“What?” Tiffany asks, turning down the music on her phone at the sight of her friend’s shaken look. “Tae, are you okay?”

“I, uh…” Taeyeon gulps, trying to find her voice, “I n-need to talk to you kids about something.”

“Is everything okay?”

“No. Not really.”

“Taeyeon?” Sunny chimes in. “What’s wrong?”

Even though she feels like she's falling apart, Taeyeon still tries to summon her abilities as a leader and confidently tell her members, “w-why don't we sit down? It’s been a while since we’ve had a talk.” She offers her friends a thin, closed smile that does nothing but crease more apprehension into their faces.

Worried, they grab an assortment of blankets and pillows before collecting into a circle, on the floor. As soon as everyone’s seated, Tiffany hastily gets down to business.

“Taetae, what’s wrong?”

“Okay, uh,” Taeyeon tries to force the truth out of her lips, but it lodges in , burning like acid. She tries again, but nothing but a stuttered pause makes it out. “Uhhh….”

“Hey.” Jessica’s hand nestles onto Taeyeon’s back where she gently rubs soothing circles through her loose, knit sweater. Taeyeon’s eyes reluctantly move to meet hers and Jessica hates seeing all the horrible fear and fragility in her beautiful eyes. “It’s okay,” she tells her, smiling softly. “We’re Soshi. There’s nothing safer than right here, okay?”

Siphoning warmth from Jessica’s steady hand, on her back, Taeyeon finds a bit of comfort in the touch, but it barely eases her nerves. She lets it strengthen her confidence, though. “O-okay.” Taeyeon turns back to the circle of girls, but she keeps her eyes to the burgundy carpet, not brave enough to watch their facial reactions.

“I…I know you all know that I’ve been acting…weird for the last while. I know I’ve been moody and distant and there’s a reason why.”

Trying to gather her scrambled thoughts, Taeyeon leaves such a lengthy silence that Sooyoung finally says something to cut the unbearable tension in air.

“Taeyeon-ah? What’s wrong?”

The girl in question can barely hear her own thoughts outside the hurricane of pandemonium, swirling in her mind—or maybe that’s the sound of her heartbeat, thundering in her skull. Surprised by the sudden liquid skating down her cheek, she hastily wipes off a tear with the back of her hand.

“S-so, the reason that I’ve been acting so weird is because….”

The sentence lodges in again.

“Is because—”

Just say it!

“Is because I...I, uh—”

SAY IT!

“I…I-I like girls,” she painfully breathes out. “I like girls,” she says again, hating that she’s crying as soon as the sentence makes it past her lips. Worse yet, it feels like her lungs are constricting so hard that it physically hurts and she’s not sure if she’s capable of getting another word out. Panicking over the lack of oxygen, Taeyeon just lets words spill from her lips, unrestrainedly.

“A-and it’s not just that. It’s not just girls in general. There’s actually o-one girl I need to t-talk to you about,” Taeyeon rushes out, gasping for air, scrambling to somehow stabilize herself. “I-I—we…we wanted to get your guys’ blessing…to d-date.”

Frantic, her hand fumbles, blindly searching for Jessica’s hand and the other girl quickly laces their fingers together, feeling the way Taeyeon grips her, desperate and scared.

Silence swells through the air and it’s too much. It’s suffocating. Taeyeon can’t bear looking up to gauge her groupmates’ reactions, but the thick hush is just plain awful. Her lungs start to burn when humiliation slams into her chest and she crushes Jessica’s hand, trying to find a way to anchor herself from drowning and dying in an endless ocean of fear.

Jessica squeezes her hand back and it’s strong, firm, and blankets Taeyeon in some security. “We’d like your guys’ blessing to date,” she repeats sturdily. “Please.”

“Ummm….”

Taeyeon feels her heart double in pace when it’s Tiffany’s voice that fills the silence first. It always is. She grits her teeth and braces herself for what her groupmates—her friends; her family—have to say.

