You bit your lips and fidgeted uneasily in your seat as you checked your phone for what must have been the hundredth time in the last 5 minutes alone. You scrolled through your inbox and opened the message that you were looking for.

“Alright then, I’ll meet you there at 8pm. I’ll make a reservation so just go in first if you arrive before I do.”

You had been wondering all along how he was going to accomplish the feat of having dinner with you at a public place without being noticed and now that you had arrived at the restaurant, you got answer.

He had booked a private room that was hidden away from the main area of the restaurant. In fact, if you hadn’t agreed to meet him, you wouldn’t have even known of the existence of such rooms in the restaurant.

You checked the time. It was already 10 minutes past 8pm but there was still no sign of Junhyung. You checked your phone yet again and saw that there weren’t any messages from him either. You would think that you’d be used to people being late after being friends with idols for the past few years but you really couldn’t get used to it. You still got the same anxious feeling that bubbled in the pit of your stomach and made you unable to sit still. You reached out for the glass of water and took a sip in attempt to calm your nerves.

You were just about to check your phone again when the door opened, causing you to divert your attention in that direction instead. The waiter held the door open for Junhyung, who was dressed in casual wear but still managed to look stylish. He was on the phone with someone as he walked into the room and sat in the chair that was pulled out for him, continuing to talk a quiet voice.

You wouldn’t have thought that he had seen you if he hadn’t given you a small nod when he first walked in. You tried not to glare as you looked expectantly at him, waiting for him to finish his hush-hush conversation with whoever he was talking to. This was definitely not how you were expecting things to be, if ever you were expecting anything.

You busied yourself with studying the menu when it was placed in front of you and Junhyung was still on the phone. You decided to go for the salmon and was looking at the interesting array of desserts offered when Junhyung finally ended his phone conversation, placing his phone down on the table with a rather audible thud.

You glanced up from you menu to see him looking at you, finally looking somewhat apologetic. “Sorry about that. There was something that I had to settle urgently.” He said, sounding a little breathless.

You gave him a polite smile and looked back down at your menu as he pulled his open for the first time since it was placed in front of him.

“Are you ready to place your orders?” The waiter asked expectantly when he came back a few moments later.

Junhyung looked over to you to see if you had decided and you responded with a quick nod. “ Yes, we are.” He said, looking at the waiter this time. “I’ll have a steak, medium rare.”

“And, for the lady?” The waiter turned to face you after jotting down Junhyung’s order.

“I’ll have the salmon.”  You answered with a smile, not noticing the mild surprise that was displayed on Junhyung’s face.

“You’re not having pasta?” He finally voiced his surprise after the waiter had taken back both menus and left the room.

You shook your head while answering, “Nope.”

“That’s new. You used to always have pasta whenever it’s on the menu.” He replied, raising his eyebrows once again.

“Hmm, I just feel like having fish more than pasta today.”

Thankfully, he seemed to be satisfied with your explanation as he chose not to push any further because in truth, even though you still loved pasta very much, your preference had slowly changed over the last 2 years. Now whenever you craved for pasta, it must be the one that Kibum makes. Otherwise, you wouldn’t feel like having it.

“So… You decided to move houses.” Junhyung began after a short pause, breaking the awkward atmosphere in the room.

“Yeah. We needed a slightly bigger place to stay so I decided to move.” You explained, choosing to leave out as much detail as possible.

“Oh? Why do you need a bigger place?”

“Because my mom is staying with us for the time being.” You answered as simply as you could again.

“Oh! Omonim is here in Seoul?” He asked, his voice sounding happy and excited.

“Yup, she is.” You nodded in affirmation.

“Can I go and visit her?” He asked, sounding more and more happy.

“Umm.. well, I don’t think that’s possible.” You muttered but continued when you saw his face fall. “It’s just that I can’t give you the address to my new place but I’ll give omma your number if you want, and then you can arrange to meet her someplace else?” You suggested when you remembered how much your mom actually meant to him as well.

He gave you a small smile and nodded at your suggestion. “Is there any particular reason why you can’t tell me where you’re staying at now?”

You grimaced. “Just… it’ll be better for all sides if it’s not revealed.”

He nodded curtly, clearly understanding what you were implying even if he didn’t know the exact reason. “Ok, I won’t push you for an answer then. How is Minhyuk?”

“He’s doing well. Omma adores him so they keep each other company when I go to work during the day. He’s really an angel.”

The dinner continued smoothly after that and the awkwardness dissipated until you felt like you were talking to your best friend once again. You told him things about Minhyuk and your life in America but there was one thing that he didn’t ask about and you would not have answered if he had, and it was about the SHINee members.

