It was so quiet in the living room that it seemed that even breathing was too loud. You should be overjoyed and incredibly happy to hear those words but the fact was, you weren’t. Just the thought of what you were about to tell him was enough to make you regret not going first.

“Maybe… I should have gone first…” It came out almost as a whisper as you continued to struggle with your thoughts.

“No no.” His voice suddenly a little frantic. “I know it hasn’t been easy all this while to be around me, around us, with all the restrictions and all the things that you have to always be mindful of but I really don’t want to have to hide my feelings for you anymore, at least not when it’s just amongst us and friends.” He continued.

“Wait… Please, you really have to listen to what I have to say.” You persisted.

He raised an eyebrow, a little surprised at your insistence. “Ok then, go ahead.”

You took a deep breath as if it would give you the strength you needed. “You know that Friday that we were supposed to have dinner together?” You looked up for his acknowledgement of that memory and he nodded, his expression becoming more curious.

You took a deep breath in before saying, “I had dinner with Junhyung instead on that day.”

His eyebrows furrowed together for a moment before he remembered that you were still looking at him and then tried to appear like he wasn’t affected by the news. “I had told him that I couldn’t go at first because I was supposed to meet you but after you cancelled, I decided that it was better to meet him and listen to what he has to say once and for all so that he would stop sending me all those texts.” You quickly explained and watched as a look of understanding spread across his face.

“He told me the reasons behind his behaviour in the past and asked me again, for another chance. And he also offered to take responsibility for both Minhyuk and myself….” You trailed off, cringing as you said those words.

His eyebrows immediately shot up at that and he seemed really surprised but when the initial shock wore off, his face settled into a sort of frown once again. “So… did you give him an answer?”

“No, I didn’t. I don’t remember too much details of that happened that day I think because of the shock from everything that he told me but I’m pretty sure that I told him that I needed time to think. I haven’t spoken to him since that day but he has kept to his word about not flooding me with texts. I have been doing a lot of thinking ever since though and I do want to hear what you have to say about all of this before saying anything else to him.”

“Well… can I be completely honest then?” He asked earnestly, without any malice.

“Yes, of course! I want to hear what you truly think so don’t worry about me and just say what you really feel.” You reassured.

He pursed his lips and collected his thoughts for a moment. “About him wanting to be friends with you, frankly, I don’t like it at all but that’s because of everything I’ve heard about him however, I think that you’re the one who knows him best so you should be able to make that decision on your own. After all, he is asking you for another chance, not me or anyone else, so how you feel is really all that matters.” He looked at you and gave you the smallest of smiles. You nodded in acknowledgement before urging him to continue with a brief smile.

“About the other matter, about him wanting to take responsibility for you and Minhyuk…” He reached out and took both of your hands in his. He looked into your eyes and you could see that he was extremely conflicted. “I know I should be completely selfless and mature and say that it’s your decision to make and that I’d respect it no matter what you choose, but everything inside of me is screaming for me to be selfish. I’m Minhyuk’s father and I don’t want to have to give that up or even to split the responsibility with him. I don’t want to have to share Minhyuk with him.” He bowed his head as he added in a whisper. “I don’t want to have to share you as well.”

It was so soft that you almost missed it. He looked at you with raised eyebrows when he felt you stiffen as he was still holding your hands. “You heard it?”

You nodded stiffly. “D-do… do you really mean that?” You stuttered.

“Of course! I meant everything I said... even that last bit.” He muttered.

“But why?” You frowned, pulling your hands out of his grasp.

“What do you mean why?” He asked, clearly puzzled over your reaction.

“I mean, I have so much baggage and I haven’t even done anything for you when you’ve done so much for me. Why do you still want to be with me? Can’t you see that I’ll just be a burden to you? I’m... not worth it.” You said in a weak and deflated voice.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Kibum threw his arms around you and pulled you forward into a hug. “Don’t say that. Don’t even think that.” He said firmly. The position that you were in was slightly awkward but feeling the vibrations coming from deep within his chest made you feel a lot calmer and you relaxed into his hold.

No one spoke after that and he continued holding you for what seemed like hours before finally letting you go. “You really shouldn’t think that way.” He repeated.

You looked at your hands in your lap. “But it’s true.” You couldn’t help but insist.

“No, it’s not. Listen to me. If anything, I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you.” His voice sounded a little strangled. “The only thing I’ve done so far is make empty promises. I promised not to leave you back when we were in LA but I ended up leaving anyway. I promised that I would be a father to Minhyuk but I’ve been absent for most of his life. And recently, all the plans that I make with you, I only end up cancelling them at the last moment. There’s just nothing I can do right these days.” He sighed. “You really have no idea what you do to me, do you?” He suddenly asked when you didn’t say anything, making you look up with confusion written clearly all over your face.