“How long have you been keeping this from us?” Sooyoung starts before Tiffany can get a word in.

Taeyeon can’t help, but to hear an edge to her voice. “Uh…a c-couple months,” she whispers, humiliated.

“MONTHS?” Sooyoung shrieks. “You guys can't be keeping something like this from us!”

Taeyeon keeps her shameful eyes to the floor. “I-I’m sorry,” Taeyeon stutters, feeling herself start retreat again. “I shouldn’t have said anythi—”

“OKAY,” Tiffany’s voice booms through the room and interrupts both of them. “I think…” Tiffany trails off for a moment, brows knitted, lost in deep thought before she continues, “I think we need to establish some ground rules, first. I mean, we obviously want you guys to be happy, but this is our jobs too. If you guys get in a fight, are you going to be able to be professional about it? Are we going have to—?”

“D-did you hear what I just said?” Taeyeon interrupts, flabbergasted, and finds the strength to meet her best friend’s gaze.

“That you guys are dating?” Tiffany recalls.

Still in shock, Taeyeon can't form words outside of the astonishment taking over every nerve in her body.

They did hear me, right?

“I agree,” Sunny chimes in, “I think we definitely need to set up some ground rules if we have to put up with you two lovebirds.”

“We can’t let the company or the fans catch wind of this either,” Hyoyeon adds on.

Gay. I’m gay.

Taeyeon is sure she’s said those words—or was it just implied when she mentioned that she and Jessica were asking for their blessing to date? Should she clarify?

“So,” Sooyoung starts, waving her hand frantically in dead air, still trying to grasp the shocking news. “You guys are…lesbians?”

Yes.

Taeyeon just wants to curl up into a ball and die—anything must be better than the scrutiny of her seven members.

Maybe it’s the way her body shudders when her crying picks up, but Taeyeon feels her girlfriend reassuringly squeeze her hand before she answers Sooyoung first.

“Maybe, I’m not sure, to be honest. Maybe I’m a lesbian, maybe I’m biual—it’s not like I have a huge dating history,” Jessica scoffs, thinking about the constraints of their profession.

Sooyoung just nods numbly. “And you?”

Taeyeon tries to swallow her nerves, but her heart is still pulsing violently in when she whispers shakily, “I’m g-gay.”

“Yeah we’ve gathered that, Sherlock,” Sunny quips, rolling her eyes.

“What difference does it make?” Hyoyeon yells out. “Whether you call them bi, gay, lesbians or experimental, they’re still our members! They don’t need labels.”

“I was just curious!” Sooyoung snaps back.

“Unnie,” Seohyun says, gently patting Hyoyeon, “you don’t need to yell.”

“But she’s making Taeyeon more upset!”

“Hey!” the taller girl yells out, taking offence, “I just want to know if I have to put up with them making out in the bed next to me!”

Even with escalating volume, Jessica finds a bit of comfort in the usual noisy squabble between the girls. Naturally, she joins into the mess of opinionated voices. “Jesus, we’re not that inconsiderate!” The warmth of Jessica’s hand leaves Taeyeon as she moves to pat Sooyoung on the back. “We’ll at least wait till you’re asleep,” she jabs, sending a wave of laughter and shrill screams through the room.

“SICA!!!”

A pillow wizzes by Taeyeon’s head and she thinks Yoona shrieks, “Unnie, please!”

“Jessi! Keep that in your pants!”

Even with all the overlapping voices, none of it is louder than Taeyeon’s deafening thoughts, still tormenting her.

H-how…how are they joking about this so casually?

“Taeyeon-unnie?”

Surprised to hear the soft voice of their maknae, Taeyeon turns to meet the youngest girl’s gaze.

“Are you okay?” Seohyun asks, delicately.

