldn’t hear you over your idiocy.”

 

Seungwan sounds like she’s actually dying with the way she’s wheezing.

 

“What did you do to her?” Joohyun asks you as she crouches down to your level.

 

Sooyoung’s still on your back, but she lets up enough for you to breathe.

 

“Nothing! She started it.” And Sooyoung drops back down.

 

You’re going to die before you even debut.

 

Joohyun laughs, pinching your cheek. “What a cute bear,” she coos and every one doubles over as you try to swat at her.

 

A cover up group.

 

But as long as it’s with them, you don’t think you mind.

 

--

 

You’re twenty and you debut.

 

Seven years of training, all come down to this.

 

Joohyun, Seungwan, and Sooyoung next to you, standing on a stage in front of people screaming your name. You’re not even nervous.

 

Finally.

 

--

 

There's a moment when you're getting off stage, the cheers still loud in your ears and your fingers still trembling (from nerves or excitement you aren't sure), and Joohyun turns back to look for you. Her eyes are glistening but she's not crying, not like Sooyoung or Seungwan who let go as soon as the song finished.

 

She reaches for you and you let her take your hand, smile warm and soft. Maybe it's the post performance jitters or the lingering excitement from debuting, but you feel electrified, an intense feeling of something coursing through your body when she touches you. You don't want it to stop. You want to hang onto this feeling - this moment - so you can remember what it was like to look at Joohyun and see every star reflected in her eyes, every moment she’s ever looked at you this way, every second you’ve spent together, and decide you never want to look away.

 

You want to remember this exact moment you realized you love her.

 

 

 

--

 

A/N: idk what this is? I just wanted to try writing in 2nd person and I got a bit carried away. I used their international ages because….idk why I think I did it subconsciously. Tried to follow an accurate timeline but lol that’s hard so just pretend it’s kind of accurate. Next part when exams end probably. Maybe. Hopefully.