errors, awkward sentence, typos etc will be found

He schedules an appointment with their family doctor Monday after school, the nurse tells him to come on Wednesday morning– his mother stands behind him with saddened eyes, but she says nothing to protest against him. He hangs up the phone and stares at his mother through the mirror in the bathroom. He brings his phone down and puts it by the sink, his hands are shaking, and he only realizes that when he looks down at them.

He’s still in his uniform – he came back from school about an hour ago– after hours of sitting behind his desk, struggling to pay attention to his teachers and concentrate on his work because he spent most of his time thinking about the call he was going to have to make afterwards.

Dialing the hospitals number had been hard; his mother did it for him and held it against his ear for a while as he worked the nerve to start explaining to the impatient nurse over the phone.

“I’m doing the right thing,” There’s a void inside him after he says it and Jongin feels like he’s about to burst. He looks at his mother through the mirror once again before looking down at his phone when it vibrates.

From: Chanyeol

im here now. pick me up?

He sets his phone down again, wipes a hand over his face before leaning forward, he opens the tap in the sink and starts splashing water on his face. His mother hands him the towel in silence and watches him as he wipes his face.

“Chanyeol wants me to pick him up at the station, he’s there right now.” Jongin mumbles as he walks to hang the towel, “Is it okay if he stays here until…” His voice unintentionally breaks and he doesn’t attempt to continue speaking.

His mother makes a face, clearly unimpressed and Jongin understands why she’s suddenly not very fond of Chanyeol – after all that’s happened and that will happen soon, it’s no surprise– and he knows the awkwardness with Chanyeol coming over will only worsen. But he needs him around and the awkwardness is something they’ll all have to deal with.

“Okay,” His mother breathes eyes and locks eyes with him, her eyes staring his own and he has to look away because he doesn’t know what answer she’s searching for. She takes a step forward, holds her hand out and squeezing his upper arm before backing off and leaving the bathroom– obviously on her way to tell his father Chanyeol is coming over, among other things.

Jongin doesn’t know how long he stands there; he only stands up when his phone vibrates once more. He doesn’t bother to look at it this time because he already knows it’s Chanyeol again without having to check.

He walks out of the bathroom and heads for his room, he hears the hushed voice of his father and his mother’s teary filled voice – she sounds devastated and Jongin blocks out whatever she’s crying about and closes the door after he enters his room.

He strips out of his uniform, picks out a ratty red hoodie that’s too big on him because it belonged to Chanyeol once upon a time and some old jeans. He walks out of his room, stalks down the corridor, through the living room and towards the front door.

He slips his feet into his shoes, unlocks the door and pulls it open before stepping out. He closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath to calm his beating heart – it doesn’t work very well, but he starts making his way away from the house and down the street.

He walks as slow as possible, a little nervous at the thought of seeing Chanyeol even though it hasn’t been that long since he last saw him. He doesn’t know how he’ll act around him or what to say.

The big decision he has made has been over the phone, it’s different over the phone and makes it even more real than it already is.

He gets closer to the train station and spots Chanyeol by the building, he kind of wants to turn around and run off like a coward. He forces himself to keep moving forward, Chanyeol spots him and beings walking towards him.

They are within each other’s reach and there’s this tension that he can’t explain and he hates it. He avoids looking at Chanyeol in the eyes and sticks to looking at the navy shirt he’s wearing and eye trace the simple pattern.

“Hey,” Chanyeol says first, he voice is rougher than usual and it causes Jongin to look up at him. He looks sleep deprived, but his eyes at bright when he looks at him and there’s a faint smile on his lips.

Jongin runs his tongue over his dry lips, “Hey,” He says, sounding a little pathetic and looks away from Chanyeol’s face to stare at everything else, but him. He notes the small duffle bag over Chanyeol’s shoulder, “Do you want me to help you with that?” He asks and feels lame because if he wanted to start a conversation, he could’ve asked about how Chanyeol’s exam went.