At the tenderness, Taeyeon feels her lip tremble. All her other members have asked her every other question under the sun—every question except for the one that really makes Taeyeon’s heart clench. She’s not good at vocalizing her feelings, but Seohyun makes it easy when all she has to do is answer the tormenting question in one word.

“N-no,” she replies, feeling new waves of tears flood her eyes and spill down her cheeks.

“Unnie,” Seohyun sadly whispers, moving closer to wipe tears off the older girl’s face. “Is there something else? Why are you crying?”

Even through the group’s squabbling, they still hear Taeyeon’s soft voice. “It’s just…I don’t understand. H-how are any of you guys okay with this?”

“Okay with what? You and Sica dating?” Yuri asks.

“T-that and…” Taeyeon stutters, trying to catch her breath, “…how are you guys okay living under the same roof as me?”

“I don’t get it.” Yuri lightly scoffs and shakes head in confusion. “We’ve been living together for years. Nothing’s changed.”

“Everything’s changed!” Taeyeon blurts out, feeling tremors of hysteria stun her. She keeps her eyes to her lap, watching it blur in and out of focus with tears coming and going. “Aren’t you guys freaked out about living with a lesbian?” she asks, voice so small.

“Why?” Hyoyeon scoffs, trying to make light of such a heavy situation. “Have you been eyeing someone else besides Sica?” she laughs.

“W-what? N-no!” Taeyeon panics, looking at Jessica for a brief moment before turning back to the other girls. “It’s not like that! I j-just—why aren’t you guys freaking out about this?”

“About what?” Tiffany starts with sternness in her voice, “that you’re gay?”

Taeyeon gulps when the word has been dropped so many times in the last ten minutes and it’s…surprisingly getting easier to absorb. “Yeah,” she sighs, “that I’m gay.”

Tiffany laughs, all pretty eye-crescents and shining, white teeth. “We’ve been living together since we were sixteen—do you really think I didn’t know that you’re gay? You think I couldn’t see the heart eyes you’ve been trying to hide every time you’re around Jessi?”

Taeyeon blushes and Jessica just smiles.

“You could’ve told me, you know?” Tiffany pouts. “We’ve known each other for so long, I wouldn’t have ever thought differently of you, Tae.”

“You…you knew how I felt about her?”

Tiffany chuckles. “Not at first. I thought you guys were just having petty fights, but then,” she smirks, “you just started getting weirder and weirded and…” she laughs out loud, “I don’t know. It just kind of all clicked when I thought about everything.”

For the first time in the evening, Taeyeon feels the corner of her lip kink into a slight smile. “Was I that bad?”

“Ugh!” Tiffany dramatically grimaces, “absolutely the worst!”

Taeyeon laughs, but it’s strangled and warped by her tears and stuffy nose. She buries her face into her palms when she’s embarrassed by the noise and, before she knows it, there are arms around her.

“Unnie, please stop crying,” Seohyun whispers, tightening her hold on Taeyeon.

An embarrassing sob escapes Taeyeon’s mouth when she can’t understand how such a small sentence is thawing her tortured, icy insides. Her maknae pulls her into her arms and Taeyeon can feel the affection radiate through the layers of fabric.

“I’m sorry,” she cries into her dongseang’s shoulder.

Sinking deeper into Seohyun’s hold, Taeyeon hears shuffling, followed by padded footsteps, and she knows her members are now gathered around her when she feels another person’s arms wrap around her frame.

“Stupid, why are you apologizing?” Sunny chastises, brushing the kid leader’s hair back so that she can lean in and press a firm kiss to her temple.

“Because I haven’t been myself and I know I’ve taken it out on everyone. A-and if anyone ever finds out—God—Girls’ Generation—I don’t want to ruin everything.”

“You’re not ruining anything,” Yoona says, strongly.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, stupid,” Tiffany growls, sniffing back her own tears that have spouted from seeing her best friend like this. “You don’t need to say sorry for who you are.”

Taeyeon can't help herself from feeling like a mistake; like she’s broken and unfixable; like everything about her existence is wrong, wrong, wrong.