He sighed again, though much softer this time, and ruffled the back of his hair slowly. “I don’t think I would have been able to come this far if it wasn’t for you. Even though you weren’t aware of it, all those emails and video calls were a constant source of strength for me. Even when it was one of those really long and trying days, just the thought of being able to see you and talk to you at the end of the day, kept me going. In fact, now that I think about it, I don’t think it was just me who felt that way. Everyone was always extra cheerful and happy after having a video call with you and Minhyuk, even Minho!” He exclaimed.

“But I don’t even do anything special!” You protested. “I just ramble about Minhyuk and sometimes about school and then listen to all of you talk about your day or upcoming schedules. I don’t understand…” You shook your head slightly, your eyebrows furrowing towards the middle.

“Don’t you see? That’s exactly why it meant everything to us! Even after we had our debut, nothing changed. You still treated us like you did before, when we were just normal people. It has been hard for all of us in that aspect and especially so for Taemin since he’s the youngest— having everyone look at you and treat you different. And in our line of work, you realize very quickly that even if you’re suffering on the inside, you’re still expected to maintain a smile and protect your image no matter what. I know he likes to hijack my email account to send emails to you but I know that he enjoys the thrill of it that he only uses it to send emails to you, so I just let him be. Honestly, I think you’d be really surprised at how often you and Minhyuk come up in our conversations.” He informed.

You remained silent, letting everything that he just told you sink in, all the while still keeping your eyes on your lap. “He uses Jinki oppa’s account too, sometimes.” You said simply after what must have been a good couple of minutes and looked up at Kibum with a faint hint of a smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

You saw confusion flash across his face before he burst into a fit of laughter, his shoulders trembling as he fought to muffle his laughter. “I don’t know why this is so funny but it is! I’m sure hyung doesn’t even know about it!” He said while laughing.

He continued snickering softly for a while before clearing his throat awkwardly. “Sorry about that.” He quickly apologized and took a moment to compose himself before continuing, “So, now that you’ve heard what I have to say… have you decided on anything?”

You bit your bottom lip nervously as you considered whether or not you should tell him the whole truth. “Actually to be completely honest, even before today, I had already decided that I would give Junhyung another chance. Sorry for putting you in a spot but I really wanted to know your true feelings, so I chose not to say anything.” You said with a wry smile. “As for the other matter, I still haven’t decided that.”

He hummed in response. “Can I ask you something?” He looked to you for an answer and you nodded quickly, giving him the go ahead. “What made you decide to give to Junhyung another chance?”

You gave him a rather puzzled look because he didn’t sound like himself at all but since he was looking down at his lap, you decided to let it go.

“Hmm, I think deep down inside, I have always hoped that he and I could be friends again. Although, I still remember very clearly what he did in the past, I also remember all the years of friendship and good memories from before that. I just don’t want to end up wondering about “what-ifs” for the rest of my life, which is why I decided that I would give him a chance to redeem himself.” You answered. “Are you upset that I made the decision without talking you first?” You dared to ask after a few moments of silence and when you saw that he was still staring down at his lap.

“Mmm.. What? No no!” He answered in quick succession as his brain slowly processed and registered what you had asked after being brought back to reality. If it was any other day, you would have laughed out just from looking at the various expressions that flashed across his face but right now, it only made you worry. “I was just thinking… and I don’t think that it is the right time for you to give me an answer about this.” He explained, opening his fist once again to reveal the ring.

You gave him with a tight-lipped smile and hoped that he understood the feelings that you were trying to covey— the conflicted feeling of agreeing with him yet feeling sorry that he still had to wait. However, when he finally met your eyes, even if it was just for a brief moment, you could tell that something was off. But he started to speak again before you could ask.

“It also occurred to me that this could actually be a good thing. You can use the time to carefully think things through. I’m not sure whether you still have any lingering feelings for Junhyung but if you realize that you still do, then this is a really good opportunity for you.” He said, sounding rather dejected even though you could tell that he was trying not to show it.  

He shifted slightly away from you. “I’m going to keep the ring with me for now. Just take your time to think this through. I don’t want you to make a rash decision and regret it later. I want you to forget about everyone else. Just focus on yourself and on Minhyuk and do what you think is best for the both of you.” He reached out and gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. “Remember that you don’t owe either of us anything and no matter what your decision is in the end, I’ll definitely respect it.” He reached up like he was going to your cheek but changed his mind in the last second, choosing instead to give you one last look before dropping his hand, standing up and leaving.

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So, I think I left all of you on the cliff for a little too long this time. Terribly sorry but nothing seemed to work for me while I was writing this chapter. I was writing a little everyday whenever I got the time to but the problem with that was when I actually read the chapter from the start after a few days, it was a total mess! Everything was all over the place and the paragraphs didn't flow well. I think this was the hardest chapter for me to write so far. 

I'm still not particularly satisfied with how this chapter turned out to be but I decided that it's the best that I can do with it. I'll work harder on the subsequent chapters~ I hope I get back my writing mood real soon!

Btw, a little slow but... the new reply feature is fantastic!! ^__^