They are still standing in front of each other and haven’t moved an inch; Jongin tries to ignore the few people going about their way around them. “No, I’m fine.” Chanyeol answers with a drawl and adjusts the strap over his shoulder.

Jongin finds himself nodding dumbly and stops when Chanyeol touches his neck. He stiffens up a little before relaxing into the touch – even though Chanyeol’s fingers are a little cold – he lets himself be pulled forward and finds himself in his embrace with his face in his chest.

He own chest tightens and Jongin lets out a sigh as Chanyeol holds him. He sneaks his arms around his waist and pulls him even closer – Jongin allows himself to breathe in and breathe out slowly as he grips the back of Chanyeol’s shirt tightly.

“I missed you.” Jongin murmurs and leans into him some more and likes how Chanyeol tries to hold him even tighter. He feels the kisses on top of him head and how Chanyeol rubs the small of his back.

“I missed you too,” Chanyeol whispers, “ing missed you so much, Jongin,” He continues, “Sometime apart hasn’t done any good because I couldn’t stop thinking about you and some of the dumb I’ve said,” He sighs into his hair and like always he start sinking his fingers into hair and soothingly.

“You’re here now,” Jongin says as he smiles weakly into his chest. “That’s all that matters now.” His lip trembles and he bites it before releasing it and speaking, “I don’t know what I’d do without you – I’d go mad.”

()()()()

His parents politely greet Chanyeol when he comes in – his father does the greetings and his mother just nods as she stares at Chanyeol blankly. They let them in and leave the house moments after – and Jongin knows it’s only to give them some privacy.

“Haven’t been in here in a long time,” Chanyeol says as they enter his Jongin and he nods silently as he closes the door behind him. He leans against it and watches as Chanyeol places the duffle bag down beside his bed and he flops onto his bed moments later with his hands over his eyes.

“Are you hungry?” Jongin asks, there has to be something in the fridge for something to munch on.

“Later,” Chanyeol mumbles after a beat. He looks up at Jongin from where he’s lying and rolls over; he taps the empty spot of Jongin to come over to him. “Are you?” He question as Jongin makes his way towards him.

“I can wait.” Jongin tells him and sits on the bed, he crawls on it and lies beside Chanyeol – shoes and all and stares at him. “Want to talk about it?” He doesn’t want to voice out what because Chanyeol knows what he means without him having to say it aloud.

“Yes,” Chanyeol already has his hands on him and is pulling him close, he turns until Jongin is on top of him and Jongin lets it happen because it’s been a while. “You okay?”

“No,” Jongin smiles at Chanyeol’s hands playing with the back of his head, “I’m worried about a lot of things.”

“What worries you the most?” Chanyeol looks at him and Jongin leans forward and brushing his nose against his.

“I don’t know,” He shrugs and the look in Chanyeol’s eyes tell him he isn’t at all pleased with the answer. He sighs and moves to press his lips over Chanyeol’s and whispers, “I’m worried I won’t be the same when it’s over.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Chanyeol tells him and kisses him hard.

()()()()

Doctor Nam, their family doctor, is not a nice man. Jongin remembers him from the time he broke his wrist at age thirteen and he wasn’t nice back then either. He’s stern, almost to the point of being a little condescending as he vaguely goes through how Jongin’s day will be.

His mother sits in the chair beside him and Chanyeol is standing behind his chair with his large hand resting heavily on his shoulder. 

Jongin hates how Doctor Nam looks at his mother– like it’s her fault this has been and if she controlled him better he wouldn’t be in the position. And it makes him feel awful because he knows pregnant teenagers aren’t the only ones who get nasty looks or whispers– their parents are also kicked down with them.

A nurse comes in shortly, with a booklet about termination in her hands and a scowl on her face; she gives it to him and asks him to go through it before she leaves the room with doctor Nam in toll.