“I’m s-so sorry. Please don’t hate me.”

“Taeyeon, stop,” Sooyoung whispers, despising the sight of her broken leader.

“We love you, Unnie,” Seohyun tells her, holding her impossibly tighter.

Yuri sniffs, feeling her leader’s agony infect her too. “Taeyeon, we love you no matter what.”

They spend what feels like hours holding Taeyeon, rotating the broken girl between different embraces, showering her with so much love that it's practically unbearable. Taeyeon's played this scenario over and over in her mind, hundreds of hundreds of times, but not once had she ever fathomed this kind of acceptance; not once did she ever fathom a kind of love so devastating powerful that it feels like they're shattering and reassembling her.

It's so, so much better than Taeyeon could have ever imagined.

“This is why you've been so different lately?” Sunny asks, running her fingers through short tresses of brown and blonde.

“Yeah,” Taeyeon sniffs and tries to catch her breath, “I'm sorry.”

“Stop it—”

“I just...I hated it. I hated me,” the kid leader pants, “I c-couldn't stand myself and I took it all out on you guys and—God—I'm such a mess,” she whimpers, wiping her running nose with the sleeve of her sweater.

“I wish you just told us,” Tiffany sniffs, laying her head on Taeyeon’s shoulder. “You don't need to go through these things alone.”

“Taeng.” At the sound of her girlfriend’s voice, Taeyeon tries to blink the bleariness out of her eyes. “It's okay,” Jessica whispers, rubbing gentle circles on her kneecap. “No more secrets, okay? You did it,” she murmurs, kissing her girlfriend’s shoulder, who’s now buried in Yoona's arms.

“I'm sorry,” Taeyeon whispers for the umpteenth time this evening, this time, stemming from the guilt of expecting less from her members. She doesn't even know who's rotated into her arms, but she just tightens her hold and buries her crying face deeper into the warmth.

“It's okay,” Yoona shushes, gently the older girl’s hair. “Unnie, please stop crying.”

But Taeyeon doesn’t. She cries so hard, expelling every drop of sadness left in her small frame. She doesn’t want to hold onto these feelings anymore. She’s so done with them. She melts into the comfort of her family and just lets herself let go, hoping to relieve herself of every drop of torment, burdening her heart.

***

Taeyeon wakes up on the floor of the hotel room, and, when she glances around, she’s surprised that it’s still dark outside of the windows. As she tries to blink away the drowsiness, it hurts when her puffy eyelids press against each other. She touches the bag under her eyes and, when she feels the swollen flesh, she realizes it’s probably thanks to the gallon of tears she’s poured out earlier this evening. She sighs, thinking about what kind of unattractive photos are going to get snapped of her tomorrow at the airport. Maybe she’ll have to borrow a pair of Jessica’s oversized sunglasses.

As she shifts to sit up, she stops moving when she feels an arm tied around her waist.

Jessica.

Turning to her right, and sees the ice princess’ sleeping face, buried into her shoulder, and breathing heavily.

Mindful of her girlfriend, Taeyeon carefully tries to extract herself from Jessica’s embrace. Thank God she sleeps like a corpse, though. Slowly, Taeyeon shifts again, but this time, she pauses when she feels a leg thrown over hers. Glancing down, she finds a combination of Tiffany and Yuri tangled at her feet. When she glances beyond them, Taeyeon catches a silhouette of Yoona, followed by the heaps of the rest of her members, sleeping on the floor.

Taeyeon smiles softly when she realizes everyone’s fallen asleep on the floor with her as she passed out from crying so much. Just as quickly as the warmth washes over her, it vanishes when Taeyeon can only count seven other bodies. Where’s—?

She answers her own question when she spots the cracked open balcony doors.