“So, what have you been up to? I mean I found out from… a friend that Xing disbanded and that you’re now promoting with BEAST but how is everything? Is the company treating you well? How about the members?” You asked, half curious and half concerned.

He chuckled slightly at your enthusiasm, making you blush lightly. “The company is much better than the previous one and the members are really talented and interesting too. We have a good leader and everyone gets along very well. It’s very fun to live them.”

“But about Xing… we disbanded soon after you left actually and I know it’s not even a good excuse for the way I treated you but there were so many things that went on at that time. When I first entered the company, everyone seemed nice and everything looked like it was going well but then everything just started to fall apart bit by bit.” He said, lowering his eyes to look at the table instead of you.

“The time when I showed up at your door… d-drunk.” He stuttered out and you gulped, trying not to think about the memory even as it all came flashing back to you. “I had just found out that some of the members wanted to leave and that the company has decided to disband the group instead of finding replacement members. A-and, also… while I was a trainee with the company, I liked a fellow trainee and we went out a few times after I had my debut with Xing but when I told her that the company was going to drop me, she dumped me as well.” He confessed rather pitifully.

“That’s that main reason why I went to drink alone and didn’t call anyone to pick me up. I just thought of the only person who would be able to make me feel better and wandered my way to your place. I totally didn’t expect things to turn out the way it had so I panicked when I woke up and wasn’t wearing anything. And when you confirmed what I had feared had actually happened and started mentioning the existence of an “us”, my mind sort of snapped. I don’t even remember the exact reason I gave you but it was probably all just a lie.” He admitted shamefully, his head totally bowed by now.

“I’m so sorry, ------ah. I really don’t know what else to say but I’m sorry.  I was a coward and only thought about myself. I can’t believe I actually thought that you were lying when you came and told me that you were pregnant. I thought it was all your plan to tie me down. I’m r-really really s-sorry.” You knew that he had started to cry because you could hear that his voice was choked up with tears even though you couldn’t see his face at all.

He looked so weak and so vulnerable as you stared at his figure across the table. You knew that it was very hard for him to open up and admit all that he had so you felt like you had to say something. But everytime you opened your mouth, you only ended up closing it again. Although you really wanted to reach out and hold him and tell him "It's ok", you couldn't because in reality, things weren't ok. You had gone to a different country, had his baby, and was busy working, studying and being a mom before you had to put that on hold. In short, your entire life changed because of him, yet he was the one who abandoned you when you needed him the most and forced to grow up much faster than you that expected. In fact, if you hadn't met Kibum on the plane that day…

You started to get teary eyed just thinking about everything and really didn't want to cry in front of him. "I'm really confused now. I should go. Thanks for the dinner." You sniffled as you stood from your chair.

"Wait… Just let me say one last thing. Please?" Junhyung pleaded, his eyes still wet.

You mentally cursed yourself for being soft as you sat down again with a soft plop.

He cleared his throat and tried to compose himself as best as he could. "I know I signed the contract deal with you about Minhyuk and I'll honour it if you want me to, but I just want to say that I'd be more than willing to take responsibility for the both of you if you can find it in your heart to forgive me and accept me back."

You gulped as you found yourself slowly being drawn into his gaze, totally unable to look away. You had so much more to ponder about now then you had before. You felt like there was an invisible rope tied around your neck and it was slowly pulling itself tighter, slowly suffocating you. Your heart was beating so rapidly that you were almost certain that Junhyung could hear it from across the table. You shook your head, finally tearing your gaze away as you let out the breath of air that you had unconsciously been holding, "I need time to think." You uttered, making a move to stand once again and only just managing not to wobble as you stood.

Junhyung nodded understandingly this time and didn’t make any attempt to keep you back, choosing instead of stand at his chair. "Do you want a ride back?"
You shot him a weak pointed look, still affected, to some degree, by the words he had said a few moments ago. "No. I guess not." He answered himself. "How about I call you a cab? It is quite late already."

You shook your head to decline. "It's alright. I'll be fine. I just have a lot of thinking to do and the ride back would at least give me some time to do that." You assured. "Good night, Junhyung-ssi."

You didn't hear the soft sigh and the heavy plop onto the chair when you had left the room. He supposed that it was still too early and asking too much of you to call him "oppa" again.

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Edited this chapter like 3 times and even typed out the last part on my phone a few minutes before I fell asleep last night and edited it again just a few moments ago. I didn't want to disrupt the flow of this chapter so I made this whole scene into one long chapter.

Enjoy~