The three of them sit there in silence as Jongin shaking goes through the booklet. He’s looking at the booklet, but none of the words on it register in his brain. He’s got a lump stuck in his throat and he wants to burst into tears, the only thing keeping him grounded is Chanyeol’s hand on his back and his mother’s presence beside him.

“Maybe you should think about this– a few more days and we can come back here if you’re still sure,” His mother breaks the silence.

Chanyeol squeezes his shoulder and Jongin pauses, thinking for a moment before he finds himself rejecting the idea because this has dragged for too long. “Don’t.” He mumbles, without much confidence. 

The same nurse comes back inside, tells him she has to give him another scan and asks both his mother and Chanyeol to leave the room. Chanyeol is unwilling to leave Jongin alone, but gives up when the nurse firmly demands him to leave the room.

She examines his heart rate and takes his blood pressure before scribbling everything down in her small book. She tells Jongin to lie down on the bed as she readies the ultrasound machine after turning the lights off. His shirt is rolled up before she can ask and he lets her touch and probe his abdomen and soon after that she applies cold gel over it.

Jongin doesn’t look at the room and when he hears the quick heartbeat, he tells himself it’s nothing and that he’s doing this for the best and that this will be over.

“Nine weeks.” The nurse says as she wipes away the gel and pushes his shirt down for him. He sits up and adjusts his shirt, lips pressed tightly together and brows furrowing on his forehead.

She doesn’t ask him about wanting to see his baby and Jongin is more than fine with it. She does ask him if he’s sure and if it’s his choice and if Chanyeol and his mother are forcing him to do this.

“No,” He says, “It’s all me.”

“You understand what this all is, don’t you?” She questions. “What will happen after today and what will change?”

“I do.” He swallows. He knows he’ll stop being pregnant after today– the symptoms will continue for a few days, Doctor Nam had said and Jongin doesn’t want to think about what will happen tomorrow or in the next few days. He knows he won’t have school for a week because his mother was there on Tuesday, requesting for permission to take him away from school.

“The previous clinic informed us you’ve signed the consent forms,” She continues, “I’ll bring new ones for you.” She stands from the chair she’s sitting on and goes to the desk in the room; she pulls out a sheet of paper and pen and gestures for him to come over to her.  “You’ll have to sign these after you visit to the counselor – it’s required you talk to a counselor before you’re allowed to sign.”

“I’ve already talked to a counselor–” He gets interrupted.

“It’s no longer valid because you never went through with it and it wasn’t here.” She looks into his eyes, she looks a little annoyed and he feels uncomfortable being around her. “I’ll you to the counselor.”

“Can you my mum and boyfriend come with me?” He asks hesitantly.

“No.” She answers flatly and Jongin lets it go.

()()()()

Counseling goes the same as it did before at the clinic, only this time it’s a man and another nurse there. They ask him questions, go through types of termination and ask him which one he would like to go for.

With his heart stuck in his throat and eyes burning, he picks the surgical one – because it’s faster, he thinks, and he won’t have for the next few days like the medical one and it’ll be less painful, he remembers Doctor Nam saying.

He stops and thinks maybe he should suffer for doing this– that it should hurt and it should be a reminder of what he’s losing.

“I think you’re making the right decision.” The counselor says dully, “You’re bright, you’ve got good head on your shoulders– this is just a bump in your way.” The nurse looks sheepish, but says nothing and Jongin just nods to the man’s words. “I think you’re brave for doing this.” The man adds and he’s met with heavy silence – Jongin is unable to look him in the eye because he knows there’s nothing brave about this; this is throwing away something others will kill for.

The risks are explained, complications that may arise under and after the operation and procedures they might have to do are added in. The information scares him, he wants to say I’ve made a mistake, let me go home, but he sits there like an obedient student and quietly listens to them.