After she carefully slips out of her girlfriend’s hold and removes her other members’ sprawled body parts from around her, Taeyeon treads softly over her sleeping friends. Slithering through the slightly opened doors, she finds the absent member and softly closes the door behind her. At the small sound of a click, Sooyoung glances over her shoulder from her seat on the patio chair.

“Oh, Taengoo, you’re awake. Can’t sleep?”

“No,” Taeyeon sighs, feeling the chill of the cement against her bare feet. She hurriedly scrambles across the cold floor and hops into the comfort of the other plush patio chair. “It’s been kind of a big day for me. You? What're you still doing up?”

“Just,” Sooyoung sighs, “thinking.”

“About?”

“You,” Sooyoung in a long inhale, keeping her eyes focused on the distant evening skyline of Osaka, “and Jessica.”

Taeyeon can read her face, crystal clear. “It bothers you, doesn't it?” she whispers, looking at the gold cross hanging around the girl’s neck.

Sooyoung sighs, deep and heavily at her cluster of thoughts. “Look, I didn't want to say anything earlier—not around the other girls, but I won't lie to you. It's not that I—I don’t hate gay people or anything, but I'm just…I’m not used to it.”

Her group member phrases it in the nicest way possible, but it still stings all the same. Taeyeon gives a sad laugh. “Trust me. I'm not used to it either,” she sighs, sinking deeper into the cushions. Breathing in the summer evening, Taeyeon finds comfort in the fresh air after being cooped up all night. “I don’t even know if I’m ever going to get used to it,” she murmurs.

The taller girl studies Taeyeon and her puffy eyes for a moment and she feels her heart clench uncomfortably at the sight of her friend, who’s been through too much emotional turmoil. “Are you okay, though?”

Numbly nodding, Taeyeon honestly tells her, “I think I will be.” 

“That’s good,” Sooyoung replies, offering her leader a small smile.

Trying to keep up with her new loquacious efforts, Taeyeon probes about her groupmate’s concerns. “Do you…do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”

For the nth time this evening, Sooyoung sighs again, and even blows a raspberry through her lips before she answers. “The only thing I know about being gay is that I grew up with the church teaching me that it’s wrong and sinful,” she says, immediately regretting the statement when she watches Taeyeon look away and fixate her stare into her lap. “But, I certainly don't like seeing you hurt like that.” She reaches out and naturally takes the small girl’s hand. “You're one of my best friends and I can’t stand seeing you so sad.”

Appreciating the warmth of Sooyoung’s hand, Taeyeon gives the younger girl a thin, but crooked smile. “We’ll try to keep our PDA to a minimum?” she offers through a chuckle.

“Ugh!” Sooyoung grimaces and flings the girl’s hand away from her, receiving a couple of playful giggles from her leader.

“I’m kidding! God!”

“Aish,” Sooyoung growls, but enjoys that the girl can even joke about something that seemed so agonizing just hours ago. “I'm sorry if I hurt you when I wasn't as accepting as the other members, right away. Give me time to get used to it.”

“Don’t worry. I need time to get used to it too,” Taeyeon huffs a short chuckle. “It's...kind of still new to me too. I think I’ve always known, but it’s still hard acknowledging it.”

Curious about something, she asks Taeyeon, “so, like…have you always known that you were—you know?”

Taeyeon chuckles before she turns her attention to picking off a piece of lint, stuck on her sweater. “Sometimes, I think back to when I was a kid, and, whenever my cousin used to visit, I’d always ask her to kiss me hello and goodbye, all the time.” Taeyeon laughs. “And, now that I’m older, I’m like, ‘wow, that was really gay.’” She giggles at the memory and Sooyoung likes the smile on the older girl’s face. “I should’ve known all along,” Taeyeon sighs.

“I don't know if I said it earlier, but you and Jessica have my blessings—not that I think it's good for work, but if you guys have feelings for each other and make each other happy, how can I say no to two of my best friends? “

Surprised that she has any tears left at all, Taeyeon feels wetness prickle in the corner of her eyes. After coming out, she had expected the world to hate her, but, after tonight, she realizes all that animosity stemmed mostly from her own fears. She feels so foolish for misjudging her members.