He doesn’t have a and nothing will be shoved inside his behind and that’s even sounds better than what’s going to be done to him. His abdomen is going to be messed with and a tiny, tiny cut will be made on your abdomen and a tube connected to a suction machine– He forgets to breathe and his palms are sweaty– will be inserted into the cut and the final stage will begin to end everything. You won’t be in a lot of pain during or afterwards.  And Jongin spaces out after that.

He only comes to when he’s asked to sign the consent forms; he signs them as neatly as his hand allows him to and passes it over to the nurse. She puts it aside and holds out some tablets for him. Drink up and I’ll give you some antibiotics in a few, she utters.

“Can I see my mum?” He forces out, hoping she isn’t like the previous nurse. “And my boyfriend?”

“Oh, honey,” The nurse beams, “Sure, but only for five minutes because we have to start soon.” She immediately walks out of the room; the counselor trails behind her with the signed consent forms and closes the door with a click.

Chanyeol bursts into the Jongin and Jongin stands up, but doesn’t attempt to go to him. Chanyeol wraps him into his arms after giving him a hard kiss on his lips, “It’ll be okay,” He breathes into his hair, “We’re just outside. We’ll see you in the recovery room when it’s over,” Jongin nods against his chest, unable to trust his own voice and he tries to be brave because he knows Chanyeol is being brave for him.

His mother enters, kisses his cheek and tells him the same thing Chanyeol told him and hugs him and Jongin feels five again and it’s the good kind of feeling.

“I love you,” Chanyeol whispers only for him to hear and the nurse comes to take him to the nest ward and Jongin still can’t trust himself to speak; he nods and follows the nurse out.

()()()()

He lies there staring at the ceiling– a few doctors, several nurses and researchers had come in to ask for permission for the fetus, for research on miscarriages and disabilities and Jongin says yes because he doesn’t want them hovering around him with pitiful expressions.

He’s in his hospital gown with his hand over his cramping stomach – he thinks it has something to do with the tablets he was given– and his head throbs and the feel to just throw up everywhere grows with each ticking second.

Two nurses and a nurse anesthesia are rushing around him preparing things, needles and the like – Jongin closes his eyes and tries to pretend they aren’t there and that his stomach won’t have a hole in it after this; it’ll scar, but not too bad, he remembers the nurse saying and Jongin knows it’ll be a cruel reminder and everyone who has seen an abortion scar on a male body knows exactly what the hell it looks like.

He can hear one of the nurses talking to him, telling him he’ll be fine and it’ll be all over soon.

Jongin is shaking uncontrollably and in a flood of tears before they even get a chance to put their hands on him.

()()()()

He wakes up confused and disorientated and connected to an IV-drip and he’s too sleepy to ask the nurse looking over him for Chanyeol and his mother. She hands his two more tablets when he complains about the cramping in his stomach, she says it’s normal after such an operation and proceeds to looking over him while trying to talk to him, but he’s still half asleep and goes out like a light after struggling to swallow down the tablets.

He wakes a second time and Chanyeol is holding his hand and kissing his knuckles and Jongin doesn’t understand why he feels so angry and ashamed. He jerks his hand away and holds it to his chest; he avoids Chanyeol’s eyes when the latter tries to look at him.

“Your mum went to get herself some coffee,” Chanyeol informs him after a while, “How are you feeling?” He’s gentle and careful when he asks and Jongin is glad he keeps his hands to himself.

“Like I just did something I shouldn’t have,” Jongin whispers, “But I feel relieved.” He finally looks up at Chanyeol and bites his lower lip at the devastated expression on his face. “I don’t know what to feel.”

Chanyeol reaches out and Jongin shies away, he hisses out in pain from his abdomen and his legs feel a little faint. He puts his hand under the hospital gown – he can’t tell if it’s a new gown because it looks the same – his hand is over the fairly large bandage; he looks at Chanyeol and sees him nod.  “It’s over now, it's okay.” He tells him and Jongin’s suddenly in turmoil of emotions. 

()()()()

 (ી(΄◞ิ౪◟ิ‵)ʃ) im going to bed