“Thank you. I promise that we’ll do our best to be professional on top of our relationship. We certainly don’t want to tarnish everything we’ve all worked for.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

They spend the next few minutes in a comfortable silence, doing nothing but staring at the city skyline, glittering in all its beautiful evening lights. Almost lulled to sleep by the soothing, distant city noises, Sooyoung’s slightly surprised when she hears Taeyeon’s soft voice.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Oh? Sure.”

“How do you,” Taeyeon pauses, brows furrowing as she tries to ask such a simple, yet complicated question. “How do you love yourself so easily?”

“Excuse me?” Sooyoung shrieks as she sits upright, all wide-eyed with a dramatic, offended hand splayed on her chest. “What’s not to love?!”

Taeyeon chuckles at the return of the girl’s typical playful personality. “Yah, that’s not what I mean! I’m not calling you a narcissist or anything, I mean genuinely, though. You're always so confident and you've always known who you are. Why is it so easy for you to accept yourself for who you are—flaws and everything?”

Sooyoung hums for a moment, trying to find a way to phrase her thoughts. “I think…” she pauses, so that she can reach over and take the other girl’s hand into her own. “I think that maybe once you're done with all your hating and self-loathing, maybe you'll have enough clarity to start getting to know yourself—the real you. Maybe someday you’ll eventually grow to love yourself too,” she says, gently swinging their laced fingers between the two chairs.

“Someday,” Taeyeon softly whispers back.

“It’ll come in time,” Sooyoung tells her, lightly shaking their joined hands. “It’ll all come in time, Taengoo. Besides, don’t you have a girlfriend that you should be more focused on, now?”

Taeyeon gives her groupmate a sad smile. “I’m the worst girlfriend. I’ve put Sica through so much.”

“Well, you guys are finally officially together, right? Make up it up to her over time. This isn’t something that’s going to change overnight.”

“You’re right,” the kid leader sighs. “I just feel like I spent so much time worried about what was going on with me that I never really appreciated Jessica the way she deserves to be.”

Sooyoung lets their hands continue to rhythmically swing between the patio chairs. “Hey. You ever hear the phrase: ‘you can’t love someone else until you love yourself’?”

A sad smile spreads across Taeyeon’s lips as she feels her perspective shift.

“Thanks for the talk,” she murmurs, grateful for the younger girl’s wisdom. “You’re the best.”

Sooyoung releases a low chuckle in . “I know.”

***

A few days after they get back from Japan, Jessica finds herself cooped up, under stage, with her fellow members. As she sits with her knees curled up to her chest, she sighs at the fluttering nerves that never really seem to go away, no matter how many stages she’s preformed on. As she waits for the VCR to finish playing, Jessica looks down the row, curious to know what her other members are doing to occupy the time.

To her left, she finds Tiffany and Sooyoung, holding hands and praying, like they always do. Next to them, Seohyun sits with her eyes closed, mouthing lyrics, like the good professional she is. At the end of the line, Sunny’s facing outward and clearly lost in her own world.

To her right, Hyoyeon and Yuri are sitting at the end of the line, fake beatboxing and dancing to the sounds of the VCR. Seated at the edge, Yoona’s busy conversing with a few of staff members.

Lastly, Jessica looks right next to her and sees Taeyeon staring straight ahead at the interior of the stage. She’s bright-eyed and steady, but Jessica catches the slight flecks of nerves showing through her professional confidence when she hears her shaky breath.

“Nervous?”

Taeyeon lightly laughs when Jessica can so easily read her. She nods. “Always.”

Jessica’s always known that Taeyeon shines the brightest when she’s bathed in the spotlight; bathed in glory; bathed in destiny because her voice is so unique and gifted that it’s devastating—in the most beautiful way, of course. Critics have always raved about her ability to pack such emotions, even in the simplest of notes, but Jessica’s mesmerized by the girl’s voice, even if she’s not singing.

Every time Taeyeon makes that stupid, obnoxious, ahjumma laugh, Jessica can’t help but to burst into a fit of laughter, herself. Or when Taeyeon tries to read English fan letters fan letters and can’t properly pronounce her R’s, Jessica finds it adorable. Or especially the way Taeyeon whines when they’re tangled in each other’s arms, between sheets and under the blanket together, Jessica thinks it sounds like music all the same.

Staring lovingly at her girlfriend, Jessica feels it swell in her chest, expanding to the point that it’s bursting through her ribcage and consuming her whole. She can’t contain it anymore. Needing to relieve the ache in her chest, she leans in close to Taeyeon, desperate to connect.

“Can we talk?” Jessica whispers.

Taeyeon finally looks away from the spot she’s picked out in the interior of the stage and meets Jessica’s gaze with concern. She crinkles her brows in that familiar fashion where Jessica knows that her girlfriend’s already overthinking things. “Right now? Are you okay?”

For just a moment, Jessica loses her train of thought, distracted by the way glitter and dark liner makes the kid leader’s eyes sparkle brighter than they already naturally do. “It’s, uh,” Jessica smacks her pink, glossy lips, “it’s important.”

Worried, Taeyeon tells her. “Okay, if it’s important, maybe we should talk after the show then.”

The ice princess shakes her head. “It’s reeeeally important.” She smiles affectionately, but it doesn’t stop Taeyeon’s brows from knitting tighter.

The kid leader’s eyes widen, leaving her face looking stupefied, and Jessica could almost laugh when she can see the irritation settle in her girlfriend’s face. “Right now?” Taeyeon whispers harshly, preoccupied about their jobs. “You want to talk NOW?” she whispers roughly again, panicking over the sound of the VCR slowly coming to an end. “Sica, if you’re still—”

“I think I love you.”

She watches the shock hit Taeyeon like a freight train as the sound of their VCR has finished, signaling the cue of their first song.

The glow of the screen plunges them into darkness, but Taeyeon doesn’t look away. “Whatdidyousay?” she rushes out.

“I said ‘I love you’,” Jessica repeats, feeling her own smile widen. She dives in and drops a quick kiss on the tip of Taeyeon’s nose before she pulls away and tells her, “don’t mess up. The first line of Genie is yours.” Jessica smiles till her cheeks hurt, totally enamored with the shock still plastered all over Taeyeon’s face as the platform starts to lift.

“Sica,” Taeyeon says softly, losing her senses of the rising platform.

Still able to retain some of her brain cells, Taeyeon pulls the foam mic away from , crushing it in her hand to muffle it, so that she can freely tell Jessica, “I love you too.” Jessica just smiles and takes her girlfriend’s hand into her own, weaving their fingers together. Almost at the top of the stage, Taeyeon leans in a little closer, thinking about a thousand of things to whisper into her girlfriend’s ear.

Thank you for not hating me, after everything I’ve done.

Thank you for accepting me, flaws and all.

Thank you making me brave and open up.

Thank you for loving me when I couldn’t love myself.

As their platform reaches the peak, she settles on something simpler, though.

“I love you so much,” Taeyeon whispers against Jessica’s ear.

When they pull apart, the kid leader sees the slight wetness glassed over Jessica’s eyes. Touched, she just shakes their joined hands when they can’t kiss like this.

Even with uncertainty at her feet, Taeyeon gives Jessica's hand one last, loving squeeze before she pulls away, focusing on the sparkling ocean of pink lights before them. She in a deep breath and takes the plunge onto stage.

Taeyeon’s voice has never sounded more beautiful than it does that night when, for the first time—in what has felt like forever for Taeyeon—love swells in her soul and everyone can hear it in her voice.

Fin.

Thanks for reading xo.